Convince a person that keeping a beard is good

[Indian Bro]

Assalamualaikum, thank you very much for the feedbacks. Im sorry i havent been online for awhile.

I did ask her why she doesnt like men with beards. Apparently she says that she doesnt like the "bushiness" of the beard. she feels like she cannot look at me when i have a beard.

I asked her what type of husband does she want. She answered she wants someone that practices the deen. But somehow i think that is abit contradictingimsad. Should i give her time to accept it? I dont really understand women, do their hearts get softer when they get married? will they be more likely to change their views and appreciate their husband?

I remember that women are created from the rib, so i shudnt force too much, yet i shouldnt be too lenient. Im pretty sure she will be a good wife, because she is a wonderful daughter to her family.

As-salamu alaykum bro,

If you told her that growing a beard is a fard and she still has a problem with it, then I would suggest you to try and get to her as close to the deen as you can. The best solution to your problem has already been mentioned as someone narrated the hadith of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) to marry a pious girl, however, it is not EASY to do this when you are already interested in someone else as you currently are, so I would suggest you to give her more knowledge about Islam, especially ALL the Prophets (May Allah Almighty be pleased with all of them) and also the righteous predecessors, ALL of them had beards. Tell her that you want to be closer to Allah (s.w.t.) and tell her Allah (s.w.t.) rewards those that compromise in marriage for the sake of Allah (s.w.t.). I don't think YOU should be the one to compromise in this case since it is a fard, but you should try to convince her to do so for this matter. Explain to her the hadith that the above poster spoke about pious wives and I'm sure inshAllah your wife will be more understanding and inshAllah she will be guided and you will have an AWESOME beard and an AWESOME marriage :shade:.

Salam 3laikum

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Assalamualaikum, thank you very much for the feedbacks. Im sorry i havent been online for awhile.

I did ask her why she doesnt like men with beards. Apparently she says that she doesnt like the "bushiness" of the beard. she feels like she cannot look at me when i have a beard.

I asked her what type of husband does she want. She answered she wants someone that practices the deen. But somehow i think that is abit contradictingimsad. Should i give her time to accept it? I dont really understand women, do their hearts get softer when they get married? will they be more likely to change their views and appreciate their husband?

I remember that women are created from the rib, so i shudnt force too much, yet i shouldnt be too lenient. Im pretty sure she will be a good wife, because she is a wonderful daughter to her family.

Beard doesn't equal to righteous or pious. There's plenty of bearded evil doers and hypocrites. So NO it isn't contradicting, but I do see where you are coming from, because when a man is trying to be pious the beard naturally just comes as their love for our RasoolAllah (saw) increases as they want to be like him.

From what you describe, she has potential and as I said before she just needs time to grow in her imaan. As she learns more about our deen she will begin to understand the beard and probably request that you wear it, just give it time. After you two are married, yes her heart will be softer towards you, you just need to be patient. If she's a good girl, she will see how much you really want to have the beard and she will learn to accept it.

It also seems she doesn't like the unkept beard, I have the same problem. I like a well kept and groomed beard and not too long, but a beard is a total must for me, that's one of the fist things I asked my now fiance before we got engaged. This came with time though, back when I first came to Islam I liked goatees, or the "rugged" look and that is what I requested from my ex-husband. I felt beards were for old men :embarrass. However, as I learned more and learned to appreciate its significance, I ended up requesting he grow a beard.

So you see, it takes time. Take this opportunity to grow together, that is what marriage is about. Helping each other grow and being each other's garments. As she gets attached to you and once love grows between you two, she will take ur suggestions seriously. Lead her by example and show her the beauty our deen has.

- cOsMiC

 

[Urban Turban]

Relax man, I suggest YOU don't talk to her regarding this, nobody likes to be told they are wrong, and if you talk about ahadith and Nauzoobillah she rejects them or says something else altogether, you know the repercussions??

Aren't their any senior Ulamah who you can take advice from on how to go about this? Or how to make sis understand?

