Discrimination- A disscusion

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It seems I have been labelled racist and no one has pointed out exactly what I said that was racist, am I not deserving to be notified of my error? If I hold a racist view I'd like to know so I can correct it. JazakAllah khair

Listen I personally don’t think you are a racist. However I do disagree with you on the matter about rejecting a black brother because he won’t able to communicate with your family member. If the brother is able to communicate with you and your wife (ishallah) who cares about your other family members? Do you think that brother honestly is still going to hang with your other family members regularly? And if there are gatherings, you, your wife (ishallah) and your daughter (ishallah) are there to translate for him.
There is a small exception for parent who cannot communicate with the pontential but other family member?

How do you suppose deaf people communicate? It shouldn’t matter whether he is able to communicate with your other family members. There always will be a way to communicate. It requires all parties to make an effort.

To include other family member into the equation only further discriminate huge range of people (reverts and deaf people).
 
Listen I personally don’t think you are a racist. However I do disagree with you on the matter about rejecting a black brother because he won’t able to communicate with your family member. If the brother is able to communicate with you and your wife (ishallah) who cares about your other family members? Do you think that brother honestly is still going to hang with your other family members regularly? And if there are gatherings, you, your wife (ishallah) and your daughter (ishallah) are there to translate for him.
There is a small exception for parent who cannot communicate with the pontential but other family member?

How do you suppose deaf people communicate? It shouldn’t matter whether he is able to communicate with your other family members. There always will be a way to communicate. It requires all parties to make an effort.

To include other family member into the equation only further discriminate huge range of people (reverts and deaf people).

Ok, I appreciate your view, and your disagreement is very valid, now the key question is, does having this preference make one racist? Even though the issue is not a race issue it's a language issue. This is what it boils down to, you see people label this as racism when in fact race has nothing to do with it, it's a language/communication issue. I can give another example if you want.
 
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It seems I have been labelled racist and no one has pointed out exactly what I said that was racist, am I not deserving to be notified of my error? If I hold a racist view I'd like to know so I can correct it. JazakAllah khair

Well, I had my preferences when I wanted to get married. My husband too had preferences. He didn't want to marry a girl from America. He wanted to marry one from Sri Lanka, Trinidad, India..... whereas my preference was to marry a man who came from an English-speaking country..... USA, UK, Australia.

Considering how this discussion is going, I wouldn't be surprised if I was labeled as a racist as well.

And if I was, well.... I don't really care. Allah knows best who is racist and who is not. He knows best who discriminates and who doesn't. To me, that's all that matters.
 
I'd like to give another example as people are not understanding the language one I think, me being a Pakistani, I love my indian food, Biryani, Samosa, Pakora, Kebab, Ghosht Salun, I absolutely love indian food, so I think to myself,
"hmmm Salahudeen, you know the chances of finding a non indian/pakistani woman who knows how to cook this food are pretty slim"
as a result I tell myself that, I should have a preference for Pakistani/Indian women because they will be more compatible with me in this area, however if it happens that I meet a rare gem who is not from this race/region and knows how to cook this food then I can happily marry her, because me being a Pakistani, I can not live without my indian food.

You see in the above example again, the issue is not race, it's one of compatibility, because I have a preference for asian food it means I will have a preference for a wife who can cook it, who will most likely be from pak/india so I will have a preference for women from this country, if I so happen to meet a woman from another part of the world who can cook this food then alhamdulilah I would happily marry her.

But you see in the above example I had a preference that most likely, only a person from my own race/country would be able to fulfill, therefore I have a preference for women from my own race because of this.

Is that racist then?
 
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Ok, I appreciate your view, and your disagreement is very valid, now the key question is, does having this preference make one racist? Even though the issue is not a race issue it's a language issue.

The language barrier and preferences have used way too many times towards reverts and other muslims.

If the parents in question speak no English/common language and would prefer their children to marry someone who speak the same language, I would not call that racist. However, if the parents (not other family members) can communicate with that person and still has preferences for the potential to be from a particular region/race/colour is a racist. The latter I have heard so many times.

However, if they reject a deaf person because they cannot communicate with them, I would say this is discrimination. There is always a way to communicate with deaf person and some can communicate via lip reading and body language.

The only and essential communication that should matter is between the parents, their children and the potential. The potential can communicate with other family members via parents and their spouse and with time they can learn to speak the language.

