Did I deserve the potential to reject me? Help me please

[eesa the kiwi]

I really sympathize sister if something like this happened to me I'd be gutted

Perhaps you should read this dua


5. It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي

‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

“O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”

but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)

 

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Ukhti, however unfortunate it is and however disappointed you must be feeling, you must accept is as qadr and the will of the Allah swt. It wasn't anyone's fault particularly, and altho no doubt it seemed like an excellent proposal, there must have been something good in it not going forward, something to learn from or something of benefit in the future.

Allah swt is the best of Planners, and you need to take comfort in the fact that whatever has happened or may happen is part of His plan for you.

And maybe from this, as the others have said, you can learn to hold your tongue and not shout at your mother like that again. No doubt sometimes we can disagree or argue with our parents, but it is so important at that time more than any other to control your anger and quietly take it until everyone's in a better position to speak - because our parents deserve our ultimate respect, even when we think they are being unfair.

And as far the proposal comes, another one will come if Allah swt wills. You need to take it on your chin and leave the past behind and focus on improving yourself and your situation in a way pleasing to Allah swt, and have confidence that what He wills is the best for you, because wallahi it is.

May Allah swt make everything easy for you. Ameen.

 

[anatolian]

You cant know for sure which friend is right as it is mentioned. But you can learn something for your future. Your mother also will learn something. And he will learn something as well. Life is a continous learning journey..

 

[M.I.A.]

Assalamualaikum

A week ago, a potential was coming over to see me. He is practicing from what I heard, so always praying in the masjid and a helpful member in the community. The friend of my father who got him for me told my father, if he had a daughter, he would consider this potential due to his excellence. Many people of the community also vouched for him and said he's a great person.

Before my potential was coming over, I was vacuuming the lounge and my mum tripped over the mini table I put in the way, because I had to vacuum under it. She started screaming at me and telling me how stupid of I to do such thing. She was screaming for a while. I got angry and screamed back at her.

Unknowing to me, my potential had already rang the doorbell but we didn't hear because of the screaming. He left and called later that afternoon. He told my father that he heard me scream at my mother and that was enough to reject me. He's like for her to raise her voice at her mother that way made me not consider at all for marriage and he'll look elsewhere for another wife.

I got so sad and feel depressed after all this. I lost a really good person because of screaming at my mother. I regret what I did but that potential has rejected me and won't ever come back. I haven't eaten or slept properly for the past few days. I'm just crying and feel really depressed and suicudal.

I spoke to a friend if mine and she told me that if I hadn't screamed at my mother, I wouldn't of got rejected. She said I'm being punished in this world for screaming at my mother which is a major sin. Another friend told me perhaps this guy was outwardly practicing and he would be a terrible husband, so perhaps Allah saved me from marrying him through him hearing me scream at my mum and rejecting me. Which of my friend is right and closer to the truth? I want to feel better because I'm extremely depressed over getting rejected by a good brother over screaming at my mum.

Did I get rejected due to Qadr or sins?

you could learn to tell the time from that women.. although you would probably cease to exist.

what you think this is east enders?

either way, what happened happened and couldnt have happened any other way.

learn from it.

...anyway, if everything is superficial and done for show.. try not to become a trophy wife.

 

[anonymous]

JazakaAllahu Khayran for your replies, much appreciated.

I'm sad to say this, but I'm feeling more depressed as time goes by. I lost my appetite and barely ate anything for the past week. I just feel like sleeping all day and not waking up. I also fear going blind from too much crying.

I can't seem to get over what happened. It's extremely difficult. I feel very very regretful for screaming at my mum. I keep beating myself up and thinking to myself, if I hadn't screamed at my mum, I wouldn't of have got rejected.

I keep thinking if I didn't scream at my mum, I wouldn't of have lost that potential. My brother said he saw him in the masjid praying last night and I was so upset when I heard that. He reminded me that had I not screamed at my mum, I wouldn't of have got rejected. I felt worse afterwards.

I keep thinking to myself if I didn't scream at my mum, things will be different and much better now. Some of you are saying what happened is due to Qadr, but can't the potential rejecting me be due to my sins and actions?

So if I didn't scream at my mum, would I still be rejected? I keep thinking that if I didn't scream, I would have ended up marrying him and have a good life, but now I have to suffer for the rest of my life due to my sin.

