Blood is boiling

[anonymous]

Salam

My husband's youngest sister (23 yrs) is living with us for a few months. Yesterday I speculated that she's been going into our bedroom when we are not home and taking things and snooping around. The reason I thought of her is because I'm very OCD and I notice when things are missing or moved. The worst thing in the world for me is when someone takes my things without asking. Yesterday however, something of mine was indeed missing. I had a box of cookies near my side of the bed, and a pack of them was gone (there were 4 packs), and there were only 2 left. I know it sounds crazy to care about the cookies, but it wasn't the cookies that were the issue, it was just knowing that someone was in my room when I was away and touching my things. It creeps me out and makes my blood boil.

Anyways, I asked my husband if he had eaten it and he said it wasn't him. I know for sure it wasn't me because the wrapper of what I ate was in the bin. I told him maybe his sister comes in when we are not at home and takes things, and he told me not to jump to conclusions. I didn't want to be suspicious and I didn't want to blame her without evidence or sound like I'm crazy. I thought maybe I did eat it and just forgot or threw it in a different bin or something. So I let it be.

Anyways this morning I couldn't shake away the feeling because I find things of mine missing these days and I keep thinking I'm just imagining it because I trusted her, but it started to drive me crazy because I have a pretty good memory. Today I went into her room and I looked into her bin and I found the wrapper of the cookies in there. I showed my husband the evidence and he still wanted to excuse her but he started to feel some mistrust with her as well. I was extremely angry and I thought I don't want her in my house anymore. He told me to calm down and that we will talk about it later.

So after my husband went to work, I made it seem that I was not at home either and I sat in my room very quietly waiting for her to come home from school just to test whether she does indeed enter my room. After she came home, I could tell she was shuffling around trying to confirm that I was not at home. Then all of a sudden I hear my door opening very slowly and she walks in. I see her and she is so shocked and makes up a lie about how she's looking for my husband. At this point my blood was racing, but I didn't say anything to her.

I don't know what to do at this point. It takes a lot to get me to a point of anger, and I'm now very angry. I don't want to ruin any relationship between my husband and the rest of his family or even me and his family, but I cannot have her in my house at this point. Am I obligated to keep her here if my husband wants her to stay but I don't?? There are other things about her that have bothered me for a long time but I've held my tongue and tried to be patient, but this is where my line is drawn and I can't have a thief in my house.

 

[aaj]

:wasalam:

If it is your house then you have no obligation to keep her there. You should talk to your husband regarding this. Also, what you could do is set up a security camera in your room, or even a webcam with your pc that captures any movement in the room. This way you can catch her red handed if she does come in there and steal stuff. I believe the best option would be to talk to your husband about this and you two talk to her about it.

 

[charmanthala]

Salaam sister. I'm very sorry to hear about this situation. I've been in a similar situation where a housemate would go into my room when I wasn't there and take change that I was collecting. What I ended up doing was putting a lock on my door. So if I am not home they couldn't get in. This definitely isn't ideal, but if she does continue living there this may be the best option.

 

[hisnameiszzz]

Oh dear, it's not good.

When she moved in, did you set up any house rules? Maybe that is something you could explore once your anger has subsided. I know she is an adult, but some 23 year olds are still quite immature. Is it just the cookies she has pinched or anything else too?

Is it just a temporary thing? If it's just for a few weeks, maybe you could just sit her down and explain this to her.

I understand where you are coming from but if you come down too strong fisted, the relationship between you and your husband might become strained and would this really be worth it? He might side with his sister and then you will be on the sidelines if you know what I mean? Also, is it your house or your husband's or in joint names?

 

[iDory]

Salam sis, I've been in similar situations, my husband wasn't about to throw his sisters out of the house so he would always say it's ok, and I couldn't make problems with the in laws because they already didn't like me, so I took matters in my own hands and put a lock on my bedroom door and even though they hated me for that I never had to explain or talk about why I put a lock, it was obvious because I would lock up when I leave the house, but that's my solution, no ones privacy should be invaded like that, and your husband shouldn't get offended if you lock up your room, that's your business not there's, and if the family resents you for wanting your privacy it only means they don't respect you.