Generally the only preference parents should have is character (whether the person is pious) and other preference without valid reason is discriminative.
 
Anyone can learn to cook though. And just because the woman comes from the same race as you does not mean she can cook or cook as well as your mother for instance! So rejecting someone because you think they wouldn’t be able to cook the food you like (which one can learn from your mother or your relative) is wrong! Speaking of food, I heading off to cook something for myself. So Salam!
 
The language barrier and preferences have used way too many times towards reverts and other muslims.

That is indeed sad, but do we have the right to label all those families with these preferences as racist? even though the skin colour has nothing to do with it and it's the language barrier that they have a problem with?

If the parents in question speak no English/common language and would prefer their children to marry someone who speak the same language, I would not call that racist. However, if the parents (not other family members) can communicate with that person and still has preferences for the potential to be from a particular region/race/colour is a racist. The latter I have heard so many times.

I agree, and this is the point I was originally making, we should be careful before we label every person who refuses a person from another race as "racist" because we have no idea as to why he has reached the decision he has, the language issue may be one of the reasons, he also may have another reason. But it's wrong for us to label him as racist because of a valid preference he may have such as the language one.

However, if they reject a deaf person because they cannot communicate with them, I would say this is discrimination. There is always a way to communicate with deaf person and some can communicate via lip reading and body language.

That is interesting, but it's aside from the point I was making, that people commonly mistake certain preferences as racial issues when they aren't


Generally the only preference parents should have is character (whether the person is pious) and other preference without valid reason is discriminative.

You say they should only have this preference, but what is there to suggest they can not have other preferences as long as these preferences aren't based upon haraam.

For example it's not haraam to have a preference for a person to speak a common language right? it's not haraam to have a preference for him to want a healthy person for his daughter is it? it's not haraam for him to have a preference to have someone with a beard for his daughter is it? It's not haraam for him to have a preference for someone who is a confident social person is it?

Do you see my point? at what point did we decide what preferences are acceptable and what aren't. You mention other preferences are discriminating without valid reason but I fail to understand how?

aren't our preferences an extension of our desires? so as long as they're not haraam preferences why can't we have them? Why do we need a valid reason to have a preference/desire that is halal to have? This is where I become confused. It's halal to want a good looking guy for your daughter right? equally it's halal to want a not so good looking guy for your daughter right? it's also halal to want a slim guy for your daughter rather than a over weight one right? these are all preferences, and at what point do we say that a person can have these preferences but can't have other preferences because we think they're racist for having them, even though inside their heart they may not be racist at all and look at every one the same and believe all are equal but just want what they believe will be the ideal match for their daughter/son.

Of course the preferences we have should be in accordance with what our daughter/son want, if we have a preference for a slim guy and our daughter wants an over weight guy then we have to accept her preference and reject all slim guys etc. cos if the child gets what he wants in the marriage partner then he/she is more likely to be happy.
 
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So rejecting someone because you think they wouldn’t be able to cook the food you like (which one can learn from your mother or your relative) is wrong!

How is it wrong? Let's say a man has to make a choice. His choices are:

1. A pious girl who can cook and loves to cook.

2. A pious girl who cannot cook and is not at all interested in cooking.

His preference is number 1. So if he chooses to marry the girl who can cook, how is he wrong? How has he indulged in discrimination?

Care to explain?
 
Anyone can learn to cook though. And just because the woman comes from the same race as you does not mean she can cook or cook as well as your mother for instance! So rejecting someone because you think they wouldn’t be able to cook the food you like (which one can learn from your mother or your relative) is wrong! Speaking of food, I heading off to cook something for myself. So Salam!

Again you missed the point I was trying to make ukhti, I know that any woman can learn to cook and this is not a sensible reason reason to reject someone but my point was to convey the following, is it haraam or racist to have a preference that someone from your own race/country is more capable of fulfilling then a person from another race/country so as a result you selectively limit yourself to your own race/country unless you meet someone who is able to do the thing that commonly only people from your own race/country are able to do?

Do you see what I'm trying to say? Pakistani/indians are known for their ability to make good indian food so as a result I have a preference for someone from my own race/country however if I loved english food then I would have a preference for a wife who was not pak/indian and would reject them all and search for an english wife who knew how to cook nice english food as many of them commonly can, it's not racist for me to do this right? I'm simply limiting myself to the race that I believe will be the most compatible with me according to my characteristics as a person.
 