Men actually look awesome in sunnah beards, cap and thobe - wish they knew.

I'm reluctant to say anything else, if it was a mustahab [recommended] practice you could have taken it easy, but as its a sunnah....

Don't wreck anything, don't make things harder, take advice from senior and I mean only senior Ulamah.

Don't forget to give sadaqah and duas, pray to Allah rabbul izzat to grant her understanding, give sadaqah with the exclusive plea to Allah to grant her understanding.

 

[Karl]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

Salaam
You are best to find another woman. Remember you are a man be one. Your wife should be loyal and supportive not critical of your appearance. What would Muhammad (PBUH) do if one of his wives said that they don't like his beard and want him to shave it off?

Also, if you give females an inch they will take a foot and before long you wont have a leg to stand on.

 

[Live2Learn90]

As-salamu alaykum,

I just want to make one thing clear, I don't think any one of us is in any position to judge a scholar if he is backing his statements up with the support of hadith and Qur'an.



So, if you still don't think growing a beard is a fard, please bring your evidence of your "scholars" because the four man madhabs clearly reject the idea.

And again, I repeat what I mentioned before, I only started the whole "Beard is fard" thing because the brother didn't mention growing a beard is a fard but rather a sunnah. I am not one to judge, because I assume the brother MAY or MAY NOT know that it is a fard, but it is my duty as a Muslim to inform him about what is right if not remind him about what is right. If any of you have objections with me taking this approach then I apologize if this approach as offended you, but I am more inclined towards what the madhabs claim than what a poster on an internet forum claims.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best and may He guide us all to Sirat al-Mustaqim.

Salam 3laikum

Assalamualaikum brother. thank you for your concern, i do realise it is fard to keep the beard. Even if it isnt fard, i would still like to keep it, since all the prophets and messengers keep their beards.

As-salamu alaykum bro,

If you told her that growing a beard is a fard and she still has a problem with it, then I would suggest you to try and get to her as close to the deen as you can. The best solution to your problem has already been mentioned as someone narrated the hadith of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) to marry a pious girl, however, it is not EASY to do this when you are already interested in someone else as you currently are, so I would suggest you to give her more knowledge about Islam, especially ALL the Prophets (May Allah Almighty be pleased with all of them) and also the righteous predecessors, ALL of them had beards. Tell her that you want to be closer to Allah (s.w.t.) and tell her Allah (s.w.t.) rewards those that compromise in marriage for the sake of Allah (s.w.t.). I don't think YOU should be the one to compromise in this case since it is a fard, but you should try to convince her to do so for this matter. Explain to her the hadith that the above poster spoke about pious wives and I'm sure inshAllah your wife will be more understanding and inshAllah she will be guided and you will have an AWESOME beard and an AWESOME marriage :shade:.

Salam 3laikum

Wa alykumusalam, thanks i will give her time, but at the same time i'll just not trim it.;D the noble quran didnt come all at the same time, if it did, it would be hard for the sahaba to change instantly. (correct me if im wrong) so i think i should just take it nice and slow. From where i come from, its pretty hard to find a fully practising sister (and mostly are married/already engaged). so id rather give more time rather than starting from scratch >.<

Beard doesn't equal to righteous or pious. There's plenty of bearded evil doers and hypocrites. So NO it isn't contradicting, but I do see where you are coming from, because when a man is trying to be pious the beard naturally just comes as their love for our RasoolAllah (saw) increases as they want to be like him.

From what you describe, she has potential and as I said before she just needs time to grow in her imaan. As she learns more about our deen she will begin to understand the beard and probably request that you wear it, just give it time. After you two are married, yes her heart will be softer towards you, you just need to be patient. If she's a good girl, she will see how much you really want to have the beard and she will learn to accept it.

