Fear of marriage

[abu salaahudeen]

thats right

May Allah make the muslim men be good to their wives

 

[Mark87]

The more you interact the more it will become easier to socialize, and just take it slow, step by step. then eventually you'll gain confidence within yourself and things will function as normal

 

[AlHoda]

I suppose it's sounds easy but let me give you an example of how I 'socialize';

It rather goes like this;

-Salama3aleykum, how is it going?

-Fine,alhamdullilah.

-and how are you?

-Fine,alhamdullilah.

-Ehmm....... :skeletonhere is the point where the conversation comes to an end as I can not come up with a topic)

Patetic (If that is the correct spelling) am I?

But anyway, may Allah (swt) bless you all for your advice.

:wa:

 

[CosmicPathos]

I suppose it's sounds easy but let me give you an example of how I 'socialize';

It rather goes like this;

-Salama3aleykum, how is it going?

-Fine,alhamdullilah.

-and how are you?

-Fine,alhamdullilah.

-Ehmm....... :skeletonhere is the point where the conversation comes to an end as I can not come up with a topic)

Patetic (If that is the correct spelling) am I?

But anyway, may Allah (swt) bless you all for your advice.

:wa:

Not sure if that is teh right way to live as a human, especially a Muslim human? Sure, saying salam etc is good and all that but dont you think you need to connect with other humans at a personal level when you talk to them?

 

[AlHoda]

Not sure if that is teh right way to live as a human, especially a Muslim human? Sure, saying salam etc is good and all that but dont you think you need to connect with other humans at a personal level when you talk to them?

Well, of course I talk with people if I have something to talk about. I just always run out of topic, I just don't know why? I always was a quiet person.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Well, of course I talk with people if I have something to talk about. I just always run out of topic, I just don't know why? I always was a quiet person.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, sister were all created different and have different personalities and traits which have been instilled in us. Some of us are extrovert and some are introvert.

You are more introverted which just seems that you tend to be more reserved, less outgoing, and less sociable. They are not necessarily loners but they tend to have smaller circles of friends and are less likely to thrive on making new social contacts. Introverts are less likely to seek stimulation from others because their own thoughts and imagination are stimulating enough. A common misconception is that all introverts suffer from social anxiety or shyness. Introversion does not describe social discomfort but rather social preference.

An introvert may not be shy at all but may merely prefer non social or less social activities. so accept that this is the way you are and in a way it is beneficial because at least you get to guard your tongue and Rasulallah (Pbuh) stated that the tongue is one of the most significant factors leading to people going to Jahannam. So at least you are saved in that respect.

As i have tried to advise you on numerous occassions that you should always try to keep yourself as busy as possible rather than sitting or lying around thinking all of the time because an idle mind is the playground of shaythan and if you sit or lay around thinking all of the time then you are going to get very distrorted thoughts where shaythan will try and mess around with your head and confuse you about certain matters.

Just busy yourself with doing good deeds like dhikrullah, reciting the Qur'an with its meanings and reading Islamic books and I would really suggest that you join a sisters circle where you can join like minded sisters in classes where you can learn about Islam as you should make the best of your youth to learn as much as possible because this is the time where its easier to learn.

Try not to think too ahead about the future. There is no certainty that we will even live another day let alone at some point in the future.

It is normal to be worried and uncertain about the future thats because the future is uncertain and so is the fact that we will be alive for another day or not. That is why we must make the best use of every second of our lives now in the present for we may not have a future so why worry about it?

If we have full hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah then we will not have to worry about what will happen. Just make the best use of now and take one step at a time. Don't go thinking too far ahead too soon otherwise because its pointless. The reason why its pointless is because the way your thinking now you will not think in that way in the future.

Similarly when were young we don't know what it will be like when were old. So now that were unmarried we do not know what it will be like when were married. So trust in Allah and make the best use of every second of your life and whatever will happen will happen for the best inshallah.

and Allah knows best

 

[Insecured soul]

Maybe you guys are right, but I'm 17 and I just am afraid that I am different from people. I don't know , I always feel like the akward one.

ur 17, so why do u worry now ? just relax coz im sure u dont understant the real meaning behind marriage and why it is done. let yourself grow old and ul understand things better

busy yourself in studies and learning all about islam

 

[Insecured soul]

Salam,

I totally understand, you are not alone. I'm 33 and I too don't want to marry. I'm constantly battling depression, anxiety and insomnia. How on earth could I support a wife and children, if I can barely take care of myself?

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I've been told by some people that as you grow older loneliness becomes unbearable. So you should really think about this..

