Falling in Love

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I'm sorry i'm an emotional wreck and I don't have the will to write what happened, it hurts too much to even think about it.

How do I get over these feelings? I feel dead and lifeless inside, it's as though my world has been torn to pieces and I'm finding it so hard to cope with life...

I need to stand back up but I can't know what to do...please advise me
 
:sl:
^sorry, im bad...
starting point: how long ago did it end and do you want to move on?

the first qn is because naturally the pain will be more intense soon after, but as time goes on, inshallah things will get better. so many people have been there and so many people have found that as time goes on, their pain lessons.
 
A few weeks back and no I don't want to move on at all but I know have to because I know it's not good to stay like this for too long.

I happen to see this person earlier this morning and I felt everything rush back into my heart and soul and now I'm crumbling again, ya allah what to do...so hard to hold back the tears...
 
:sl:
^thats ok, cry....crying is good...

hmm, im not all the experted in giving out advice surrounding these issues, but i do strongly believe that:

1. you need to put in you utmost best to move on as you'll create false hopes which will only backfire on you and you'll get move hurt.

2. the best thing to do is to move away from that person...so don't see them and avoid them as much as you can because if you do see them etc, then feelings will only ignite once again, even if they have been dormant/disappeared for a long time.

3. let time heal wounds. dont expect it to leave you over night. dont expect it not to come back every now and again. im sure-and people in the same situation will tell you the same-there will be times of tranquility and times of torture. either way, just exercise patience, and remember allah when you face those times of torture.

4. just keep on praying for patience and strength. please do not underestimate the power of dua in such situations. there has been people before you who have been in your situation and they have turned to allah in utter heartache, only for their situations to ease. if you want strength to move on, ask allah! if you want a tranquil heart, ask allah! wallahi you will NOT be let down :cry:

in all situations, turn to Allah, recite duas to ease your pain such as the ones prescribed in the sunnah, eg innalillah wa inna ilaihi raajo3oon, etc...also read stories of the prohets/righteous people who have been in your situation and inshallah you will feel at ease knowing that the greatest of men/people have been in your situation.

at all times -especially when you feel the world has been paced on your shoulders and you are ready to break - KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER! and remember this life is short. tomorrow we will be in our graves...and that's all life really boils down to...tests and trials.

if you want any reading material on patience, dua etc let me know and i'll post them inshallah.
 
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I know the virtues of lowering the gaze so I wouldn't intentionally look but it's when they just happen to pop up infront of you and you freeze and you just don't know what to do. It's a pleasent surprise yet a crushing one to feel that you are so close yet miles apart from your dearly beloved. I try to be as patient as I can but it's so hard because I'm smiling infront of people and trying my best to seem normal and though my eyes are dry tears are flowing in my heart. No one person knows how I really feel deep down.

Allah knows if I was to talk to this person for a minute i'd be broken to tears. I have cried uncontrollably in the past because of a killer heartache and I just don't know what to do. I'm holding back my tears as I write this, I'm making all the dua I can but I just a shoulder to lean on. It's hard bottling things up.
 
Thank you umm al shaheed for your advice. What else can I do other then dua for the time being to move on from these feelings?
 
T.I.A said:
Love before marriage is shaytaan.
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No not really.

The Prophet :saws: said: "We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage." (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)
 
hmm try making Islam your focus instead of this person, try telling yourself my goal is to get to jannah. Pining after this person isn't helping me get to jannah in any way so there's no point in pursuing it. It's true your goal in life is to earn the pleasure of Allah and get to the jannah so just focus on why your here which isn't to pine after some one.

When I went threw something similar I told myself "Hang on, why the hell are you wasting so much time thinking about this person, is this why Allah put you here NO, he put me here to worship him and remember him" so I made this the thing that I ran after and desired. Then the person who I couldn't stop thinking about I just forgot them and instead began remembering someone who is much more worthy of my rememberance Allah :)

if somethings going wrong in your life then it's not gonna be fixed unless he wills it for you. so maybe start focusing on becoming a better Muslim and asking yourself "how good of a Muslim am I"

"do I do all of the obligatory acts of worship"

" Do I stay away from the haraam"

"Do I show Islam in my actions and speech"

"do I do haraam stuff and expect good to come out of it"

"do I go out with boys and complain when they don't marry me"

"do I show Islam in the way I dress"

that's what I did jus completely changed what I focused on and my priorities, I began questioning myself and my focus became pleasing Allah and my priority became staying away from things that displease him.

cos at the end of the day, your gonna die one day and go to a dark hole in the ground all by yourself, and the only thing that is gonna be of use to you then, is your Islam and how good of a Muslim you where. So try to make islam and jannah your main goal and passion. Easier said then done I understand but when you think of Jannah and Naar it becomes easy :)
 
anonymous said:
I'm sorry i'm an emotional wreck and I don't have the will to write what happened, it hurts too much to even think about it.