 

[M.I.A.]

i have to ask.. do you normally shout at your mum and does she normally shout at you?

if not then dont dwell on it. move forward and learn from it. im sure you will find someone that is better suited to you.

imo releationships are hard work.

...hopefully the next one rings the doorbell in a better manner.

someone will ultimately see the better side of you i hope.

 

[ardianto]

From his attitude I can confirm that when he came to your home he hadn't have intention to propose marriage. Even he hadn't interested to you. But he came with one intention, to see you. If he thought you are good for him, he would propose marriage. If he thought you are not good, he would go to another girl. And as you have seen, he was too fast to judge that you are not good. Without tried to meet you, without knocking the door, without tried to find what happened between you and your mom.

Young sister, are you sure you would be happy to live with someone who is very easy to judge without try to know what actually happen?.

Nobody perfect. Someone who look good in people eyes must be has bad side too. And now you have known his bad side.

I know that very hard for you to accept that you have lost a chance to get someone who look good in people eyes. But what has happened was a sign from Allah that he is not the right man for you. Always believe that it's because Allah will give you the another man, the right man.

 

[piXie]

Why condemn the brother, do we think that will somehow make her feel better? ^o)

 

[islamirama]

Why condemn the brother, do we think that will somehow make her feel better? ^o)

That's what I said!

I would have done the same if I was in his place.

 

[piXie]

:wasalamex

Dear sister, may Allah have mercy upon you, I hope you are feeling better. You know, worse things happen in life and worse losses than the one you have experienced - what is a possible potential husband leaving your home compared to someone leaving this life and his life taken - you screamed at your mother and one possible potential left, and you have left your food, drink and fallen into depression - yet what is this compared to some mistakes which have caused people to be killed, muslims to fight with each other and shed blood, families to be torn apart and the ummah of Rasool Allah :saws1: to suffer so much. Subhan Allaah we make so many errors and mistakes. We are full of mistakes and shortcomings. We cannot spend a single day or night without committing sins - and most of the time we are not even aware of all the losses which we experience in our life due to our sins - we just continue heedless and oblivious. It's from the mercy of Allah if we become aware - so that we can learn and reform ourselves and become better people. Because if these regrets in the life of this world save us from the regrets of the next - then infact, these are not losses we experience but important lessons to gain from. Because what are these regrets compared to the regret of the Day of Judgement, The Actual Day of Regret. And the regret on that day is so unbearable - to the extent that it will cause the wrong doer to bite his hands in regret of his wrong doings. And there will no be option of turning back and repentance. No option of a second chance and no hope. Yet while we are alive - no matter what has happened there is always another chance and hope.

"And (remember) the Day when the wrong-doer will bite at his hands, he will say: "Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger (Muhammad SAW)." (Qur'an 25:27)

I know it's not easy sister but do not allow this regret to lead to further regrets in your life by becoming depressed as this indicates that we have not benefitted from our trials or learnt anything. And instead of our relationship improving with Allaah - it can become worse. Do not let the shaytaan have this victory over you and you become deprived of a better blessing coming in your direction. If Allah sent a good proposal your way, it is not difficult for Him to send you a better one. But it's not going to happen if we allow ourselves to wallow away in grief. May Allah make it easy for you and forgive us all our shortcomings. Aameen.

JazakaAllahu Khayran for your replies, much appreciated.

I'm sad to say this, but I'm feeling more depressed as time goes by. I lost my appetite and barely ate anything for the past week. I just feel like sleeping all day and not waking up. I also fear going blind from too much crying.

I can't seem to get over what happened. It's extremely difficult. I feel very very regretful for screaming at my mum. I keep beating myself up and thinking to myself, if I hadn't screamed at my mum, I wouldn't of have got rejected.

I keep thinking if I didn't scream at my mum, I wouldn't of have lost that potential. My brother said he saw him in the masjid praying last night and I was so upset when I heard that. He reminded me that had I not screamed at my mum, I wouldn't of have got rejected. I felt worse afterwards.

I keep thinking to myself if I didn't scream at my mum, things will be different and much better now. Some of you are saying what happened is due to Qadr, but can't the potential rejecting me be due to my sins and actions?

So if I didn't scream at my mum, would I still be rejected? I keep thinking that if I didn't scream, I would have ended up marrying him and have a good life, but now I have to suffer for the rest of my life due to my sin.