Falling in love in Islam - PROHIBITED OR NOT?

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The_Hidden_True

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:sl:

What does Islam say about falling in love with a girl???? I mean, I have heard that looking at a woman isn´t allowed according to Islam, but how will I fall in love if I can´t see her?
 
:w: Well, when you're alone with a sister, and your intentions are not pure then you know the third party is the shaytaan right?

Allaah's hikmah is far beyond ours, so therefore he knows that when we say, ''Oh it's just one look, one time'' you know it's not only one look or time that you're gonna do it. What if someone is really attractive? Then you wanna act upon that look, approach them, and then all of a sudden you can be lead into the haraam, dating.

If you see a sister, who's mashaa Allaah on top of everything -- her studies, household stuff, and taking care of her family and you decide that you want to know more about her then there are other pathways to do so. You can find her brother, or a brother that knows her and ask some questions you'd like to know.

Falling in love is not haraam in Islaam, the Prophet (SAWS) loved his wives very much and celibacy is even forbidden in Islaam. The Prophet (SAWS) used to encourage those who can get married, to do so because it leaves you away the from haraam. We as Muslims believe that love comes after marriage, that when Allaah brings two people together, he puts love in their hearts - in the most halal way possible.

Hope that clarifies things inshaa Allaah.
 
1.you grow to love the person.
2. when the time comes for you to get married and you like a girl, you can go around her house and talk to her as long as she has a mahrem with her.
3.if you go down the arranged marriage route, your parents who know you o so well will surely be able to find you a suited match.
 
:salamext:

People don't just fall in love with looks. There are other factors contributing to love.
 
Sister-Ameena* said:
:w: Well, when you're alone with a sister, and your intentions are not pure then you know the third party is the shaytaan right?

Allaah's hikmah is far beyond ours, so therefore he knows that when we say, ''Oh it's just one look, one time'' you know it's not only one look or time that you're gonna do it. What if someone is really attractive? Then you wanna act upon that look, approach them, and then all of a sudden you can be lead into the haraam, dating.

If you see a sister, who's mashaa Allaah on top of everything -- her studies, household stuff, and taking care of her family and you decide that you want to know more about her then there are other pathways to do so. You can find her brother, or a brother that knows her and ask some questions you'd like to know.

Falling in love is not haraam in Islaam, the Prophet (SAWS) loved his wives very much and celibacy is even forbidden in Islaam. The Prophet (SAWS) used to encourage those who can get married, to do so because it leaves you away the from haraam. We as Muslims believe that love comes after marriage, that when Allaah brings two people together, he puts love in their hearts - in the most halal way possible.

Hope that clarifies things inshaa Allaah.
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So does that mean I can only fall in love after marriage, not before it? What if my love is pure with clear intentions and not evil eye, then what my Sister? If I´m alone with her and my intentions are not pure then third party is Shaytaan, right. But what if my intentions are pure?

Let me tell you something which I think will help you get clearer image of my point:

There´s a Muslim girl in our neighborhood and I have a relationship with her that of just a friend. I admit I used to joke around with her but never looked at her with evil intentions, infact just as a friend of my sisters and thus my friend as well. One day she came to us and I was absolutely alone at home. She came to return something my mother gave her. I was surely afraid of asking her to sit around with me but I still offered her something to drink. She sat and started to drink a glass juice as I continued with my home work further. I don´t know what intentions she had or what she thought of, she embraced me from behind and said, "We are alone here. Why not let ourselves get out of control?" I said, "What are you doing? Sorry but don´t make me slap you hard!" She replied, "Why can´t we? Why can´t you be in love with me?" I said, "Love? Is that what you call love? No! This is just lust!" She started crying and asking to forgive her and she made a mistake etc. She made me promise her that I won´t tell her parents. She actually said to me, "What can I do? It´s such age I can´t control."I said, "Just pray to Allah to let yourself get through this difficult period of time." She totally agreed with me and asked, "I have met many men in this world and have actually committed so many such sins but today I saw purest of men in the world. You have just amazed me! I can´t believe some men in this world can be so good. But why didn´t you agree to it???" She asked politely. My reply was, "Because I love already fallen in love with a girl with my pure intentions and heart. I´m a Muslim and have believe in Mohammad (P.B.U.H) who asks us to refrain from committing such sins. But ever since I have met her I have truly never committed any such sin or looked at a girl with evil intentions. Just have love for her deep down in my heart." She couldn´t believe it. She said, "I have met many evil eyed men in this world but today I have truly fallen in love with someone who is so pure in his life only because of his love......" I argued a lot with her not to love me as it can only give pain to you.

