-Fallen Angel-
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Salaam brothers/sisters
New to the board, so please excuse me if i make a mistake.
I'm in a bit of a struggle here, and i was wondering if you could give me some help and advice...(here goes)
So i'm currently in College (repeating) because my previous two years were wasted thanks to my rather useless 6th form. I'm hoping to get into Medicine at University next year, somewhere good, too. However all the stress and issues i get at hope are having an effect on pretty much everything.
Basically, my father is not living with us presently (in another country), and has been for some time now. He's pretty much been dictating our lives for ever, as he is that type of person. Every other day he calls and gets all angry for no reason, and then shouts at me and tells me that he's going to give my mother's family a hard time, etc and divorce her, while at the same time telling me i'm useless and such. He's been doing this for such a long time now, to a point where it's beyond reason. He's previously married, so has older kids, who let go of no oppertunity to make our lives a living hell (my father always listens to them and never to me, and all they do is cause him harm and he is being encouraged to get married again).
They also spread rumors, etc about me and my mother to other members of the family, and through these, people cut off ties with us. We're pretty much on our own with no other relative in touch with us (due to reasons mentioned), my father is also part of this.
As you would imagine, i would have a hard time coping with this and try my best to not give into temptation of any sort or to resort to actions which are forbiden (such as violence) by Islam, but it's increasingly harder by the day.
Worse still, i try to tell my mother to speak out against my father, but she prefers to sit in silence and not say anything and take the abuse, and on top of that she tells me of being ignorant and uneducated and failing, etc and that i will get nowhere and that there is no hope for us in the future, etc. Lastly, there was one girl (distantly related to us) who i really liked and we were always friendly and such and she follows Islam too, and we're the same age, and her family is very good. I was speaking to my mother the other day that if i ever got married i may consider her, but then she suddenly went crazy, telling me that she's not acceptable and that i'm apparently "touching the wrong goods", as she put it. Now i really want to put my mother aside and speak to this girls parents myself (or at least someone else i can confide in, again, very very few people there and even if i do speak to them, it may be too late now), but as much grief and pain i am given, i still don't want to do anything that may potentially upset my mother (or anybody else for that matter). As you can imagine, i'm having a hard time with all of this, but worse still, that girl's parents are thinking of getting her married to somebody else and when i told my mother to speak to them, she refused. The only thing she ever does is make me even more upset and depressed and want to hate myself and everyone else even more.
Before you ask, she also very religious.
All the emotional trauma i've been having, has been from a fairly young age, 5 or 6, if i recal corretly, but 8 for sure. I'm 18 now.
Lastly, about me. Over the years i've become more and more depressed and have been trying to move away from everyone. I hardly ever see my friends outside of school, and even if i do, i really don't feel like it. It's not that they are bad, infact they are fairly "religious", but it's just that i always feel "happier" to be alone, not that i ever feel happy. I'm mostly always angry but always try not to show it and am usually in a very negative mood all the time. Sometimes i feel like killing all these people for what they are doing, not because they are doing it, but because they never listen and learn.. and more and more i'm questioning the reason to live a life this terrible where nobody takes into account what i have to say or cares at all.
I shall pray dua for anybody who can help me find a reason to smile in the morning or at least help me with one of these issues.. may Allah give you a better life than mine.
New to the board, so please excuse me if i make a mistake.
I'm in a bit of a struggle here, and i was wondering if you could give me some help and advice...(here goes)
So i'm currently in College (repeating) because my previous two years were wasted thanks to my rather useless 6th form. I'm hoping to get into Medicine at University next year, somewhere good, too. However all the stress and issues i get at hope are having an effect on pretty much everything.
Basically, my father is not living with us presently (in another country), and has been for some time now. He's pretty much been dictating our lives for ever, as he is that type of person. Every other day he calls and gets all angry for no reason, and then shouts at me and tells me that he's going to give my mother's family a hard time, etc and divorce her, while at the same time telling me i'm useless and such. He's been doing this for such a long time now, to a point where it's beyond reason. He's previously married, so has older kids, who let go of no oppertunity to make our lives a living hell (my father always listens to them and never to me, and all they do is cause him harm and he is being encouraged to get married again).
They also spread rumors, etc about me and my mother to other members of the family, and through these, people cut off ties with us. We're pretty much on our own with no other relative in touch with us (due to reasons mentioned), my father is also part of this.
As you would imagine, i would have a hard time coping with this and try my best to not give into temptation of any sort or to resort to actions which are forbiden (such as violence) by Islam, but it's increasingly harder by the day.
Worse still, i try to tell my mother to speak out against my father, but she prefers to sit in silence and not say anything and take the abuse, and on top of that she tells me of being ignorant and uneducated and failing, etc and that i will get nowhere and that there is no hope for us in the future, etc. Lastly, there was one girl (distantly related to us) who i really liked and we were always friendly and such and she follows Islam too, and we're the same age, and her family is very good. I was speaking to my mother the other day that if i ever got married i may consider her, but then she suddenly went crazy, telling me that she's not acceptable and that i'm apparently "touching the wrong goods", as she put it. Now i really want to put my mother aside and speak to this girls parents myself (or at least someone else i can confide in, again, very very few people there and even if i do speak to them, it may be too late now), but as much grief and pain i am given, i still don't want to do anything that may potentially upset my mother (or anybody else for that matter). As you can imagine, i'm having a hard time with all of this, but worse still, that girl's parents are thinking of getting her married to somebody else and when i told my mother to speak to them, she refused. The only thing she ever does is make me even more upset and depressed and want to hate myself and everyone else even more.
Before you ask, she also very religious.
All the emotional trauma i've been having, has been from a fairly young age, 5 or 6, if i recal corretly, but 8 for sure. I'm 18 now.
Lastly, about me. Over the years i've become more and more depressed and have been trying to move away from everyone. I hardly ever see my friends outside of school, and even if i do, i really don't feel like it. It's not that they are bad, infact they are fairly "religious", but it's just that i always feel "happier" to be alone, not that i ever feel happy. I'm mostly always angry but always try not to show it and am usually in a very negative mood all the time. Sometimes i feel like killing all these people for what they are doing, not because they are doing it, but because they never listen and learn.. and more and more i'm questioning the reason to live a life this terrible where nobody takes into account what i have to say or cares at all.
I shall pray dua for anybody who can help me find a reason to smile in the morning or at least help me with one of these issues.. may Allah give you a better life than mine.
