Cursed By Allah

[anonymous]

Can you be cursed/punished in such a way that you are given a huge fitna (trial) that you are unable to pass?

I don't know what I've done exactly to earn this, but I think I've been cursed in such a way that I cannot stop this sin no matter how hard I try. I feel this fitna is a curse for me to accumulate major sins - hence ruin everything.

This fitna I''m talking about is my mother, she has become the greatest fitna in my life and I hate it, I absolutely despise this fact that my own mother is a fitna for me. She has become so difficult to respect because of her habits and behaviour and my own intolerence - this leads me to sin hugely, which then affects everything in my life and akhira. I feel I'm soo badly cursed, the fact that this fitna is my own mother and I'm with her almost 24/7. I'd take any other fitna, any, just not that of my own parents who by my sins I not only affect myself but her as well. God I hate this!!! My relationship with her is deteriorating, she constantly swears at me and I think bad of her and curse her from the inside, she even prays that Allah curses me.

I just cannot get along with her, I've prayed and prayed for every single possible way for things to change, I know she can't change her horrible ways but I'm willing to change 100%. I've been able to stop many of my previous sins, this is where I hit a dead end and feel I'm being held back at. The worst thing is that I'm a muslim that tries to practice islam as much as I can and now I've hit rock bottom with one of the worst most major sins in islam. Slowly I'm becoming a hypocrite.

Truly I feel the curse of Allah is upon me that I want to strive in the path of Allah yet I'm given the worst of fitna on earth and no apparent way out.

Its been years this sin has been holding me back, preventing me from achieving in the dunya and akhira, I can't stop it, it only seems to get worse, I cannot move away from her cause then I'll get punished more. Even if she dies I'll be cursed even more because I was unable to respect her. I feel theres no way out for me. I can no longer progress and reach my potential. I feel I'm destined to Hell. God Almighty!

Please brothers, sisters, make dua for me, that Allah eases this fitna for me or gives me a permanent solution. I won't mind even becoming disabled so that I'm physically unable to disrepect her, I'm already loosing everything in life, I don't want to lose out in the akhira

I hate this dunya :heated:

 

[Beardo]

Allah Ta'ala will never give you more than you can bear.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

usually with other people if someone was having trouble with them, i would advise to just keep their from them distance in the case where they were getting harassed, etc. but this is your mother and you cant do that.

i think the trick is to try to understand her, not be hasty to judge her, be paitence with her. you will find when you this happens, then inshallah she will change as well. i think the trick also is, is to show that you are on "her side." that you agree with her and that you are there for her. you know when they say kindness kills, it really does. im not saying you should be kind to her with ill intent but that saying in powerful and it tells that when you become stubborn with someone you can guarantee that it will be reciprocated and likewise when you are kind to someone it will also be reciprocated. im not saying that every last of your opinions should resemble hers because she is your mother, but for example when she has an idea you may not agree with, just praise her for it and tell her what a great idea it is and if you dont think it is so practical or will harm her in some way, tell her so gently.

dont ever underestimate the your mother by thinking her ideas are bad but rather encourage them even when you dont agree with them. dont dismiss them so easily because they make no sense to you....it doesn't matter that is something your mother for her own reasons, feels the need to do-dont take it from her.

mothers are cute. they annoy you intentionally sometimes becuase they want a reaction they do other such silly things but you shouldn't take them at face you and base your opinions about your mother based on them for the simple reason that what they intent isn't how it may be coming across.

when they reach old age, they need much more care and understanding becuase all those "annoying" little things they do may just be a result of old age. sometimes they are forced to do something becuase they have no other choice and feel that that is the best to you and there are such similar reasons why they do things we disagree with.

anther thing to take into consideration is how you personally are. perhaps it is that you are the one the one misunderstanding her?

i feel the best way that one should improve their relationship with someone, is to constantly be around and interact with them. the lack of this will have an affect on the relationship becuase you're not around them enough to understand them.
if you have ever lived with people, you will realize that you can almost read their minds and know when they are saying things in joke or when they are serious becuase of your time with them you have grew to understand them whereas a stranger may not be able to identify the difference so easily.

