Coping with Depression, stress and anger

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Re: Wallahi I Cant Take It Anymore

Assalam-u-alaikum

There were times when I was in a state where I thought of suicide and self-harm. But I never went through it, although I did made plans in my head. Never implemented them b/c harming oneself isn't allowed in Islam. Suicide is forbidden and the mere thought of hanging myself grasping for breath, with a strong rope around my beautiful neck that never did anyone any harm, is just wrong.

Anyways. The way to move out of this state is to have company of the faithful inshaallah. You did the right thing by posting here. If you are a sister, send me a private message and I shall be your friend and provide you suppport as well as introduce you to the good sisters in my life inshaallah. If you are a brother, send me a private message and I shall introduce you to my Fiance. He is a great person and a well respected member of this forum. Also, I shall introduce to the practising brothers I know. It would be healthy to have online buddies like this, inshaAllah.

Oh, one more advice. Start looking and get married soon. It helps a lot. Just get your act together and start looking inshaallah.

May Allah Subhannah Wa Taalah protect and guide you, Amin
Assalam-u-alaikum
 
Re: Wallahi I Cant Take It Anymore

Assalam-u-alaikum

I read the posts. Seems to me you have a crush on this guy. Anyways. If parents dislike the guy that is not reason enough not to marry him. But at the same time you need to act a bit more mature inshaallah. Learn more about islam and see where you stand inshaAllah. I am not going to ask you not to pursue the brother but at the same time I must ask you to sit down and seriously look at your intentions. Do you wish to marry him for the sake of getting better in Islam and to please Allah Subhannah Wa Taalah? Are you sure the feelings you have for him have some concrete basis and not just a ploy of Satan? I mean people may love and admire each other for several reasons. Do you believe that its his islamic character that makes you feel you should marry him or is it just his looks or the way he smiles etc? I mean if you believe that he is the right guy for you from Islamic viewpoint than the whim of the parents shouldn't stand in your way inshaallah. But if you are just being childish about him, then its a problem and you should listen to your parents inshaallah. I hope this advice helped and I hope that I gave the right advice inshaallah.

Take care
Kind Regards
Assalam-u-alaikum
 
Re: Wallahi I Cant Take It Anymore

I hate to be so frank ( not really - i don't ) but all i have to say is...

..harden up.

As for your dad, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, Make dua for him.
 
Re: Wallahi I Cant Take It Anymore

Assalamu Alaikum

If you have 500 coursework to get done, do about 36 a day. By the time the two weeks are up, you'd have finished all of it. Excel in that Inshallah.

You're father being ill, May Allah grant him shifaa ameen. One of the worst things a person can do is to blame themselves or feel sorry for something that's not in their hands. This is through Allah's will and you can only turn to Allah for help and accept it.

You said you loved someone. Well, if that person is causing you so much stress, I'm sure you can hold off on that just a bit longer, till your mind gets cleared up, because even if you do marry him, you're still dragging all the other problems in the relationship. Hold off on a love a bit longer inshallah. Pray istikhara.

And lastly, don't hurt yourself. Dont EVER hurt yourself. I'm not going to say "try" not to hurt yourself, im going to say DON'T DO IT. By harming yourself, not only are you destroying your outer body and scarring it, you're destroying your mind as well and your way of thinking, plus you are doing it for your own desires against Allah subhana wa ta'ala's words.

There are two things you have control over right now, (1) Getting your coursework done, because no one else is going to do it for you. (2) Strengthening your iman. Stay in dhikr and pray inshallah. That should Inshallah get your mind off of other things, which right now you need that.

Fi aman Allah
w'salaam
 
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I need help

Since i was 12 ive suffered from extreme shyness, it has affected me my whole life , throughout my school life and my work life ,I am 25 years old and when i always have been the quiet person , i dont want to be quiet its just my shyness stops me from joining in , no one will say bad things about me in fact when it comes to helping others i volunteer my self and am not shy. I do speak to a few people at work a few hellos here and there.I do have friends outside of work where i am a completely different person, im still quiet but i can have a laugh i can make jokes and that. If they were to see me at work they would be shocked to see me so quiet and if work colleagues saw me out of work ,they would be shocked as well. It is like i am two people in one body always going from one state to another , i dont wanna be super confident , i just wanna be normal, and i hate people that feel sorry for me. When i look into the mirror i hate my self and i think i am a really bad person.I really put my self down, I am practising and know it is bad for me to feel like this.,Now that i am getting older im finding it a bit harder, Can any one advise me Jazakallah.
 
Re: I need help

:sl:

I would like to assure you that you can to a considerable extent change the negative aspects of your personality and that you can be more like the social person you would love to be. This doesn’t at all mean that you have a bad personality; on the contrary I personally consider shy people to be somehow closer to Allah and are always considerate about other peoples’ feelings, which is highly preferred in Islam.