Believe me Sister, I even never looked at that girl which I love with impure intentions. I infact never used to look at her, I tried my best to avoid seeing her but don´t know why but eyes were not in my control. I never had bad intentions about her - it´s what I believe you can call pure love.

Ever since then I have started to believe love is pure and it surely prevents you from committing sins.

Your thoughts on this now??????
 
salam bro!
i just read ur thread...and i (kinda sorta) understand what you r saying..but you need to keep in mind that the number one reason u should love a person is for their islam and their faith...
and you can't be "alone" with her..you might not have wrong attentions but she might does. and shitaan has its way of making people sin..he's not gonna come right out at you and tell you that you should do something bad..he;s gonna do it step by step and one thing might lead to another... and he might be able to convince you to do something that you would later regret....
i would say find more about herself, as in her personality... you can't "love" someone for their looks...you have to look at the both ends... it might just be affections...and you might think you "love" her now and all that stuff but later you find out that you don't...
that's just my way of looking at it..you have to make the ultimate choice..don't let shitaan win
 
The_Hidden_True said:
So does that mean I can only fall in love after marriage, not before it? What if my love is pure with clear intentions and not evil eye, then what my Sister? If I´m alone with her and my intentions are not pure then third party is Shaytaan, right. But what if my intentions are pure?

Let me tell you something which I think will help you get clearer image of my point:

There´s a Muslim girl in our neighborhood and I have a relationship with her that of just a friend. I admit I used to joke around with her but never looked at her with evil intentions, infact just as a friend of my sisters and thus my friend as well. One day she came to us and I was absolutely alone at home. She came to return something my mother gave her. I was surely afraid of asking her to sit around with me but I still offered her something to drink. She sat and started to drink a glass juice as I continued with my home work further. I don´t know what intentions she had or what she thought of, she embraced me from behind and said, "We are alone here. Why not let ourselves get out of control?" I said, "What are you doing? Sorry but don´t make me slap you hard!" She replied, "Why can´t we? Why can´t you be in love with me?" I said, "Love? Is that what you call love? No! This is just lust!" She started crying and asking to forgive her and she made a mistake etc. She made me promise her that I won´t tell her parents. She actually said to me, "What can I do? It´s such age I can´t control."I said, "Just pray to Allah to let yourself get through this difficult period of time." She totally agreed with me and asked, "I have met many men in this world and have actually committed so many such sins but today I saw purest of men in the world. You have just amazed me! I can´t believe some men in this world can be so good. But why didn´t you agree to it???" She asked politely. My reply was, "Because I love already fallen in love with a girl with my pure intentions and heart. I´m a Muslim and have believe in Mohammad (P.B.U.H) who asks us to refrain from committing such sins. But ever since I have met her I have truly never committed any such sin or looked at a girl with evil intentions. Just have love for her deep down in my heart." She couldn´t believe it. She said, "I have met many evil eyed men in this world but today I have truly fallen in love with someone who is so pure in his life only because of his love......" I argued a lot with her not to love me as it can only give pain to you.

Believe me Sister, I even never looked at that girl which I love with impure intentions. I infact never used to look at her, I tried my best to avoid seeing her but don´t know why but eyes were not in my control. I never had bad intentions about her - it´s what I believe you can call pure love.