if she really is violating your rights and you feel that you truly have a point, then the best way is to still be kind to her. mothers dont know force, they know gentleness ...if that doesn't work, get an elder/imam to speak to her.

the key is paitence...keep striving and soldiering on. the best way is to to soften your heart towards your mother is to think of something you personally like and accept that that is what she most likely would of had to give up for you to raise you. she put you before her own desires.

once you grow up and have your own kids, you will notice that you will resemble and treat your kids how your mother treated you. you will see the wisdom behind it. if you can just hold out with patience, wallahi you will see its many fruits and your situation will ease...there will be times where your hardship reaches such a peak that you feel that you are on the brink of disobedience then there will be a time after that where your hardship will "loosen" and you will feel tranquil and relaxed...so its not all hardship and pain.

 

[Ramadhan]

Dear my fellow brother/sister in Islam,

let's remember what Allah SWT says in the Qur'an: let's make sabr and sholat as our helper
(I cannot remember the exact verse from the top of my head).

Everything in the world is a test from Allah SWT, and the fact that you still realize it is as a test shows that Allah SWT wants to increase your status in the akhirah.
Please be patient for this dunya is nothing but temporary and illusion.

Your story actually reminds me of myself, but with the roles somewhat reversed. For many years, I was a muslim only in a name and I made many many many mistakes.
My mother who is an exceptionally good muslim kept making dua for me to go back to the right path after she performed every single sholat.
Even when things seemed really bleak, she was very steadfast; when some of relatives suggested her to go to dukun/orang pintar (Indonesian for 'gifted person"/clairvoyant) to rid me from shaytaan (my relatives believed that my behaviour was very much influenced by shaytaan), she refused, because she believed that it would lead to shirk.
Alhamdulillah after those years Allah SWT has mercy on me and differences between truths and falsehoods were made very clear for me.

I will make dua for you that Allah SWT ease your burden. Amiin.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam ;

it's not normal to have such a bad relationship with mom. Could it be possible that someone has done any black magic ?

Keep praying and praying . Remember

"With every hardship, comes ease. Verily, with hardship comes ease." (94:5-6)

 

[anonymous]

Salaam ;

it's not normal to have such a bad relationship with mom. Could it be possible that someone has done any black magic ?

Keep praying and praying . Remember

"With every hardship, comes ease. Verily, with hardship comes ease." (94:5-6)

no its not, thats why I feel I'm cursed

people who do not have such a relationship with their mothers are blessed, cause they can then recieve the blessings of her and Allah

My mum is single and has been through alot, because of this her attitudes and behaviour have deteriorated, she is a really complex extremely difficult type of person to deal with, she can create problems, tensions and arguments out of no where, she has the same issues with her family and everyone. Anyone she deals with whether its her father, brother, sister, even people like builders will get fustrated at her and will end up swearing at her and having arguments with her. She screams at shouts at others for no reason, thinking she has the right to do it and expect no reaction from others. When she gets into problems with her family or friends, she gets me involved and tries to get me argue with others. She is an extremely fustrating person to deal with, I haven't become intolerent just like that, over the years some of the stuff I've had to deal with - unbelievable, cause of this I've lost most of my respect for her and now my heart has become hardened towards. I feal irratated just being around her, I know she will kick up an issue or an argument out of nowhere.

I prayed and prayed for every possible solution, I've prayed that she gets married so that someone can control her and support, take her tensions and stress off her back. But again because of her laziness it doesn't work, its been 3 years she's been trying to get married, but she refuses to pray to Allah but still expects results.

I've prayed that I can change myself in anyway possible; become more tolerent, have more love for her, be able to control my tongue when speaking to her. I've prayed that Allah guides her so that she might practice islam and sort herself out. But still nothing, I feel trapped, I know I can't give up cause then I'm screwed in the akhira, but then I see no solution. Things might work for a few weeks but then something has to come and ruin it.

