Can she ask him for marriage?

[AnonymousPoster]

If a girl knows some one in collage or work or wherever she knows him,of course I mean respectable place,and she feel that he seems to be perfect husband for her ,as he seems to be religious and respectable,she never talked to him because she is religiouse and don`t talk to the other gender without strong reason.
what shall she do?
shall she ask a friend of this man to ask him if he is looking for marriage now or not ,and if he is looking for a bride he can say to him why not this girl?
or shall she forget the matter and wait for her fate whoever and whenever it come

any other act can she do?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

If a girl knows some one in collage or work or wherever she knows him,of course I mean respectable place,and she feel that he seems to be perfect husband for her ,as he seems to be religious and respectable,she never talked to him because she is religiouse and don`t talk to the other gender without strong reason.
what shall she do?
shall she ask a friend of this man to ask him if he is looking for marriage now or not ,and if he is looking for a bride he can say to him why not this girl?
or shall she forget the matter and wait for her fate whoever and whenever it come

any other act can she do?

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb

Dear Sister,

I pray you're in good health and spirits.

It's perfectly acceptable for you to propose marriage to the brother.

It is advisable to have a mahram approach the brother on your behalf. A mahram would be your father, brother, grandfather, or uncle.

If you don't have a mahram, then you should appoint an upstanding Muslim male to be your guardian (wali) in this matter. Many sisters often ask an Imam or scholar to function in this capacity.

The reason for appointing a wali is so that you have someone to advocate for you.

When you obtain the brother's contact information, the best thing to do is to send your mahram or representative to meet the brother. If things look good, then you can go ahead and arrange to meet his family.

Performing Salat al-Istikhara (the Guidance Prayer) and Salat al-Hajah (the Prayer of Need) is a strong sunna.

Please read more about these two special prayers at:

Salat al-Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer)

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1056&CATE=4

The Prayer of Need

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1117&CATE=4

And Allah knows best.

 

[ahmed_indian]

salam alaikum,

belief in Qadr is extremely important but we have to work also. maybe u can tell ur parents/relatives to ask him regarding it or any other halal way.

keep making dua to Allah to give you wht is best.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakom Allah khayr for advice

But don`t you think that asking him for marriage ( I mean when the wali ask him for marriage ) will make him despise this girl?,think that she don`t find someone to marry her so ask men for marriage.

Also what will approaching him add ,why didn`t he approach me himself,I ask myself this question many times ,when I see someone who is looking for a bride and I see myself suitable to what he is looking for ,can the reason be just he feel shy to approach a girl who he never talked to her?

have you ever liked to approach a girl but didn`t do because of this reason?I `d like any man in the forum to answer this question.

jazakom Allah kheir for advantage.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

if a sister is interested in a brother, the best thing she should do, is go though a third party, as to not risk humiliation...so she should speak to her wali/family and get them (her family) to drop hints off though a mutual friend (or even to the family itself) and if the guys/his family are interested, then they should come knocking on the door inshallah.

but the point is, dont do it directly...

check this fatwa out as well
http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/20916/children of israel

 

[ahmed_indian]

But don`t you think that asking him for marriage ( I mean when the wali ask him for marriage ) will make him despise this girl?,think that she don`t find someone to marry her so ask men for marriage.

Also what will approaching him add ,why didn`t he approach me himself,I ask myself this question many times ,when I see someone who is looking for a bride and I see myself suitable to what he is looking for ,can the reason be just he feel shy to approach a girl who he never talked to her?

have you ever liked to approach a girl but didn`t do because of this reason?I `d like any man in the forum to answer this question.

1. it is not necessary that he will *despise* the girl. it might increase ur respect in his eyes that you are shy and dont just keep looking here and there.

2. maybe he is shy or it didnt cross his mind to propose you.

3. yes, brothers too could be *shy*. i know few who wants to propose sisters but cant bcoz they are little afraid that she might say "no" or think wrong of these bros.

so, pray salah istikhara, make dua to Allah and send someone to ask him for marrriage.

 

[Salahudeen]

Jazakom Allah khayr for advice

But don`t you think that asking him for marriage ( I mean when the wali ask him for marriage ) will make him despise this girl?,think that she don`t find someone to marry her so ask men for marriage.

Also what will approaching him add ,why didn`t he approach me himself,I ask myself this question many times ,when I see someone who is looking for a bride and I see myself suitable to what he is looking for ,can the reason be just he feel shy to approach a girl who he never talked to her?

have you ever liked to approach a girl but didn`t do because of this reason?I `d like any man in the forum to answer this question.

jazakom Allah kheir for advantage.

It won't make him despise you, it might make him flattered and his head could grow bigger though ;D

in certain cultures it's seen as bad if the girl makes the first move but this has no basis in Islam.

In todays world it's sometimes seen as shameful if a father offers his daughter to a man which is ridiculous. The sahabba would offer their daughters to each other, Umar RA offered his daughter to Uthmaan Bin Afaan and Abu Bakr before the prophet pbuh married her.

It wasn't seen as something shamefull that he was offering his daughter to men for marriage, but if a man did that in todays world it's seen as something shamefull in some cultures.

It's quite possible he didn't approach you himself because you give the impression that your a good muslimah and you don't want to be troubled by a guy. He could also be shy.

try and get a third party involved as has been mentioned.