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Well, this thread blew up while I was gone. I think I'll take a front row seat for this one.:popcorn:

Look, it's not racist to prefer to be around certain people that are like you, whether that is race, language, religion, ethnic group, etc. I think it is natural to want to be around people that are like you.

What IS racist is when you start thinking that one group is better than another and you base it on race, language, religion, ethnic group, etc.

That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.
 
Considering how this discussion is going, I wouldn't be surprised if I was labeled as a racist as well. And if I was, well.... I don't really care. Allah knows best who is racist and who is not. He knows best who discriminates and who doesn't. To me, that's all that matters.

Salaam sister- peace be to you.
Is this something to be proud of? saying that you dont mind being considered a racist? Would you say something like this infront of Rasoul Allah? i hope not because this would be disrespect to his teachings and it would be a big dissapointment.I would certainlt be ashemd of myself if i uttered such words.
But what do we know, we all claim to be humanitarian , we all claim to seek the truth we all claim to be amongst the good people , but the truth only come when time plots against you to reveal what you truly conceal inside your heart.
Sister let me request something please, when Rahmadhan time comes , please ask our Creator to give you heart because you truly seem to be in need of one.

He knows best who discriminates and who doesn't. To me, that's all that matters.[/quote]
Exactly, so you , and Salahudeen and anybody else does not judge who discriminates, please sister go back to the holy quran , if you have noticed all my words were either backed up by a hadeeth or a verse in the Quran , I think we should have realised by now that this is and Islamic Board , if it was other than that then maybe the arguements you guys used would have been accpeted.
Folllowing your desires is something and Islam is something else.
All what i said was from an islamic point of view,What you and brother Salahudeen have broght up was based on your imagination is i may say.
Just as God is your creator He is the Creator of everyone else. You dont decide who is better or what is better , this is not your , me , or anybody else's job we are only slaves and servants to our creator.
I would also like to share a Hadeeth with you i think you are in need of and i hope it may benefit you as well,
The Prophet Peace and blessings be upon him , insha Allah said:
[FONT=Arial, Times New Roman, Palatino, Times]Do you love your creator? Love your fellow-beings first. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Times New Roman, Palatino, Times]All God's creatures are His family; and he is the most beloved of God who doeth most good to God's creatures. [/FONT]
I hope you accept my words in the best way they were intended to be.
Salaam - peace be to you
 
Salaam sister- peace be to you.
Is this something to be proud of? saying that you dont mind being considered a racist? Would you say something like this infront of Rasoul Allah? i hope not because this would be disrespect to his teachings and it would be a big dissapointment.I would certainlt be ashemd of myself if i uttered such words.
But what do we know, we all claim to be humanitarian , we all claim to seek the truth we all claim to be amongst the good people , but the truth only come when time plots against you to reveal what you truly conceal inside your heart.
Sister let me request something please, when Rahmadhan time comes , please ask our Creator to give you heart because you truly seem to be in need of one.

He knows best who discriminates and who doesn't. To me, that's all that matters.
Exactly, so you , and Salahudeen and anybody else does not judge who discriminates, please sister go back to the holy quran , if you have noticed all my words were either backed up by a hadeeth or a verse in the Quran , I think we should have realised by now that this is and Islamic Board , if it was other than that then maybe the arguements you guys used would have been accpeted.
Folllowing your desires is something and Islam is something else.
All what i said was from an islamic point of view,What you and brother Salahudeen have broght up was based on your imagination is i may say.
Just as God is your creator He is the Creator of everyone else. You dont decide who is better or what is better , this is not your , me , or anybody else's job we are only slaves and servants to our creator.
I would also like to share a Hadeeth with you i think you are in need of and i hope it may benefit you as well,
The Prophet Peace and blessings be upon him , insha Allah said:
[FONT=Arial, Times New Roman, Palatino, Times]Do you love your creator? Love your fellow-beings first. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Times New Roman, Palatino, Times]All God's creatures are His family; and he is the most beloved of God who doeth most good to God's creatures. [/FONT]
I hope you accept my words in the best way they were intended to be.
Salaam - peace be to you[/QUOTE]



Salam
I am in hurry and I didnt read this forum very well

I think what Ms Flame means is that, she does not care to please everybody, what matters is what Allah thinks about her. She wont waste her time proving to others about her.

