Du'a after istikhara????

[zarah1988]

I performed istikhara regarding a relationship which I got a negative response. I've never done istikhara before and don't know whether it is actually a negative or whether i'm just interpreting it wrong. (because i think the answer should be this way)

It is a haraam relationship but not very physical (i know istikhara is for permissible alternatives so i wanted to know whether i should wait for him for marriage)

I have been wanting to end it for a long time but it is proving very very difficult as I have very little sabr I pray every night ya Allah give me sabr but like I said I am finding it very difficult. I want it to change to a halal relationship.

There are loads of issues within the relationship i wrote a huuuuge post out yesterday that wouldnt submit and I lost the post but basically what I want to know is when the istikhara comes out negative for example, can I do du'a (they say du'a changes your destiny) so that our relationship becomes halaal?

I have another question. He has started to be a little too friendly with someone who he had issues with last year he seemed to think she was stalking him and although he swears that there is nothing going on (long story short) shes been giving him presents and money again (he admitted to me) she made a comment to me saying 'I have got what I want so go away' all this is frightening to me as Im worried she (sounds stupid while Im writing it i know) has been praying wazaif etc. as she disappeared for a year. How can I pray that he should come off the effects of anything like that? or am i just being stupid?


I feel so distressed and confused and please dont tell me to let go becuse that is not as easy as it sounds when marriage is concerned.

Many thanks in anticipation of your replies..

 

[cat eyes]

so your istikhara has come out negative and you still want to proceed with this relationship even after you've found out hes contacting another sister and making up lies that she is the one stalking him and you actually are foolish enough to believe that? well yes im going to tell you to let go i'm afraid because of the fact he sounds no good and because you have got a negative response from the istikhara i would say that this is a clear sign hes a bad egg. i'm sorry sister but its for your own good you end this now. i can see you getting hurt. nothing ever good comes from haraam.

what if it was the case you married this guy and then you found out he was still in contact with this other sister. do you honestly want to take that risk? or will he actually marry you? maybe hes leading you on false hope til eventually both of you commit zina. is he really as serious about marriage as you believe he is? or is he just passing time with you until he finds another sister because players do that. they go from girl to girl and don't even feel any shame about it. they don't care who they hurt along the way either.

i just hope and pray you will see sense sister i really do. never doubt that sign from Allah. i think that its a clear sign to get out now while you can,

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I performed istikhara regarding a relationship which I got a negative response. I've never done istikhara before and don't know whether it is actually a negative or whether i'm just interpreting it wrong. (because i think the answer should be this way)

It is a haraam relationship but not very physical (i know istikhara is for permissible alternatives so i wanted to know whether i should wait for him for marriage)

I have been wanting to end it for a long time but it is proving very very difficult as I have very little sabr I pray every night ya Allah give me sabr but like I said I am finding it very difficult. I want it to change to a halal relationship.

There are loads of issues within the relationship i wrote a huuuuge post out yesterday that wouldnt submit and I lost the post but basically what I want to know is when the istikhara comes out negative for example, can I do du'a (they say du'a changes your destiny) so that our relationship becomes halaal?

I have another question. He has started to be a little too friendly with someone who he had issues with last year he seemed to think she was stalking him and although he swears that there is nothing going on (long story short) shes been giving him presents and money again (he admitted to me) she made a comment to me saying 'I have got what I want so go away' all this is frightening to me as Im worried she (sounds stupid while Im writing it i know) has been praying wazaif etc. as she disappeared for a year. How can I pray that he should come off the effects of anything like that? or am i just being stupid?


I feel so distressed and confused and please dont tell me to let go becuse that is not as easy as it sounds when marriage is concerned.

Many thanks in anticipation of your replies..

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb. My sister I will not tell you what you want to here but I will tell you what is best for you in accordance with Islam. What you have to realise is that relationships do not necesserily lead to marriage and what ends up happening is that the couple are together before marriage and create this bubble or their own world together creating false dreams of them being together forever but usually these relationships never end up working because they are based on a false premise and its foundations are haraam which means that it is bound to crumble and consequantley the people involved end up getting hurt and scarred for a very long time.

