confused

[Dagless]

You have been talking to him for so long that you have created an image and bubble about you and him and the life you may be able to live together and this bubble has to pop sister and you must realise these feelings are not real and you must realise that this was a lesson to you never to get to know anyone of the internet or for real life for that matter without involving mahrams.

Who is to say which feelings are real and which are not? On the flip side what if everything he has said to her is true and he has said it to only her? I think you should trust people unless they give you reason not to be trusted (only the sister knows if he has been genuinely untruthful from her dealings with him). A person being met involving mahrams could also lie so I think this is an unfair statement.

My sister you must look for someone who is genuinly pious and practising and someone who would never lie to you, This person is not mentally stable therefore he will not be able to fulfil his rights to you as a husband. You only feel pity and sympathy for him not anything else.

What makes you think he is not pious or practicing? You are not someone who can judge that. Not every mental illness equals mental instability and inability to perform as a husband. That statement just goes to show how misunderstood mental illness still is amongst many Muslims.

and Allah knows best in all matters

He does. Which is why I think you need Allah for guidance rather than people on a forum who don't clearly comprehend the situation.
Only you know the type of person you are and the type of person he is. What's done is done. Don't look to mistakes of the past. Just look at if you 2 are right for each other and which halal steps to take next.

 

[cat eyes]

yeah your right islam teaches us not to judge no matter what the situation is. the amount of people that i know and who i have ever met since becoming a muslimah have met there husband online.

therefore judge the situation but not the people.

she should meet with mehram present thats what i think asap and see what she thinks of him in person.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

^Agreed . . .

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Firstly Asalaamu Alaikum,

Who is to say which feelings are real and which are not? On the flip side what if everything he has said to her is true and he has said it to only her? I think you should trust people unless they give you reason not to be trusted (only the sister knows if he has been genuinely untruthful from her dealings with him). A person being met involving mahrams could also lie so I think this is an unfair statement.

It was proven that the brother was also talking to many other women at the same time and he also had another msn account and when caught he gave a bitter response just like anyone who lied would respond. Does that indicate a genuine person? He proved himself not to be trusted and was caught out. If you found out your sister talked to such a man who lied and talked to many other women at the same time would you approve him for your sister?

What makes you think he is not pious or practicing? You are not someone who can judge that. Not every mental illness equals mental instability and inability to perform as a husband. That statement just goes to show how misunderstood mental illness still is amongst many Muslims.

May i ask which pious person do you know who talks to women online and decieves them at the same time whilst talking to countless other women with another msn account which he hid from her and after being exposed gave rude and bitter responses.

Which pious brother do you know who would invite your sister to come and see him in a far away city alone and spend the day with him there? It would be bad enough him meeting her half way or to come most of the way because he is a man but to ask her to come to a far away city all alone to see him?

Would you really want this kind of man for your sister?

Countless sisters have fallen prey to men who have deceived them online and im sure many here know of people who have had this happened to them so the sister should be encouraged to keep away from haraam not fall further into it.

He does. Which is why I think you need Allah for guidance rather than people on a forum who don't clearly comprehend the situation.
Only you know the type of person you are and the type of person he is. What's done is done. Don't look to mistakes of the past. Just look at if you 2 are right for each other and which halal steps to take next.

Which is why Allah revealed the truth to the sister of his lies and deciet and any brother would want the best for his sister and in this case it certainly is best for the sister to leave this forbidden relationship and this guy's lies were clearly exposed where he talked to her and lead her on and at the same time talked to countless other women.

This is not an indication of a kind of person any sister should consider marying. The sister should find a pious man in the right manner through family and close friends and ask of Allah where Allah would bless such a marriage.

She should not be encouraged to fall for the trap of this deciever who has already decieved her by lying to her and was also wanting her to come and meet him in a far away city all alone. What man would do that? Does that indicate the kind of person anyones sister should marry?

May Allah save us from evil and keep us towards the right path. Ameen
and Allah knows best in all matters

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

I feel Mr hamza is being a bit rude in judging the man. I'm sure Mr Hamza and others are willing to protect the sister .and yes it's quit likely the sister is going in the wrong way and should be warned. But it makes me sad when i read what hamza said about the man being mentally instable and incapable of fulfilling his duties as a husband. If this is right this means all those poor man and women suffering mental illnesses should be locked out in hospitals or prisons and not allowed to live with healthy people?
I'm not encouraging the sister to go in an online relationship with the man. this is wrong no doubt. What i propose is the sister talk frankly with her father or mother . ask them to try helping this man if he is really suffering . it won't hurt them to go visiting him in his house with father and mother then talk to him face to face and then you can judge him after that.
Mr Hamza, there are people suffering in this world and they don't find help and consolation. the solution is not to warn people from them as if they were criminals. the solution is to Go help them rather than rejecting them and increasing their isolation and hatred toward society.
I advise the sister to talk frankly with her mother and tell her the whole story. her mother could then decide what to do. and I hope her mother will arrange a meeting with this man and talk to him. maybe he is a good man and in real need of help ? Allah only knows what's inside every man's heart.
Be merciful to others so that Allah would be merciful for you.
Wa Assalam.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

brother,

thanks, much appreciated.