For me, in my personal view there are many people who thinks they do not discriminate or they are not proud or they are not rude, but I hope everyone can be very sure about that.
Coz I've seen many people here and sadly they are bro & sis in Islam


and yes once again, I would conclude that Ms Flame could accept your words. But if I hurt you or not, I will still say this, your words dear sister are rude and not Islamic way either.. I wont argue with you, i said what I have to say and I hope you will react in Islamic way also. Please Sit with yourself and analyze your dealings.

nobody is perfect. in the end of the day, what I only wish for myself is not to hurt anyone by my tounge or actions. I am ready for any consequences If I may wrong and the good thing about me is that i dont care if people thinks I embarrass myself when I admit I am wrong. when i admit, it shows my real strength and I will continue to grow when I acknowledge my mistakes

salam
 
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discrimination is common because human beings like to feel good about themselves and like to think that they are somehow superior to/better than some other ppl, whether because race, religion, nationality, or whatever.
 
Salaam Peace be to all

It is very dissapointing how this thread turned to a useless on going debate. All i want to say is that; I am the one who owes an apology, I owe an apology to you brother Salahudeen , to you sister Flame, to you brother al yunan, to you brother Just a guy , to you sister Sweet106, to everyone who has joined this thread , to all the viewers of this thread , and i also owe and apology to myself.
So - I am Sorry.

If i knew before that this thread was going to turn into this i wouldn't have opened it in the first place.This thread is about discrimination , it is not about marriage , it is not about interracial relationships and it is certainly not about accusing people of being racist.
And brother Salahudeen, if i may then, please accept my apology on behalf of brother al yunan because i was the reason why he called you racist. Had i known that this thread would turn into a social club, i wouldn't have opened it as i mentioned before.

I also would like to point out my disappointment , if there is something we know that we wouldn't say infront of
Rasoul Allah, then it is better not saying it in first place. So as to respect our beloved Prophet BPUH. As i mention before this is an Islamic board. I only asked for how to fight this evil not how to cultivate it, but Thank you for all your replies. It seems that we have certainly wasted much time into such a useless argument.

Listen brother, what makes me confused is that: If you already know the answer in first place, and you are so bound to your views , why ask the question in first place , huh? didn't the prophet Pbuh say that we should not be using our tongues in vain. Well to me this is certainly vain. All of us could have done something better. We could have made Charity, Pleased our Parents , did something that actually has a meaning rather than to sit down on the computer and uselessly mingle about discrimiantion while we know that we aren't going to do anything about it besides talk.

Finally,I would like to say that I am not worth , you or any body else's time being waste, so for God's sake please don't bother replying to my post because, i am certainly not worth it , nor am i interested in internet arguements from a member of the opposite gender.

I would also like to share with everyone a couple of Hadeeth i hope that helps us , in bringing back the mercy and love between our souls as Human beings and also as Muslims.


Kindness is a mark of faith: and whoever hath not kindness hath not faith.

What actions are most excellent? To gladden the heart of a human being, to feed the hungry, to help the afflicted, to lighten the sorrow of the sorrowful, and to remove the wrongs of the injured.

He who helpeth his fellow-creature in the hour of need, and he who helpeth the oppressed, him will God help in the Day of Travail.

To gladden the heart of the weary, to remove the suffering of the afflicted, hath its own reward. In the day of trouble, the memory of the action comes like a rush of the torrent, and takes our burden away.
Whoever is kind to His creatures, God is kind to him; therefore be kind to man on earth, whether good or bad; and being kind to the bad, is to withold him from badness, thus in heaven you will be treated kindly.
"What is Islam?" someone asked. Muhammad said, "Purity of speech and charity."

Verily God instructs me to be humble and lowly and not proud; and that no one should oppress another
Humility and courtesy are acts of piety.

Paradise is not for him who reproaches others with any favor he done to them.

He will not enter hell who hath faith equal to a mustard seed in his heart; and he will not enter Paradise who hath a single grain of pride, equal to a mustard seed, in his heart.

Verily, God is mild, and is fond of mildness, and he gives to the mild what he does not to the harsh.


