Culture clashes

  • Thread starter Thread starter Salahudeen
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nature said:
I get what your saying, and actually its no different from the culture i come from, apart from, you actually dont mind cleaning ?? Most of the housewifes i know, they get sick of the husband making demands in the kitchen and not helping out. Even wen the kids come along, shes expected to get the meals out etc, also what happens if the wife is ill ?? Think long term, theres no harm in a bloke learning to do the basics or even give his wife a break on a weekend.

personally i think its a 2 way thing, just cos its part of culture we come from, doesnt mean we cant change it does it ?? Cooking is great, but us girls dont wana be stinking of chip pan oil all the time, its nice to have a bit of help rather than get taken for granted, and c'mon is it really worth the nagging in the future ?

you know what you want, so there is nothing that any1 will say, that will change your thoughts.

good luck
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No I don't mind, cleaning is something I enjoy and find therapeutic, so I don't mind if my wife doesn't like cleaning I can handle that department, well I would be open to helping her out as working together on something even the smallest of things brings you closer together. Well when kids come along that's something totally different, she can't be expected to cook then can she, or when she's ill, I guess in such circumstances it will be take out unless I learn more dishes apart from keema.

It is a 2 way thing I guess, after all a marriage is like a partnership, and there'd be no harm in getting take outs when she don't wanna cook etc actually we have take outs on the weekend all ready in my house so the women take break from cooking.
 
Wow

I'm utterly speechless, may Allah extend His kindness to all of us, seems no one wanna give up
 
which country in the west indies is she from? curry and roti is a big part of the culture in some West indian countries
 
S_87 said:
which country in the west indies is she from? curry and roti is a big part of the culture in some West indian countries
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I don't think it's relevant anymore since it wasn't the only issue on which we rejected each other, we mutually rejected each other based upon other issues too. However they weren't cultural in nature.
 
Salahudeen said:
It is a 2 way thing I guess, after all a marriage is like a partnership,
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Im glad you said that!

I know loads of blokes who never stepped inside the kitchen when single only 2 never get out of it after marriage,..who knows maybe one day your wife can teach you how to cook other dishes apart from keema. :D



may allah grant you a wife that is best for you in this life and the hereafter.
 
Salahudeen said:
I don't think it's relevant anymore since it wasn't the only issue on which we rejected each other, we mutually rejected each other based upon other issues too. However they weren't cultural in nature.
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I was suspecting other issues were present such as in-law problems that are much more serious than cooking, cleaning, or learning a language.

I actually think you are very flexible and thoughtful with your offer to assist with household chores. Personally, I rather cook than clean any day.
 
I have my own house and I still hate to clean it.

Which reminds me, I should really vacuum tomorrow...

..but I bet I won't. :D
 
^ Salaam,

I hate cleaning, though I find it easy. I can clean the entire house without difficulty.
 
Salaam, Guestfellow.

Cleaning isn't hard, as you said. It's just finding the time and motivation to do it.
 
:sl:

nature said:
& those sisters get treated like doormats, cos they feel indebted to the bloke for a passport. ! Its sad really.
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Ukhti, not everyone is like that. I'm sure brother Salahudeen or brother Perseveranze wouldn't treat their wives like doormats. They seem like brothers who would care for their wives actually.
 
Just a Guy said:
Salaam, Guestfellow.

Cleaning isn't hard, as you said. It's just finding the time and motivation to do it.
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Salaam,

Motivation is not hard for me either. I hate it when the house is in a mess, especially clutter. I can't study if my room is in a mess. :/
 
Actually, brother Salahudeen reminds me a lot of myself. Except that I'm an older paler version... ;D

Guestfellow, I'm far too lazy to have any motivation to do anything resembling work. It is one of my shortcomings.

Salaam
 
Perseveranze said:
You know, this is why some Muslim men (from asian backgrounds) marry from back home LOL
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lol bro, I think even if you marry from back home you are not guaranteed to get the type of person you want as people are individuals with varying traits
I've heard all sorts of stories from men who got married back home also, I really believe every person should be assessed on a case by case basis. and the advantages should be weighed against the disadvantages, we may have to compromise on a couple of things we desire in a wife, but there could be a whole list of other things we like in her.

And plus I don't really see it working out with a woman from back home since I was raised here, we'd have nothing in common apart from food and language. I think the environment you're raised in plays a big part on the type of people you're compatible with. Maybe if I was raised over there and I came here when I was older I'd prefer it to get married back home but that's not the case. I've never really clicked with anyone from back home also, I instantly click with people from here.

Ideally if I can find a british raised girl who is similar to me, I can see more chance of success. I'd rather compromise on things and get married to a girl from here rather than back home. Because I've been around people from back home and I do feel like an alien amongst them except for my family. Infact even around my own family sometimes, they call me the gora of the family for some reason ^o)
 
nature said:
& those sisters get treated like doormats, cos they feel indebted to the bloke for a passport. ! Its sad really.
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Hey sis, I understand some men take it too far to the point the wife becomes a slave and nothing more, i.e they don't show much love and affection, just "Woman do this" "woman do that" however some women from over there, may believe this is the way husband and wife should be so they don't see it as them selves getting treated like doormats, they look at it as if, "this is how a wife should be". Because they were raised in such a way by their mother and father to all ways be obedient to the husband no matter what.

And I don't believe there's anything wrong with a wife having this belief, however the problem comes when the men take advantage and do not fulfill her rights. So they take, take, take and never give anything in return.
 
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Ok, I have a question now...

Is there a noticable difference between Muslims raised in Western society and Muslims raised in a traditional Islamic society? Being new to Islam, I have yet to notice the subtle differences in individuals from various backgrounds.
 
nature said:
& those sisters get treated like doormats, cos they feel indebted to the bloke for a passport. ! Its sad really.
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Asalaamu Alaikum,

That is not true in all cases, though I can understand what you mean. It is due to a lack of understanding of Deen and more down to cultural influence.


Flame said:
:sl:



Ukhti, not everyone is like that. I'm sure brother Salahudeen or brother Perseveranze wouldn't treat their wives like doormats. They seem like brothers who would care for their wives actually.
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Asalaamu Alaikum,

I apologise if I gave the wrong impression with my statement. I meant to simply say that "some" people can be very pickey and thus settle for marrying from "home". Though much of this is also culturally influenced.

As for treating women, I'm thankful to Allah(swt) for being more influenced by the teachings of Islam than my culture and pray Inshallah that it would be the same for everyone else.
 
Just a Guy said:
Salaam, Guestfellow.

Cleaning isn't hard, as you said. It's just finding the time and motivation to do it.
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It actually feels good and pleasing when you see the end result. When things are a mess I feel unorganized and cluttered, I end up putting things off until everything is tidy and clean cos then I feel organised and efficient. I also get depressed when the place is a mess I've noticed this, I don't feel good, however when everything is clean I feel in a good mood. Weird I know.
 

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