Do Most Men Desire Multiple Wives?

[Jedi_Mindset]

^ Akhee, what sister لميس is saying, is that there are different medical reasons that can affect a mans fertility and his ability to procreate.

We can add to the list diabetes, just for example.

Exactly what are you saying NO about? Certainly you're not a spokesperson for all men? There would otherwise be no need for Nocturnal tumescence tests, Yohimbine, testosterone patches or blue pills..

Ok sorry, language barrier is very difficult in some situations like this... *facepalm*

 

[جوري]

No problem akhi.. your temperate responses should be introjected by most..

 

[~Zaria~]

In the west, one is enough!!!!!!

Scimi

Im not sure I would say one is enough for everyone in the west.......but I do fear that the manner in which polygamy is being adopted in todays times, is giving this permissible act a bad name.

Which is indeed unfortunate.

Also, I dont think its necessary to marry 'legally' (what does this piece of paper mean in any case?).

All that is required is a nikkah contract between the 2 parties......which would mean, that technically even this marriage is not recognised in the west.
So, this in itself should not be a limiting factor to polygamy.

 

[Cabdullahi]

I will not prevent brothers here to do polygamy. But to those who want to marry multiple wives, at first look at yourself, have you married?

If you are still not able to get a wife, do not talk about want to have multiple wives.

The above brother is a genius mashaAllah.


Those who seek a second wife or maybe more, wow the sisters by sounding diplomatic and extra sensitive. That is their technique, its awkward. Maybe its a preparatory stage before breaking the news to the wife to yield a calm response.

''I dont need a second wife, it's a crazy idea can you imagine a guy with two wives?'' = ''can you imagine having two wives masha'Allah!...its a serious thing, seriously sensational''

''If you are still not able to get a wife, do not talk about want to have multiple wives!'' = Young brothers multiple wives are for married men, professionals! Amateurs can drink their horlicks, ovaltine or nesquick and be tucked into bed by their mothers!

''i love my wife'' = But i have big heart to share my love with 3 more women.

Ardianto wants a second wife

 

[Jedi_Mindset]

No problem akhi.. your temperate responses should be introjected by most..

Hope that isn't sarcasm ;D I doubt myself sometimes, if i say things right.

 

[Scimitar]

Im not sure I would say one is enough for everyone in the west.......but I do fear that the manner in which polygamy is being adopted in todays times, is giving this permissible act a bad name.

Which is indeed unfortunate.

Also, I dont think its necessary to marry 'legally' (what does this piece of paper mean in any case?).

All that is required is a nikkah contract between the 2 parties......which would mean, that technically even this marriage is not recognised in the west.
So, this in itself should not be a limiting factor to polygamy.

I'd really like to see this practice be accepted in the west by Muslims. Unfortunately, being an optimist in this situation helps no one - being real about it however, and keeping faith in Allah is always the best option in matters of doubt.

As far as marriages being technically accepted in the west (yup, that marriage certificate from the authorites) and promoting ways to bypass that by just not ever admitting that you are married to more than one woman... messes with my taqwa. I know that Muslims in the west must adhere to the laws of that country, unless they contradict ones Islam. This ruling is in matters fard durties. Last I checked, polygamy was nafl... has anything changed?

We cannot break the law in western countries so we can have more than one wife... end of.

Scimi

 

[جوري]

Hope that isn't sarcasm ;D I doubt myself sometimes, if i say things right.

It wasn't sarcasm I was being genuine.. It is a good way to diffuse simply looking at a situation from someone else' point of view and ...

[FONT=Verdana,arial]Fussilat (Explained in Detail) [41:34] [RECITE]

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Wala tastawee alhasanatu wala alssayyiatu idfaAA biallatee hiya ahsanu faitha allathee baynaka wabaynahu AAadawatun kaannahu waliyyun hameemun​

41:34 Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!
​

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['Abd-al Latif]

Nope, its purely our desires, nothing to do about it but to supress it until we men marry, its part of our nature.
Its our nafs, our dear Prophet Muhammed(Saw) mentioned that we have to marry young is because of this reason.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. A man's desires aren't so strong that he can't control it, that's the confession of one who is a slave to his desires. One doesn't 'suppress' his desires but controls it and keeps it in check. Imam Ahmed got married at the age of 40, Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman to be with her and the sahaba faced temptations while on long expeditions. Did they commit zina?