Please brothers and sisters make dua for me and her

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^in all honesty, it sounds like she has a lot on her shoulders that have built up over the years that she has trouble sorting them out. those arguments that come from no-where maybe based on something her own mind has created...tou will often find that misunderstandings people have are simply due to the 2 parties seeing the same thing in 2 different ways, expect they express their thoughts in an odd manner causing arguments to arise. perhaps try to befriend her so that she has someone to talk to about her problems about that she could get help from.

you will notice that those issues that annoy you about your mother will disappear once you become more kind to her.

is anyone forcing her to get married? perhaps this is why she doesn't want to make dua because she doesn't want to get married?

 

[cat eyes]

this is mental illness your mother has. this is not normal. you need to get her to a doctor. shes showing all the signs of it

btw you are not cursed, when a person is mentally ill it effects all the people around them. a sick person does not care whom there hurting.

i wouldn't talk back to your mother either. this will anger Allah and you might end up getting cursed. so take good care of your mother.

take her to the doctor.. get her checked out. please do something. do not delay it or you will continue to hurt yourself and her and this is not going to solve anything

 

[Snowflake]

Wallahi your post made me sad. May Allah grant you relief from this trial. Ameen.
Parents are the hardest trial of all, and the mother more so. But despair is not for believers.
When it seems there is nothing you can do to change the situation, then remember the virtues of duaa.
There is nothing that cannot change with duaa and ibadah. But those acts have to be the sort that will bring
Allah's mercy and blessings come pouring down on you like a downpour in a thunder storm.



Hadith Qudsi 25:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said: Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask something of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.

It was related by al-Bukhari.

The servant who forsakes his sleep to make sujood to his Lord in the dead of the night his tears falling unstoppably - the one who engages himself in obligatory prayers with such love and devotion for Allah that the duniya becomes a blur - the one who when in anguish still utters 'al hamdulillah al hamdulillah I accept whatever you have willed for me my Rabb' - will the Merciful and Kind ignore his pleas? Never. Allah is Al-Awwal and Al-Akhir. There is no one else to turn to. Qul Hu wallaahu Ahad! So do everything you can inshaAllah to take you to the stage that Allah mentions in His beautiful speech above. Never does Allah fail in (His) promise. (Surat az-Zumar: 20

May Allah be with you. Ameen.

 

[Ali_008]

your story really is sad. I can understand how disgusting it gets when you're very furious over something and you can't do anything to vent it. I have a couple of close ones with such an attitude and I keep searching for answers myself. No matter how much I try to support one of them, ultimately when things go bad even a little, I become the villain of their lives and they totally reject all the struggle I'm going through only to please them. This has kept my mind occupied in such a way that at the age of 20, i have high bp and i've lost weight. I'm just going away and away from Jannah coz I'm not coming out successful in any of the tests

 

[roohani.doctor]

aww your post was heartbreaking. Parents esp mothers should be that light of your day...it's hard to imagine having a mom like yours.

I wish you all the best and inshallah inshallah Allah will hear your dua'a and bless you and your mom and have mercy on both of you.

Like cat eyes said, plz do try to get her so see the doctor/therapist as soon as you can. You yourself said she has been thru a lot and it has obviously affected her. She needs to sort out her problems one by one and only an actually doctor can help her out.

I really admire the fact that you have continued to say by her side for fear of Allah. Inshallah He will reward you for everything.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Can you be cursed/punished in such a way that you are given a huge fitna (trial) that you are unable to pass?

I don't know what I've done exactly to earn this, but I think I've been cursed in such a way that I cannot stop this sin no matter how hard I try. I feel this fitna is a curse for me to accumulate major sins - hence ruin everything.

This fitna I''m talking about is my mother, she has become the greatest fitna in my life and I hate it, I absolutely despise this fact that my own mother is a fitna for me. She has become so difficult to respect because of her habits and behaviour and my own intolerence - this leads me to sin hugely, which then affects everything in my life and akhira. I feel I'm soo badly cursed, the fact that this fitna is my own mother and I'm with her almost 24/7. I'd take any other fitna, any, just not that of my own parents who by my sins I not only affect myself but her as well. God I hate this!!! My relationship with her is deteriorating, she constantly swears at me and I think bad of her and curse her from the inside, she even prays that Allah curses me.

