Desperate Need of Advice, and Duas

[anonymous]

Bismillah

Assalamu-Alaikum

I've been chaste all my life. However, I have not been able to get married for one reason or another, and Allah knows best the reason. I have tried to be patient in everything, but about three months ago, my heart started shifting and it's like my iman IS barely there.

Despite being a very practicing sister - nafl ibadah - and everything, I took off my hijab about a month ago and am unmotivated to put it back on. I still do nafl and everything, but I still feel so distant from Allah and alienated from everything.

I am also now contemplating dating and zina because I'm now tired of being patient. Please do not advise me for patience because I have been wallahi very patient as much as possible in everything. And also please do not tell me that Allah will give me something better because I know the religion very well, and I will bluntly tell you that nothing moves me anymore.

I feel my heart has broken and now turned cold stone. Despite everything, I have come here to help because I think I need duas and advice - if you have nothing beneficial to say, please don't say anything at all. Thanks in advance for your duas and advice; I may not reply but I will be reading everything IA - jazakumullahu khair.

 

[Alpha Dude]

You will die one day. You don't want it to happen whilst you are doing zina. You don't want the angel of death approaching to extract your soul whilst you are in the middle of that act. Your family members having to bury you and face the shame.

That would be a horrible end. At which point, nothing can be done. You'd be locked in your grave, facing punishment after punishment and horrors unimaginable. With no way out.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Once you lose your chastity you can never get it back. That experience lives with you forever. When you actually do get married and find your husband, it's not going to feel the same because you gave up something that he should have gotten. And if you don't get married, then you will be disgusted with yourself.

Sometimes when I'm going through something very difficult, it's at my breaking point that I have to remind myself this is where the test begins...it's not at the start, it's not in the middle..it's at the end when you're willing to give up and give in to something worse. "There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy."

If it's your sexual drive that's making it difficult, then there's ways to lower your libido, and in fact you may have some kind of hormonal problem that you should get checked out. I don't think a female's sexual drive is meant to be that high that it affects her to this degree..

I think our iman in general fluctuates, so along with ibadaah you should do more in your social life in regards to helping others. There are many ways to increase our iman, but moving away from it only hurts us..you don't want to go to the extent where you sin so badly that it's the extreme regret that wakens your heart and has you turning to Allah. You have to realize it now.

 

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam dear sister,

May Allah swt protect you from harm & all evil Ameen.

I think you need to sit down and try and analyse your life. Identify what has led you to the situation that you are in. What has changed your heart and mind?

If you have tried to get married and have not been successful maybe the method that you have tried is not suited for you? Maybe you need to try another method? Advise your family, friends and elders that you are ready and looking for a potential spouse if this is what you want sis.

You've been patient and demonstrated immense will power, love and determination for your deen Alhamdulilah are you really willing to lose everything in a few days/nights? All those years that you have been patient may amount to nothing because the end result turned into sin so please really think before you make any drastic move.

Why has your heart been broken sis? Please try and identify the problem, find soultion(s) to the problem and rehabilitiate yourself psychology. If you don't know how to heal yourself then please seek professional counsellors help and advice.

Islam has the answers and cures for every problem sis. There is ALWAYS a way out. No matter how low or down you feel know that this feeling/situation will pass and is temporry insha Allah. Jannah is our real home. Please don't let the shaytaan win this battle.

May Allah swt remove your pain & distress Ameen.

 

[*charisma*]

Walaikumasalaam dear sister,

May Allah swt protect you from harm & all evil Ameen.

I think you need to sit down and try and analyse your life. Identify what has led you to the situation that you are in. What has changed your heart and mind?

If you have tried to get married and have not been successful maybe the method that you have tried is not suited for you? Maybe you need to try another method? Advise your family, friends and elders that you are ready and looking for a potential spouse if this is what you want sis.

You've been patient and demonstrated immense will power, love and determination for your deen Alhamdulilah are you really willing to lose everything in a few days/nights? All those years that you have been patient may amount to nothing because the end result turned turn into sin so please really think before you make any drastic move.

Why has your heart been broken sis? Please try and identify the problem, find soultion(s) to the problem and rehabilitiate yourself psychology. If you don't know how to heal yourself then please seek professional counsellors help and advice.