Men and women are similar in their desires and a woman's nature does not make her much different from a man. She has to restrain herself for a few days a month but she feels the same as a man. Unless you can prove from hadeeth otherwise?

 

[Jedi_Mindset]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. A man's desires aren't so strong that he can't control it, that's the confession of one who is a slave to his desires. One doesn't 'suppress' his desires but controls it and keeps it in check. Imam Ahmed got married at the age of 40, Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman to be with her and the sahaba faced temptations while on long expeditions. Did they commit zina?

But the difference is that those times were different then now, i agree that it isn't impossible to tame then, but its a very hard struggle(And lifelong) and not easy, so you may slip sometimes. Now here living in the west, its more and more harder to struggle with your lusts, but not impossible indeed, just get married at a younger age, how earlier how better, especially for teenagers like me. The only thing i want a job is because of this. Insha'Allah. And Prophet Yusuf(As) had the imaan and taqwa to struggle it, so we can't really compare ourselves to the prophets(Peace be upon them) eh..

Men and women are similar in their desires and a woman's nature does not make her much different from a man. She has to restrain herself for a few days a month but she feels the same as a man. Unless you can prove from hadeeth otherwise?

Agreed.

 

[Cabdullahi]

Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman.

12:24
She verily desired him, and he would have desired her if it had not been that he saw the argument of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might ward off from him evil and lewdness. Lo! he was of Our chosen slaves.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

But the difference is that those times were different then now, i agree that it isn't impossible to tame then, but its a very hard struggle(And lifelong) and not easy, so you may slip sometimes. Now here living in the west, its more and more harder to struggle with your lusts, but not impossible indeed, just get married at a younger age, how earlier how better, especially for teenagers like me. The only thing i want a job is because of this. Insha'Allah. And Prophet Yusuf(As) had the imaan and taqwa to struggle it, so we can't really compare ourselves to the prophets(Peace be upon them) eh..

The difference is you're making excuses and they didn't; I can even prove this from the sayings of the salaf. You need to see what they did right and what you are doing wrong.

Allah mentioned Prophet Yusuf because he is an example we can follow in every aspect. Allah isn't going to mention distant and impossible examples that we can't relate to. The stories in Qur'an are guidance.

 

[Cabdullahi]

Point taken - Inappropriate advertising images removed

It's a lot worse and posting the extreme ones would be a stupid thing to do.

The funny thing is, sisters see adverts similar to these and say 'oh thats a trendy bag' and when brothers come across these adverts they say 'What the hell is that? why is everything sexual?''

Sexual cues are interpreted by a man (at least subconsciously) as an invitation to sexual intimacy, with all of it pleasures. This invitation makes us feel desired and desirable, and causes us to anticipate the pleasures of a sexual relationship. No wonder we like to look. Some sexual cues are probably naturally programmed into a man's brain. These include such things as

very smooth skin with uniform tone as is typical of glamour photography;
a flirtatious look or facial expression, such as parted lips or a longing gaze;
flirtatious body language, such as cocked hips or thrust out chest;
partially or barely hidden parts of the body that are not normally seen (e.g. cleavage, very short skirt, etc.)

Men are generally more responsive to visual sexual stimuli (cues) than are women ("Men and women differ in amygdala response to visual sexual stimuli." Nature Neuroscience 7:411-416 [2004]), and natural sexual cues have a beneficial function in a healthy marriage: to turn a man on at a time that is convenient for his wife.

Its becoming more difficult there is no doubt about it but its managable....and only a handful of men can achieve total purity.

 

[CosmicPathos]

I would be totally happy without being married provided zina was not declared haraam, it would be better, you wont have to stick to one person. Call it my depraved lust or whatever, it is my biological need as a Homo sapien, I cant divorce myself from it, and Allah put that in me. So if you want to blame men's sexuality, you should blame Allah, not us, or just shut up and accept the way things are. And Allah swt allowed only one solution and that is marriage, so have to get married (good thing is that marriage can bring other benefits in addition as well such as the possibility of having a sincere person in your life aside from family but even this is doubtful in 21st century).

