Asking about a person’s past.

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Assalmualikum Warhmathullahi Warbarakathuhu
shukran Akhi, as usual excellent posts :)
Ma'assalama
 
JazakAllah for the post, i was always told that you should ask about their past but i could never care less. Now i know for a fact why not to.

And beside your past is a part of you that you cannot deny, but you do not need to carry it into your future i guess.:)
 
Before i got married, i used to think "im never going to tell my future wife about my past..."

... After meeting my dream-girl, she asked me about my past, and i didn't hold back. I told her everything about my past, things that even those who have been very close to me over the past 22 years don't know,..

.. and i asked her about her past, and she told me about her past.

I love her more than i used to love her at the beginning, because of how open and honest she has been with me, and vise versa.

I agree that one should conceal his pasts, it is every man and womans rights to not reveal their past to their partner. But personally, it wouldn't have worked out for me if i had kept it inside, my secrets would have eaten me alive.
 
enaya said:
i had a very terrible past do i talk about this to my husband/husband to be?
Click to expand...

:sl: Sister I think you should tell your husband to be about your past....

I told my husband everything about me and most of it was bad.......

And he also opened up to me as well......

He is my best friend I can tell him anything

And I love my husband even more knowing that he is there for me as I'm there for him.......

Secrets has away of eating you up inside and if you don't tell your husband to be about it you'll have no-one to open up too {human wise}

Allah knows everything about everyone he's our rock he knows us better then we know ourselves.....
Marshallah

:w:
 
:sl:

From my point of view.. i think dat i wud tell my husband everything coz i am going 2 spent my lyf wiv diz person... Despite the fact that.. we shudnt keep secretz...B in a relationship wiv diz person we shud b honest n also b open 2 our partnerz... It allowz em 2 gain dat trust wiv u n knw dat they knw dat u a truly honest person...

If they love you they shud except u 4 u r... We all hav our mistake.. But we learn frm our mistake....

Dont we?

XxXxX:w:XxXxX
 
wot an interesting thread... never been across it before.. as Fi-sabillilah does it best..

in the verses from the Qur'an it clearly states that we should conceal our sins and repent ... afterall if Allah forgives us.. wot is a human! Isnt that us moulding some of the teachings of Qur'an .. please correct me if anyone thinks am wrong..

MashaAllah, it turned out well for those who asked their spouse and confided in them but it could've easily swung the other way.. i know a sister who told her husband and well.. it wasnt even bad.. she just liked someone.. so marriage wasnt in their fate... her husband then accused her of fornicating blah blah blah...

lets just follow the teaching of the Qur'an and please correct me if i am wrong and forgive me if my words r cruel..

SubhanAllah, Alhumdullilah, Allah-o-Akbar!

Salamaleykum
 
:sl:

Jazak Allahu Khaiyran for the information. The past is so in the past.

In my days before Islam, the past was often a means to judge. It's where the person listening to the information appears to be sympathetic, and may well be - until the couple experiences disharmony in their relationship - then the 'information' becomes a weapon.

If, hypothetically, I were to marry and only looked for brothers who were virgins, what would that say about me?

Okay, let's see...first of all it would say that I have a high regard for those who did not have relations with women. It would say that he is clean, pure and all mine (I'll stop here, because that is not what I believe).

I realize that everyone is entitled to their preferences - personally i could never judge as only Allah can judge - but if I were to be stigmatized in my sexual view of the world, I am just as likely to have tendencies to be racist and equally as likely to judge according to economic status and classify accordingly. It is likely that I will insist that my husband keeps his waist slender and not embarrass me. People will start to talk if I don't live in a 1.5 million dollar house. His skin needs to be a certain complexion, you know how it is, living up to sociocultural norms..acceptance into these arbitrary structures guarantees happiness, aren't I entitled to happiness?

I'm not saying that people who insist of virginity are racist, as you can now direct your kind attention to my point. I am simply walking the thin line of judgement and the dangers that exist. Freeing oneself of the barriers creates unity and oneness, something that Islam encourages. It's like the 'weapon' that I had mentioned earlier - and the many forms that it can insidiously take.

perhaps if someone is looking towards the future, just as long as they have reconciled the past and are able to move forward, they should be able to without the judgement of someone who wasn't even a part of it.



:w:
 

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