Islam has the answers and cures for every problem sis. There is ALWAYS a way out. No matter how low or down you feel know that this feeling/situation will pass and is temporry insha Allah. Jannah is our real home. Please don't let the shaytaan win this battle.

May Allah swt remove your pain & distress Ameen.

Excellent and practical advice mashallah.

 

[Arfa]

cry sis sorry to hear your pain.....Life can be lonely sometimes know your not alone and Allah is nearer to you than your jungular vein hopefully I spelled it correctly SubhanAllah...
this is satan dominating your thoughts ,go out take a nature walk ,exercise,listen to Quranic Recitations and
consult a good psychologist just keep hanging there sis ,There might be someone for you as Allah created
everything in pairs SubhanAllah.Sometimes your tests are longer to see if you hold to your iman..Peace and
Mercy be with you Ameen​

 

[Regrets1]

Walaikum salaam;

Youv been patient and practicing mustv took shaitan a lot of effort to make you feel like this, shaitans trying to completely take over you don't let that happen. Don't give up on praying..May Allah swt help you, forgive you and may He increase your imaan, Ameen.

 

[Umm Malik]

Sister .. this is just from shaytan he want you to do what he want then he let you despair from the march of Allah .. so hear the coran recite it hear it and began memories it he will guide you and each verse you memories will make you forget this bad things until Allah will put the best person on your
Life which will let you know that the halal is better than harm a looot and if you want to memories it I will help you to memorize a vers per day as a step to Allah and Allah tells us that the one who strive to obey Allah ..he will guide them one day just open your heart and say oh Allah I am wrong but I know that your door is open to the peaple like me please help me

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

:wasalam:

I felt saddened reading your post, it is a tough, hard and difficult journey you're now on but you will prevail, you cannot let Shaytaan win

You have been given thought-provoking, reasoned, sound advice from Sisters and Brothers from this forum, please do read the posts and reflect, think and reason with yourself, in Shaa Allaah you will find contentment.

Always making Du'a, my Sister, the blessed month of Ramadan is fast approaching, May Allaah accept our Du'as and shower His Mercy and Love upon us

Take care and be strong

 

[ukmuslimah]

What you're feeling *will* phase out, because nothing in life is stationary. Right now, dating/zina feels like it is the bane of of your life but in 6 months/1 year your mentality will shift and there will be something else that is a issue and then over again. So, avoid making rash decisions. Especially ones that you know go agaisnt your core values ( which are constant) like hijaab, zina over a temporary mental/emotional state. Otherwise, what will happen is you'll grow out of the phase and realise it wasn't such a big deal after all but still carry the burdens of the mistakes you made.
Allah swt said the truth when He said, after every hardship comes ease. It's a law of the universe, that our states have to change and everything is in a state of flux. It might not feel like it when the fitnah is burning, but it's true.

 

[anonymous]

Bismillah

UPDATE:

Assalamu-Alaikum

Thanks for the advice; unfortunately, I am still hanging on by a thread - and it keeps fraying. I love Islam, and I don't think I can stay on the straight and narrow. Please make duas for me generally to come closer to Allah this month and also for Allah to grant me a spouse that is going to help me on the path to Jannah because I'm afraid that it is becoming almost impossible for me now.

Thanks. Jazakumullahu khair.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

I don't think I can stay on the straight and narrow.

Change your way of thinking You CAN do it. Stop doubting yourself sis. May Allah make it easy for you and grant you a wonderful pious husband ameen. Take it day by day and please do not lose hope in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. I know what you want seems so far away, but perseverance is key. Nothing great ever came easy, and no trial is meant to break us from our faith. So many times we hear brothers and sisters asking that Allah change their situation and make them better and pious Muslims, but without tribulation our current affairs would only stagnate us. Perhaps you are going through this for a bigger event in your life in which you will require this patience, so please bear it and be patient. Verily Allah is with those who are patient, and don't forget that for a second. Stop "hanging by a thread" and start climbing, because that's the type of strength we need to seek.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

Bismillah

UPDATE:

Assalamu-Alaikum

Thanks for the advice; unfortunately, I am still hanging on by a thread - and it keeps fraying. I love Islam, and I don't think I can stay on the straight and narrow. Please make duas for me generally to come closer to Allah this month and also for Allah to grant me a spouse that is going to help me on the path to Jannah because I'm afraid that it is becoming almost impossible for me now.

