Arguementive parents

[Bobbyflay23]

Okay so my dad (I live with him) will always talk about things and I dont mind normal topics but then ittl turn into a arguement and I usually am okay with it but then he slowly gets disrespectful and screams and after around a minute of dealing with it he says somthing and it pisses me off so bad that I lose my sabr like your being ignorant when there's clear evidence of him being ignorant and me actually listeing and he alwas makes fun of me and even when I admit I'm wrong he'll keep the arguement going even when I try to close the subject and then after the entire fight he blames it all on me and on top of that he always acts like a better Muslim but I don't need to get into that but basically he abuses his rights as a parent and I'm most the time more mature but he makes me slip half of the time too tips to keeping sabr (i am not backbiting this account doesn't use my real name or anything)

 

[Muslim Woman]

don't worry . when I was young , i thought same about my dad . I think , we all went / go through this feeling . When u will grow up , u will understand your parents love u very much . What they do , what they tell you , it's for your benefit .

Try not to be rude with dad . U don't have to win all arguments with him . Just listen . And remember Allah ordered us to obey parents , to respect them . When u are angry , ask Allah refuge from the cursed satan .

 

[Supernova]

Asalaamualaykum

If your dad were to put a heading to this he would type "Argumentative Child"

The solution is in compromise and put yourself in the other persons shoe.

As our parents get older they become less susceptible to change both physically and psychologically. They generally work on the basis of "This system worked for me" so its going to work for my kids. Add to that, the frequent sicknesses they suffer (even the mildest sicknesses is taxing on the old body).

You must understand that your parents went through life just as you are and at many times applied reasonable logical solutions and it never work out - only to steer them into other systems that provide viable solutions. So, When they see you doing the same - they know its not going to work. This is not always true as new ideas can be better than old ones, so YES in many cases you might 100% on the money and your dad is wrong.

The question you need to ask yourself here - is the juice worth the squeeze ?
What is gain on each parties behalf in this conversation ?
What is the loss on each parties behalf ?

You need to ask yourself that even if you do make a very valid point....what's the impact going to be on his life ?

Obedience to parents to corner stone to a civil functional family which in turn manifests into a civil Islamic society.

The proving correct of a your point in an argument definitely ain't worth the breaking of your fathers heart.

Wasalaam.

 

[Bobbyflay23]

I usually take the blame and everything but say for instance today after ending the arguement and being nice for like over 30 minutes of him arguing and making fun of me I eventually lost control because obviously when someone keeps calling you out but you in your mind don't believe it's true and he's just causing drama you try to defend yourself

 

[Bobbyflay23]

I won't take your advice for granted tho thank you I'll try to apply it to the realtionship more inshallah

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

You know there's a saying, "If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Don't get into topics that you know you disagree with him on. I find that the way discussions go between men often end up like this. He's a much older adult so he's probably used to arguing in this manner and doesn't take it to heart like you do. If it's something that makes you disrespect your dad or think negatively of him, then don't get into it in the first place. Of course there are better ways to argue, but now that you know the manner in which your father likes to argue, best not agitate the bear lol.

 

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Keep in mind that even if you feel at times he is wrong, he is still your father and deserves the utmost respect from you as his son in'sha'Allah. I've also found that, particularly in certain cultures, parents can sometimes take it as a personal affront if you very openly disagree with an opinion they have held their whole life. They still consider you as a 'child' no matter how old you are. It's not necessarily right or how 'it should be', but that's how it is, and most likely you won't be able to change their mind.

There are certain topics I disagree with my mother on, it's natural and you may never agree on it no matter how much you argue over it. So avoid those contentious issues over which you know you will have an argument, prevention is better than cure. If you avoid having an argument in the first place then both of you will avoid getting hurt in this way.

My grandfather's a little similar. Discussing a 'difference of opinion' with him can become a heated debate, he's not bad at heart, he just can't stand losing an argument - that's how some people's personalities are.

If your father is a little short-tempered, learn to live with and work around that, it'll save you from feeling like this.

 

[Supernova]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Keep in mind that even if you feel at times he is wrong, he is still your father and deserves the utmost respect from you as his son in'sha'Allah. I've also found that, particularly in certain cultures, parents can sometimes take it as a personal affront if you very openly disagree with an opinion they have held their whole life. They still consider you as a 'child' no matter how old you are. It's not necessarily right or how 'it should be', but that's how it is, and most likely you won't be able to change their mind.

There are certain topics I disagree with my mother on, it's natural and you may never agree on it no matter how much you argue over it. So avoid those contentious issues over which you know you will have an argument, prevention is better than cure. If you avoid having an argument in the first place then both of you will avoid getting hurt in this way.

My grandfather's a little similar. Discussing a 'difference of opinion' with him can become a heated debate, he's not bad at heart, he just can't stand losing an argument - that's how some people's personalities are.

If your father is a little short-tempered, learn to live with and work around that, it'll save you from feeling like this.

Asalaamualaykum
Well done on spotting that "short-tempered" is hyphenated