Depression - Feeling unsuccessful

[Kmbattaglia05]

Asalam Alaykum,

I always have been optimistic and try to say "hamdillah" for all that Allah has blessed me with ....... but lately I have been a bit down.
I am a 26 years old female convert to Islam, and I have been married for almost 2 years and have a baby on the way - which I thank Allah for every day.

What has been bringing me down is feeling very unsuccessful in life and seeing that I have not accomplished as much as I would have hoped to at this point. I never finished college. I always was stuck working, and only was able to take maybe 2 classes per semester and never fully focus on school. Also the cost of school always took a toll and I never really was able to afford to get out of community college. (Being a convert to Islam, I wasn't too favored by my parents when I was still living at home, so unfortunately they never really helped with school tuition)
I am now 26, married, and have a baby on the way and still cannot afford to finish my college education, due to the fact that I am working full time to help pay bills - and again I cannot afford the $5,000 plus tuition every semester. I have never been able to find a decent job that pays more then $11.00 or $12.00 per hour, which is difficult to live on. My husband is also in a similar situation - he is a Deputy Sheriff, but because of so many cut backs in this job economy, he is only making about $13-$14 per hour.

It just gets discouraging feeling looked down on, and feeling unaccomplished. All of our friends and peers have a good education and are working on Master Degrees and higher - which is wonderful and I am very happy for anyone who was able to succeed! In our community if you don't finish college people tend to not have as much respect for you, and look at you like a failure.
I am always getting asked, "Oh, when are you finishing school?" or "You are still not done yet!!?" and it feels degrading - especially many of these people are younger than me and already are graduated with a good job.
I know it is easy to say STOP comparing yourself with other people, but that is easier said than done when it constantly gets brought up and rubbed in your face.

On top of feeling that insecurity, our finances have been very tight, and we can never really feel at ease with our finances. We both work full time - We live pay check to pay check and are never able to save up any money.

Again, I still say "hamdillah" everyday, and feel blessed that we are healthy and still managing to try to makes ends meet as much as possible on our income. It has just been becoming more and more of an insecurity the older I get. This past year, the whole college thing, and thought that I probably won't ever improve in the job field has been bringing me down a lot. Is there anyone who has been in this situation, and if so how did you overcome?
Thank you!

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam sister,

Don't let other people make you feel low. Try your best always but don't for a second feel any lower than someone who has a college certificate. I personally feel a lot more respect for hard working people like yourself and your husband than a person who has a degree but doesn't work so hard and doesn't face the same struggles.

In sha Allah all your hardship and struggle will pay off on the day of judgement and Allah blesses you and your family with happiness in this world and the next.

 

[Nájlá]

Sister May Allah (swt) reward you for your hard work. Let me tell you now sis. People will always looked down on others. If you don't have a degree, If you have a degree with no job, if the degree is not considered great (doctor etc). That's people for you. So do not let anyone put you down. You are going to have a child soon (congratulation btw ) and this child will need your full time to bring them up. And what is more rewarding than bringing up a child? Let people talk. Allah (swt) knows the hardship you are going through. So turn to him. You can do many things and be successful instead of having to save up thousands for college to gain a basic knowledge of a topic. I personally think some courses don't require you to attend university and you can learn from inside your own home. (Not like wanting to be a doctor of course).

Here is me a university student, I am worrying about how i will pay my fees off after i graduate. Sometimes i wish i didn't go uni and stayed home and developed some of my skills in Art and design and done something with it. Jobs now do not even want a degree, they want experience. You can maybe improve at your job without going uni.

Also know that a lot of successful people in the past and possible now did not even go university. And there are many examples. I do not know sis whether you want to go college to major in a field for a job or that you just want to go and get a degree in any field. If so maybe you would want to check out the Islamic online university? Here

 

[Muhaba]

If you can study on your own, you can do a college course with Penn Foster, an accredited college in America that provides affordable quality self-study courses including degree courses (2 and 4 year degree courses). You can use your previous credits toward your degree as well. Check them out at http://www.pennfoster.edu

Good luck and don't feel so down. I'm sure you've accomplished a lot and learned a lot. Degrees are just pieces of paper so don't worry too much about them.

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum

I am the eldest kid in a family with success father. He was hydrologist engineer who worked for government. His last position was head of the region.

Since I was kid people around me often told me that I should be success like my father. But I had my own dream, become a businessman.

My father passed away when I was 20. Few years later I started my business with money that left by my father, ..... and failed!

I lost many things, big amount of money, cars, house. It's happened after I got married. I tried to build new business, but failed and failed again. I began to depressed and lost my confidence. I still had a dream to build a new business, but there was something that prevent me. I knew, I should start from zero again, and I worry people would look down on me.

One day I read invitation to join in a property broker, and I decided to join them. I was not success at there although I could sell two houses. But there was a beneficial thing that I got there which later change my mindset. Motivation training.

In one motivation training, the trainer told about positive and negative thought that we get from people around us. And I began to realize why I had negative thought about myself.

When we get failed, people with negative thought will tell us "You are loser! you will never get success! blah ....blah ....blah...!. They tell it loud and long. While people with positive thought will motivate us with short word and not loud "Do it better next time. Good luck".

I started to change my mindset. Then I decided to visit my success friends. I met few of them and chat as old friend. I began to realize, they did not look down on me. It gave me a power to stand and walk again.

And I decided to start my career from the basic, start from work as salesman in a company. I was traveling around the city on my motorbike. I had lost my last car in that time. Contrast with my life when I was company owner in my own building, sat behind big desk, rode car, meeting in hotel with other bosses or govt officer. I knew, some people look down on me, but I told myself :I have a wife, I have a kid. They are my responsibility. Will those who look down on me care to my wife and kid?. No!. So why I must care to what they say?"

Alhamdulillah. That was my turning point. Later I could build my own business.

Now, compared with some of my friends, my success is still low. But I don't feel inferior, because at least I can fulfill my family need, can give job to few people, and also can help poor people. It makes me grateful.

One thing we should know, success people actually never look down to other people who failed in their attempt. They know what is success, and they have big respect to people who never give up in their attempt to get success. While those who look down to people who failed in attempt actually those who are not success, or those who live pleasant not because their own success.

So, why must we feel inferior in front of failed people.