saba muslimah
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hhmm ...right
Well...sis Do ur best
May Allah make it Easy 4 u
big problem in my marriage, help
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hhmm ...right
Well...sis Do ur best
May Allah make it Easy 4 u
Its pretty hard to say. Doesn't seem like your husband was fit for marriage to begin with.
As far as my opinion goes, I think its only fair to give him one last chance, or at least go and introduce the little guy to his father. Its possible he changed but, I don't think talking on the phone or computer will help you to see the truth. Just sit down and really try to explain to your dad you want to do this for the sake of your son and at the same time, not lose your relationship with your dad. If you come to the conclusion that all the talk over the computer/phone was just an act and that your husband hasn't matured and doesn't want anything to do with you or your/his son, than I think you need to move on and try focusing on your son's future. InshaAllah whatever decision you make it will all work out for you, your son, and your family.
As far as my opinion goes, I think its only fair to give him one last chance, or at least go and introduce the little guy to his father. Its possible he changed but, I don't think talking on the phone or computer will help you to see the truth. Just sit down and really try to explain to your dad you want to do this for the sake of your son and at the same time, not lose your relationship with your dad. If you come to the conclusion that all the talk over the computer/phone was just an act and that your husband hasn't matured and doesn't want anything to do with you or your/his son, than I think you need to move on and try focusing on your son's future. InshaAllah whatever decision you make it will all work out for you, your son, and your family.
You say that when you went online he did not show any remorse or care for what he has put you and the family through.......... Tell me sis. The year and a half you have been apart has he supported you and his child?I feel that you must do what your head tells you. Not follow your heart. Pray as much as you can sis and make dua that Allah guides you....... Ameen. I feel terrible for you, it is difficult when you are put in a situation where you have to make choices, and are doubtful.............. No-one can tell you what is going to happen, you won't know or have the answers unless you go to your husband. If you don't go you will be thinking what if. It is hard sis. May Allah guide you. Ameen.
:sunny:
i was online with my husband, my father shut my computer off and began to tell me, that i am wrong and that i should not be talking to him because of everything that has happen. When i got back online to talk to my husband, i fealt as if he didnt know or care for what he put me in with my family. i feel really bad for what is happening. i love my husband. i really dont have a clue what is right from wrong right now, i cant seem to make anyone understand how it feels to have a child from your husband and be forced to make a choice.
the past year and a half his mother got our son some clothes, he just begain to not to long ago send me and his son money, but all the money i put it towards our son not me, he also got his son clothes. i had writen in my post that his father after about one year begain to send for his son, but his mother did get the clothes befor. i hope this makes sence.
listen to your heart sister i got exact the same problem except i didnt have kids and i went to my husband and now i'm living sooooooooo happy it's the best days of my life.
If you sure that your husband loves you and you do love him and got a son in the middle i think you should try to give him chance let your heart guide you and you will be happy inshallah
If you sure that your husband loves you and you do love him and got a son in the middle i think you should try to give him chance let your heart guide you and you will be happy inshallah
was your husband always good to you. i mean see my husband did me wrong befor and that is what hard on me. i wish thier was somthing i could do that would just get thrown in front of me an this would be my solution. i am praying and praying for something but nothing is changing with my father, we keep fighting becase i will not do devorce and he teold me to go to him but he wouldnt be there, and the thing is i was in the sitution befor with my father and husband, i just want to be sure that my husband would take our son from me if things do not work out, i want to know how i can be sure he will do me right this time. i want i want. somtimes i feel like i am being selfish because our son is in the middle.. alhaduolelallah for everything. i wish i had some one with me to be there for me. i cant even talk to anyone in my commuity here because everyone knows my family.. i have to keep it to myself which i guess is best so people dont need to know. i wish i make up my mind soon.. how did you leave your fathers house halloua?
my husband was good to me when we got married and he treated me with love but after wproblems started with my father he turned not to understand me and fight with me all the time over everything and nothing and then he left the place where we live. my problems started with my dad and he wanted me to divorse i was looking toward the problem as id it will never end but i was praying i done istikharah and the need salat (haja) and allah helped me. How i left my husband send me a ticket and i left after i try to make up things between him and my father. and hamdoulilah everything is working properly.Hope allah ease everything for you sister
well when you made things better with your father and husband, did your husband and father talk or did you just talk to your father.
my sitution is different, my husband and i were ok till well, problems with himself started, he had done me wrong, then would try to make things better, but things between him and my father were good for a short time, now not. my father will not talk, after all that happen. i have to choose beween them. i wish i could talk to you alone, i need to talk with some one, i pray and pray but dont see a change.
my sitution is different, my husband and i were ok till well, problems with himself started, he had done me wrong, then would try to make things better, but things between him and my father were good for a short time, now not. my father will not talk, after all that happen. i have to choose beween them. i wish i could talk to you alone, i need to talk with some one, i pray and pray but dont see a change.
