extreme interference by inlaws

[honey123]

Brothers And Sisters AOA!!!

Once again em having alot of issues and problems with my-inlaws. With every passing day my inlwas r becoming more annoying and interfering and my husband would do nothing to stop them. I am very frustrated with their attitudes n my husband's attitude and extremely depressed and stressed out. I am 8 months pregnant and this is my 1st one, i have been married for almost 3 years now. My inlaws have been creating issues and problems for me throughout my pregnancy. Now it's the time to decide a name for our child, we came up with some names n we asked our inlaws to choose one name in them just to give them respect and we even told them da name we liked da most in dat list. My inlaws denied all the names we told them and gave us some names dat i didnt like at all. The name dat i and my husband liked da most, my fatherinlaw rejected it instantly, even not giving it a 2nd thought, i told my husband to try to convince his father over the name but my husband said NO because he says if he tries to convince his father dat wud be disrespectful. I just dont understand whats disrespectful in politely convincing his father? this is the name that's stuck in my head n i just love it and as soon as my fatherinlaw rejected the name my husband started telling me dat even he doesnt like da name anymore just to support his father without acknowlegding dat i love dat name. then there is another name dat i love alot n my mominlaw has her own very stupid reason to reject it.

Brothers and sisters this is just one matter, there have been alot of situations in which my inlaws have accused me, took my very small mistakes and made them look bigger and what I did wasnt even intentional, they have just been mistakes and my husband always forced me to apologize to them or do something extra-ordinary to make them happy n make up for my mistake.

But when my inlaws do something bad to me like taunt me or hurt me or make things hard for me and i complain abt their unfair behaviour, he would become extremely defensive and start telling me dat i always think evil n his family is absolutely right. Taking a stand for me is a big thing he wouldnt even admit dat what his family does is wrong. This thing hurts me big time and makes me feel as if I am a nobody, I stand nowhere in his life. It makes me think dat his family has full right to interefere in my life n take all decisions for me. My husband's attitude makes me feel as if pleasing his family is my foremost duty and no matter how unfair his family is to me I even dont have the right to complain.

Brothers and Sisters my inlaws are very manipulative, they have full control over my husband. I just dont know what to do, how to deal with my inlaws and how to make my husband realize dat he shouldnt let his parents and family control all our household and personal matters. I have tried talking to him abt these issues quite a few times but all that talk has made him lean more towards his parents and left a bad impression of me.

Help me out brothers and sisters, how to deal with such situations. My frustration level is at peak.

 

[GuestFellow]

Brothers And Sisters AOA!!!

Salaam

Once again em having alot of issues and problems with my-inlaws. With every passing day my inlwas r becoming more annoying and interfering and my husband would do nothing to stop them.

Do you live with your in-laws?

I am 8 months pregnant and this is my 1st one, i have been married for almost 3 years now. My inlaws have been creating issues and problems for me throughout my pregnancy. Now it's the time to decide a name for our child, we came up with some names n we asked our inlaws to choose one name in them just to give them respect and we even told them da name we liked da most in dat list. My inlaws denied all the names we told them and gave us some names dat i didnt like at all.

Well choosing the name is a matter between you and your husband. Others can give advice, but this is ultimately you and husband's decision.

The name dat i and my husband liked da most, my fatherinlaw rejected it instantly, even not giving it a 2nd thought, i told my husband to try to convince his father over the name but my husband said NO because he says if he tries to convince his father dat wud be disrespectful.

Well it's none of his business (father-in-law). It is not disrespect. Like I said before, it is a matter between you and your husband. Your grown adults and both of you can decide the name for your child. If you have to reject their choice of names, do so in a polite manner. If they get upset, then that's their problem and will have to live with it.

I just dont understand whats disrespectful in politely convincing his father? this is the name that's stuck in my head n i just love it and as soon as my fatherinlaw rejected the name my husband started telling me dat even he doesnt like da name anymore just to support his father without acknowlegding dat i love dat name. then there is another name dat i love alot n my mominlaw has her own very stupid reason to reject it.

You do not have to convince your father-in-law or any other relatives. Remain calm and speak to your husband about this matter.

Brothers and sisters this is just one matter, there have been alot of situations in which my inlaws have accused me, took my very small mistakes and made them look bigger and what I did wasnt even intentional, they have just been mistakes and my husband always forced me to apologize to them or do something extra-ordinary to make them happy n make up for my mistake.

There is nothing wrong with apologising but this is not acceptable, to blow small mistakes out of proportion. You need to tell your husband that people will always make mistakes and that it is not always intentional. If I was you, just apologise and move on. If your in-laws make a big fuss about it, ignore it.

But when my inlaws do something bad to me like taunt me or hurt me or make things hard for me and i complain abt their unfair behaviour, he would become extremely defensive and start telling me dat i always think evil n his family is absolutely right.

Taking a stand for me is a big thing he wouldnt even admit dat what his family does is wrong. This thing hurts me big time and makes me feel as if I am a nobody, I stand nowhere in his life. It makes me think dat his family has full right to interefere in my life n take all decisions for me. My husband's attitude makes me feel as if pleasing his family is my foremost duty and no matter how unfair his family is to me I even dont have the right to complain.

Brothers and Sisters my inlaws are very manipulative, they have full control over my husband. I just dont know what to do, how to deal with my inlaws and how to make my husband realize dat he shouldnt let his parents and family control all our household and personal matters. I have tried talking to him abt these issues quite a few times but all that talk has made him lean more towards his parents and left a bad impression of me.

Do not rely on your husband to communicate with your in-laws. If you have any family members, call them to resolve all these problems. If this is not practicable, you need to speak to your in-laws. Ask them what's their problem and try to resolve it. Do not lose your temper, remain calm and do not raise your voice. Appear to be calm, relaxed and strong.

If you live with your in-laws, move. You need your own space.

Continue to pray to Allah as well.

 

[aadil77]

Wasalam best to watch this

 

[honey123]

Do you live with your in-laws?

no brother i donot live with them, people who want to interfere in ur lives, they can do it with a fone call too n especially wen they know their son is in their total control.

Well it's none of his business (father-in-law). It is not disrespect. Like I said before, it is a matter between you and your husband. Your grown adults and both of you can decide the name for your child. If you have to reject their choice of names, do so in a polite manner. If they get upset, then that's their problem and will have to live with it.

Brother I wish I could do that, decide da name n not care abt inlaws but paki culture my brother is a culture in which only men have rights, women hav no rights. Majority inlaws in pak treat their daughterinlaws as if they r they have done a big favour by bringin them to da family n da gal has to payoff this favor her whole life. they expect their daughterinlaws to be their puppets.

Do not rely on your husband to communicate with your in-laws. If you have any family members, call them to resolve all these problems. If this is not practicable, you need to speak to your in-laws. Ask them what's their problem and try to resolve it. Do not lose your temper, remain calm and do not raise your voice. Appear to be calm, relaxed and strong.

Brother dats wat I am thinking rite now, I have to be strong n handle all these issues by myself instead of relyin on my husband cuz relying on him wudnt work.
Thank u for da nice advices

 

[honey123]

Brother Aadil77 thank u for sharing such a nice video, it was very informative and helpful, i watched da video n made my husband watch it too and after watchin da video i started discussing the issues with him, he was defensive as they r his parents but at least he acknowledged wat i had to say too, for the first time he listened to wat i had to say and was a bit supportive.