Arab sister+black brother

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anonymous said:
Salamu alaykum, May Allah make things easy for you. sister, this advice is given from your fellow african sister. when it comes to marriage the relationship shouldn't be excessive and your attachment should be excessive because that would be unhealthy by all means. Put things in a middle course. Believe me, a very important factor in a happy and successful marriage is that the parents have to honestly agree and accept the husband and anything of attempting to convince and enforcing them to accept your descion will not work. Its much better that you and the brother get married and become part of a family who fully appreciates and respects and honors you, rather than it end up in a marriage of continuos insults, disdain and that would bring humiliation to a person's dignity. Even the children of such marriage would grow up with feeling that they don't feel comfortable with the family branch( including their uncles) and they will feel like they cannot fit in or that they are somehow looked down upon (because if their father or mother is not accepted, this means the children as well are not accepted) and they will feel insulted even if the insults weren't percisely directed to them. Last advice is that please keep in mind that marriage is a long term commitment and a big responsibility.
i hope Allah guides you and makes your affairs turn to the best and blessed both of you and gives you stability and increase your Iman and happiness. FeRihab Allah
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I agree with this somewhat. Racism is unacceptable but if your marrying this brother will cause more problems between you and your parents in the long run than I think you need to think long and hard about the future. I personally would not marry anybody my parents were dead set against even if their reasons are not Islamic because I feel this would just lead to more problems in the future.
Salam
 
Maryan0 said:
I agree with this somewhat. Racism is unacceptable but if your marrying this brother will cause more problems between you and your parents in the long run than I think you need to think long and hard about the future. I personally would not marry anybody my parents were dead set against even if their reasons are not Islamic because I feel this would just lead to more problems in the future.
Salam
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What about the long the effect of her marrying a brother she does not like?
What about her? The parents are not going to wake up to that person every single day. She is.
Personally, I don’t see how she can have respectful relationship with her parents knowing that they don’t respect her happiness and rejected someone because of his skin colour. I would never (if they were alive) look at them in the same way. Because I know they don’t love me and they put their prejudice before me.
My grandparents were dead set against my parent. Eventually they accepted my mother and father decision. There wasn’t any problem since. They don’t have a problem with me. In a way, you are accepting racism. Plus, we not meant to obey our parents over something that is clearly haram.

There is no such an ummah if this is the type of advice we give to people. What hopes do converts have? In fact, there is no ummah.


(Btw I am not suggesting you should be disrespectful towards your parents. I saying remain patient and persistent. )
 
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sweet106 said:
What about the long the effect of her marrying a brother she does not like?
What about her? The parents are not going to wake up to that person every single day. She is.
Personally, I don’t see how she can have respectful relationship with her parents knowing that they don’t respect her happiness and rejected someone because of his skin colour. I would never (if they were alive) look at them in the same way. Because I know they don’t love me and they put their prejudice before me.
My grandparents were dead set against my parent. Eventually they accepted my mother and father decision. There wasn’t any problem since. They don’t have a problem with me. In a way, you are accepting racism. Plus, we not meant to obey our parents over something that is clearly haram.

There is no such an ummah if this is the type of advice we give to people. What hopes do converts have? In fact, there is no ummah.


(Btw I am not suggesting you should be disrespectful towards your parents. I saying remain patient and persistent. )
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Family is family always and their opinion matters to me personally. Perhaps the sisters parents want her to marry someone of their own background and In my opinion I do not see anything wrong with that or they may be solely against her marrying a black brother which is racist. I am not accepting racism i'm just encouraging the sister to think about the decision she will make in the longterm I don't think alienating ones parents is the wisest decision.
Salam
 
Maryan0 said:
Family is family always and their opinion matters to me personally. Perhaps the sisters parents want her to marry someone of their own background and In my opinion I do not see anything wrong with that or they may be solely against her marrying a black brother which is racist. I am not accepting racism i'm just encouraging the sister to think about the decision she will make in the longterm I don't think alienating ones parents is the wisest decision.
Salam
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I don’t think remaining unhappy for the rest of your life for sake of “family” is wise either. The parent are not marrying him, she is. The parent are going to spend rest of their lives with him, she is.