okay...what if he says he is being serious about marriage?

realistically he should come down and speak to my wali, i mean everyman who is being serious about a sister would do that, right?? and if he cant he was'nt serious about me in the first place?

sorry i know i may sound soo childish but i need your advice.

sister, with due respect if you dont know that your wali needs involving, perhaps do some research first about marriage, then think about getting married. i dont mean to be harsh, but this is something very basic (and vital) when considering marriage. if you want to get married, do some research and get some knowledge about the topic then appraoch your family and speak to them about your desire to get married. whatever you do, dont get into a marriage with your hands ties behind your back and have no idea of what is expected of you or what to expect of your spouse.

secondly, if he was serious, then why hasn't he inquired about your wali? why has he gone "straight for the jaguar" and requested you to travel to meet him. people (sisters as well) who are serious about marriage talk to their families. its normal procedure.

do your family know that you are talking to him? do they know what you are saying to one another. you need your family for that extra opinion. you cant fully perceive things if you're passing judgment on someone you like.

 

[dew of jannah]

sister 1st of all clear ur head, different people will give u different advices,it will kind a make u more confuse,u will find loads of people on internet who will praise u,u shudnt be guilty for any1 but put Allah n Prophet commandments 1st,marige is not a joke,if u didn liked anything in him u will not ruin ur life but his aswell,by leaving him.make duaa meet imam,building relation take years & to break 1 minute.Allah will help u

 

[Salahudeen]

The fact he is asking you to meet him alone in his city is very bad, tell him if he is serious to get family involved. But to be honest I would've dumped him the minute he wanted to meet me without a mehram. Cos we all know what happens when a man and women are alone together, and I'm sure he knows that very well also. Cunning.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I feel Mr hamza is being a bit rude in judging the man. I'm sure Mr Hamza and others are willing to protect the sister .and yes it's quit likely the sister is going in the wrong way and should be warned. But it makes me sad when i read what hamza said about the man being mentally instable and incapable of fulfilling his duties as a husband. If this is right this means all those poor man and women suffering mental illnesses should be locked out in hospitals or prisons and not allowed to live with healthy people?
I'm not encouraging the sister to go in an online relationship with the man. this is wrong no doubt. What i propose is the sister talk frankly with her father or mother . ask them to try helping this man if he is really suffering . it won't hurt them to go visiting him in his house with father and mother then talk to him face to face and then you can judge him after that.
Mr Hamza, there are people suffering in this world and they don't find help and consolation. the solution is not to warn people from them as if they were criminals. the solution is to Go help them rather than rejecting them and increasing their isolation and hatred toward society.
I advise the sister to talk frankly with her mother and tell her the whole story. her mother could then decide what to do. and I hope her mother will arrange a meeting with this man and talk to him. maybe he is a good man and in real need of help ? Allah only knows what's inside every man's heart.
Be merciful to others so that Allah would be merciful for you.
Wa Assalam.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, brother i don't agree with what you have said at all and the sister should disregard this advice completley. You are not giving the right impression to others about having relationships outside of marriage.

It is not the job of her parents to help someone her daughter has been having a haraam relationship with online for 6 months. This is the same person who asked their precious daughter to travel half way across the country to come and see him all alone. This is also the person who decieved their daughter whilst talking to countless women at the same time whilst talking to her on a different Msn add. Also not once has he asked about her Wali and you are telling her parents to go and help a random man who has been having a relationship with their daughter? Is that the job of her parents or is the job of her parents to do what is best for her and to keep her away and protect her from haraam? Brother you advice is very misleading indeed and should be totally disregarded.

These are the facts of this case:

1. He clearly decieved her because of the fact that he was talking to other girls whilst he was talking to her and he was doing this on another MSN which he hid from her and she found this out all by her self and when she confronted him about it he gave a very bitter and rude response. From this it is clear that he cannot be trusted and clearly decieved her and did not even apologise for it but twisted it back on her.

2. He asked her to come and see him in a city very far from where she lives. Meaning he wanted her to travel so far all alone to a city that she has never been to and see him alone. This is clear that he wanted relationships with her before marriage. It is bad enough him coming to meet her but telling her to go and see him and travel so far alone is unthinkable.

Would you want someone like that for your sister? How could you even begin to tell her to pursue things with someone like that? You are not giving the correct message to others at all and your advice should be totally disregarded as wrong and misleading advice.

All others should know these kind of relationships never work and only cause pain and misery. One should not cause the anger and wrath of Allah and think about their hereafter. Anyone who wants relations before marriage is not the right person to marry and spend ones life with. Especially one who has decieved and shown he is untrustworthy. Do things the right way and Allah will bless such marriages.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, brother i don't agree with what you have said at all and the sister should disregard this advice completley. You are not giving the right impression to others about having relationships outside of marriage.