It also seems she doesn't like the unkept beard, I have the same problem. I like a well kept and groomed beard and not too long, but a beard is a total must for me, that's one of the fist things I asked my now fiance before we got engaged. This came with time though, back when I first came to Islam I liked goatees, or the "rugged" look and that is what I requested from my ex-husband. I felt beards were for old men :embarrass. However, as I learned more and learned to appreciate its significance, I ended up requesting he grow a beard.

So you see, it takes time. Take this opportunity to grow together, that is what marriage is about. Helping each other grow and being each other's garments. As she gets attached to you and once love grows between you two, she will take ur suggestions seriously. Lead her by example and show her the beauty our deen has.

- cOsMiC

Ameen sister. Jazakallah khair. i feel better knowing there is hope for things to turn out better:statisfie. im not perfect myself. but im trying to be a better person, little by little.

Relax man, I suggest YOU don't talk to her regarding this, nobody likes to be told they are wrong, and if you talk about ahadith and Nauzoobillah she rejects them or says something else altogether, you know the repercussions??

Aren't their any senior Ulamah who you can take advice from on how to go about this? Or how to make sis understand?

Men actually look awesome in sunnah beards, cap and thobe - wish they knew.

I'm reluctant to say anything else, if it was a mustahab [recommended] practice you could have taken it easy, but as its a sunnah....

Don't wreck anything, don't make things harder, take advice from senior and I mean only senior Ulamah.

Don't forget to give sadaqah and duas, pray to Allah rabbul izzat to grant her understanding, give sadaqah with the exclusive plea to Allah to grant her understanding.

The thing is, most of the ulama here shave their beards, (or their beards dont grow). So thats pretty unfortunate. :exhausted i'll just try do what i can, in the end its Allah's decision:smile:

Salaam
You are best to find another woman. Remember you are a man be one. Your wife should be loyal and supportive not critical of your appearance. What would Muhammad (PBUH) do if one of his wives said that they don't like his beard and want him to shave it off?

Also, if you give females an inch they will take a foot and before long you wont have a leg to stand on.

Im sorry brother, i dont think thats a good way to educate others. i prefer to lead by example, not use force eventhough im correct.
i prefer to have a wife that is not afraid to share their opinions with me, not the ones who just follow everything i say.;D

we should give respect to our sisters. They are humans too.. not just mindless robots who follow any decision we make.

 

[Jalal~]

if you read the tafsir ibn Kathir, surah 4 verse 119 explains why the beard is fard.

but anyways, you want to find a way to persuade her in keeping your beard, and you said she doesn't enjoy the bushiness of the beard. i think the best strategy as someone else mentioned would be to not bring it up at all and just keep on growing it. you don't want the discussion of the beard to make or even break your marriage.
but when your future wife Insha Allah brings it up, then you could mention the benefits of the beard.

Example:
Fiancee - Why are you still growing the beard? I don't think it looks good on you...
YOU - Maybe it doesn't look good now, but when i give it time to grow, it'll be big, thick, and soft and I'll be more of a man. You don't want to marry a woman do you? [because the more masculine a man looks, the more feminine a woman will act]

OR

you could say it's the sign of a Muslim, and you want to be identified as one every where you go. [of course, she'll say that christian, jews, etc grow beards as well, but you can say that they don't grow it for religion, but just to be a man]

OR

you could mention that if she's patient with you, then she will be rewarded as well for dealing with your facial hair for only a short while until it grows out to become the ultimate beard. so she gets rewarded for basically supporting you in growing a beard, and if she wants extra points, she can oil it and comb it for you, lol. that way, she'll get used to the bushiness, and then eventually she won't mind, insha allah

One thing for sure though, don't bombard her with too many hadiths and Quranic verses. She probably already knows they are there, but she doesn't fully understand the reasons or the benefits from the beard, because she doesn't see how YOU growing a beard will be benefiting her. So if you can find some awesome, yet simple reasons that shows how it can benefit both you, her, and the whole family, then she'll definitely agree.

oh yeah, one more thing dude --> girls love chocolate. make sure not to catch her in a bad/stressed out mood either when your talking to her. you don't want her to associate her bad moods with your growing a beard if that makes sense. just make sure to talk to her when she's in a good mood, im sure you already know this haha.

yea, hope this helped man. have fun and don't let anyone distract you from your deen, be it your wife or children. just keep on pushing forward!