Salaam Peace be to you :)
 
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Salaam sister- peace be to you.
Is this something to be proud of? saying that you dont mind being considered a racist? Would you say something like this infront of Rasoul Allah? i hope not because this would be disrespect to his teachings and it would be a big dissapointment.I would certainlt be ashemd of myself if i uttered such words.
But what do we know, we all claim to be humanitarian , we all claim to seek the truth we all claim to be amongst the good people , but the truth only come when time plots against you to reveal what you truly conceal inside your heart.
Sister let me request something please, when Rahmadhan time comes , please ask our Creator to give you heart because you truly seem to be in need of one.

It is something to be very proud of, she is basically saying she doesn't care for your opinion on the matter only Allah's, if you label her as racist it doesn't matter because this is an opinion which you have based upon absolutely nothing. This is the meaning of what she was saying. And perhaps you could talk nicely to people ukhti instead of being rude and insulting because they have an opposing view that doesn't agree with your view.



He knows best who discriminates and who doesn't. To me, that's all that matters.

Exactly, so you , and Salahudeen and anybody else does not judge who discriminates, please sister go back to the holy quran , if you have noticed all my words were either backed up by a hadeeth or a verse in the Quran , I think we should have realised by now that this is and Islamic Board , if it was other than that then maybe the arguements you guys used would have been accpeted.
Folllowing your desires is something and Islam is something else.
All what i said was from an islamic point of view,What you and brother Salahudeen have broght up was based on your imagination is i may say.
Just as God is your creator He is the Creator of everyone else. You dont decide who is better or what is better , this is not your , me , or anybody else's job we are only slaves and servants to our creator.

And the same also applies to you, please do not judge a person as being discriminating and racist because he has a certain preference for a quite valid reason that you can't understand. You presented hadiths but the hadiths you presented dealt with completely different issues not the issues I raised such as communication problems etc. I think you're having a problem understanding the english language. Is it your first language? We aren't arguing with the hadiths you presented and saying they are wrong however they are aside from the point I was trying to make. I'm talking about one thing and you're bringing hadiths that are talking about something else

No body here is saying any race is better than another, where did we ever say such a thing? can you show me please? I said a certain races may be more compatible with each other in certain areas due to common factors such as language. What you said was from an Islamic view point?? how did you reach that conclusion? you haven't really gave your view on the matter that was being discussed but I assume you think it's racist if a man refuses a person from a different race because he doesn't speak a common language. Is that the Islamic view point you claim to be presenting? If so you've changed the meaning of the word Racism.

And no it wasn't based upon our imagination, it was based upon real life scenarios that occur and are labelled as racism by some people when they aren't. As people in this thread have proved.



waslaam.
 
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I think I have been discriminated against in this thread because I presented different views, so as a result I've been labelled as racist due to my different views, without anyone even pointing out what I exactly said that was racist. I have yet to see a counter argument only insults. And the funny thing is, the views I presented are not necessarily mine, I wanted to present the other side of the argument, for example if a black person came to ask for my daughters hand, it wouldn't bother me if he spoke Urdu or not I would still give it however I wanted to demonstrate to people that not everyone is the same and people have reasons for their decisions and the reason may not be racism so we should not generalize every person as racist if they have a preference. Every situation is different, "The wali is entitled to reject to whatever reason that is considered valid and the level of validity differ from one society to another. So, such matters are taken case by case."

But certain people fell into the trap and jumped the gun and started screaming "racist" as is so typically done without even trying to understand the point of view and what was being said.
 
Salaam Peace be to all
It is very dissapointing how this thread turned to a useless on going debate, All i want to say is I am the one who owes and apaology, I owe an apology to you brother Salahudeen , to you sister Flame, to you brother al yunan, to you brother Just a guy , to you sister Sweet106, to everyone who has joined this thread , to all the viewers of this thread , and i also owe and apology to myself. So - I am Sorry.

Yes it is very disappointing that we are not understanding and tolerant of other peoples views when they differ from ours, I think if anything we should take away from this thread that people may not agree with us on certain matters but it doesn't make them bad people and give us a right to insult them without understanding what they're saying. However there is no need for an apology ukhti it was just a discussion presenting both sides of the argument, however I think people misunderstood things due to communication problems.