Ever since then I have started to believe love is pure and it surely prevents you from committing sins.

Your thoughts on this now??????
Click to expand...

:sl: I don't want to come off as harsh brother, but for you to even be alone with the sister (as I have mentioned before) is haraam, as the shaytaan is the third party present. If your niyaah is truly pure, then you would go about her learning about through purely halal means.

Brothers and sisters cannot be friends, why did Allaah forbid this? Because since his hikmah and 'ilm is far above ours, he knew what his 'alameen are susceptible to, and there's just too much fitnah that'll be behind the back of both of your minds.

The sister even asked, "Why don't we let ourselves go out of control?" That doesn't sound halal to me bro. Mashaa Allaah that you kept yourself in check (may Allaah reward you inshaa Allaah).

My thoughts on your situation is, think about whether you actually want to marry this girl. Do you love her for the sake of Allaah (fisabililah)? If you do, then you'd know that you'd have to halt speaking with her without a mahram present. From this day forward, I would have a heart to heart to myself and really think about your situation, about what you should do. Take this as an opportunity to be closer to Allaah Ta'ala, and think about your overall objective in life.

Love does exist in Islaam, indefinitely, as marriage is encouraged for those who cannot control themselves (or fasting)...but, it comes after marriage. After you marry your husband/wife, then Allaah puts love between the two of you. If you loved eachother before marriage, then there would be more fitnah and haraam between you two.
 
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We live in such a decadant world. It is so refreshing to hear men talk like this and also good Sisters who support them. I wish this thread would go on forever....it gives me hope.
 
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Peace to All following guidance of Al-Quran And Sunnah

Falling in love is HARAAM. You will get married to your spouse for the pleasure of ALLAh and to complete your ISLAM, before learning to love each other for the sake of ALLAH. ONLY ALLAH (swt) is the controller of hearts.

Look at the KAFIRAH and you will find her falling in and out of love and bfor she married 1 man, she has "loved" and known intimately at least 3 men, thereby earning herself the title "PUBLIC PROPERTY"...

Hope this helps!
hmz
 
hamzahm said:
Peace to All following guidance of Al-Quran And Sunnah

Falling in love is HARAAM.
Click to expand...

:salamext: Bro, the premise of falling in love before marriage is haraam not the whole idea of falling in love. :)
 
As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love because of Allah and we hate because of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage. All those stories of media and movies are not helpful to make a person comply with the teachings of Islam.

We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself: why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.

As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.

If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

Hopes that will be answer to your question, Insha'Allah!

Allah Hafiz
Sister Fatima
 
Salaam alaykum,
I think you can also fall in love with how a person behaves, treats his/her family and friends, the character, etc etc. it's not just looks as someone else already said.

in order to find a person like that, with a loveable character, you have to ask around. your parents etc. your intention should be to get married.

indeed friendships between men and women are haraam, for a reason. there will always be a moment of weakness, from one of the parties involved...
 
Sister-Ameena* said:
:salamext: Bro, the premise of falling in love before marriage is haraam not the whole idea of falling in love. :)
Click to expand...

As-Salaamu Alaikum WRWB

Apologies...

My mistake... and I correct myself as follows:

In Islam, Falling in love before marriage is HARAAM... I understood falling in love, as defined by the Kuffar and is a term used by the Kuffar to mean dating and going out etc.. FALLING IN LOVE is a kuffar term, which has its own linguistic and traditional meanings meaning. My answer was based on its linguistic and traditional meanings. Just as the word "gay" evoved to mean something derogatory from its original meaning ...
ALLAH KNOWS BEST!
was-salaam
hmz
 
Sister-Ameena* said:
Brothers and sisters cannot be friends, why did Allaah forbid this? Because since his hikmah and 'ilm is far above ours, he knew what his 'alameen are susceptible to, and there's just too much fitnah that'll be behind the back of both of your minds.
Click to expand...

Where did Allah forbid friendship between people of opposite sex? Please enlighten me on this if possible.
 