Thanks. Jazakumullahu khair.

:wasalamex

I completely empathise with you - may Allah grant you a loving spouse soon and give you Sabr until then and the means to get closer to Allaah, Ameen.

This world has so many distractions, it is difficult to stay on the right path, especially if you have no religious friends. Feel free to PM me if you want sis

 

[ukmuslimah]

Bismillah

UPDATE:

Assalamu-Alaikum

Thanks for the advice; unfortunately, I am still hanging on by a thread - and it keeps fraying. I love Islam, and I don't think I can stay on the straight and narrow. Please make duas for me generally to come closer to Allah this month and also for Allah to grant me a spouse that is going to help me on the path to Jannah because I'm afraid that it is becoming almost impossible for me now.

Thanks. Jazakumullahu khair.

Sister, have you heard of secondwife.com? You might want to check it out in shaa Allah.

 

[BeTheChange]

Bismillah

UPDATE:

Assalamu-Alaikum

Thanks for the advice; unfortunately, I am still hanging on by a thread - and it keeps fraying. I love Islam, and I don't think I can stay on the straight and narrow. Please make duas for me generally to come closer to Allah this month and also for Allah to grant me a spouse that is going to help me on the path to Jannah because I'm afraid that it is becoming almost impossible for me now.

Thanks. Jazakumullahu khair.

Walaikumasalaam dear sister,

If you feel you are getting closer and closer to sin with each day then you MUST find a HALAAL way of addressing your interests insha Allah.

Look at what you have tried so far and the options you haven't considered yet.

Look at different ways of approaching the matter insha Allah and also adopt an open mind insha Allah.

Seek the advice of your elders and keep praying to Allah swt.

We all battle between good and evil every single day.

The more you think about temptations the more you are feeding your nafs so every time you start thinking about the sin force yourself to think about something else. What may work is 'punishing' yourself for thinking about the sin. For example, if you think about the 'sin' give money to charity, open the doors of communication with a family member you have stopped talking to, etc (do something that you may not like so it trains your mind that there are 'punihsments' in place if i think about this sin and insha Allah you'll stop thinking about it and focus your mind on something else). I use the word punishment but in reality your doing a good deed that you may not like. I hope you get the gist of my thinking here insha Allah.

I really can't stress how precious you emaan and modesty is. Don't give up jannah for your worldly desires. It just doesn't make any sense.

Please have a read of this e-book https://www.kalamullah.com/Books/Appeal_Shame.pdf (Insha Allah it will put everything into perspective).

Dear Sister, Dear Mother, Dear Daughter. Everyone is looking for happiness and fun, and I am sure you are not excluded. Where is that happiness and fun though? And where and when do you want that happiness? Do you want happiness, do you want to have `fun' in this life at the expense of the hereafter? Or is it in the hereafter, when you meet Allah that you want to be happy?

Every where you go you shall find a swarm of people and media and culture swearing to you that happiness is the happiness of the Dunya. Is it really happiness though? On the day of Repayment, Allah shall take the most `happiest' kafir of the Dunya and dip him in Jahannam – Hellfire. Then he shall ask him, "Have you ever seen any happiness?" The Kafir will say, "Never!"

Nay, the happiness is only the happiness of the hereafter no matter what happens in this Dunya. Allah shall bring on the Day of Repayment the most tested human and dip him in Jannah – Paradise. He shall then ask him, "Have you ever seen sadness?" And that person shall say, "Never!"
And don't think that this happiness and fun is exclusive to the hereafter. It is very much tied to this life as well. Listen and understand the words of Allah:
Whoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer verily to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter). – Surah AnNahl (16/97)

Please see http://kalamullah.com/sisters01.html

Finally dear sister, i strongly recommend and urge you to take up physical exercise. It will clear your mind and make you stronger mentally and physically insha Allah. Do it every single day and if you don't already you will learn to love the sport insha Allah. Also if you don't already just before you open your fast plead with Allah swt to make you stronger. Beg for HIS mercy and forgiveness and ask HIM to remove this temptation Ameen.

May Allah swt help you hold firm to your emaan at all times Ameen.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

Sister, have you heard of secondwife.com? You might want to check it out in shaa Allah.

Are you for real? +o(