Can't keep my eyes to myself

[anonymous]

From what I understand, forgiveness is not accepted for sins that are commuted continuously. Of course in the end, all we can say is "Allahua'lam" but, I'm pretty sure it was mentioned somewhere as I remember reading it. For me, keeping my eyes to myself is a major problem. It's particularly a problem for me since I live in a "college town" by the coast out here in the west, so as you can imagine the new fashion trends these women follow make it hard not to look. I try so hard not to look and when I take a glance, it literally ruins my day knowing what I've done. Whether I'm working or just grocery shopping, they're everywhere. What kind of hope is there for people like me who, no matter how hard they try, can't overcome a certain sin such as this? It's depressing knowing I'm going to get punished for what I'm doing yet I'm still weak enough to do it..

 

[greenhill]

Realising it is a start. Allah loves those people who really struggle to follow the Deen. More precisely it may be apt to say He appreciates our hard struggles more than achieving better results easily.

Where you live provides the ultimate test for you.

 

[Serinity]

Allah :swt: loves those who repent. So keep repenting. So keep repenting continously.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

 

[ardianto]

Actually your problem happen because you have tendency to see women only as sexual object. If you have better respect on women which you see them as people like your mother or your sister, then you will be able to control your eyes, mind and behavior, when you are among them

 

[piXie]

Actually your problem happen because you have tendency to see women only as sexual object.

:salamext:

I beg to disagree. The problem happen because he is a young man and they are women. And even if a man did see a woman as an object like that, what does one expect if that's how they are dressed. Do our sisters and mothers dress like that? How can one see them as women like our sisters and mothers or respect them like that when there is a world of difference between filth and purity.

This is a mega trial for our brothers, esp those who are not married. May Allah help them abundantly. Aameen

 

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam

It can be really hard these days for brothers. Just continue to seek forgiveness as we must always do and continue to struggle and lower your gaze, and never give up.

May Allah swt make it easy for everyone.

 

[Snow]

I've not looked it up but I'm sure it has something to do with the subconsciousness/reptilian brain.
My eyes do wander and as soon as my conscious brain sets in I don't look hahaha.
It is freaky.

 

[Serinity]

Tbh, yeah.. It is hard. I guess.

Everyone runs around with underwears nowadays. Can't blame you. Keep strong! And don't despair of Allah's Mercy. I can't really relate, as I am rarely in contact with women. But the times I was, I had to constantly look down, as all I saw was flesh.

Allahu alam.

 

[MisterK]

Between work and uni, I'm around women more than men, it can definitely be difficult to not look. When I become aware of my actions, I do my best to stop looking. While I haven't converted, since my pull to Islam began, I try to be more aware and not look in the first place.

 

[ardianto]

:salamext:

I beg to disagree. The problem happen because he is a young man and they are women. And even if a man did see a woman as an object like that, what does one expect if that's how they are dressed. Do our sisters and mothers dress like that? How can one see them as women like our sisters and mothers or respect them like that when there is a world of difference between filth and purity.

This is a mega trial for our brothers, esp those who are not married. May Allah help them abundantly. Aameen

:wasalamex

If a woman who dressed sexily pass in front of men, indeed, all men will look at her. However, there are men whom look at her once only and then look at other side, there are men who feel urged to continue look at her or look at her again. And the problem of this anonymous brother is he feel urge to continue look, or look again. The cause is, he has tendency to see a woman as just sexual object.

Different than a man who tend to see a woman from her character and personality. He will have good ability to control his gaze because what attract him is woman with attractive personality. And to be able to see a woman from her character and personality, a man must realize that women are human too like his mother and his sister. This is what i mean in my previous post.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the replies!

Actually your problem happen because you have tendency to see women only as sexual object. If you have better respect on women which you see them as people like your mother or your sister, then you will be able to control your eyes, mind and behavior, when you are among them

:wasalamex

If a woman who dressed sexily pass in front of men, indeed, all men will look at her. However, there are men whom look at her once only and then look at other side, there are men who feel urged to continue look at her or look at her again. And the problem of this anonymous brother is he feel urge to continue look, or look again. The cause is, he has tendency to see a woman as just sexual object.

Different than a man who tend to see a woman from her character and personality. He will have good ability to control his gaze because what attract him is woman with attractive personality. And to be able to see a woman from her character and personality, a man must realize that women are human too like his mother and his sister. This is what i mean in my previous post.

Brother, you're jumping way ahead of yourself. I grew up with 3 older sisters and was raised by my mother. I have nothing but respect for women. The only time I ever come in contact with females is for business purposes and even then, I keep the conversation strictly business and I keep it short. Even if they try to engage in small talk, I literally stay quiet and just nod my head or smile making sure not to say anything.

My problem is that if I see a girl walking, for example, I'll look over at her and then carry on with what I'm doing versus staring away or not looking at all. My problem isn't that I stand there and stare at her and start making howling noises like from a cartoon =\

 

['abd al-hakeem]

Bismillah walhamdulillah wa salaatu wa salaam ala Rasulillah;
Salaamu aleykum warahmatullah, Ikhwan;

I'm disappointed in the admonishments from one brother to another. Ittaqullah, Who is The Judge? We all utter the shahadah... Where's your compassion and sense of trying to help a brother.

Beloved Anon. Brother consider this;

Have you adequately acknowledged the fact that you dislike looking? I don't recall reading that you enjoy it...

Shaythan will only ever capitalise on a weakness. When there are no other ways to TEMPT a believer, he will then resort to Waswaas, which, in-and-of-itself, is much worse given the propensity for waswaas to attack the very faith itself, and it's source.

Rejoice in the fact that this area that you live in is a smaller testing ground in preparation for the next challenges in your life. Our beloved Creator tests us in stages and never with more than we can bear.

Wallahu alem.

 

[KIP]

Non-muslim women are not 'filthy'. Besides, there are plenty of men who will look at a woman even if she is wearing modest islamic dress.

 

[Start]

Non-muslim women are not 'filthy'. Besides, there are plenty of men who will look at a woman even if she is wearing modest islamic dress.

THIS IS TRUE man! It happens to me with everyone. Except maybe if it's muslim girls, I usually tend to look down as a gesture of respect. I never happen to do that with non-muslims though when all they do is prancy their skirts and croptops like it's an ebola epidemic or something lol.
Anyway, I'd suppose it's probably trend because of the music styles these days with the likes of Selena Gomez, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift and most girls would see them as role models as a way to enhance their domestic lifestyles.

 

[KIP]

Not a man.
And all non-muslim women don't do prancy their skirts etc (what ever that means)They're just the ones you happen to notice more.

 

[anonymous]

Non-muslim women are not 'filthy'. Besides, there are plenty of men who will look at a woman even if she is wearing modest islamic dress.

Was this directed at me (OP)? This was never a matter of Muslim vs non-Muslim females or one being more filthy over the other. I don't live in a Muslim majority country/state, so my experience has only been with non-Muslim women. There are girls who wear hijab while walking around in some leggings which, as I'm sure you're aware of, fit the body almost perfectly in some cases as if they were wearing nothing... If I see female, Muslim or not, in modest clothing, I don't look at them the way I do with women who wear clothing with their body parts exposed.