In my opinion, they should create matrimonial sites and other opportunities for weird people like us. That would be a great service, imagine how wonderful it would be to find a wife or husband who is just as weird as ourselves? lol

:wa:

salaam alaikum

brother ur 33 and not yet married because you think you cant take care of spouse and kids coz you dont take care of yourself, i think i dont quite understand.

as far as i know its allah who take care of us and when we are single we make ourselves vulnerable to the attacks of shaitaan, if you understand what i mean?

ur battling depression, anxiety and insomnia these things are not gona be doubled or tripled if you get married coz problems will never end throughout life or i should put it this way that this world was created impertect as part of the test from allah subhana wata aala

people tend to search for the perfect partner for marriage, who is perfect? where do u find this person? people keep waiting and waiting and time passes on and then we realise its late and we regret. we will never find a perfect match for ourself and its only adjustments and sacrifice we have to do in this life and this should be done in moderation.

Its shaytaan who gives us anxiety and will make u think how this and that will happen? how can u be sure that u cant take care of ur wife and kids? u havent married yet. consider the possibility that u might change after marriage and everything will be good coz if see around you will realise nothing remains the same, compare the year which passed by and things which are changed in ur life, things never remain the same it keeps changing, hope ul get the picture of what im talking about

and if you do get married soon, invite me :statisfie

take care brother

may allah make everything easy for us insha allah, ameen

 

[cat eyes]

Salam,

I totally understand, you are not alone. I'm 33 and I too don't want to marry. I'm constantly battling depression, anxiety and insomnia. How on earth could I support a wife and children, if I can barely take care of myself?

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I've been told by some people that as you grow older loneliness becomes unbearable. So you should really think about this..

In my opinion, they should create matrimonial sites and other opportunities for weird people like us. That would be a great service, imagine how wonderful it would be to find a wife or husband who is just as weird as ourselves? lol

:wa:

no offense but your getting older and you should not leave it to long to get married or it will be very difficult for you to find a wife. thats the sad truth. you will support the wife when the time comes.

 

[Argamemnon]

Not sure if that is teh right way to live as a human, especially a Muslim human? Sure, saying salam etc is good and all that but dont you think you need to connect with other humans at a personal level when you talk to them?

What if you simply can't connect with people? I usually end up feeling much worse after social interaction.. not always, but most of the time. Why would I seek human contact, if there is nothing I get out of it? Of course I will help people if they need something, but that's another issue....

 

[Argamemnon]

salaam alaikum

brother ur 33 and not yet married because you think you cant take care of spouse and kids coz you dont take care of yourself, i think i dont quite understand.

as far as i know its allah who take care of us and when we are single we make ourselves vulnerable to the attacks of shaitaan, if you understand what i mean?

ur battling depression, anxiety and insomnia these things are not gona be doubled or tripled if you get married coz problems will never end throughout life or i should put it this way that this world was created impertect as part of the test from allah subhana wata aala

people tend to search for the perfect partner for marriage, who is perfect? where do u find this person? people keep waiting and waiting and time passes on and then we realise its late and we regret. we will never find a perfect match for ourself and its only adjustments and sacrifice we have to do in this life and this should be done in moderation.

Its shaytaan who gives us anxiety and will make u think how this and that will happen? how can u be sure that u cant take care of ur wife and kids? u havent married yet. consider the possibility that u might change after marriage and everything will be good coz if see around you will realise nothing remains the same, compare the year which passed by and things which are changed in ur life, things never remain the same it keeps changing, hope ul get the picture of what im talking about

and if you do get married soon, invite me :statisfie

take care brother

may allah make everything easy for us insha allah, ameen

I don't know what exactly you could not understand, but thank you for your encouragement brother...

Take care.....

:wa:

 

[Argamemnon]

no offense but your getting older and you should not leave it to long to get married or it will be very difficult for you to find a wife. thats the sad truth. you will support the wife when the time comes.

I don't see why I should take offense at what you're saying, you are just offering help. It's a personal choice after all, and not a big deal. I know myself very well and what the right choice is. In my case, it's definitely living alone...

:wa:

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

I suppose it's sounds easy but let me give you an example of how I 'socialize';

It rather goes like this;

-Salama3aleykum, how is it going?

-Fine,alhamdullilah.

-and how are you?

-Fine,alhamdullilah.

-Ehmm....... :skeletonhere is the point where the conversation comes to an end as I can not come up with a topic)

Patetic (If that is the correct spelling) am I?

But anyway, may Allah (swt) bless you all for your advice.

