Are parents in this matter wrong?

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Sabiya Jamkhan

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Assalaam alaikum brothers n sisters...

I have a question about my parents...
My parents were suffering from financial constraints during 1998 -1999 so they took some assistance from a non- muslim.. Few days later that non-muslim started behaving bad with me...he proposed me and followed me to my school n later on to college...I complained about it to my mother first..she begged me to tolerate it bcoz they are under his favour... the same thing later on I complained it to my father he said he cannot go against that non- Muslim because he is indebted by him during hard times.. Till date my parents entertain him for lunch or timepass.. I m scattered n burdened by this day by day...Whenever that non-muslim followed me I took help from my male colleagues and landed up in huge problems.. can any1 help me overcome with this..
 
It seems like a form of blackmail. They haven't payed the debt off yet? It seems like form of dominance trying to be applied by the Males of that family. Fair enough they are indebted but to entertain them daily is a wrong move. If they are still getting their money back as proposed each month or every week. How much ever you pay, then that should be enough. The form of blackmail and assertive dominance will keep going further. I cannot say it is your parents to blame.
 
Taking loan from someone does not make you their slave or subservient to them. It is a loan which your parents promised to pay back. Even if not they still can pay that money back. There is no reason for them to say they are indebted and you should tolerate. It is a loan that can be paid back and he should stay home and get his loan money when it comes. It seems the whole purpose of the loan was to have access to you. If possible, i would suggest getting loan amount from a good muslim and pay the loan off and get him off your back and then repay that loan money to the Muslim when you can or agree to.
 
Who is blackmailing whom ??? It is me who is facing the consequences... I m neither permitted to say that non- Muslim anything nor allowed to speak against him.. my parents still don't understand what kind of mental torture I m facing.. it is my parents who took the help n they are asking me to tolerate the bad behavior just bcoz I m dependant on them... I feel somewhat hatred towards my family members about all this..
 
Sabiya Jamkhan said:
Who is blackmailing whom ??? It is me who is facing the consequences... I m neither permitted to say that non- Muslim anything nor allowed to speak against him.. my parents still don't understand what kind of mental torture I m facing.. it is my parents who took the help n they are asking me to tolerate the bad behavior just bcoz I m dependant on them... I feel somewhat hatred towards my family members about all this..
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I know it is you who is facing the consequences. I am on your side. The fact you can't speak against them/him says a lot.
 
As I didn't get help from my parents.. I was under favour of other male colleague and as it is I landed up falling in love with him because of his care and concern n the way he supported me for 12 years..he just betrayed me saying "I think it is your fault so itself parents didn't care about you hence I cannot take u as my wife".. I lost my 13 years of life just because of one favour done by him.. And I blame it solely on my parents because I am a girl I was in 9th standard during 1998 and in those crucial moments they should have done something to help me out...
 
Everyone still advices me to tolerate it...What is the use of having elders at home when they never take a stand to support their own daughter...??? I m made to serve food whenever that non- Muslim guy comes home...If I don't then I have to listen to 'n' number of taunts relating to my marriage blah blah blah...Even my parents have never taken initiative to find a good alliance for me... If I run away all will point fingers at my character.. If I share this issue I m been told to have Patience... Allah knows what I m going through...Even I tried ending my life twice but couldn't succeed...
 
Assalamu Calaykum,

I can understand that you're frustrated with the whole situation and it makes sense to be! But you have to remember that Allah gives us all some kind of test. We have to bear with it and try and deal with it in the best way that we can. Allah says that he never burdens a soul with more than what he can bear. So see it as a mercy from Allah. As whenever you are tested you get forgiven for any pain you go through.

My advise firstly would be, since your parents don't understand you have you tried asking other members of the family for help? Perhaps explain to them everything that is going on, and ask them to protect you? Because if this behaviour continues.. he can do anything to you since he is either always at your house or is following you. So you need to be careful before things escalate. Pray to Allah ask for his mercy in this situation you want to have Allahs guidance you need to pray regularly, read duas, do dhikr. Better your relationship with Allah.

Also, I would advise that you don't end your life. Your life is very precious gifted to you by Allah SWT. You dont want to be held accountable for killing yourself on the day. I can understand thats what happens when we feel guilty. But think about all the other aspects of life that we need to still go through (postive ones). Rather we are all here to have a test and gain maximum rewards. Islam is supposed to be beautiful Allah wants to reward you. He wants to protect you - but we have to ask for it and seek it. And show that we want it too. Honestly don't give up hope. You are having a hard time but everything in life only lasts for a short period of time.. don't lose courage!

May Allahs mercy be with you, Ameen.
 
Just a tip make sure you do your daily adhkaar and this

قال رسول الله ﷺ‏ "‏من نزل منزلاً ثم قال‏:‏ أعوذ بكلمات الله التامات من شر ما خلق‏:‏ لم يضره شيء حتى يرتحل من منزله ذلك‏"‏ ‏

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Whosoever alights (dismounts to a rest place) somewhere and says: 'A'udhu bikalimat-illahit-tammati min sharri ma khalaqa (I seek refuge with the Perfect Words of Allah from the evil of what He has created),' nothing will harm him until he leaves that place."

[Muslim, Book 8, Hadith 27]
 
Try to stand on your feet. Never yield to any untoward circumstances. Keep self confidence intact.
 

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