Asalaam U alikum
My name is Fatima, I am a 25 year old Pakistani Muslim (Alhamdulillah) and I am seeking guidance on a very important matter from those who hold wisdom in the matter.
The matter is regarding my marriage and I hope to find some guidance or even a sense if direction here.
About two years a go I met a white American man in college who I spoke to on the topic of Islam for a school project who later by the will of Allah was guided to Islam and has been a revert for about a year and a half now. We had a liking for each other and so I had him talk to my mother (she is my wali, legal guardian as my parents are separated) and he then sent a proposal to my family through the Imam who he reverted from. As you might understand, marrying out of culture and race does not come easy in eastern families however after meeting with him multiple times my mother has been supportive as she feels that he is a genuine man. With her permission I had been in contact over the phone with him and during that time we did encounter certain issues which made me doubt this decision of mine. My mother spoke to her brothers and other members of my immediate family, and they have all voiced their concerns over marrying out of culture which i fully understand and have been heavy on my mind and heart however they are all supportive given I am happy. i have been doing istikhara for about two weeks now but my heart is extremely conflicted between going ahead with my initial decision of marrying this man as he genuinely is a very sincere honest and a genuine man who came to Islam from his heart, vs leaving this decision as it will cause alot of complications for my mother and all of my family as well as for me for life and just marry someone from my own culture who my parents choose for me.
I have my full faith that Allah will do what is best for me as I have been praying istikhara for about two weeks now, however i keep reading in articles that after praying istikhara one should feel ease towards a certain decision, however my heart is very much torn between the two decisions. Some times i get this urge to end this decision to take my mother and my family out of this stress and future complications, but when i think about leaving i get this feeling that I might be doing wrong by the guy as he has been nothing but genuine and honest and sincere to me as well as my family. I am at a point where my heart is equally torn between the two paths and it’s torture because my mother asks me daily what my final decision is and I still dont know. I have been uncontrollably crying for days now thinking of the pain I have been putting my family as well as Ryan (the guy) through because of my own conflicting feelings. On one end removing him from my life seems like the right and the easy thing to do as i know it will being peace to my family, however on the other hand i feel scared thinking what if this decision ends up being a mistake and I loose someone who genuinely cared for my soul. I just want Allah to put me on the path He SWT knows is better for me and give me the strength to stay steadfast on it and bring peace and contentment to my heart but i am severely torn.
Please if you can offer some guidance I would forever be grateful to you and may Allah reward you.
JazakAllah Khayr
My name is Fatima, I am a 25 year old Pakistani Muslim (Alhamdulillah) and I am seeking guidance on a very important matter from those who hold wisdom in the matter.
The matter is regarding my marriage and I hope to find some guidance or even a sense if direction here.
About two years a go I met a white American man in college who I spoke to on the topic of Islam for a school project who later by the will of Allah was guided to Islam and has been a revert for about a year and a half now. We had a liking for each other and so I had him talk to my mother (she is my wali, legal guardian as my parents are separated) and he then sent a proposal to my family through the Imam who he reverted from. As you might understand, marrying out of culture and race does not come easy in eastern families however after meeting with him multiple times my mother has been supportive as she feels that he is a genuine man. With her permission I had been in contact over the phone with him and during that time we did encounter certain issues which made me doubt this decision of mine. My mother spoke to her brothers and other members of my immediate family, and they have all voiced their concerns over marrying out of culture which i fully understand and have been heavy on my mind and heart however they are all supportive given I am happy. i have been doing istikhara for about two weeks now but my heart is extremely conflicted between going ahead with my initial decision of marrying this man as he genuinely is a very sincere honest and a genuine man who came to Islam from his heart, vs leaving this decision as it will cause alot of complications for my mother and all of my family as well as for me for life and just marry someone from my own culture who my parents choose for me.
I have my full faith that Allah will do what is best for me as I have been praying istikhara for about two weeks now, however i keep reading in articles that after praying istikhara one should feel ease towards a certain decision, however my heart is very much torn between the two decisions. Some times i get this urge to end this decision to take my mother and my family out of this stress and future complications, but when i think about leaving i get this feeling that I might be doing wrong by the guy as he has been nothing but genuine and honest and sincere to me as well as my family. I am at a point where my heart is equally torn between the two paths and it’s torture because my mother asks me daily what my final decision is and I still dont know. I have been uncontrollably crying for days now thinking of the pain I have been putting my family as well as Ryan (the guy) through because of my own conflicting feelings. On one end removing him from my life seems like the right and the easy thing to do as i know it will being peace to my family, however on the other hand i feel scared thinking what if this decision ends up being a mistake and I loose someone who genuinely cared for my soul. I just want Allah to put me on the path He SWT knows is better for me and give me the strength to stay steadfast on it and bring peace and contentment to my heart but i am severely torn.
Please if you can offer some guidance I would forever be grateful to you and may Allah reward you.
JazakAllah Khayr