Truth_Searcher said:
Where did Allah forbid friendship between people of opposite sex? Please enlighten me on this if possible.
Click to expand...

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Regarding your question, Muslims should have good relations with all people, both males and females. At school, at work, in your neighborhood, etc., you should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. This kind of friendship often leads to haram.

Answering your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states: "It is common knowledge that in Islam, fornication and adultery are grave sins and committing either bears serious consequences in this world and the Hereafter. However, what is not so well known is that while declaring fornication and adultery as haram (forbidden), Islam does not merely forbid the actual acts, but it also declares as forbidden each and every circumstance or way that leads to fornication and adultery.

Allah says, Do not come near fornication, for it is indeed lewdness and an evil life-style. (Al-Isra': 32) Explaining this, the Prophet said, The fornication of the eyes is staring, the fornication of the ears is listening, the fornication of the tongue is talking, the fornication of the hands is holding, the fornication of the feet is walking, the fornication of the heart/mind is craving and lusting, and finally, the private parts confirm or negate it. He also said, Staring is one of the arrows of Satan. In another report, he said, You are allowed to have the first accidental look (which is unintentional), but do not continue to stare.

The laws of Islam are from Allah, our Creator, who knows our weaknesses as well as our strengths better than we can ever do. Women, by nature, desire to be looked at, adored and cherished, while man is inclined to look at women. Allah, the Almighty therefore, warns us against our own natures, which may lead us astray if we do not exercise caution and take the necessary safeguards. Thus, Allah, the Almighty said, Say to the believing men to lower their gazes and guard their chastity. And say to the believing women to lower their gazes and guard their chastity and not to display their charms in public. (An-Nur: 30-31) Having friendship with members of the opposite gender may lead to staring, lustful thoughts, flirtatious behavior and seduction. Although it may not always be the case, there is no way to tell when it could happen and when it would not happen. That is why it is forbidden to mingle and mix freely with members of the opposite sex and to develop friendships with them.

It is all part of zina (fornication), which Allah and His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) strongly ordered us to abstain from. Allah, the Almighty has given us laws in order to guard us against the evils that are inherent in our own souls. One recent study conducted about male-female interaction in the workplace concluded that one in every three women had been sexually involved with a co-worker or boss. If this is the case in a professional, business-like environment, then the potential for illicit relations in more casual circumstances has much greater potential. Thus, Allah, the Almighty has been most gracious by not only forbidding fornication and adultery, but also by closing all the doors that lead to them.

http://www.islamonline.com/news/newsfull.php?newid=376
 
RighteousLady said:
As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Regarding your question, Muslims should have good relations with all people, both males and females. At school, at work, in your neighborhood, etc., you should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. This kind of friendship often leads to haram.

Answering your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states: "It is common knowledge that in Islam, fornication and adultery are grave sins and committing either bears serious consequences in this world and the Hereafter. However, what is not so well known is that while declaring fornication and adultery as haram (forbidden), Islam does not merely forbid the actual acts, but it also declares as forbidden each and every circumstance or way that leads to fornication and adultery.

Allah says, Do not come near fornication, for it is indeed lewdness and an evil life-style. (Al-Isra': 32) Explaining this, the Prophet said, The fornication of the eyes is staring, the fornication of the ears is listening, the fornication of the tongue is talking, the fornication of the hands is holding, the fornication of the feet is walking, the fornication of the heart/mind is craving and lusting, and finally, the private parts confirm or negate it. He also said, Staring is one of the arrows of Satan. In another report, he said, You are allowed to have the first accidental look (which is unintentional), but do not continue to stare.