Yup, it is true, you dont need to be married to be happy as a man, as I've mentioned above. As long as you fulfill your desires (sexual as well), among others such as wearing nice clothes, looking nice, having a nice car, having a nice job and what not, one should be happy. But since Islam declares zina as abominable, we have no solution but to either castrate ourselves or to get married.

Kaafir men neither castrate themselves nor get married in their 20s usually. Guess what they do? Go figure.

 

[TrueStranger]

What has happened to this thread? :hmm:

Subhan'Allah, May Allah provide a spouse (ASAP) to all who are currently in need of it. Ameen Thumma Ameen

Some people are running away from relationships, and others are running towards it. What a wonderful world we live in.

 

[~Zaria~]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. A man's desires aren't so strong that he can't control it, that's the confession of one who is a slave to his desires. One doesn't 'suppress' his desires but controls it and keeps it in check. Imam Ahmed got married at the age of 40, Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman to be with her and the sahaba faced temptations while on long expeditions. Did they commit zina?

Men and women are similar in their desires and a woman's nature does not make her much different from a man. She has to restrain herself for a few days a month but she feels the same as a man. Unless you can prove from hadeeth otherwise?

MashaAllah,

I think few realise that WE have control over our desires.
Yes, it is a struggle between shaytaan and our nafs - but how beloved is the one who is able to overcome this, for the pleasure of Allah.

And indeed - a womans desire is very similiar to that of a man.
Sometimes, a young womans desire may even exceed that of her husband.

But few even consider this - perhaps because women are too shy to mention this.......

A married woman, who does not have the option of marrying another - has to be able to control her desires - if they are unmet within the marriage.

If this is possible for a woman, then why is it frequently the complaint of men?

Have men and women not been created with equal abilities to ward off temptation?
And while I do agree that women are a greater test for men (than men for women) - have we not been given clear guidance on how to address this?

By:

- lowering our gazes,
- staying away from meetings and places where there is inter-mingling between sexes,
- remembering that in the company of the opposite gender - the 3rd party is shaytaan,
- by switching off those zina-promoting TV sets

Yes, it is becoming more and more difficult to protect ourselves (both men and women) from the fitnahs of this dunya.

But it is not impossible.

We cannot continue drowning ourselves in sin - and then complaining about how hard it is to control our desires.

And, in my opinion - polygamy is not the solution in these types of scenarios.

 

[CosmicPathos]

I think few realise that WE have control over our desires.

If those who are claiming they have control over their desires, then can you ask them if they are married? or do they plan to get married? Or did they ever masturbate? No one would unveil their sins. When Yusuf (as) could not control his desires save by special intervention of Allah swt (as the verse clearly states), who are these men to proclaim that they have more control over themselves than Prophets? Bull.

 

[White Rose]

If those who are claiming they have control over their desires, then can you ask them if they are married? or do they plan to get married? Or did they ever masturbate? No one would unveil their sins. When Yusuf (as) could not control his desires save by special intervention of Allah swt (as the verse clearly states), who are these men to proclaim that they have more control over themselves than Prophets? Bull.

Actually brother, sister Zaria is right. There are people who have control over their desires. SubhanAllah.
It may seem unreal to you but they are out here.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

So can we conclude from the discussion in the last few pages that 99% of men in the west desperately need four wives otherwise all hell will break lose?

Pity. The noblemen who once ruled the earth and are forever written in the pages of history will never be taken as examples because of the sheer impatience of man today.

 

[CosmicPathos]

So can we conclude from the discussion in the last few pages that 99% of men in the west desperately need four wives otherwise all hell will break lose?

Pity. The noblemen who once ruled the earth and are forever written in the pages of history will never be taken as examples because of the sheer impatience of man today.

I've been happily unmarried for more than 23 years of my life and I can keep on doing so till death. But I can also keep on living without ever stepping outside of my house. Living unnaturally is not called being a superman.

I am also not a zaani allhamdulillah. Just because I have some strong views on something, it does not mean I am not as pious as you are just because you have magical power of killing that which Allah put into you.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Actually brother, sister Zaria is right. There are people who have control over their desires. SubhanAllah.
It may seem unreal to you but they are out here.

we can only be sure of that once these men die as elderly without ever getting married and without ever masturbating and without ever looking at a woman (provided they were always healthy and not xyy).

If yes, mashAllah, amazing supernatural superhuman self-control.

w salam