can feelings change....

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AnonymousPoster

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assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu


i was just wondering something.

If a brother and sister (before marriage, and its over now so lol its ok inshaAllah, im more practising now Alhamdulillah....) really deeply expressed their love for each other, they found every waking moment a pleasure just to be with each other. They would go to see each other just to see a seconds smile even if its a days journey to get there (no exagerration). They promised to marry each other if Allah wills, they were heart broken when forced apart, and 2 years have now passed.


If you were the brother/sister in this position, would you have gotten over it, or would you still want the brother/sister to propose to you?


BTW: the brothers practising, the girls doing everything to please her mother and praying five times a day but not completely properly wearing hijaab yet...


please let me know inshaAllah... i dont wanna make a fool out of myself :embarrass
 
:wasalamex


They can change.. but they have to tell themselves to move on.. If you don't tell yourself to move on, then it's much more harder to change or move on at all.


So if you realise that it can't work anymore, then the only option is to tell yourself you have to. Even if you don't like it, because holding onto the past will give you false hopes, and these false hopes won't get you anywhere, they'll just continue making you more upset.



And Allaah knows best.
 
- Qatada - said:
:wasalamex


They can change.. but they have to tell themselves to move on.. If you don't tell yourself to move on, then it's much more harder to change or move on at all.


So if you realise that it can't work anymore, then the only option is to tell yourself you have to. Even if you don't like it, because holding onto the past will give you false hopes, and these false hopes won't get you anywhere, they'll just continue making you more upset.



And Allaah knows best.
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jazakAllah khair for your reply dear brother

thats just the thing bro, it will work, both are of the same culture and everything you see. Both are perfect age and really like each other, the parents might even agree as only the father from one side is slightly unsure about it but he can be made to come around...


my main question is if the sister/brother has moved on then theres no point in going back to it, but i was wondering if a person can move on after going through such a state so quickly...
 
This situation...when u were not practicing it seemed to u...the days/hours wud be difficult to spend without her.'love is blind' as they call it...this is the picture i see from ur past.

Mayb what has happened to u now....a will/sign from Allah(swt) to move on inshAllah...and learn to live a life..a way of fearing Allah(swt)...

As u sed..she does not wear hijab?..wots the reasons?.i apologize for dissing her...but hope she wears it for the right reasons...for Allah(swt) and not the will of u or her husband.will she accept u as wot u are now?

jus leave it to Allah(swt)..surely something good will come out...

look around..will ur family/mother approve her?..in ur heart and mind is she the 'one'?..Allahu Allaam..
 
:sl:

I think if i were in your place and he was practicing, then I would definitely want him to propose, why not??

Just to make sure, make istekhara first, InshaAllah ... :)

:w:
 
AnonymousGender said:
jazakAllah khair for your reply dear brother

thats just the thing bro, it will work, both are of the same culture and everything you see. Both are perfect age and really like each other, the parents might even agree as only the father from one side is slightly unsure about it but he can be made to come around...
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It depends, if you think it can happen and it won't lead to more sin. Then that would be something good, but there are many cases that the girls family finds out, they get shocked how she could ever be upto something like that - then she gets humiliated by her family and gets a bad rep.

So being a guy can (due to culture) be easier, since he might not get that reputation or 'stain' compared to if a girl did.


Therefore seeing how the family would respond is something you need to look into, cuz in some cases - you never know what the response might be, and it might have a negative turn instead of the positive one you've always hoped for or dreamed of.



my main question is if the sister/brother has moved on then theres no point in going back to it, but i was wondering if a person can move on after going through such a state so quickly...
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The issue isn't on moving too quickly, it's about the actually break. So if it breaks up, whether its a gradual thing or a slow thing, at the end of the day - you have to move on. I know it seems harsh, but thats the only option really.


So the moving on would then depend on how much interaction you have with others, if you were willing to move on, do you keep your mind occupied with other things etc.

If you can do this, it might be much more easier to move on - but always keep in mind that you should have Islamic surroundings, otherwise - having a heart break while having bad friends only leads to more evil. So always try to make good targets for yourself to keep your mind and heart busy.



Obviously this advice isn't all useful, it might be that the marriage can take place and the parents might be alright with that. So do istikharah before putting anything forward to the parents, Allaah will help you in your decision then insha Allaah.



And Allaah knows best.
 
AnonymousGender said:
:sl:

I think if i were in your place and he was practicing, then I would definitely want him to propose, why not??

Just to make sure, make istekhara first, InshaAllah ... :)

:w:
Click to expand...

I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me.

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.
 
but bro its really hard coz we see each other quite regularly... allahu a'lam

i cant see a good result from moving on because we will always encounter each other many times through out the year..
 
AnonymousGender said:
but bro its really hard coz we see each other quite regularly... allahu a'lam

i cant see a good result from moving on because we will always encounter each other many times through out the year..
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wot advice are u after?..

let me ask u..do u want to end or mend this relationship?

the only solution...i see is...get married inshAllah..better to get over done with.If feelings still occurs for the person..if he/she is the one for u/ if ur mother will be happy with ur choice.
 