 

[YusufNoor]

just a little piece of Islamic History:

His Marriage to Khadijah

When he returned to Makkah, Khadijah noticed, in her money, more profits and blessings than she used to. Her hireling also told her of Muhammad’s good manners, honesty, deep thought, sincerity and faith. She realized that she homed at her target. Many prominent men had asked for her hand in marriage but she always spurned their advances. She disclosed her wish to her friend Nafisa, daughter of Maniya, who immediately went to Muhammad [pbuh] and broke the good news to him. He agreed and requested his uncles to go to Khadijah’s uncle and talk on this issue. Subsequently, they were married. The marriage contract was witnessed by Bani Hashim and the heads of Mudar. This took place after the Prophet’s return from Syria. He gave her twenty camels as dowry. She was, then, forty years old and was considered as the best woman of her folk in lineage, fortune and wisdom. She was the first woman whom the Messenger of Allâh [pbuh] married. He did not get married to any other until she had died. [Ibn Hisham 1/189; Fiqh As-Seerah p.59; Talqeeh Fahoom Ahl-al-Athar p.7]

Khadijah bore all his children, except Ibrahim: Al-Qasim, Zainab, Ruqaiyah, Umm Kulthum, Fatimah and ‘Abdullah who was called Taiyib and Tahir. All his sons died in their childhood and all the daughters except Fatimah died during his lifetime. Fatimah died six months after his death. All his daughters witnessed Islam, embraced it, and emigrated to Madinah. [Ibn Hisham 1/190,191; Fath Al-Bari 7/507]

http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/SM_tsn/ch1s6.html#His Marriage to Khadijah

:wa:

 

[abu salaahudeen]

absolutely nothoing wrong with the siter inquiring about the brother as long as its according to the sunnah

 

[AhmadibnNasroon]

assalamu 3laykum,


go for it

 

[Muslim Woman]

...But don`t you think that asking him for marriage ( I mean when the wali ask him for marriage ) will make him despise this girl?,think that she don`t find someone to marry her so ask men for marriage.

.

In Islam , it's allowed for women to send marriage proposal. Remember it was mother Khadija ra who sent proposal to our Prophet pbuh.

Also I read that one woman came to Prophet pbuh and asked him to marry her . When mother Aisha ra heard about it , she said something like that how a woman could approach like this ? But the Prophet pbuh said it's ok to ask for marriage .

So sis , as a bro suggested offer Istekhara salat first ; if u find it positive , then send proposal .

May Allah grant what is good fo ur this life and hereafter .

 

[Italianguy]

If a girl knows some one in collage or work or wherever she knows him,of course I mean respectable place,and she feel that he seems to be perfect husband for her ,as he seems to be religious and respectable,she never talked to him because she is religiouse and don`t talk to the other gender without strong reason.
what shall she do?
shall she ask a friend of this man to ask him if he is looking for marriage now or not ,and if he is looking for a bride he can say to him why not this girl?
or shall she forget the matter and wait for her fate whoever and whenever it come

any other act can she do?

Wow, I;m interested to see what you all have to say on this one.:shade:

In my family and or culture it has never happend (woman asking a man).
It's forbidden in my family.imsad

God be with you.

 

[abu salaahudeen]

italiiangut thats why you should be a muslim

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Ok,but what would her brother or father say to him? , it `s not easy to be direct and just say would you marry my sister?:embarrass
can you please imagine then write a conversation betwen her brother and that man ,how to begin then what.......etc,given that her brother is shy and think it`s very imbarrassing.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Ok,but what would her brother or father say to him? , it `s not easy to be direct and just say would you marry my sister?:embarrass
can you please imagine then write a conversation betwen her brother and that man ,how to begin then what.......etc,given that her brother is shy and think it`s very imbarrassing.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister your brother should go to the shop where he works and somehow strike a conversation with him.

Whilst he is having a conversation with him on general matters he can then bring up the subject of marriage and ask him what his situation is in regards to marriage.

He can ask that guy whether or not he's looking for a partner at the moment for marriage and if he confirms he is then your brother can say that he is also looking for a practising brother for his sister who is also practising and he can mention the fact that it is not easy to find practising brothers nowadays.

Then he can ask him "Since you are a practising brother and my sister is also practising then would you be interested in talking further about marriage?"

Then they can swap e mail addresses and phone numbers and take it from there. The guy can send whatever questions he has to your brothers e mail and your brother can forward it to you and then you can reply to the guys e mail questions with any important questions that you may have and send them to your brothers e mail who can then send it back to the guy.

This way any important questions that you or the guy may have can be answered. If you are both happy with the answers then your brother can ask the guy if his mother can call your mother and take things further from there.

Don't be nervous sister these things have to be done in life and this is the best way for you to approach this guy through your male mahram or wali.

Allah will be happy with you that you did it the right way rather than the wrong way which unfortunatley many of our brothers and sisters end up doing resulting in them getting hurt and scared.

Ask of Allah to help you through this and to do whatever is best for you.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Ok,but what would her brother or father say to him? , it `s not easy to be direct and just say would you marry my sister?:embarrass
can you please imagine then write a conversation betwen her brother and that man ,how to begin then what.......etc,given that her brother is shy and think it`s very imbarrassing.

just get them to talk as they would a normal conversation and somehow incorporate the subject of marriage in the conversation then say hypothetically "what do you think if a girl asks a guy..." but the whole point is not to say it directly, becuase that may scare him off or something along those lines.

you could get your family/brothers/dad to drop hints about a sis who *insert character, deen here* all the while making you anonymous and that way if he's interested, then he'll come knocking on the door.

you could also get a trustworthy person/family that knows the both of you and get them to do the above.