Salams!
I just feel so confused and emotionally..unstable right now that I thought, yea time to let out your feelings girl, seek for help.
So please whoever is out there, I just want you to listen to me, as I have got no one to talk to about this.
Well its a long story so ive divided it into parts.
So here's the story...
PART 1
Five years ago, I was seated in front of the pc. And ting! I recieved a message from my cousin brother who was 18 then (23 now) and I was just 14 (19 now). So we were chatting for a while and...I dunno how but we ended up talking really serious stuff. Seriously personal stuff. Sigh ok I'll give you a hint. He knows stuff a girl would never tell a guy, or her parents. Or let's face it, her friends. Sigh. It was too personal but don't worry, he told me stuff too. But that was just one night and all was forgotten and we never even mentioned it in the years to come. He and I are not really close, he being my dad's sister's son. I always tend to feel shy among men. But believe me I regretted that incident like crazy.
So 5 years passed and I got a new phone. Joined whatsapp. Had these group convos with my cousins. And once again I found myself having private convos with my cousin brother. Well he started it. I was surprised to see a private message from him saying,"remember that convo? Unforgettable huh?"
And I'm like, OMG!! I was freaking out and scared and excited, all at once! And from there, it started...All. Over. Again. We started talking even more personal stuff. We would tease each other. I would call him gay. He would call me a lesbo. I would call him a womanizer. Then he would say, you sleep with guys and I would say I saw condoms in your drawer...bla bla. Me, being a very reserved girl, who has never spoken to non mahram guys (except this one time on facebook and to my other cousin brothers), a shy and quiet girl who doesn't watch movies alone thinking that her parents would get the impression that she is watching something bad. Me! I couldn't believe it! We told each other secrets that we had never shared with anyone else. Yes. It went that far.
I would wait longingly for him to come online. We would stay up like till 2 in the morning, chatting. I was immersed in a new, exciting world. I would get chills when he'd send me a message. My hands would shiver and go numb to read his words. My heart would do somersaults (yea even I thought it was not possible) just to think of it all.
But slowly, as time passed...our conversations would dwindle from almost everyday to once a week. Then once a month. I would stay up for hours at night, waiting for that much anticipated "ting" of the phone, often waking up every two hours to check for unread messages...but no, most of the time it would be empty. My heart would just...crack. I don't know how. My eyes would sting and there is this heavy feeling where I can't seem to breathe properly. Why, why won't he talk to me now? What did I do?
I just feel so confused and emotionally..unstable right now that I thought, yea time to let out your feelings girl, seek for help.
So please whoever is out there, I just want you to listen to me, as I have got no one to talk to about this.
Well its a long story so ive divided it into parts.
So here's the story...
PART 1
Five years ago, I was seated in front of the pc. And ting! I recieved a message from my cousin brother who was 18 then (23 now) and I was just 14 (19 now). So we were chatting for a while and...I dunno how but we ended up talking really serious stuff. Seriously personal stuff. Sigh ok I'll give you a hint. He knows stuff a girl would never tell a guy, or her parents. Or let's face it, her friends. Sigh. It was too personal but don't worry, he told me stuff too. But that was just one night and all was forgotten and we never even mentioned it in the years to come. He and I are not really close, he being my dad's sister's son. I always tend to feel shy among men. But believe me I regretted that incident like crazy.
So 5 years passed and I got a new phone. Joined whatsapp. Had these group convos with my cousins. And once again I found myself having private convos with my cousin brother. Well he started it. I was surprised to see a private message from him saying,"remember that convo? Unforgettable huh?"
And I'm like, OMG!! I was freaking out and scared and excited, all at once! And from there, it started...All. Over. Again. We started talking even more personal stuff. We would tease each other. I would call him gay. He would call me a lesbo. I would call him a womanizer. Then he would say, you sleep with guys and I would say I saw condoms in your drawer...bla bla. Me, being a very reserved girl, who has never spoken to non mahram guys (except this one time on facebook and to my other cousin brothers), a shy and quiet girl who doesn't watch movies alone thinking that her parents would get the impression that she is watching something bad. Me! I couldn't believe it! We told each other secrets that we had never shared with anyone else. Yes. It went that far.
I would wait longingly for him to come online. We would stay up like till 2 in the morning, chatting. I was immersed in a new, exciting world. I would get chills when he'd send me a message. My hands would shiver and go numb to read his words. My heart would do somersaults (yea even I thought it was not possible) just to think of it all.
But slowly, as time passed...our conversations would dwindle from almost everyday to once a week. Then once a month. I would stay up for hours at night, waiting for that much anticipated "ting" of the phone, often waking up every two hours to check for unread messages...but no, most of the time it would be empty. My heart would just...crack. I don't know how. My eyes would sting and there is this heavy feeling where I can't seem to breathe properly. Why, why won't he talk to me now? What did I do?
if you can't tell your mum then its no use talking to him (meaning ur cousin anymore) 
