Compromising deen for marriage

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nature

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:sl:

If marriage is half our deen and following the sunnah...

would it be a sin to compromise on the deen bit, when choosing a spouse ? just for the sake of having children & following the sunnah ?

Is it better to marry, bear children with some1 who has no deen what so ever. OR stay single, and not complete the deen ? are any of these classed as lesser sins ?

Would any of the sisters on here commit to anyone who has nil deen what so ever in the hope that they would be able to change that person. ?

Would you rather teach someone deen or learn from them ?


:wa:
 
Salaam sister, my advice would be to guide him more to the deen if you're interested in marrying him Insha'Allah. Then maybe he will take it upon himself to start practicing more with a bit of encouragement and support. Allah knows best : )
 
Asalaamu Alaikum,

You can try to open their hearts but only Allah(swt) that can guide them, remember that Sister.
 
nature said:
:sl:

If marriage is half our deen and following the sunnah...

would it be a sin to compromise on the deen bit, when choosing a spouse ? just for the sake of having children & following the sunnah ?

Is it better to marry, bear children with some1 who has no deen what so ever. OR stay single, and not complete the deen ? are any of these classed as lesser sins ?

Would any of the sisters on here commit to anyone who has nil deen what so ever in the hope that they would be able to change that person. ?

Would you rather teach someone deen or learn from them ?


:wa:
Click to expand...

Never compromise in religion, it'll be the biggest mistake of your life.

A spouse can be either a source of inspiration and encouragement who will aid you to excel in all religious affairs or he/she can be the anchor that drags your faith downhill, eventually hitting rock bottom.

"...Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e. may your prosper)." [Narrated by al-Bukhari, 5090; Muslim, 1466.]
 
i think if some-one is muslim, and weak in ammal/good deed, so no matter, one may compromise to ammal/deed. bcz its not obligation for marriage that both should be practicing. everyone has to answer his/her deeds in ahra and no1 is asked for his/her spouse deeds. yes one should try her/his best to motivate his/her spouse to learn and practice islam more and more.
i am saying this bcz let suppose, if a girl live in an area where are no much practicing muslim. should she live all her alone ???? i think its better to have children, teach them islam so that they would be strength for u in this world and way of favors in aahra by their good deeds.
 
nature said:
:sl:

If marriage is half our deen and following the sunnah...

would it be a sin to compromise on the deen bit, when choosing a spouse ? just for the sake of having children & following the sunnah ?

Is it better to marry, bear children with some1 who has no deen what so ever. OR stay single, and not complete the deen ? are any of these classed as lesser sins ?

Would any of the sisters on here commit to anyone who has nil deen what so ever in the hope that they would be able to change that person. ?

Would you rather teach someone deen or learn from them ?


:wa:
Click to expand...

:w:

If you remove the deen for the sake of completing a portion of the deen (that is worth half the deen itself), how will you ever complete your deen when the half of the deen you're bringing into your life is devoid of any deen? Do you follow the logic? Meaning that, if you get remove religiosity from your spouse, how will they ever help you complete half of your deen when they themselves don't have any deen to begin with? Does that make sense?

Marriage - the act of entering into a relationship with someone lawfully - is half the deen only when the one you enter into it with will be someone who helps you become a better slave of Allaah by mutual support in life, practicing your ibaadah and raising practicing children. One of the posts above mention the hadeeth in this regard too.

Preservation of your deen and relationship with Allaah etc is a wajib whereas marriage is a great sunnah (that only becomes wajib in certain special circumstances), and as such generally does NOT take priority over maintaining your deen etc. How can you expect to do that if the person you're going to be spending the rest of your life with does not care about that at all?

Lastly, there are many good balanced people you can find to marry insha'Allaah. Just don't be hasty and make lots of dua'.
 
Revert 2010 said:
my advice would be to guide him more to the deen if you're interested in marrying him
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What if you dont get chance to meet that person ? or you only get one meeting ? thats hardly enuf to convince someone to guide them to religion ? what if the person is more culture driven then you've no chance really ?

'Abd-al Latif said:
Never compromise in religion, it'll be the biggest mistake of your life.
Click to expand...

Thats what i was thinking. but everyone wants to have children right, would it be wrong, to compromise in the hope that you would eventually be able to change that person, even if it took you years ?
 
:sl:

tigerkhan said:
i think if some-one is muslim, and weak in ammal/good deed, so no matter, one may compromise to ammal/deed. bcz its not obligation for marriage that both should be practicing.
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I thort both husband and wife had to be practising, otherwise the deeds of one arent accepted ?

tigerkhan said:
i am saying this bcz let suppose, if a girl live in an area where are no much practicing muslim. should she live all her alone ???? i think its better to have children, teach them islam so that they would be strength for u in this world and way of favors in aahra by their good deeds.
Click to expand...

I was thinking this also, esp if the mother has islam, then she wud be the one that is more responsible of the upbringing of the children. although i can see it a problem if the father had no interest esp wen it was ramadan.

@ B.Muraad It makes perfect sense, I understand, but what if there is literally no chance of anyone "deen related" then is the woman expected to live a life alone? even if she has the option of marrying someone else?
:wa:
 
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Firstly, and most importantly, a women can only marry a Muslim man; she cannot marry a disbeliever, a Jew, or a Christian, or a Hindu, Buddhist and so on. A women does have the power, however, over a man to the extent to which he would change his religion for her (this in and of itself is an indication of what religion means to this person). The question now is, even though he comes to Islam: What type of Muslim is he?