:wa:

if its someone you've just met, conversation can be a little easier as you dont know anything about them, so that means you can ask them any questions, like what have they've studied, if they work, etc. and from those little questions then a more flowing conversation may stem.

to improve your social skills, the best thing to do is just sit back and listen to other people speak...not to eavesdrop but to get some idea of what people talk about because in all honesty sometimes you seriously have no idea especially if you haven't socialized for a long while. also, just generally get out more, dont stay stuck at home all the time (even though you may like being at home) becuase you wouldn't think, but not seeing people for a while does affect your social skills.

and also, when you invite people over, invite several people over, and not just 1 or 2 that way you sort of dont get noticed so if you dont talk all that much, it doesnt look so bad as everyone else is too busy with one another. you can just sort of sit there and add your little opinion every now and again...so in other words, they will be doing the majority of talking...

 

[CosmicPathos]

What if you simply can't connect with people? I usually end up feeling much worse after social interaction.. not always, but most of the time. Why would I seek human contact, if there is nothing I get out of it? Of course I will help people if they need something, but that's another issue....

I understand your concern. But I have been through introvertive phase. My dad still wonders and "forces" me to "talk" to more people and keep in contact with them. But I do feel that I have changed over the years. During high school days, I would not talk about anything but studies, marks etc. No other topic aside from that. And even I would talk about studies with "colleagues" just to gauge how far I am behind them or how far I am. Allhamdulillah as I grew up I realized that this is unislamic. Being introvertive can be beneficial but is also harmful. Introvertive people cannot make good leaders, at least with that attitude. To be a good leader, you will have to change and become moderately extrovertive. I am advising myself first and then you.

Prophet Muhammad pbuh was not introvertive during the day. During the night he was. During the day, he talked to people. He did not get involve in vain talk but he did what was necessary to give comfort to people. To communicate properly. To spread the message.

Why do you feel "much worse" after social interaction? Try to find what makes you feel worse and correct it. It should not be that way. One important aspect of being thankful to Allah is to utilize all humanly means we have for His deen. Communication, discussion on Islamic topics etc is one way of thanking Him. That is just my opinion.

I've realized that being introvertive made me drown into depression. You might not drown in it but I am just explaining my experiences with the intention that someone who wants to learn from it can learn and so it can be a means for our good deeds. inshALLAH.

P.S. Sorry for the broken sentences and chaotic paragraphs. Just came from writing an plant-pathogen interactions exam, did not feel like coherently organizing my thoughts in a logical way.

 

[brotherubaid]

^ defintely op, you just need to find the person who understands you. I used to think the same as you, but when you meet some 1 whom you have loads in common with and they get you, then you'll want to marry them lol.

I would like to quote on this n other comments passed in this thread that around the same lines as

Find some one

Find that right person

Finding some one with common understanding n love

I will like to warn about the dangers of trying to look for it first in teh wrong places like internet , second by the haram means like spekaing to the opposite gender one on one , that will include sending PM on a forum.


I will like to say

و من يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا

Who ever fears Allah( Is watchful of Allah) Alah will make a way for him

put ur hope , trust , in Allah , and InshahAllh everything will be fine , stay as far away from mixing with brothers n men on line or in real life looking for that right person who has common interests n all and looking for love n all is all very wrong n will have grave consequences.


And InshahAllah with time things will be alright , and like some one else mentioned dont stress it , ur young busy ur self with that which is good and hope to be from the seven that will be in the shade of Allah , on the day when there is no Shade except His shade , one of them is a youth who grew up in worshipping Allah, and actually not liking to socialize might be beneficial for u , a lot of people fall into soo many problems n sins just coz they love convesating n meeting people n talking. One things lead to another n Allahul Mustaaan

May Allah bless u and protect u


Also my dear brother wahabi scientist , please do not go by that name , its not right to call ur self wahabi or even call others wahabi , InshahAllah get a better name n may Allah reward u. But definetly one canot call himself wahabi.
AssalaM O Alikum

 

[Argamemnon]

Why do you feel "much worse" after social interaction?

If I knew I wouldn't have this problem anymore. I agree with you that being more extroverted is much better.

:wa:

 

[Predator]

Salam,

I totally understand, you are not alone. I'm 33 and I too don't want to marry. I'm constantly battling depression, anxiety and insomnia. How on earth could I support a wife and children, if I can barely take care of myself?

One of my friends is quite rich and has the more than enough money to support a family but doesnt want to marry As he consider nagging wives and children as a pain and does want such problems in his life and doesnt mind joining a home for the aged after retirement .

What advice would you give to such a person ?