Backward parents

salam,
i got married at 16 cuz of my parents, i thought islamiclly its my duty to obay them, and i was not educated islamiclly enough to know i had rights and could have even got to know him (by getting engaged, which allows you to meet with him and a mahrram).
what i was told was in islam its haram to meet your spouse b4 marriage.
through my expirence iv been married, divorced and had a child in the 4yrs since. the biggest mistake of my life but iv used it to make me stronger as a human and muslimah. i was never islamically educated and did not know we had roles as husband and wife. iv now read alot of books on islam and opnions vary, my opinion is to do what you feel is best as the door of heven is at your moms feet. also remember if you sacrifise something allah will bless you with something better. i sacrificed my happieness but was blessed with a daughter. looking back i would never change any thing. the mistakes we make are lessons, we need to take them in, and life is one big test.

inshallah you can relate with me, i feel you may make the mistake i did, now i see this mistake the best thing of my life. iv become stronger, discovered islam, and truely appriciate life. alhamdulilah.

good luck in what ever you decide to do.
 
salam,
i got married at 16 cuz of my parents, i thought islamiclly its my duty to obay them, and i was not educated islamiclly enough to know i had rights and could have even got to know him (by getting engaged, which allows you to meet with him and a mahrram).
what i was told was in islam its haram to meet your spouse b4 marriage.
through my expirence iv been married, divorced and had a child in the 4yrs since. the biggest mistake of my life but iv used it to make me stronger as a human and muslimah. i was never islamically educated and did not know we had roles as husband and wife. iv now read alot of books on islam and opnions vary, my opinion is to do what you feel is best as the door of heven is at your moms feet. also remember if you sacrifise something allah will bless you with something better. i sacrificed my happieness but was blessed with a daughter. looking back i would never change any thing. the mistakes we make are lessons, we need to take them in, and life is one big test.

inshallah you can relate with me, i feel you may make the mistake i did, now i see this mistake the best thing of my life. iv become stronger, discovered islam, and truely appriciate life. alhamdulilah.

good luck in what ever you decide to do.
 
salam,
i got married at 16 cuz of my parents, i thought islamiclly its my duty to obay them, and i was not educated islamiclly enough to know i had rights and could have even got to know him (by getting engaged, which allows you to meet with him and a mahrram).
what i was told was in islam its haram to meet your spouse b4 marriage.
through my expirence iv been married, divorced and had a child in the 4yrs since. the biggest mistake of my life but iv used it to make me stronger as a human and muslimah. i was never islamically educated and did not know we had roles as husband and wife. iv now read alot of books on islam and opnions vary, my opinion is to do what you feel is best as the door of heven is at your moms feet. also remember if you sacrifise something allah will bless you with something better. i sacrificed my happieness but was blessed with a daughter. looking back i would never change any thing. the mistakes we make are lessons, we need to take them in, and life is one big test.

inshallah you can relate with me, i feel you may make the mistake i did, now i see this mistake the best thing of my life. iv become stronger, discovered islam, and truely appriciate life. alhamdulilah.

good luck in what ever you decide to do.
 
salam,
i got married at 16 cuz of my parents, i thought islamiclly its my duty to obay them, and i was not educated islamiclly enough to know i had rights and could have even got to know him (by getting engaged, which allows you to meet with him and a mahrram).
what i was told was in islam its haram to meet your spouse b4 marriage.
through my expirence iv been married, divorced and had a child in the 4yrs since. the biggest mistake of my life but iv used it to make me stronger as a human and muslimah. i was never islamically educated and did not know we had roles as husband and wife. iv now read alot of books on islam and opnions vary, my opinion is to do what you feel is best as the door of heven is at your moms feet. also remember if you sacrifise something allah will bless you with something better. i sacrificed my happieness but was blessed with a daughter. looking back i would never change any thing. the mistakes we make are lessons, we need to take them in, and life is one big test.

inshallah you can relate with me, i feel you may make the mistake i did, now i see this mistake the best thing of my life. iv become stronger, discovered islam, and truely appriciate life. alhamdulilah.

good luck in what ever you decide to do.
 
Al Habeshi said:
As Salaamu Alaykum,

I think there is normally faults on both sides, us as children should try please our parents, if they ask us to marry a cousin, we should try to make them happy and do so, and not just say 'Ewww he's my cousin' or 'I have a bf already'. But if you meet that cousin and find yourself not attracted to him or see some bad qualities, then mention that to your parents, and yes sometimes they make it difficult to approach them, but just be patient insha'Allah.

I think we should realise as a younger generation that yes we have a choice, but we dont have the choice to turn away from our parents, the choice is amercy from Allah, not a supposed tool where we can torture our parents with.

And reverts who can't get married be patient, don't get angry at the families who reject you because you're a revert, they are just worried/scared sometimes, due to stories they hear about revert Muslims, it is understandable I guess, in some ways, even though we may not like it.

And we ask Allah to provide us with pious partners, who will help us keep from sin and enjoy a better life, and Allah knows best.

Eesa
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Why shud we make "them happy"? if thats NOT what we want? Shudn't it be every parents ultimate goal to see their kids happy? I have had the visitations, I declined happily. My mother is more pushy when it comes to these things, but my Dad always backs me up. He always says "it's her choice, her life". My father rocks, nuff said. Alhamdulilah.
 
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Do NOT go through with it. I'm in a similar predicament and I'm kinda stuck now since our nikkah (semi married no Ruksati yet) has been done. The girl I'm married to is VERY insincere, unfaithful and simply not right for me in any way. I never had good impressions of her from the beginning.

Here is what you should do. The only way to get through to your parents is to have people on their level speak to them. E.g. An Uncle/Aunt or somethin like that. You need to get the message across to them. The marriage will be invalid if you do not want it.

If that doesn't work then go to your Imam, to your local mosque where your father goes to pray jummah, and speak to him. Tell him your situation and inshallah he will do the right thing and approach them with his wife. If by some off chance he is a 'Typical Paki' too then... lol... I'm lost for words lol. Then find the NEXT Imam lol !! Do not go through with the marriage, trust me! IF you do not like the guy don't do it.
 
Ushae said:
Do NOT go through with it. I'm in a similar predicament and I'm kinda stuck now since our nikkah (semi married no Ruksati yet) has been done. The girl I'm married to is VERY insincere, unfaithful and simply not right for me in any way. I never had good impressions of her from the beginning.

Here is what you should do. The only way to get through to your parents is to have people on their level speak to them. E.g. An Uncle/Aunt or somethin like that. You need to get the message across to them. The marriage will be invalid if you do not want it.

If that doesn't work then go to your Imam, to your local mosque where your father goes to pray jummah, and speak to him. Tell him your situation and inshallah he will do the right thing and approach them with his wife. If by some off chance he is a 'Typical Paki' too then... lol... I'm lost for words lol. Then find the NEXT Imam lol !! Do not go through with the marriage, trust me! IF you do not like the guy don't do it.[/QUOTE]


Agreed! :thumbs_up

It isnt fair when parents think it their rights to marry their kids to whom THEY want giving the kids no choice.Thats force marriage which is prohibited in Islam. Who has to live that life with that person? Nobody but you. They are already living their life so they should try to be more understanding.

You as a child have to obey your parents, yes, but parents needs to understand that their view isnt anything Islamic, its all cultural. If you end up not liking your spouse your gonna blame your parents for the rest of your life so say 'no' now before its too late. You'll end up making your life miserable and the guy's life as well.

Do like the brother advised above, it usually helps. InshaAllah.
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