This is something that you need to think about deeply, and think about how it would affect you in the future. Because yeah he could convert, but would he be hanging out with other women? Would he drink alcohol? Would he miss his prayers? Would he not go to Friday prayer? Would he deal with your children poorly?

These are all potential possibilities for someone who converts to Islam but doesn't have it in their hearts. So beware of this, it's a serious issue.
 
:sl:


the man would be muslim, but not a practising one. Thats the only 1 thing i have on my list of criteria, but ive been told theres no chance, and i need to compromise somewhere, how can i though ? seen as though deen is important to me. most of the men are culture driven,so they prob would hang out with women/socialise/get involved in biddah things.

I dont know if im being too optimistic thinking i can change someone ? thats so deep rooted in culture.

:wa:
 
There are no other men in the area? Only this one man? No Muslim men at all, no families at all you can get into contact with?
 
nature said:
@ B.Muraad It makes perfect sense, I understand, but what if there is literally no chance of anyone "deen related" then is the woman expected to live a life alone? even if she has the option of marrying someone else?
:wa:
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I don't know, I find it hard to believe that there is no chance what so ever to find someone practicing, sure it might take a while and require much patience but altogether not impossible insha Allaah..where do you live if you don't mind me asking? You don't have to answer..but maybe you can use certain legitimate internet tools to help you find a spouse? Look up Practimate, HalfOurDeen.com - legitimate Muslim matrimonial sites run with proper care and observance of Islamic values. And I say that because I know who started them and runs them (Sh. Yaser Birjas and Baba Ali).

May Allaah make it easy for you. Ameen.
 
:sl:

Muraad said:
I don't know, I find it hard to believe that there is no chance what so ever to find someone practicing, sure it might take a while and require much patience but altogether not impossible insha Allaah..where do you live if you don't mind me asking? You don't have to answer..but maybe you can use certain legitimate internet tools to help you find a spouse? Look up Practimate, HalfOurDeen.com - legitimate Muslim matrimonial sites run with proper care and observance of Islamic values. And I say that because I know who started them and runs them (Sh. Yaser Birjas and Baba Ali).
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Where i am everyone is so culture driven, its hard to find anyone thats not. Personally i wud never trust anythin online, but each to their own. a muslim in our area is someone who is pakistani and maybe goes occassionally in the mosque, free mixes and does what he wants basically, also theres a lot of biddah stuff. I myself have broken away from lots, and i this sort of stuff confused the crap out of me, wen i was younger, i dont wana do that to my children.

Bedouin said:
I don't believe this is true sister.
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so if the wife is practising and the husband doesnt thats ok ? I read somewhere, that marriage is void, and children illegitimate, if the husband isnt praying. ? ultimately the goal is jannah right ? and you would wana be with your spouse that uve shared a life with in this world so if only 1 of you practises thats not gona happen is it ?

also i thought good deeds only counted if both husband and wife were praying.

:wa:
 
I know of a man who was not religious at all, he wasn't a bad man, he was a decent human being, but did not practise Islam properly. He got married and everything changed. I don't know what exactly, but there is no doubt that his wife had an influence on him. He now encourages others to pray and attend Islamic sermons. So why not marry someone and guide them back to where they should be.

Religion should be a factor when deciding on who to marry, but bear in mind you can help someone re-discover their faith.
 
nature said:
Would any of the sisters on here commit to anyone who has nil deen what so ever in the hope that they would be able to change that person. ?
Click to expand...
if he has none whatsoever no simple as that yes people can change but I personally would not marry someone who has nil deen bc it just wouldnt seem like they would be a good muslim husband to me so id pass.

nature said:
would it be a sin to compromise on the deen bit, when choosing a spouse ? just for the sake of having children & following the sunnah ?
Click to expand...

I know someone who doesn't pray, I asked them why and they said bc my father doesnt pray so why should I.....you get what I'm saying those nonreligious actions might rub off on your children so then you will be stuck with a nonreligious husband and nonreligious children.

See if that person can change before u marry them so u want be in a pickle or marry someone who has strong faith someone who you would want to be a great example in life for your children to take after and someone who can help you to become stronger in faith and bring you closer to Allah.

nature said:
Would you rather teach someone deen or learn from them ?
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you should teach and learn from each other.
 
The question (s) seem mostly dealing theoretical situation.
I assume the criteria for marriage for men and women are laid in Islam ie to whom one can marry to with whom one cannot. As long as we adopt to the laid down parameters, there is nothing wrong with marrying anyone.
 
Assalaamu Aleykum,

In the situation described in the original post, I would not marry someone in the hope that they would change their ways. I would recommend waiting to find a nice practicing brother with the help of your wali, and then get married. If it takes a little longer than you would like then be patient insha'allah, but it is better to wait until a poius brother comes along then to marry someone in the hope that you can change them.
 
Sister,

You would be taking a huge risk in marrying someone who is not particularly faithful to the deen. It's a common misconception that you can change another person. He will only change if he wants to change himself. It could be difficult for him to make all of those re-adjustments in his life to fit it in the way that is proper. It's a similar story told here in the U.S. culture. A lot of women like to like to date "bad guys" in hopes that they can change them into a good guy and it usually doesn't work out. I have an aunt who was in a situation like this and it ended badly for her.

I think that it's good if you want to help him try and rediscover his faith but it could take a while and may not be the best use of your time within a marriage. I believe if you wait a little bit longer and keep it in your prayers, you will find a pious man who will and follow the deen, inshallah.
 
would you take a bit of hell?


strange question but thats how i view compromise


all unislamic matters make life a living hell


and then we die, guess what happns next?
 

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