 

[ardianto]

Bro, do you already keep beard, or just will start to grow beard?

 

[Muhaba]

If she accepted you while you had the beard, then i don't see what the problem is. She's already engaged to you and she accepted you already, you don't have to listen to her if she says she doesn't like the beard. Tell her that you won't remove the beard no matter what. But don't say anything about breaking the engagement. If she doesn't want to marry someone who has a beard and threatens to break the engagement, don't take heed. if she goes through with it, then don't be upset about it since you sacrificed her for the sake of the Prophet (SAW).

 

[GuestFellow]

I wonder if he could dye his beard blond. I mean you get some that dye their beard orange. :/

 

[Live2Learn90]

Bro, do you already keep beard, or just will start to grow beard?

Yes im aleady keeping my beard. First time i met her n her family i was clean shaven, few days after ive realised its sunnah (and fard) to keep a beard. So slowly my beard starts to flow. and now after few months she realised i only trimmed my moustache n kept the beard. Hence started this misunderstanding

if you read the tafsir ibn Kathir, surah 4 verse 119 explains why the beard is fard.

but anyways, you want to find a way to persuade her in keeping your beard, and you said she doesn't enjoy the bushiness of the beard. i think the best strategy as someone else mentioned would be to not bring it up at all and just keep on growing it. you don't want the discussion of the beard to make or even break your marriage.
but when your future wife Insha Allah brings it up, then you could mention the benefits of the beard.

Example:
Fiancee - Why are you still growing the beard? I don't think it looks good on you...
YOU - Maybe it doesn't look good now, but when i give it time to grow, it'll be big, thick, and soft and I'll be more of a man. You don't want to marry a woman do you? [because the more masculine a man looks, the more feminine a woman will act]

OR

you could say it's the sign of a Muslim, and you want to be identified as one every where you go. [of course, she'll say that christian, jews, etc grow beards as well, but you can say that they don't grow it for religion, but just to be a man]

OR

you could mention that if she's patient with you, then she will be rewarded as well for dealing with your facial hair for only a short while until it grows out to become the ultimate beard. so she gets rewarded for basically supporting you in growing a beard, and if she wants extra points, she can oil it and comb it for you, lol. that way, she'll get used to the bushiness, and then eventually she won't mind, insha allah

One thing for sure though, don't bombard her with too many hadiths and Quranic verses. She probably already knows they are there, but she doesn't fully understand the reasons or the benefits from the beard, because she doesn't see how YOU growing a beard will be benefiting her. So if you can find some awesome, yet simple reasons that shows how it can benefit both you, her, and the whole family, then she'll definitely agree.

oh yeah, one more thing dude --> girls love chocolate. make sure not to catch her in a bad/stressed out mood either when your talking to her. you don't want her to associate her bad moods with your growing a beard if that makes sense. just make sure to talk to her when she's in a good mood, im sure you already know this haha.

yea, hope this helped man. have fun and don't let anyone distract you from your deen, be it your wife or children. just keep on pushing forward!

true.. first attempt to convince her i bombed her with hadiths and quranic verses..
and i even asked "do you love the prophet?
she said: "yes"
and i asked "dont u want me to have an image following the prophet?"

and then she just went quiet and didnt want to talk to me lolimsad

If she accepted you while you had the beard, then i don't see what the problem is. She's already engaged to you and she accepted you already, you don't have to listen to her if she says she doesn't like the beard. Tell her that you won't remove the beard no matter what. But don't say anything about breaking the engagement. If she doesn't want to marry someone who has a beard and threatens to break the engagement, don't take heed. if she goes through with it, then don't be upset about it since you sacrificed her for the sake of the Prophet (SAW).

