Asalam alykum, I hope you all are doing well and in the state of Iman inshallah, I recently faced a very sad, and depressing tough situation due to which I am on the verge of losing hope not in Allah cuz he never let me down but in people and in my self. Ever since a very close to heart relative of my was taken away by Allah from this world last month ever since then my mind is killing me. I was abit angry at Allah nawodobillah may Allah forgive me as shaytan was trying to use that misery of mine to leave Islam but alhumdulilah after reciting Qur'an and surah yaseen by heart and making duas I was able to remove some of the whispers of the devil. And mainly I was angry at my self and I still don't like my self Becuase you see my favorite relative was very young and become hafidh of Qur'an and then suddenly he got ill and was In hospital, I was told he isn't too sick it's a small issue he will be "ok soon" since I was extremely sick and was facing alot of intenral battles It didn't cross my mind how serious it was to meet my relative at the hospital
2yrs he was sick he came over to my house I had no idea about his sickn3ss and i didn't want to ask him cuz it would hurt him, and I even met him 1week before he left this world but I'm so stupid and dumb for not visiting him enough for not been there by his side and read Qur'an for him it kills me every day everywhere. After he passed away I was told he had cancer :'( and I was even more mad at the family for not telling me, I don't know why they hid that from me, but I anyways I went to his grave alone read surah yaseen for him and asked Allah to forgive him and me and grant us ease in the next life and have mercy on us. Anyways sorry for the long MSg but I just can't forgive myself until I see him in a dream that he forgives me I cannot even focus on work or anything other then death and the punishment Allah will give me once I leave I'm scared of death I'm scared of the angel of death I'm scared of the day of judgment and I'm scared of the fire, I really need help to keep moving and stop doubts from the devil about the unseen world and let Allah grant me hope and forgiveness. Plz help thanks and sorry my private MSg i cannot reply cuz I didn't make 25posts yet.