 

[Supernova]

Salam

My husband's youngest sister (23 yrs) is living with us for a few months. Yesterday I speculated that she's been going into our bedroom when we are not home and taking things and snooping around. The reason I thought of her is because I'm very OCD and I notice when things are missing or moved. The worst thing in the world for me is when someone takes my things without asking. Yesterday however, something of mine was indeed missing. I had a box of cookies near my side of the bed, and a pack of them was gone (there were 4 packs), and there were only 2 left. I know it sounds crazy to care about the cookies, but it wasn't the cookies that were the issue, it was just knowing that someone was in my room when I was away and touching my things. It creeps me out and makes my blood boil.

Anyways, I asked my husband if he had eaten it and he said it wasn't him. I know for sure it wasn't me because the wrapper of what I ate was in the bin. I told him maybe his sister comes in when we are not at home and takes things, and he told me not to jump to conclusions. I didn't want to be suspicious and I didn't want to blame her without evidence or sound like I'm crazy. I thought maybe I did eat it and just forgot or threw it in a different bin or something. So I let it be.

Anyways this morning I couldn't shake away the feeling because I find things of mine missing these days and I keep thinking I'm just imagining it because I trusted her, but it started to drive me crazy because I have a pretty good memory. Today I went into her room and I looked into her bin and I found the wrapper of the cookies in there. I showed my husband the evidence and he still wanted to excuse her but he started to feel some mistrust with her as well. I was extremely angry and I thought I don't want her in my house anymore. He told me to calm down and that we will talk about it later.

So after my husband went to work, I made it seem that I was not at home either and I sat in my room very quietly waiting for her to come home from school just to test whether she does indeed enter my room. After she came home, I could tell she was shuffling around trying to confirm that I was not at home. Then all of a sudden I hear my door opening very slowly and she walks in. I see her and she is so shocked and makes up a lie about how she's looking for my husband. At this point my blood was racing, but I didn't say anything to her.

I don't know what to do at this point. It takes a lot to get me to a point of anger, and I'm now very angry. I don't want to ruin any relationship between my husband and the rest of his family or even me and his family, but I cannot have her in my house at this point. Am I obligated to keep her here if my husband wants her to stay but I don't?? There are other things about her that have bothered me for a long time but I've held my tongue and tried to be patient, but this is where my line is drawn and I can't have a thief in my house.

Asalaamualaykum
The problem with todays society is people have lost a sense of humour and tact of correction.

Next time you leave the house, simple leavea box of cookies with a note on your bed:

The note should say

---
" I kindly decided to make life easier for you and left one box of cookies on this bed. After you divulged in this, please find the next box besides to vacuum cleaner (which you are welcome to use on my carpet, i even plugged it in for you).


PS: I left a kit kat under your pillow so you can take a break after you vacuum cleaned my room.

Shukran - You loving sister-in-law. (Your name)

----

Come on give it a shot - you'd be surprised at her response.

Just remember sister, she is insaan just like you.

 

[keiv]

Hire an electrician to install high voltage wiring inside your door knob. When you leave the house, you can use a wireless switch to turn it on. I guarantee you she won't want to go near your bedroom after the first time she gets shocked, if she survives of course.

 

[Muhaba]

Just lock your door so no one goes into your room when you're not there. No need to make a big issue out of it or do something that might cause problems between family members.

 

[ardianto]

Hire an electrician to install high voltage wiring inside your door knob. When you leave the house, you can use a wireless switch to turn it on. I guarantee you she won't want to go near your bedroom after the first time she gets shocked, if she survives of course.

Very dangerous idea. Few people in my place died because anti thief electric wire like this.