Youre right. eventhough she doesnt like my beard. never once she mentioned that she wants to break the engagement, so i guess its not that of a big issue for her (maybe a big issue, but still tolerable)

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Okay so her first impression of you was that you were clean shaven, and she found you attractive that way, and so you kind of just started growing it after she accepted you. Give her time, don't change so drastically, it's not very fair to be honest. Start off with a trimmed beard, not the shaggy long one, the mustache part doesn't have to be shaven off, just trimmed, there's a difference between shaven and trimmed. This is why I asked the context of the hadith where the prophet (saw) said for the mustache to be trimmed and beard to be grown(I do realize this isn't the only hadith concerning beards, however this one specifically mentions the mustache). This was because the persians were influencing the men at that point (they were growing the fancy mustache), and persians are known until this day for they mustaches (look up persian mustache and you'll see). When you read hadith you must also read its context so you have a better idea of what is being said and get the big picture, learn the seerah, this helps immensely. I'm no scholar so feel free to ignore all of that, just putting it out there.

anyway, If you'd had the long beard when she first saw you, she may not have accepted, and of course she isn't going to just break off the engagement, she probably likes you etc and it would be drama if she broke it off over this. However, you shouldn't take advantage of that, it isn't fair, it is almost like forcing her.

so again, give it time and don't be forceful.

my two pesos.

- cOsMiC

 

[ardianto]

Yes im aleady keeping my beard. First time i met her n her family i was clean shaven, few days after ive realised its sunnah (and fard) to keep a beard. So slowly my beard starts to flow. and now after few months she realised i only trimmed my moustache n kept the beard. Hence started this misunderstanding

For this time she is yet ready to accept the change of your physical appearance because she still want to 'enjoy' your handsomeness like the first time when she meet you.

Give her time. Don't force her to accept this 'sudden change'. Insha Allah, slowly but sure, she will able to accept it. Maybe after you marry her.

 

[sohail1234]

No doubt beard has much importance in Islam and sunnah of the prophet Muhammad (S.A.W). I think saying of prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) help you to convince her ask her to study the islam in deep.
The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) said about the importance of Beard

1. (1) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said "I have no connection iwth one who shaves, shouts and tears his clothing eg. in grief or affication."
   - Reported by Abu Darda (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 501
   (2) The teachings of Hadhrat Ammar Bin Yaasir, Abdullah Ibn Umar, Sayyidina Umar, Abu Hurairah and Jaabir (R.A.), indicate that ALL used to keep beards that were one fist length or more. Hadhrat Jaabir (R.A.) had said: "We used to grow long beards and only during Hajj and Umrah did we trim them to the required length (i.e. fist length)."
   (3) Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Umar (R.A.) relates that: "He who imitates the kuffar (non-believers) and dies in that state, he will be raised up with them on the Day of Qiyamat (Judgement)."
   (4) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) says: "Trim closely the moustache, and let the beard flow (Grow)."
   - Narrated Ibn Umar (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 498
   (5) "Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) ordered us to trim the moustache closely and spare the beard" says Ibn Umar.
   - Muslim, Hadith no. 449
   (6) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam)said: "Act against contrary to the polythesists, trim closely the moustache and grow the beard."
   - Reported by Ibn Umar (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 500
   (7) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said "Trim closely the moustache and grow the beard."
   - Reported by Abu Hurairah (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 501
   (8) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: "Anyone who shaves has no claim to the mercy of Allah"
   - Reported by Ibn Abbas (R.A.) in Tibrabi
   (9) Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Umar (R.A.) used to cut that portion (which exceeds the grip of the hand) of the beard.
   - Tirmidhi
   

 

[Abu Loren]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

Dump her and break off the engagement, you will be better off in the long run without any heartaches. If she doesn't understand why a believer has to have a beard then she's not worth it. You have to be cruel to be kind someimes.

