Confused...

[revert2007]

piXie

I do not know why some of us are assuming the brother is not mature enough to marry and needs to wait.
It is not about maturity but about capability to handle the family life.Do you want his wife and children to sleep in street.

Just because he is in university, does not mean he is not mature enough.
I agree with you as I myself got married when I have another 3 months to complete my final year.And I was 4 months pregnant on my graduation day.It is ok for me because I am a woman and I don't need to support the family.But will the same case be ok for a man who doesn't have anything to support the family?

Just because he is studying, does not mean he should not get married yet.

As i have said clearly it is not about studies.And again do you think he can concentrate in his studies when he get married.and when his wife get pregnant?He is doing undergraduate and I hope u know what that means.He is not doing master or PhD which will be totaly a different case.

This mentality that we have is not correct.
Just because people don't agree with your mentality,you cannot assume it is not correct.It might not be correct for you but it can be correct for others.

If he likes her and she is good, he should gather his courage and inquire about her.

Islamically this is forbidden unless her mahram is with her.


Why in the world should he wait?
Because Allah The Exalted decides when he should get married.Even if he has a mountain of cash in his account and he is capable of marrying four wives,without Allah's will it will never happen.

For what?
Allah The Exalted knows better

Is it the sunnah of our pious predecessors to wait and do nothing when they liked someone for marriage?

It is not sunnah yet in Islam it is not allowed in Islam to get married when u are not capable to feed and provide all the needs for ur wife and kids.

Though it is Islamically allowed for him to approach the sister directly for marriage,

Sorry,Islam doesn't allow this direct stuff.It works only for non Muslims.As Muslims we live according rules and regulations.
he should tell his mum and let her speak to the girl.
I agree but I doubt which mother will agree on this when her son has a long jorney to go.

This would be better and safer for him and the sister... from the cultural perspective.

I don't know what you are talking about.

Also he should perform istikhara.
We already mentioned that to him.BY the way your answer should begin with this answer first of all before the rest of opinion you gave.At least you spoke something good here.
If it works out and he is thankful to Allaah, then that would be good for him. And if it doesn't work out and he trusts Allaah and is patient, then that is also good for him.

I agree

But he should not ignore it, if he sees a good sister.
Sorry we don't know a person's heart except Allah alone.I guess she is not a Muslim
He should not ignore it without first trying. For the sake of Allaah and preserving his eemaan, he should consult his family and try what is within his human ability.

Every teenagers have this feeling of getting married soon.Yet they actully are not prepared.Most people want to get married soon because of lust.Once this lust has been fulfilled,then what.The real life begin where the responsibility comes in.Money problem and buying milk for child,diapper and so on.Why would you rush into something which will turn ur life upside down?Wait for the right time.She might not be the right person.In this life every person we see,we feel that thye are compatible with us,but to be honest,the real compatible person show up very late.I guess now it si clear why he shouldn't marry now.Marriage is not just about sex.Marriage is about responsibility and beyond everything that you can imagine.If you don;t have the capability to endure everything in mariage,then the marriage will collapse soon.and at this age,men are not matured yet as scientifically proven that men matured at the age of 25.And Allah knows the best.

 

[piXie]

It is not about maturity but about capability to handle the family life.Do you want his wife and children to sleep in street.

lol no, his family could support him. Besides, in the Pakistani culture it is custom that the girl moves to the boys house. My cousin got married whilst in uni and his family supported him and his wife until they could stand on their own two feet.

I agree with you as I myself got married when I have another 3 months to complete my final year.And I was 4 months pregnant on my graduation day.It is ok for me because I am a woman and I don't need to support the family.But will the same case be ok for a man who doesn't have anything to support the family?

See above.

As i have said clearly it is not about studies.And again do you think he can concentrate in his studies when he get married.and when his wife get pregnant?He is doing undergraduate and I hope u know what that means.He is not doing master or PhD which will be totaly a different case.

lol I do know what undergraduate means. It is when most people think you are too young and no one takes you seriously or believes you are able to handle a family. :ermm: You have to walk the corridors of university tilted to one side because u don't have your other half to keep you balanced and straight. Its no life, without a wife.

Just because people don't agree with your mentality,you cannot assume it is not correct.It might not be correct for you but it can be correct for others.