It is wrong, from Islamic perspective to reject a potential because of his background or skin colour. As posted, by me either, she has the right to ask a ruler to be her guardian instead.

In long term she would be unhappy either way. The parents should never put her in such position. And would you have said the same thing if her parent said to her you can only marry within your family? To me is the same thing. And such backwardness should stop.

You are accepting racism. You are asking the sister to accept her parent’s decision to reject the brother over his skin colour! You are asking her to respect her father, and put his prejudices before her own happiness. Her parents would be committing a sin for disowning their child or holding this against them.

Would say the same to would – be – convert? Do not convert to Islam because you risk alienating her or his parent?

Do not do marry this man because of his background/ skin colour for the fear of alienating your parent! Come on.

No real parents that love their child would reject them if they chose to marry someone from different background/colour.
 
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sweet106 said:
I don’t think remaining unhappy for the rest of your life for sake of “family” is wise either. The parent are not marrying him, she is. The parent are going to spend rest of their lives with him, she is.

It is wrong, from Islamic perspective to reject a potential because of his background or skin colour. As posted, by me either, she has the right to ask a ruler to be her guardian instead.

In long term she would be unhappy either way. The parents should never put her in such position. And would you have said the same thing if her parent said to her you can only marry within your family? To me is the same thing. And such backwardness should stop.

You are accepting racism. You are asking the sister to accept her parent’s decision to reject the brother over his skin colour! You are asking her to respect her father, and put his prejudices from her own happiness. Her parents would be committing a sin for disowning their child or holding this against them.

Would say the same to would – be – convert? Do not convert to Islam because you risk alienating her or his parent?

Do not do marry this man because of his background/ skin colour for the fear of alienating your parent! Come on.

No real parents that love their child would reject them if they chose to marry someone from different background/colour.
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As I said before sweet106 I'm telling the sister to think about the decision she will make I did not say she should or should not marry the brother. That is her decision. The only point I am trying to make is that her parents are her parents and their acceptance does matter.
Salam
 
okay. But:

From Islamic perspective, if their rejection is for no valid reason. Their acceptance clearly does not matter in such case. Hence: why she has the right to ask another relative and/or ruler to be her guardian instead. The removal of her father right to be wali clearly illustrate such nonsense is completely unacceptable. I do think this should be the last resort.
I think she should get a scholar to explain it to them first. Maybe they would realise they have no choice but to accept the guy.
Either way she will still be unhappy if her parents continue to be like this
 
sweet106 said:
okay. But:

From Islamic perspective, if their rejection is for no valid reason. Their acceptance clearly does not matter in such case. Hence: why she has the right to ask another relative and/or ruler to be her guardian instead. The removal of her father right to be wali clearly illustrate such nonsense is completely unacceptable. I do think this should be the last resort.
I think she should get a scholar to explain it to them first. Maybe they would realise they have no choice but to accept the guy.
Either way she will still be unhappy if her parents continue to be like this
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She does have that right but I don't think many women would take such a large step. Inshallah she will be able to convince her father...
Salam
 
Maryan0 said:
She does have that right but I don't think many women would take such a large step. Inshallah she will be able to convince her father...
Salam
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May Allah (swt) guide her father away from his prejudice and have his daughter in his best interest. Ameen

Sorry if I offended you in anyway. I don’t mean to. :wub:

I think we should point out that neither of us knows the full story. Her parent could be rejecting him for valid reasons. I hope everything goes well for the sister.
 
sweet106 said:
May Allah (swt) guide her father away from his prejudice and have his daughter in his best interest. Ameen

Sorry if I offended you in anyway. I don’t mean to. :wub:

I think we should point out that neither of us knows the full story. Her parent could be rejecting him for valid reasons. I hope everything goes well for the sister.
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Lol sis you didnt offend me I like many of your posts besides people can discuss things without taking things personal. I hope everything does go well for the sister too. and I hope I didnt offend you also.:)
Salam
 

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