Just because you are in a relationship with this man it does not mean that he is meant for you to be with and marry and it does not mean that it is best for you to marry him just because you have had a relationship with him. You did isthikhara and Allah has given you the answer from what you have found out about the girl having been in contact with him. If she is going to give him money and rpesents then obviously he has been in contact with her otherwise how can she give him presents and money?

My sister you are clearly being fooled just like many young and naive sisters get fooled by false dreams and hopes which they are given. You have been given the answer by Allah and as much as it is going to hurt you now can you imagine how hurt you would be if he cheated on you during marriage? If he is getting friendly with women now then imagine after marriage. Do not let this relationship fool you sister into thinking that you will be happy in marriage or that things will change for the better because they certainly will not for they will get worse.

You have been given the answer and the signs by Allah and if you choose to ignore them and go ahead and marry him thinking everything will be ok then you are setting yourself up for torture and terrible pain and anguish.

You have learnt from this now and Allah has revealed the truth to you about him so leave this forbidden relationship before you get any more hurt. That is not what you wanted to read but it is what is best for you and you know deep in your heart it is. Fear Allah for you have sinned enough by having a forbidden relationship with this man. If you were to die in this condition then what would become of you and what excuses do you have in front of Allah? Do what is best for you and leave this man immediatley and repent to Allah to forgive you.

Find a marriage partner the right way and Allah will bless you with the right partner who will make you truly happy and lead you towards Jannah. By doing things the right way you will gain blessings in your marriage and peace and contentment. You cannot pursue this a second more after recieving the truth by Allah about this man. Ask of Allah to give you patience and change your number/s and e mail address so that you can have a fresh start. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him and find consolence with Allah and let time heal you. Go towards Allah by increasing you worship of him and your heart will be healed in no time inshallah.

Allah wants you to go towards him so repent and ask of him. Thank him and worship him as much as you can. Make the best use of every second and do not waste a second more than you have already wasted on this haraam relationship. Our seconds are short so let us devote them towards pleasing Allah and building our eternal life in the hereafter.

Look at this as a big lesson for you and thank Allah he revealed the truth to you about him now and that you did not learn the hard way after marriage. Learn from this and do things better next time as in NEVER get into any relationship apart from with your husband.

I pray Allah gives you the strength to move on from this and that he heals your heart and finds you a good and pious partner that will love you truly and will never hurt you but benefit you in this world and the next and lead you towards Jannah.



Here are some very beneficial lectures which you should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:


Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0


HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc


Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg


and Allah knows best on all matters

 

[Masuma]

I performed istikhara regarding a relationship which I got a negative response. I've never done istikhara before and don't know whether it is actually a negative or whether i'm just interpreting it wrong. (because i think the answer should be this way)

It is a haraam relationship but not very physical (i know istikhara is for permissible alternatives so i wanted to know whether i should wait for him for marriage)

I have been wanting to end it for a long time but it is proving very very difficult as I have very little sabr I pray every night ya Allah give me sabr but like I said I am finding it very difficult. I want it to change to a halal relationship.

There are loads of issues within the relationship i wrote a huuuuge post out yesterday that wouldnt submit and I lost the post but basically what I want to know is when the istikhara comes out negative for example, can I do du'a (they say du'a changes your destiny) so that our relationship becomes halaal?

I have another question. He has started to be a little too friendly with someone who he had issues with last year he seemed to think she was stalking him and although he swears that there is nothing going on (long story short) shes been giving him presents and money again (he admitted to me) she made a comment to me saying 'I have got what I want so go away' all this is frightening to me as Im worried she (sounds stupid while Im writing it i know) has been praying wazaif etc. as she disappeared for a year. How can I pray that he should come off the effects of anything like that? or am i just being stupid?


I feel so distressed and confused and please dont tell me to let go becuse that is not as easy as it sounds when marriage is concerned.

Many thanks in anticipation of your replies..

Sister, sometimes one has to let go no matter how much the other person we adored!
But in this case, I think praying constantly would work. May Allah listen to your duas and may He make it easy for you.

Sister know that if Allah has really chosen him for you, then you'll get him no matter how hard your enemy tries! Her deception won't last long. But what if that girl your talking about really loves him and he loves her back more than you?