I believe in basing our views and thoughts upon the Quran and Sunnah. This should take precedence over all personal experiences, thoughts and ideas. Islam says you should marry early and not delay it... especially if there is fear of falling into fitna.

Islamically this is forbidden unless her mahram is with her.

I think you are getting confused between the proposal and the marriage itself. The prophet :arabic5: proposed to Safeyah (r.a). In Islam, even the female can directly propose to a man. It is recorded in a hadith by Bukhari that a woman came to the Prophet :arabic5: presenting herself to him in marriage. So the daughter of Anas (ra) said how lowly is her sense of shame. And Anas (r.a.) replied that she is better than you. She desired to marry the Prophet :arabic: and presented herself to him.

As for the actual marriage, then she needs her mahrams consent.

Because Allah The Exalted decides when he should get married.Even if he has a mountain of cash in his account and he is capable of marrying four wives,without Allah's will it will never happen.

This is true but I think you have misunderstood. A believer must make the effort and try. If it doesn't work out, then he should be patient and know it wasn't good for him. Not that you wait without trying because then you will get nothing.

It is not sunnah yet in Islam it is not allowed in Islam to get married when u are not capable to feed and provide all the needs for ur wife and kids.

Scholars have differed regarding this. First: The financial capacity to pay the marriage dowry and for the upkeep of the wife is a precondition for the obligation of marriage. This is the opinion of the Hanafi, Maliki, and Dhahiri schools of thought.

Second: The financial capacity is not a condition for the obligation of marriage [One companion of the Prophet :arabic5: was married off with the dowry of an iron ring. and also the Prophet :arabic5: married many women without sometimes even having a morsel of food to eat] This is the opinion of the Hanbali Madhab and also some Hanafi scholars.

Even if someone did not have family to help them or support them, no one will starve especially if they are living in countries like the U.K. It might be difficult but this is a choice for them to make. But there will be ease too because being married is normal and healthy. Allaah says 'with every difficulty comes ease'

I agree but I doubt which mother will agree on this when her son has a long jorney to go.

Everyone's mums are different. If it were my mum, she would happily support my brother and so would I. Maybe this brothers mum will too. All I am saying let us not persuade him against it without knowing his situation, because maybe his parents and the girls parents will agree. If Allaah does not think it is best He will not let it happen anyway, and if He does think it best He will let it happen. But that does not mean we should not do our bit and try. This is what istikhara is for.

I don't know what you are talking about.

Safer from the cultural prospective meaning.. in the Pakistani culture, proposals are made through the family. In Islam, we are encouraged to respect our culture and not disregard it, so long as it is not against Islamic teachings. It prevents the aunties and uncles from getting upset Also it is more respectable.

We already mentioned that to him.BY the way your answer should begin with this answer first of all before the rest of opinion you gave.At least you spoke something good here.

lol I wasn't writing in order of priority.

Sorry we don't know a person's heart except Allah alone.I guess she is not a Muslim

As far as I know, most likely she is a Muslim because he mentioned she is Pakistani.

Every teenagers have this feeling of getting married soon.Yet they actully are not prepared.Most people want to get married soon because of lust.Once this lust has been fulfilled,then what.The real life begin where the responsibility comes in.Money problem and buying milk for child,diapper and so on.Why would you rush into something which will turn ur life upside down?

I agree with you sister but we do not know if that is the case here. For all we know, he may be mature and responsible enough. That is all I am saying.

One is even allowed to get just the nikkah done where they Islamically become man and wife but the wife does not move into the husbands house. Sometimes, to protect our chastity and Eemaan, especially in todays society, it is a good option for the youth to get their nikkah done atleast. That way they can be good uni friends the halal way and be happy.

 

[cat eyes]

but sister pixie have you got evidence that a brother can approach a sister alone without even wali or mehram present? without anybody present this can stir lust and desires in some one.

We have to be careful when we are advising some one. i think he should do istikharah and tell his parents first.

Also i dont think we should be talking about culture. i think we should take our evidence from quran and sunnah only.

 

[revert2007]

but sister pixie have you got evidence that a brother can approach a sister alone without even wali or mehram present? without anybody present this can stir lust and desires in some one.

We have to be careful when we are advising some one. i think he should do istikharah and tell his parents first.

Also i dont think we should be talking about culture. i think we should take our evidence from quran and sunnah only.

You have said well