If i knew before that this thread was going to turn into this i wouldnt have opened it in the first pleace , This thread is about discrimination , it is not about marriage , it is not about interracial relationships and it is certainly not about accusing people of being racist ) And brother Salahudeen if i may then please accept my apology on behalf of brother al yunan because i was the reason why he called you racist. Had i known that this thread would turn into a social club , i wouldnt have opened it as i mentioned before.

I'm afraid I can not accept you're apology on his behalf as you're not the one who jumped up and quickly labelled me racist. I believe all are equal in sight of God and no race has any superiority over another however some races may be more compatible with each other due to common factors that they may have, but that doesn't make either one any better then the other, they are both equal.

And its also quite possible that people from different races are more suited to each other as opposed to people from their own race, and this is what I was trying to say, each case is different and it's impossible to apply a generalization on everyone with a particular preference as racist because every individual/situation is different and the reasons/motives are different.

And I know those things weren't what the thread was about however I felt they were very relevant and I feel the reaction of people towards certain views proved that it needed to be discussed.

I also would like to point out my disappointment , if there is something we know wouldnt say infront of Rasoul Allah then it is better not saying it in first place , as to respect our beloved prophet. As i mention before this is an Islamic board. I only asked for how to fight this evil not how to cultivate it, but thank you for all your replies. It seems that we have certainly wasted much time into such a useless argument. Listen brother what makes me confused is that is you already know the answer in first place and you are so bound to your views , why ask the question in first place , huh? didnt the prophet Pbuh say that we shoudl not be useing our tongues in vain , well to me this is certainly vain, All of us could have done something better, We could have made charity, Pleased our parents , did something that actually has a meaning than to sit down on the computer and uselessy mingle about discrimiantion while we know that we arent going to do anything besides talk.

There is nothing I have said that I wouldn't say infront of RasoolAllah, and if he thought it was wrong then I would correct my view in accordance to his however you have not presented his view on the matter. Would rasoolAllah really call a person racist if he believes all are equal before God however he has a preference due to a valid reason? I don't think he would, rather I think he would be understanding of the reason behind the preference.

For example when rasoolAllah told a man that he should have married a young virgin girl, the man went I have a preference for older women because when my father Jabir died, he left behind many young daughters and I wanted to marry an older woman who would look after them and teach them good manners. And rasoolAllah prayed for him to be blessed. Even though he had a preference for older women and would reject all young women due to his reasons.

RasoolAllah didn't tell him off for having a preference for a perfectly good and valid reason did he? simple as that.


Lastly i would like to say that I am not worth , you or any body elses time being waste, so for God's sake please don't bother replying to my post because , i am certainly not worth it , nor am i interested in internet arguements from a memeber of the other gender.

Of course you are ukhti, if you believe someone is racist because of a view they have you are definitely worth the time. I hope you still do not think I am racist. Who said it was an argument? I've never been calmer, isn't it more of a discussion of opposing views rather than a argument?


Salaam Peace be to you :)

waslaam and unto you.
 
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May Ayob, no need to apologize. I don't think you said or did anything wrong. I don't think anyone really has, to be honest. At least, I'm not offended. So don't worry about it, sister.
 
Salaam, people are entitled to their opinion sister and you shouldn't apologise, I have to agree with sweet though on the points she made. It's about discrimination people try to justify a point of view which can be deemed as discriminatory and in a persons mind that is okay. Should it be about Islam rather than culture, what happens if you meet a lady from your own background and she can't cook the food you love, what about looking at how pious a person is?? Before sticking certain labels on them. The analogy of cooking is interesting but people are fickle at the best of times what happens if he wants a women who can cook to begin with then meets a pious women who can't but incorporates everything Islamically and changes his mind. Nobody is calling anyone racist it's when people use culture as an excuse. What happens when that lady is say no longer able to cook what does he do then discard her?? People have choices I don't disagree with that but I thought we lived under a common Ummah. I won't get drawn into a protracted debate about this, but some points made here are food for thought. Salaam
 
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Sister let me request something please, when Rahmadhan time comes , please ask our Creator to give you heart because you truly seem to be in need of one.

Yes, sister. I will ask my Lord, our Creator to forgive me for causing you any pain or sorrow. I will ask our Creator to soften my heart and show more compassion and kindness towards others. Jazakallah khair.
 

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