How do I get over these feelings? I feel dead and lifeless inside, it's as though my world has been torn to pieces and I'm finding it so hard to cope with life...
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Okay I might be overreacting here, and as I am not, nor have ever been married, can I say I have ever been in 'true' love (if it exists), but I thought love of Allah was supposed to exceed everything else? Humans fall in and out of love but love of Allah (and the Prophets) is everlasting for the believers and a raison d'etre if you ever needed one.

Therefore how can you say that you are 'dead and lifeless inside'? I don't mean to offend you, but anyone who dropped you like that wasn't worth loving in the first place. Allah never drops you unless you drop Him. So please, do yourself a favour and move on.
 
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anonymous said:
I try to be as patient as I can but it's so hard because I'm smiling infront of people and trying my best to seem normal and though my eyes are dry tears are flowing in my heart. No one person knows how I really feel deep down.
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dont you have anyone you could talk to. a friend? a sibling?


I have cried uncontrollably in the past because of a killer heartache and I just don't know what to do.
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you mean you have been though this before with someone else? in that case, it'll be easier because you already know on what grounds you are walking on, so to speak. and also you'll know that it is possible to move on.

I'm holding back my tears as I write this, I'm making all the dua I can but I just a shoulder to lean on. It's hard bottling things up.
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you dont always have to bottle things up. release the tension. write it down? it'll eat you up other wise. having said though just dont let your emotions get to you too much and dont express them too intensely, as sometimes it'll only add to your problems and make it worse.

anonymous said:
Thank you umm al shaheed for your advice. What else can I do other then dua for the time being to move on from these feelings?
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go traveling? take up a hobby? enroll in some kind of class with your friends. hang out with your friends. just do something different to get your mind off things.
 
Everybodys been too busy with their own affairs so I haven't spoken to anyone properly. I need someone to sit me and have a long talk with but I've got no body cuz everyones just too busy.

I have a diary that I write everything in but any reminiscence of the past gets me emotional and I break down. I end up bottling everything in but that makes things even worse...I feel as though my insides are being eaten up, the hurt is too much to put into words...
 
I've tried but It's like no ones got time for me and now everybodys avoiding me, I've barely had a conversation for the past few days. Its made me realize who my friends really are...
 
may Allah heal your pain anonymous.
dont think too much, try to forget, it is a matter of will power after all.
you have to find a way on your own and you will if you are sincere and determined enough.
it doesnt matter much if you have someone to talk to or not about this, you have to pull yourself together all by yourself at the end of the day.
chill out! forget about the past, look forward to the future.
 
I guess i won't be truly in love until i've had contact with the guy (which will be after marriage) & then i don't know if i will fall out of love easily or not. At present what i've experienced is that one can fall in & out of love easily if they are the one moving on. But if it's the other person, then it's a huge heartache.

In that case the only thing one can do is make dua and pray lots, hang out with friends, avoid the person altogether (sometimes that's very difficult if you live nearby & have to pass by his place or have the urge to pass by his place just to see if maybe things have gotten better, etc.) I think that if one is absolutely sure that the other person has moved on (that is, has told you it's over) then to avoid him altogether. No point in running after him. If not (that is, there was some misunderstanding, as in the case of someone i know) then one should try to find out somehow.

But in any case, any direct contact out of marriage should be avoided. One should try to get married as quickly as possible so as not to fall into these sort of things. When you're unmarried, it's easy to start liking someone and talking to him & because the bond is so weak, it's easy for one of them to move on & hurt the other.
 
I also agree... although you may think you are in love before marriage, it is in most cases "lust". You may think the strong attraction and desire to be with someone is "falling in love" with them, but true love is when you live together and both parties are happy. Both parties have come to terms with each others imperfections and strive to that one common goal, Jennah. True love, is taking care of each other in times of need and sickness, when your vomiting and your spouse holds your hair back and is making sure you're okay. True love, is wanting to strive with your partner to go to jennah. That in my book is true love, when you really want to go to jennah and will do anything to please Allah swt and do things for the sake of him, thats when you find true happiness.... all the lust and happiness before is easy to get, however temporaray. If you wait for it and attain it in halal ways it'll truly be everlasting, and what better feeling could you have, then the feeling of allah swt being happy with you... that is the best feeling ever.
 

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