my husband and my father doesnt talk anymore they just talk the day i was leaving and he told him to take care of me. and me going to my husband was a choice for me too i choose to be with my husband because i know i couldnt leave without him i was going to death
that is really kind of your father. i wrote to you on hotmail. please read it
thank you everyone who has given me the advice, but i do have a big fear, do you think and could this happen that my husband take my child from me if i go to him and thigns dont work out? please answer back someone
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sob7an Allah.. have you tried couples therapy? I only suggest this because to be honest anything I'll write will not be objective, I don't think I can love or even like a man who disrespects my father. In fact reading your words seem to rouse some pretty angry feelings in me toward your husband not just for disrespecting your father to his relationship with you but as an elder gentleman.. I have no respect for people who show no respect especially to our elders ..
old habits die hard.. I don't see anyone changing over night ..shabb 3la ma shab 3lyh.
17:23- Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. [FONT=VERDANA,ARIAL, HELVETICA][SIZE=-1]And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little.
your dad took care of you when you were little and when you were abandoned by this guy.. so I don't know.. you'll have to give this one some serious thought..
and Allah swt knows best
[/SIZE][/FONT]
old habits die hard.. I don't see anyone changing over night ..shabb 3la ma shab 3lyh.
17:23- Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. [FONT=VERDANA,ARIAL, HELVETICA][SIZE=-1]And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little.
your dad took care of you when you were little and when you were abandoned by this guy.. so I don't know.. you'll have to give this one some serious thought..
and Allah swt knows best
[/SIZE][/FONT]
sob7an Allah.. have you tried couples therapy? I only suggest this because to be honest anything I'll write will not be objective, I don't think I can love or even like a man who disrespects my father. In fact reading your words seem to rouse some pretty angry feelings in me toward your husband not just for disrespecting your father to his relationship with you but as an elder gentleman.. I have no respect for people who show no respect especially to our elders ..
old habits die hard.. I don't see anyone changing over night ..shabb 3la ma shab 3lyh.
17:23- Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. [FONT=VERDANA,ARIAL, HELVETICA][SIZE=-1]And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little.
your dad took care of you when you were little and when you were abandoned by this guy.. so I don't know.. you'll have to give this one some serious thought..
and Allah swt knows best
[/SIZE][/FONT]
thank you you have one strong point.
last week i had called my husband and his mother answered she was rude to me. i said to her i am talking with respect to you, you dont need to speak this way to me. well she said i have talk to her this way and so does my mother and father. i wanted so bad to disrespect her but i am respectful and did not. i later told my husband i am resecptful to her because she is your mother and she is older then me. yesterday me and him fought. i got very heated and told him that just so he knows i am resecptful to people and i do not rank no one. i do this not because someone may think i am lower then them or i have to. because this is how i am. i think my marrage might be comming to a end stufalallah (i cant spell)
it been four weeks, i have been staying strong with my decision to not be with my husband, it does hurt and sometimes i look at our son and fear if i am doing the right thing. then i remember what he put me though and feel mad at him, and thankful im not with him. i hope my feelings would just be normal.
InshaAllah as the time passes you will start to feel better........... I know how you feel because in the end all you can remember is the pain and hurt they caused you and you forget about the good times................ My advise to you is just try to be the bestest mum ever for your little boy, and everytime you feel sad or think about your husband just thank Allah for removing him from your life, and do dua that whtever is your future be better for you and your son. Ameen. Take care.
Muhaba
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why can't you ask your husband to come to where you live and then live with him for a while to see how things go? you can also get in writing that he will not take the child from you.
Show verse 232 of Surah Al-Baqarah to your father where Allah has instructed people not to stop divorced women from marrying their former husbands (so why should your father stop you from going to your husband although you aren't divorced). But IMO it would be best for your husband to come & live with you where you're living, close to your parents to see if he's changed or not. Try to get your father & your husband to talk. maybe even have your family talk to his family. why is there so much hostility between you and his family? were his family not happy when you married him? but before you do anything else, do salah istikhaara (asking Allah to guide you to make the right decisions) and then Salah Haaja (asking Allah to makes things right between you & your husband as well as between your families). Additionally, read Surah Yasin as much as you can and ask Allah to make everything all right for you.
Show verse 232 of Surah Al-Baqarah to your father where Allah has instructed people not to stop divorced women from marrying their former husbands (so why should your father stop you from going to your husband although you aren't divorced). But IMO it would be best for your husband to come & live with you where you're living, close to your parents to see if he's changed or not. Try to get your father & your husband to talk. maybe even have your family talk to his family. why is there so much hostility between you and his family? were his family not happy when you married him? but before you do anything else, do salah istikhaara (asking Allah to guide you to make the right decisions) and then Salah Haaja (asking Allah to makes things right between you & your husband as well as between your families). Additionally, read Surah Yasin as much as you can and ask Allah to make everything all right for you.
hi everyone thanks for the advice in this thread..
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.
hi everyone thanks for the advice in this thread..
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.[/QUOTE]
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.[/QUOTE]