Tornado, I'm just guessing here, but I'm getting the impression that you are a recent apostate. Am I correct?
The road away from religion can be a rough one, especially if your family, friends, and community is still wrapped up in it. My experience with many apostate friends, and my studies as well (Read Amazing Conversions by Altmeyer and Hunsberger, great read) have shown that this discomfort, loneliness, and angst passes as time goes by. Its really not suprising that apostates go through it when they realize that they have been programmed from birth to believe in a fantasy and that this fantasy still pervades all aspects of life around you.
Learning to live without the crutch of religion takes a while, but most of us DO get there and in the end we live much fuller lives, appreciating life for what it really is. Its the only life we get, rather than a testing ground or wating area for something else. Live it. Love it.
Tornado said:
Imagine someone very close to you passes away, you realize, there is no one really turn to so you can only end up sulking, knowing you will never see them again.
True. Atheists have to learn to mourn. This is actually a very important thing to develop. Too often theists don't mourn and don't let go. They instead live in denial, and pretend that their loved one is "in a better place now". Learning to accept loss and move on is character development.
There is no special meaning to life except to have kids. We are on a lonely planet along with the seven planets in our solar system that revolve around our sun, just one star among the 200+ billion stars in just our galaxy, just one galaxy amongst hundreds of billions of galaxies in our visible universe.
The meaning of life is to give life meaning. If your life lacks meaning, you haven't given it any. I am an atheist and my life is full of meaning. If you are a recent apostate perhaps you have not given much thought to the meaning in your life, aside from the ingroup identity you'd have had as a believer.
How about all the creation everywhere, the lush trees, the vast oceans, beautiful skies, etc. As irrational as it sounds, atheists (like myself) would say that none of this actually needed creator.
It didn't need a creator. That isn't irrational. If complexity and beauty requires creation then God is the most in need of a creator. An ancient philosopher whose name I forget said "The world is perched on the back of a giant turtle". When asked what that turtle is standing on he replied "Another turtle, its turtles all the way down". In other words saying all this needs a creator only moves the question of our existence back a step.
So if anyone is unsure whether to convert or not to atheism, consider that things become lonelier.
Atheists are more out of the closet than in the past, but we are still pretty rare, and apostates even rarer, so you may also be feeling isolated. I can assure you that I have known many apostates (from many religions) and this loneliness you are feeling did not last for them. I would suggest you speak with such people. Private message me if you would like me to send you some resource links that may help you find such a community of apostates who have gone through what you are going through.