The laws of Islam are from Allah, our Creator, who knows our weaknesses as well as our strengths better than we can ever do. Women, by nature, desire to be looked at, adored and cherished, while man is inclined to look at women. Allah, the Almighty therefore, warns us against our own natures, which may lead us astray if we do not exercise caution and take the necessary safeguards. Thus, Allah, the Almighty said, Say to the believing men to lower their gazes and guard their chastity. And say to the believing women to lower their gazes and guard their chastity and not to display their charms in public. (An-Nur: 30-31) Having friendship with members of the opposite gender may lead to staring, lustful thoughts, flirtatious behavior and seduction. Although it may not always be the case, there is no way to tell when it could happen and when it would not happen. That is why it is forbidden to mingle and mix freely with members of the opposite sex and to develop friendships with them.

It is all part of zina (fornication), which Allah and His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) strongly ordered us to abstain from. Allah, the Almighty has given us laws in order to guard us against the evils that are inherent in our own souls. One recent study conducted about male-female interaction in the workplace concluded that one in every three women had been sexually involved with a co-worker or boss. If this is the case in a professional, business-like environment, then the potential for illicit relations in more casual circumstances has much greater potential. Thus, Allah, the Almighty has been most gracious by not only forbidding fornication and adultery, but also by closing all the doors that lead to them.

http://www.islamonline.com/news/newsfull.php?newid=376
Click to expand...

:w:

First of all I would like to say that I appreciate your efforts of having answered me in much more clearer way rather having just claimed the forbiddance of friendship of people of opposite sex.

Fornication? How can fornication be part of close friendship? The fact that comes here is that how you define a close friend. To me a close friend is with whom you can share most of the things which others may not be knowing (now again, it depends on your definition of "sharing things". To me it mean sharing your problems like you receive in studies, at home, normal life etc). And to you close friendship might just mean the closeness of two different bodies of opposite sex (i.e physically) which surely isn´t allowed as per Islam.

I don´t really know which recent studies you are talking about but what if even if it´s true? What if I´m not the one amongst those who use the word "friendship" to cover up all their sexual acts? Is it still forbidden? Allah surely "warns" us against the acts which "may" lead us to a wrong path but He doesn´t basically forbid them. Relatively speaking, there are limitless acts which "may" lead us to wrong path to commit grave sins like adultery, fornication but the basic acts are not forbidden by Allah for his followers who have control over their minds, souls and bodies. Now tell me, is friendship between two boys forbidden or not? You know what two young boys in their peak can do united?: They can both kidnap girls and rape them, they can go to brothel to get rid off their lust. If not that then there are likely chances of boys commited an even more shameful act of homosexuality to get rid off their lust since any type of sex is not allowed before marriage. Now answer: Is friendship between boys also termed 'Haraam' for the fact that their partnership "may" lead them to fornication and adultery? If not, then why? Similarly, the act of masturbation is a grave sin as per Islam and Allah clearly forbids this, right? Now, is the basic act of being lonely naked in the bathroom/toilet also forbidden? If yes, then it means we should not go to toilet and try to halt it and die? If not, then does this mean Allah here hasn´t forbidden the basic act which "may" lead us to something absolutely shameful and 'Haraam'???? My friend, committing adultery, fornication with anyone is sure not allowed in Islam but "not" the basic act of being a friend of someone.

Friendship is a very beautiful relationship made for lustless people living on this Earth. It´s surely not for those who get married four times to fulfill their lusty desires with every different female. Infact, it´s made for those people who can mantain the relationship of friendship only with people of opposite sex in spite of getting married only once.
 
what if a male and female just talk (over the phone, msn, etc) but don't meet eachother, is that still haram?
 
The_Hidden_True said:
:sl:

What does Islam say about falling in love with a girl???? I mean, I have heard that looking at a woman isn´t allowed according to Islam, but how will I fall in love if I can´t see her?
Click to expand...

If you believe that love only has to do with physical attractiveness, your idea of love is a bit off in my opinion.
 
How can one be falling in love with someone if her or his intention is not pure? It is not love after all is is purely LUST.!
As long as you are in-LOVE, Shayta's LUST can not overpower you.
That's is only my opinion and I welcome others' view.
Pantaleon-Araw
 

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