AnonymousGender said:
I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me.

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.
Click to expand...

lol this is the original thread creator


Alhamdulillah i think i understand islam quite abit now and if i was in your shoes i would probably let it go... wouldnt want to hurt my parents.








Most people seem to have missed my main question..



Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?
 
you know what its ok lol

may Allah forgive me i feel silly, everyones different.

Even if you cant move on he/she probably has.




jazakAllah khair everyone, its ok, im just gonna move on i think (may Allah help me...)
 
AnonymousGender said:
I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me.

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.
Click to expand...


:sl:

Ok, wait for my reply, I have to go right now, later I'll reply in full

:w:
 
:salamext:


lol ma bad..


Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?
Click to expand...


It depends if it was your or there first time init. If it was their first time, then it's likely that they haven't moved on.


If the person has somehow moved on, but they haven't been with anyone else. Then it's likely that they would still be happy to get back 'together again.' Since that was one of the greatest experiences they tasted in life, probably.



Sorry if i never said the right thing again. And Allaah knows best.


 
Most people seem to have missed my main question..



Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?[/QUOTE]



I can understand what you're talking about, and to answer your question beleive me it's very possible to move on from such a state even worse. The reason is not that two ppl stop loving each other or that you 4get all that you have been together, but somethings are not meant to be, no matter how sweet and perfect they look it's not just the thing 4 u. We may think that our life will be complete with them but we only think from our perspective. Love is something that never ends but compulsions tend to put a stop to it. When two ppl have been through so much and still don't end up together then the best thing is to move on, what's the point in dwelling on the past, cuz in that way you may not be able to appreciate what you have right now or what you may loose in the future.

And as for proposing, why should it make any difference wether the other person has moved on or not, if you still truly love him/her than you should propose, your love can't merely end because someone has moved on.

Sometimes what we want to express is right but the time is wrong. If life gives you another oppertunity to amend that then this may be the correct time.
 
AnonymousGender said:
I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

wow Sis, this is a one sided feeling, I can't say anything about this, bcz maybe this brother already likes someone else..:-\

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me. ..... I don't think it matters that he is a little younger than you..:ooh:

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.
Click to expand...

:sl:

Sister i don't know what to say....hmmmmmm to be honest, if i were in your situation, i would tell everything to my parents, bcz parents always think of the best for their children.... i always consider their advice... :)
i would tell them my feelings about this brother, and i would want them ( my parents) to proceed through the brother's parents...not only through the brother, bcz ultimatly i would live not only with him but with all of his family. if they are not happy, then, alone, we can't be happy....... so please consider the permission of his parents, too, which is very important for the happiness of your marriage.....

AND of course i will pray to Allah SWT, if this brother is the best for me, then make everything easy for me, IF NOT, then keep him away from me from my heart and thoughts...... thats all...
 
AnonymousGender said:
lol this is the original thread creator


Alhamdulillah i think i understand islam quite abit now and if i was in your shoes i would probably let it go... wouldnt want to hurt my parents.








Most people seem to have missed my main question..



Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?
Click to expand...

hmm.. yeah if i had no choice but to move on, i would move on, i probably would be still thinking about it, and probably abit depressed about it, but like i said i would get on with life. im not sure how long it would take me to get over it. maybe when the next decent guy comes along, (thats sound abut weird i know), it probably depend on ho deep my feeling were. i do agree with brother Qatada's first post aswell. i also agree with this comment aswell, "I think if i were in your place and he was practicing, then I would definitely want him to propose, why not??

Just to make sure, make istekhara first, InshaAllah ..."

but i advice the sister to stop practising to please her parents, and start practicing to please Allah, before she proposes/enters marriage (or even if that wasn't the case).
allah know best
 
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AnonymousGender said:
:sl:

Sister i don't know what to say....hmmmmmm to be honest, if i were in your situation, i would tell everything to my parents, bcz parents always think of the best for their children.... i always consider their advice... :)
i would tell them my feelings about this brother, and i would want them ( my parents) to proceed through the brother's parents...not only through the brother, bcz ultimatly i would live not only with him but with all of his family. if they are not happy, then, alone, we can't be happy....... so please consider the permission of his parents, too, which is very important for the happiness of your marriage.....

AND of course i will pray to Allah SWT, if this brother is the best for me, then make everything easy for me, IF NOT, then keep him away from me from my heart and thoughts...... thats all...
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jazakhallahu kairan. My brother is aware of him. We kinda discussed with my mum about this, basically his family background. My mum or other family members do not approve where his from back home. At the end it dsnt matter where a person is from, islamically its wrong to think like that.

I guess its best to move on right? To get this person out of ur mind and heart. But then its difficult, but on the other hand it can happen inshAllah.

Thats the thing, i'd rather not say it to my parents. It wud've been more preferable if he came with the proposal. But it is very unlikely.

So its better to move on and hope Allah(swt) makes it easier for us inshAllah.
 
:sl:

sis, I don't think we can help you much:). It doesn't matter if we would move on or not... some of us might, some of us might not... what matters is if he has moved on yet... I guess that is what you really need to know isn't it?
 

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