I just cannot get along with her, I've prayed and prayed for every single possible way for things to change, I know she can't change her horrible ways but I'm willing to change 100%. I've been able to stop many of my previous sins, this is where I hit a dead end and feel I'm being held back at. The worst thing is that I'm a muslim that tries to practice islam as much as I can and now I've hit rock bottom with one of the worst most major sins in islam. Slowly I'm becoming a hypocrite.

Truly I feel the curse of Allah is upon me that I want to strive in the path of Allah yet I'm given the worst of fitna on earth and no apparent way out.

Its been years this sin has been holding me back, preventing me from achieving in the dunya and akhira, I can't stop it, it only seems to get worse, I cannot move away from her cause then I'll get punished more. Even if she dies I'll be cursed even more because I was unable to respect her. I feel theres no way out for me. I can no longer progress and reach my potential. I feel I'm destined to Hell. God Almighty!

Please brothers, sisters, make dua for me, that Allah eases this fitna for me or gives me a permanent solution. I won't mind even becoming disabled so that I'm physically unable to disrepect her, I'm already loosing everything in life, I don't want to lose out in the akhira

I hate this dunya :heated:

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother i do sympathise with your situation but know that many are in similar and worser situations. My brother you should know that you are not cursed in anyway shape or form so do not think that you are cursed. Many of us have difficult family members and close ones but that is a part of life that we have to deal with the best way we can. Rather than looking at this as a curse it may be that Allah is wanting to test your patience for Allah loves it when his slaves are patient through difficult trials and hardships. Therefore you should look at this as a blessing in disguise as Allah only tests those he wants closest to him so the fact he is wanting you close to him is a blessing and you should feel lucky but you should NEVER say to Allah "why me". You must accept his decree and realise that this is a test for you.

Therefore as hard as it may be, be patient as much as you can for your reward is with Allah not with your mother. It may be that if you did bare this with patience for the pleasure of Allah that you may face Allah on the day of judgement with little or no sins and you would wish these trials continued for the rest of your life that is how much reward is up for grabs.

My brother it is shaythan who is wanting to cause resentment in your heart for your mother. You should instead sympathise with her and constantly think of her good side and all of the stress, trials and problems she has been through. This may cause you to look at her in a different light whereby you will sympathise with her and whenever she behaves the way she does then you will look past it becaused you have accepted that your mother is like this because of what a rough life she has. Do not take anything she does to heart. Just accept it as she has become like this because of her own terrible hardships.

She is your dear mother who bore you for 9 months and as hard as it may be to deal with her on a day to day basis you must change your approach towards her. If she behaves in a way you do not like just ignore it and show her love instead or just walk away without saying anything thinking to yourself: "She is my mother and i HAVE to respect her ONLY for the pleasure of Allah". Then everytime you do that you will be rewarded by Allah. Imagine the rewards brother. You have the potential of earning more rewards than most people can forget that 50k job! These rewards are eternal so grab them and keep thinking of her behaviour and anger as potential reward. Think of $$$ everytime she behaves that way towards you and on the day of judgement you will reap the benefits and fruits of your patience. When Ramadan comes than those $$$ will be multiplied even more!

So do it for Allah and you will feel the sweetness of imaan. Do not let your swron eternal enemy shaythan build up resentment and anger in your heart for your mother for he only wants your destruction. Ask of Allah for forgiveness for ever asking him "why me" and for ever disrespecting your mother. Also ask your mother for forgiveness and make much dua for her.

Your mother will not be around forever so also bare this in mind and be the best towards her. Open up to her at times telling her how you feel. If she continues to be the way she is then accept it and grab those rewards and please Allah! Allah loves those who are patient and is with the patient ones. The reward for patience is nothing but PARADISE!

Therefore accept that this is not a curse but a blessing in disguise. Also accept the fact that Allah wants good for you and is testing you to see how patient you would be in order to please him. Grab those HUGE rewards brother and waste no more time. Ramadan is here so increase your worship and desire to be as close to Allah as possible. Remember your VERY lucky to have these tests because you can gain rewards normal people can't so make the best of it!

AND Allah knows best in all matters