 

[mosad655]

Religiously speaking, I think we should be fair and accept that there is (and has always been) a genuine disagreement among scholars when it comes to growing a beard. Some hold the stance that it is mandatory, some that it is sunnah and no more. The latter stance is especially widespread among the Shafii school of jurisprudence. I would link you, but I am not allowed to do so yet on this forum.. All though, the hadith that say a man should grow his beard are true, it is NOT clear whether this is a reccomended act or an islamic command. Scholars truly disagree on their interpretation of these ahadith. And when there is genuine ikhtilaf on a subject in Islam, we are as muslims are completely free to follow whichever stance we find more convincing. This means that noone can walk up to a clean shaven muslim man, point at his face, and say that he lacks facial hair and that what he is doing is haram. Doing so is wrong, as there is no such thing as a "haram" stance when the source are educated islamic scholars. In such cases of ikhtilaf, ALL stances acked up by their respective scholars are legitimate. We have to be more open and accept this difference in our ummah.

With that being said, regardless of whichever ulamaa you follow on this stance, I think you should leave this women. If she simply refuses to accept the way you chose to look, it just shows that her liking you ultimately is more physical than it is an emotional attraction. If your looks are THAT important to her, to such degree that you growing a beard turns her perception of you and your relationship with her up side down, then I think you should cancel the engagement and leave her. What happens when you perhaps grow in age and go bald? Will she require of you that you get a hair transplant? It's not a stable relationship, and you should leave a women who is THAT obsessed with looks.

 

[Tauheed123]

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

From The Hadiths I Have Read, Keeping A Beard Is Wajib Or Fard And Trimming It Is Haraam. In Sha Allah I Can Send You The Links To The Hadiths. Hope This Helps . I'll Make Dua For You In Sha Allah

 

[Karl]

When the Germanic barbarians were conquered by the Romans and became slaves or joined the legion they had to cut off their beards and long hair and be clean shaved. Sometimes they were allowed to have a small moustashe
it was a sign of subjugation. Do you want your wife to do the same to you? Are you are mouse or a Muslim?
These Heathens would not let a woman tell them what to do, it took a massive army of Romans to make them cut their beards off!

 

[Ahmad H]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

This one quote changed me and made me want to keep a beard because of learning the severity of not keeping one:

“Abu Hurayrahra reported that the ruler of Yemen, appointed by the Persian emperor Khusraw, sent two envoys to the Messengersa. When they came into his presence, he noticed that they had shaved their beards and let their moustaches grow big. Being disgusted by their appearance, hesaturned his face away and said, “Woe be to you, who told you to do so?” They replied: ‘Our lord (Khusraw) did.’ The Prophetsa responded: ‘But my Lord, Exalted and Glorified be He, has commanded me to spare my beard and trim my moustaches.’ – Tafsīr Ibn Jarīr of Imām atTabarī

This was enough for me to seriously consider keeping a beard despite what others told me about how it looked. Ask her if she would like you to have the Holy Prophet (saw) seem disappointed in you because you did not keep a beard. Let her know it is more important to follow him than to follow what she says. She should love the Holy Prophet (saw) more than you. So she should understand it from this point of view, if she is truly a sincere Muslim. Not that I am questioning her without knowing her. I am just saying this is how you should put it to her. Facts are facts. And sincerity is shown through actions and deeds.

 

[sunnyhayat]

Is it necessary to keep untrimmed beard or one can trim it to manageable size?

 

[Scimitar]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

Walakum salaam,

Once you're married, she hasn't got a say in the matter just agree and nod for the time being.

You're face, you're right to do with it as you please.

Scimi

EDIT: I think there is too much opinion here, when really I think a little "tact" would suffice.

Women always say things and their hearts always change - it's real easy bro, just nod and agree, then after marriage, slowly grow one out.

If she complains, explain that other girls are hitting on you, and thus, you are growing it to protect your imaan I'm sure she'll agree at that point

Gotta know how to play the game is all

Women who want husbands to look all gangnam style is just looooool