It is not the job of her parents to help someone her daughter has been having a haraam relationship with online for 6 months. This is the same person who asked their precious daughter to travel half way across the country to come and see him all alone. This is also the person who decieved their daughter whilst talking to countless women at the same time whilst talking to her on a different Msn add. Also not once has he asked about her Wali and you are telling her parents to go and help a random man who has been having a relationship with their daughter? Is that the job of her parents or is the job of her parents to do what is best for her and to keep her away and protect her from haraam? Brother you advice is very misleading indeed and should be totally disregarded.

These are the facts of this case:

1. He clearly decieved her because of the fact that he was talking to other girls whilst he was talking to her and he was doing this on another MSN which he hid from her and she found this out all by her self and when she confronted him about it he gave a very bitter and rude response. From this it is clear that he cannot be trusted and clearly decieved her and did not even apologise for it but twisted it back on her.

2. He asked her to come and see him in a city very far from where she lives. Meaning he wanted her to travel so far all alone to a city that she has never been to and see him alone. This is clear that he wanted relationships with her before marriage. It is bad enough him coming to meet her but telling her to go and see him and travel so far alone is unthinkable.

Would you want someone like that for your sister? How could you even begin to tell her to pursue things with someone like that? You are not giving the correct message to others at all and your advice should be totally disregarded as wrong and misleading advice.

All others should know these kind of relationships never work and only cause pain and misery. One should not cause the anger and wrath of Allah and think about their hereafter. Anyone who wants relations before marriage is not the right person to marry and spend ones life with. Especially one who has decieved and shown he is untrustworthy. Do things the right way and Allah will bless such marriages.

Assalamu aleikum,
I gave the advise assuming the sister and this man are mature persons and also are serious about a halal relationship. I know Most of these relationships through IM contains lots of lies and deception from manipulative people.
My advice above if only this man is really Good and in real need of help. I can't know exactly what is the truth. so to be on the safe side , Yes i agree with you she should stop this relationship if she is sure the man is lying and deceeving her..now it's up to her to know the truth. if she isn't mature enough to distinguish between deception and sincerity from other people ,then better keep safe and keep away from all these IM relationships with opposite sex. These Online relationships with opposite sex are definitely dangerous if we are not vigilant ,careful and mature .
Assalamu aleikum.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamu aleikum,
I gave the advise assuming the sister and this man are mature persons and also are serious about a halal relationship. I know Most of these relationships through IM contains lots of lies and deception from manipulative people.
My advice above if only this man is really Good and in real need of help. I can't know exactly what is the truth. so to be on the safe side , Yes i agree with you she should stop this relationship if she is sure the man is lying and deceeving her..now it's up to her to know the truth. if she isn't mature enough to distinguish between deception and sincerity from other people ,then better keep safe and keep away from all these IM relationships with opposite sex. These Online relationships with opposite sex are definitely dangerous if we are not vigilant ,careful and mature .
Assalamu aleikum.

Wa Alaikum Asalaamu Wr Wb, my brother she has already admitted in her posts that she is naive and lacking experience of life to be able to distinguish between who is genuine and who is not. But she has learnt from this now. She is very lucky that Allah has saved her because unfortunatley many sisters as well as brothers are misled, decieved and get terribley hurt and scarred even feeling suicidal after the effects of such relationships which are bound to fail miserabley. Allah has brought her on this advice section to make her realise but she already felt in her heart that her feelings for him were not true but she just needed confirmation which she has recieved.

If i have said anything to hurt or offend you then please forgive me brother. May Allah guide us all to the straight path. Ameen

 

[anonymous]

salams,

just want to thanks everyone and especially brother Hamza for his advice, what ever you said was soooo true. I can believe I was being so stupid and naive/////

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

salams,

just want to thanks everyone and especially brother Hamza for his advice, what ever you said was soooo true. I can believe I was being so stupid and naive/////

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister thank Allah profusely for he made you realise your mistake before you got anymore involved with this man. Many learn the hard way. Learn from this and take lessons from this and repent to Allah asking him for forgiveness. Do things the right way by involving family straight away and Allah will give you the best partner who will lead you towards Jannah and give you true love and happiness in your life inshallah.

Please also remember me in your duas and i wish the best for you in this life and the next.

 

[anonymous]

I was going to make to biggest mistake of my life!!

where I live, there is no proper support, and I had no one to seek advice from. You guyz are my real sisters and brothers in Islam, if it wasnt for you guyz I would had got fooled by this guy, and probably scarred for life! I always thought no matter how bad a person is there is still some good in him, you should give people the benefit of the doubt, I was soo wrong... anyways

may Allah have mercy on you all, ameen.:statisfie

thanks alot

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^very good to hear =) may allah grant you a pious husband and do yourself a favor a get your wali involved and stay away from shady people next time

dont fall into the same trap. if you have broken it off, you may feel the side affects of being tempted to go back do be alert and wary. its just a guy

 

[anonymous]

^very good to hear =) may allah grant you a pious husband and do yourself a favor a get your wali involved and stay away from shady people next time

dont fall into the same trap. if you have broken it off, you may feel the side affects of being tempted to go back do be alert and wary. its just a guy

dont worry, i have totally broken it off, jazkaAllah for your advice

love you loads sister.:statisfie