Broken engagement.Want to patch up.Please advice ASAP

[AHJ1]

Assalamu-Alaikum,

I am an Indian Muslim.
I was supposed to get engaged this April to a beautiful and deendar girl whom I liked very much.
She too liked me and both the families were very happy with the alliance.

We use to talk on the phone and Alhammdulillah things were going fine with us.

I am jovial by nature and have a habit of cracking jokes and doing funny things especially around dear ones.I use to joke with her to keep the mood lively and funny during our chats.She too seem to have no problem with it.
But there were some things said by me; of course unintentionally (Allah knows best) ;that hurt her.Once I had asked her about her past; did she have an affair ?It was purely in good humor and I was not expecting any answer.I know she is deendar and pious and she is away from such things.But I just wanted to talk informal with her.
She supposedly ignored it but I guess it was always at the back of her mind.And whatever said after that was judged (read misjudged) to be interrogative.Eventually she started ignoring my calls .I had no clue of her feelings and I considered her ignorance as plain playfulness.She discussed this with her parents and they took it very seriously.

They overreacted to the situation and postponed the engagement,just a fews days before the d-day .I was completely taken aback with this .We tried to mend things.
Neither of the parties had called off the alliance.

After a patient wait of two and half months I had a discusion with the girl's father.I explained him the entire story and he appeared to be more than convinced.A week later he called up and informed about their readiness to proceed.
But I had few reservations. Since it was only the father of the girl during the discussion and no other family members from their side.The girl was also not present.I proposed to talk with the girl along with other family members.The girl's father was hesitant but agreed.

And shockingly a day before we were suppose to meet he called off the alliance.I felt very bad and angry and did not try to persuade them.I returned the gifts back.

But after few days I started feeling low and depressed.Apparently I am in love with that girl and it is very difficult to let her go.I have not been in contact wit her for 4 months but still longing for her.
I don't know what to do.My parents wont patch up with the girl's family.I seriously want this to work out.I am not even aware of the girl's feelings for me now.Should I contact the girl??

Please help.I request for dua !!!!

Allah hafiz.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
- work on your parents first. you need their approval. have a heart-to-heart (conversation) with them and see what the problem as to why they dont want to patch things up. get to the real issue so that it can be resolved and so that you know how to devise a plan as to win them over.

- if your parents agree, next step is to see if the girl is still interested. you can find this out indirectly such as getting your female mahrams to speak to her/her family (on the side: the less people involved the better as to avoid any confusion and risk getting wires crossed and making more of a mess ) or by proposing again. if she is still interested, apologize to her and try to clear up any misconceptions...but this doesn't just take words, she needs to see that you are serious. so get her a gift or at-least do something you feel will get through to her to show her that you really are sorry. trying to convince her may take time, so just be patient.

-dont contact her without her mahrams permission or without them being there. even if you did find out she still likes you, what are you going to get out of it considering neither of our families have given the green light? dont be rash.

 

[Cabdullahi]

i know a bush girl but whats a deendar girl?...

brother jokes have limits....sisters dont understand some of our jokes sometimes

regarding your marriage to deendar keep trying....talk to your parents especially your mum to convince her to go to her mother and drop the sweetening bomb........insha'Allah you'll get the Eastern Alliance you deserve :thumbs_up

 

[AHJ1]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
- work on your parents first. you need their approval. have a heart-to-heart (conversation) with them and see what the problem as to why they dont want to patch things up. get to the real issue so that it can be resolved and so that you know how to devise a plan as to win them over.

- if your parents agree, next step is to see if the girl is still interested. you can find this out indirectly such as getting your female mahrams to speak to her/her family (on the side: the less people involved the better as to avoid any confusion and risk getting wires crossed and making more of a mess ) or by proposing again. if she is still interested, apologize to her and try to clear up any misconceptions...but this doesn't just take words, she needs to see that you are serious. so get her a gift or at-least do something you feel will get through to her to show her that you really are sorry. trying to convince her may take time, so just be patient.

-dont contact her without her mahrams permission or without them being there. even if you did find out she still likes you, what are you going to get out of it considering neither of our families have given the green light? dont be rash.

Jazakallah Khair sister.
I would like to add few more things:
We were pressing hard for a discussion with the girl's family right from the month of April.
But they were not so interested initially.The girl's parents (and the girl too)were under the impression that I was questioning her character. After a month or so we stopped chasing them and decided to give them time.
Meanwhile I had a brief discussion with the girl over the phone along with her elder brother (conference call).She was very angry with me; which is always good.I believe one would be angry with only those people who really matter to them.So i assumed she still was interested.
After that I never contacted her as I did not want to hurt her more.

As mentioned earlier, after two and a half months I had a discussion with her father.My parents also had an interaction with him.He was more than convinced and in a week's time things were on track again.My family was very happy.
But when we proposed to talk to the girl, her father said that she never had a problem and there is no need of discussion.But when we pressed he just pulled the plug.
My parents got irritated.Actually they are very fond of the girl (I am feeling very guilty of hurting all ).
Now that the girl's family has official denied to proceed ahead my parents don't see any point in pursuing it further.

What I feel is, it is her brother who is not ready and all other family members are in a favor.

I was and I am really missing the girl (even though I am not in contact with her for months)and want to be with her.I believe that she is angry but she loves\likes me.I need to confirm it.
What do I do?Should I again speak to them and try to convince?
It would be very embarrassing for me but I am ready to face it for her.
Please help.

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

Well, I am not a sheikh or an experienced person, but I'd rather hear both sides of the story. I have to admit that people here in India are cheerful but in a detrimental manner. It would have been a devastating moment for her when you asked her about the affair. Many girls (non practicing Muslims) here (in India) don't have an affair, they fear not Allah SWT, they fear their parents and brothers ( Or they are more ambitious) ;D Lol. And asking a practicing girl about her affair (which she never had [hopefully, Allahu Alam]) is pure stupidity. You are the architect of your own Destruction.

I can only pray to Allah SWT to make things easy for you and bring her back in you life if you both like each other for the sake of Allah SWT.