I advice you to do istikhara once again and this time, try to make it perfect.

May Allah ease your difficulties!

 

[zarah1988]

Assalamalaikum Br and Sisters

Firstly can I say Jazakallah khair for all your replys many many thanks your advice and opinions, means v much to me.

Only just seen the reply's today as I'm looking on some information on bi'dah (different story lol)

Looking back now I cant believe how distressed I was and feel v.emabarrased reading it all back! Since then I DID try again with him explaining what my issues were all I got as usual were Oaths and kasams in Gods name that he didnt have a relationship (blah blah all this seems irrelevant now but I will carry on nontheless) with the other girl and only USED her (about which I always got angry about in the past and didnt believe). I since found out that was true. However, I stopped talking to him. Got messages saying how much he did want to marry me etc. and how he will 'change' (other things going on in his life). But have tried my VERY best to keep steadfast, even though sometimes ended up going into conversations with him to explain my feelings.

Last year in Ramadhan exactly, I started praying the Qu'ran in English and learned a lot and always prayed I would carry on seeking knowledge but most importantly implementing it. However I let myself get immersed into worldly affairs again soon after (astagfirullah). Even though I fell in love with Surat ar-Rahman Surat al-kahf etc. I lost my inner jihad obviously

Since all this palaver has been going on Alhamdulillah I've gone back to seeking knowledge and (even before seeing brother Hamza's comments- thanks btw ) switched my phone off for ramadhan (as I realise how weak I actually am). Cannot be contacted by certain people now.

I'm grateful to Allah SWT that somehow I did get the strength to stop and that I didn't have a physical relationship as such. I've read so many times how fornication is forbidden and haraam, I hope Allah SWT will forgive me and keep me on the right path towards Him and towards Jannah.

I'd like to ask Br and Sisters to please pray for me beacause Im not gonna say my feelings have completely been eradicated only when Im reading my books and praying I will forget. However I cannot seem to erase the fact that I care , as he's so adamant he hasn't done a thing wrong. Maybe thats my punishment. Allah knows best.

He also said he was going to send his family over (this is before I left him) Would it be haraam for me to accept? Obviously I still want something halal...actually if it does reach that stage what I will do is perform Istikhara again what do you think?

Feel very happy I found the board and even though my friends have been great at listening, pillars of support and my rocks, Allah SWT is right we wont find a friend bar Him and should put our trust in no-one except Him (I need to strengthen my memory would LOVE to remember which Surat the sayings I remember came from). May Allah SWT put us all on the CORRECT path towards jannah

Anyway Jazakallah Khair again (for listening)

and hope you have a blessed Ramadhan

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamalaikum Br and Sisters

Firstly can I say Jazakallah khair for all your replys many many thanks your advice and opinions, means v much to me.

Only just seen the reply's today as I'm looking on some information on bi'dah (different story lol)

Looking back now I cant believe how distressed I was and feel v.emabarrased reading it all back! Since then I DID try again with him explaining what my issues were all I got as usual were Oaths and kasams in Gods name that he didnt have a relationship (blah blah all this seems irrelevant now but I will carry on nontheless) with the other girl and only USED her (about which I always got angry about in the past and didnt believe). I since found out that was true. However, I stopped talking to him. Got messages saying how much he did want to marry me etc. and how he will 'change' (other things going on in his life). But have tried my VERY best to keep steadfast, even though sometimes ended up going into conversations with him to explain my feelings.

Last year in Ramadhan exactly, I started praying the Qu'ran in English and learned a lot and always prayed I would carry on seeking knowledge but most importantly implementing it. However I let myself get immersed into worldly affairs again soon after (astagfirullah). Even though I fell in love with Surat ar-Rahman Surat al-kahf etc. I lost my inner jihad obviously

Since all this palaver has been going on Alhamdulillah I've gone back to seeking knowledge and (even before seeing brother Hamza's comments- thanks btw ) switched my phone off for ramadhan (as I realise how weak I actually am). Cannot be contacted by certain people now.

I'm grateful to Allah SWT that somehow I did get the strength to stop and that I didn't have a physical relationship as such. I've read so many times how fornication is forbidden and haraam, I hope Allah SWT will forgive me and keep me on the right path towards Him and towards Jannah.