Avoidant personality symptoms:

  • Being hurt by criticism or disapproval.
  • Having no close friends.
  • Reluctance to becoming involved with people.
  • Avoiding activities or occupations involving interpersonal contact.
  • Shyness in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong.

I would advise you dear brother to:

1)Search deeply into your soul and find out your strengths, highlight them and appreciate yourself for them.

2)Search for what is causing you to think low of your self and deal with it.
For example; if you think you are too fat or your nose is too big.
I would like to tell you that even the prettiest models and movie stars don’t consider themselves as beautiful as other people perceive them.

So learn to concentrate more on your strengths and good qualities of the soul rather than the outer aspects or your looks. A big portion of beauty is in the soul.

3)Learn how to perform da’wa with other people as a muslim brothers:
This will certainly give you the drive you need to talk to people for Allah’s sake and not even caring what they think about you. Your only concern will become to guide people to the right track and to love them whatever they think of you.

4) Individual follow up with a trustable psychotherapist can help you to deal with it one step at a time following a gradual habituation program that can encourage you towards more social interaction. It would be very efficient if you could find a muslim therapist who is familiar with da’wa and at the same time teach you the borders of socializing concerning muslim brothers specially with women.

So firstly dear brother your haya’a is to a great extent considered a virtue in Islam, being provided by it doesn’t prevent you from adequate social interaction.

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, (PBUH) "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya' (This word "Haya'" covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self respect, modesty, bashfulness, and scruple, etc. Its predominant meaning is: pious shyness from committing religious indiscretions) is a part of faith."

And secondly extreme shyness and timidity are changeable to a great extent. Of course you won’t turn into an outgoing completely social personality, which is not preferred anyway, but you will learn to deal with your embarrassments in social situations and will learn to be more comfortable with people.

Lastly I would like to advise you to smile always:
The warm hearted social smile could make a lot of people love you, open up to you and proceed to come and talk to you.

If you monitor yourself in a social event, you might find out that your social anxiety is causing you to frown, which automatically repulses people away.
So concentrate on that warm hearted loving smile and you will sense a big difference in sha’a Allah.

Don’t hesitate to ask for any guidance through your way to improving yourself . We will always be here for you InshAllah.

Hope it will be help for you, InshAllah!

:w:
 
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Re: I need help

Asalaam alaykum. I think it is a problem of self esteem. Since you put yourself down and think you are a bad person when you look in the mirror. What I suggest is to do something you would enjoy doing and excel in it to gain some confidence. I think working out will build your confidence. Having a six pack really makes me fell good (when I had one)... And for those who do not have fat around their belly it takes like 2-3 months to get six pack. Or you can join a martial arts place and make friends and have fun wrestling and learning how to fight. That is fun and you will feel good afterwards. It can give you are really great work out and builds confidence. The way I see it people join organizations, make teams, volunteer all to make themselves feel good and contribute to society... You can start by going to the masjid and meeting some brothers there. I find in the masjid the brothers can be really friendly and welcoming. They always have meetings, halaqas, and social gatherings at masjid...If you want bring a friend along...you get a lot of reward inshaAllah.
 
Re: I need help

isn't shyness something to do with not having enough social interaction in early childhood? How would socialising more help to overcome that? I mean you'd still feel shy when trying to socialise right? How can psychotherapists teach a person to make conversation etc?

I have a prob with strangers too. :embarrass
 
Re: I need help



I seek refuge in Allah (The One God) from the Satan (devil) the cursed, the rejected

With the name of ALLAH (swt) -The Bestower Of Unlimited Mercy, The Continously Merciful


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)


&&&

nightstar said:
Since i was 12 ive suffered from extreme shyness....i just wanna be normal,
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i can relate myself with ur post . I think ,we are introverts ; so we have limited freinds . I don't think , it's anything abnormal . Why we have to talk a lot with other people ???

If u can talk to others about imp matters , can express urself , can do a job ( perform ur duties properly ) ...i see no problem with u :)


 
feel like a looser!!!

Salam all ,I am getting really feed up and feel 2 b honest like a looser :cry: I been tryibg 2 start a family for the past 8-9 months and it s getting me really upset now any advice
 
Re: feel like a looser!!!

Salamualikum.
Dearest what is wrong with you?
In what way are you feeling like a looser?
Has someone said you are a looser?
Are you feeling stressed because you can't do things?
Is there someone or something bothering you that you feel like you can't attempt it?
Have you set any targets for your self in life?
Do you think Allah is testing you and we all feel like loosers because we haven't met our aspiration yet?
Isn't it best to recite Qura'an?
Don'y you think you should do whats best for you and never give up because theres always hope?
Don't you think if you put your head up and chin theres always a will?
Isn't it best to ask for forgivness from Allah?
Being a losser, is not a word in our sense why? because this life is a test and we are trying our best to attempt our goal and striving for taqwa. If you sincerly don't think your doing well then you must have something in your mind and heart which has broken you apart so hence you MUST never gave up and always say YES you can do it and your NOT a looser!
Many people can not do what YOU can do, but doesn't mean their loosers but it means there TRYING. TRY sis always try harder never give up!

Smile and never be upset allah is with you ALWAYS! turn to your lord, walk towards your lord and he runs towards YOU yes YOU my beloved sister!
Ma'assalama
 
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Re: feel like a looser!!!

salaam
I been tryibg 2 start a family for the past 8-9 months
Click to expand...
you mean trying for a baby or getting married? sorry i'm a bit thick!
Make du'a to allah SWT and inshallah allah will make things easy for you sis
:)
[94.5] Surely with difficulty is ease.
[94.6] With difficulty is surely ease.
wa salaam
 
Re: feel like a looser!!!

Sis was Ibrahim, peace be upon him, a loser? Far from it!!

Sister if you can't have a family or if it's taking time then know that no muslim faces sorrow except that it will cleanse it's sin, INSHAALLAH.

 
Re: feel like a looser!!!

sister-aisha said:
Make du'a to allah SWT and inshallah allah will make things easy for you sis
:)
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Salamualikum.
Amin Thumma Amin Ya Rabbil Alameen.

Sis nevver give up, inshallah you have and will have a caring family.

Inshallah can you elaborate more like sis Aisha asked because is it your hunting for a child or are you having an specific problems with your man or parents?

Also, on a serious note why do you think your a looser? Have you got asny smypathy for your self? do you honestly respect your self?

Ma'assalama
 
Re: feel like a looser!!!

:sl:

Am I understanding you correctly in that you're feeling bad because you've been trying to have children but it's not working?

Well, I've yet to experience a married life, but what I can tell you is that you don't have to start worrying about anything yet. It might not be from your side, it could be from his, and there might not even be a problem in the first place, or if there is, maybe just a minor one. What I would suggest is that both of you go see doctors about this problem and maybe there's something that can be done, if it even needs doing.

As for the emotional aspect, don't jump to conclusions until you know something about this. All you know by now is that you've been trying something for a few months and it hasn't worked, there are lots of reasons for that. You might not want to hear this, but let's look at the worst case scenario: you or your husband can't have kids. What's so bad about that? It's the 21st century -- adopt! There are millions of wonderful innocent children all over the world without parents, looking for anyone to take them and care for them. If that's your rizk from Allah and your destiny, so be it, it's not a bad one at all. And if anyone is making you feel like a "loser" as you put it for not being able to conceive, then they either don't understand the process of conception, or they're jumping to conclusions while at the same time looking for someone to blame, and that's not very healthy.

That's the worst case scenario anyway, and insha-Allah it won't be the case. But either way, go the the doc with your husband and see what this is all about.
 
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Re: feel like a looser!!!

nadia85 said:
baby
Click to expand...

Salamualikum.
Ah. That sux am very sorry to hear that Ukthi :cry:

Is it because your always menstrating? or is it beacuse some other issues?

You and your man need to see the doctor because maybe it's him and not you who's kinda 'ill'. i extreamly suggest both of you to go for a check up. Sis also it has been ony some few months thats not much. Many people have been trying for years and years but still no sign you need to have sabr and take it easy. You may want to have someone else's kid 'Adoption' maybe not but this isn't a big deal sis just chill. Atleast you still have your man right? be happy with him

Sis i have got a friend whos sister couldn't have any kids and was very upset about this issue, she always used to cry and never used to feel like going out and when she see's a little child she just cries loudly and wouldn't even eat because thats how much she loves kids but couldn't have any. Subhnallah look at her now she has a baby who is 1 1/2 years old, even though he is Premature and has a very slight vision on his left eye and doesn't eat as an healthy baby would but alhamdulillah when ever i see her now she is still happy beacuse after soo many years she has had a baby and she is 32years old now so sis don't give up there are medication which you can take and she did take them for a course which didn't help her at all, these tablets which are in chemist and your doctors give so do not work at all TRUST me they don't. Sis have patience inshallah you will have a health baby, chin up be happy and never let your self feel bad and don't call your self a looser just because you can't have a kiddo thats sickning call your self a looser it isn't your fault now is it?

Think about it, many people out there still are sooo old and can't have babies. Your not the only one, have a happy life don't stress because of this issue talk to your personal advicer and inshallah have sabr.

May allah subhwnatallah give you a beautiful, health baby inshallah.

Take it easy, don't stress your self about this co-incidence just relax and inshallah ina few years or something you will have a beautiful baby inshallah :)

Ma'assalama
 
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Re: feel like a looser!!!

salamualikum

Just want to remind everyone, please don't push too much things on her, and inshallah it would be better if this moves in the sisters section for the sister to get some good relevent advice and she would feel much better there inshallah, and talk in detail :)

Ma'assalama
 
Re: feel like a looser!!!

thanxs kittygal we went to the docs and she said everything seems ok I am 21 my husbands 37 she evan said it can take up 2 3 years and it s normal but stil i get worried
 

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