I'd like to ask Br and Sisters to please pray for me beacause Im not gonna say my feelings have completely been eradicated only when Im reading my books and praying I will forget. However I cannot seem to erase the fact that I care , as he's so adamant he hasn't done a thing wrong. Maybe thats my punishment. Allah knows best.

He also said he was going to send his family over (this is before I left him) Would it be haraam for me to accept? Obviously I still want something halal...actually if it does reach that stage what I will do is perform Istikhara again what do you think?

Feel very happy I found the board and even though my friends have been great at listening, pillars of support and my rocks, Allah SWT is right we wont find a friend bar Him and should put our trust in no-one except Him (I need to strengthen my memory would LOVE to remember which Surat the sayings I remember came from). May Allah SWT put us all on the CORRECT path towards jannah

Anyway Jazakallah Khair again (for listening)

and hope you have a blessed Ramadhan

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us. Firstly my sister you should thank Allah abundantly for revealing the truth to you about this guy. There are many who don't recieve the truth about who they were going to marry and end up marrying going through miserable lives and end up divorcees. The fact that you got into a relationship in the first place is a major sin and you should continue to repent to Allah asking of him to forgive you. He was very clearly decieving you and he can do the same again. Allah has shown you his true colours so you cannot possibly even think of marrying someone like that.

My sister it is clear that your heart is too soft for him because you had a relationship with him. Just because you had a relationship with him it does not mean that you have to end up marrying him even though you know he is not the right person for you to marry and spend your life with. Therefore you should accept the signs Allah has shown you about him and get rid of him completley from your life. You should not be speaking to him as this is still a major sin. You should cut off all contact with him immediatley and what better time to do so than in Ramadan.

The biggest mistake you made was that you did not change your number. You should change your number immediatley and it will also be like a fresh start for you. Once you change your number then you should ONLY give it to certain people in your life who you feel are good company but you should discard him and any other guy you are in touch with as well as any other bad company as they are poisen for you.

You do not need to be in touch with him to share your feelings with him. He lied to you before and he can easily do it again or who knows he still may be seeing other girls because what is stopping him not to? Therefore sister you must now be strong and firm and know that it is forbidden for you to be in touch with him and any other guy. You should change your number and e mail immediatley and have a fresh start this Ramadan. This is the best time to mae the necessery changes to your life and get closer to Allah. It is Allah who is making your heart inclined towards getting closer to him so take this opportunity and do not let it pass.

Do not chase after this world which is only temporary but chase after the hereafter which is eternal. The person who chases after the hereafter then this world will chase after him but the person who chases this world will only get minimum of what is destined for him but he will losed out to the hereafter. Therefore the person who chases the hereafter will get this world and the next world so will have a win win situation as oppose to lose lose if chasing this world only.

This is our only chance sister for we only have one chance in life so do not waste it. You have wasted enough of your time and energy on this guy but learn from your past and mistakes and move on now concentrating on fulfilling your obligations to Allah and getting closer to him. Learn as much as you can about Islam and join a local sisters circle or group so that you can find good like minded sisters to learn about deen with and talk about Islam etc.

Do not even ever consider someone like that for marriage no matter what he says to you. Do things in the right way when looking for a partner and the best partner is he who wants to do things the right way straight away involving your wali and not wanting to get into a relationship or get to know you for several months. If you do things the right way then Allah will put peace and blessings into your marriage and life with your partner but if you do things the wrong way like you did with this guy then all you will find is anguish and pain.

So my sister let us not waste a second more of this most precious month. Let us do all actions which please Allah and leave all those actions which displease Allah. Establish all of your 5 daily prayers, recite the Qur'an, remember and glorify Allah, learn about Islam and treat your parents and others the best and make dua as much as you can asking Allah for forgiveness, thanking him and asking of him and you will establish a closeness with Allah which feels more amazing than words can ever describe. So put your FULL reliance, hopes, faith and trust in Allah and change your numbers and e mail and let today be a new beginning for you and leave the past behind you.

Alos please remember me in your dua's.

And Allah knows best in all matters