Fight with temptation when stay alone at home.

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inquestoftruth

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Assalamu Alaikum.

All praises due to Allah alone.

Dear brothers and sisters,
I am new in this forum. From few days I have been facing a problem. That's why I am here to get some suggestion, advice from you!
I stay outside of my country (Non muslim country) for my job. My office transferred me here.
Here I live with my wife. But 1 month ago my wife went to my country (Bangladesh) for her Exam.
I am not very religious guy but try to follow what Allah says. Like I don't watch any type of movie which is vulgar. I try my best to control my eyes.
But when my wife left me and went to my country then I got alone at my home. I found that I lost control over me. I browse internet and automatically
I browse adult movie. This is very astonishing. shaytan attacked me with all it's power. I understood but can not control myself. I never alone like this before.
After watching this I say Taoba to Allah. Promise that I will never do that. But after 1 week I again do it. Amazing. I am not like this type of ugly man. Even Some days I had fasting. But fasting is not working.
Can anybody tell me please that what can I do in this situation? How can I overcome this situation?

Best Regards
A Brother
 
Wa'alaikumsalam. Welcome to the forum, brother.

There are many interesting topic here. Maybe you want to discuss about Islam?. Maybe you want to discuss about halal food?. Seeing photos which taken by members here?. Browse this forum, find the topic that you like, and spend your time here. In Shaa Allah, if you enjoy this forum, then you can fight the desire to watch adult videos.

Yes bro, the cause why you always lose in fighting the temptation is because you don't put something which interesting you in your brain, that can fight the desire to watch adult videos. No wonder if the desire to watch adult videos always win, because there's no rival. So put the desire to watch something that you like in your brain. What you like?. Football?. Motorcycle racing?. Watch videos about football or motorcycle racing every time you feel temptation to watch adult videos.

I know how is being alone. I myself widower after my beloved wife passed away. But alhamdulillah, my activity on Islamicboard saves me from desire to watch adult videos.

:)
 
Brother you can fight this, listen to the Qu'ran , Pray ,dua, read the Qu'ran go to the mosque if you can
you dont need to watch these type of films , I understand you are lonely But you are never alone Allah (swt ) is always with you no matter what
keep your self busy as much as you can be spend time outside the house if your inside all day you will feel lonely and board start a new hobby.
 
Walaikumasalaam,

I am sorry you are finding it difficult to be on your own.

When you are alone you need to remind yourself in reality you are not alone.

Although there may be no humans present Allah swt is watching you and the angels are recording the good and bad that you do.

Remember and fear Allah swt every time you get this temptation. Also when you are tempted why not pick up the phone & speak to your wife? Or as our brother and sister have suggested occupy your mind into doing a halaal activity.

The first time you commit a sin you may feel very guilty but the more you keep committing the same sin the more normal the sin becomes and thus the sin becomes a habit so you must be very careful. Don't let the shaytaan trick you into thinking this is a trivial matter because it is not. If you don't control this now the matter may escalate into something big so please save yourself before it is too late.

Alhamdulilah Allah swt has blessed you with a wife now. Think about the times you were without a wife. Show your gratitude to Allah swt and be patient. If you feel it's too much then you must be reunited with your wife insha Allah.

Save your emaan. It is too precious to lose.

Also have a read of some tips on this thread: http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/134303736-overcome-masturbation.html

May Allah swt help you be strong Ameen.
 
Assalam Alaikum brother! First of all I would say that to say Alhamdulillah that you have wife and remember the importance of this blessing. Many of us don't have this blessing yet :)
Secondly you should try keep yourself busy with something positive. You should be watchful of yourself. Because if this bad thing somehow becomes your habit, which many people are suffering from, it may even cost you your marriage! Don't take it as a simple matter, which I know you are not taking it as simple, otherwise you wont be here.
Ideally train yourself to control your desires for longer periods even without wife.
If you need support from other people who are also struggling to keep away from adult contents and temptations, there is very nice group on reddit called muslimNoFap. You may find similar minds, married and unmarried, trying their best to leave this habit.
Don't let yourself to be alone by yourself, or keep yourself busy. Talk with you wife when you get time, join gym, start attending some online course etc, you can even join some part time classes on Islam etc if possible.
In the end would say that when you see any adult content, think of your wife. Think how would she feel if she comes to know that you watches this! She will feel that she is mere sex object for you, from who you just satisfy your needs. This thought is very hurtful for any wife. Allah has put in upon you to take care of her faalings, and to look after her. By doing this you are neglecting Allah's commandment about wife. She only wants you to see her in this state, and how would she feel to know that you dont feel shame to see any woman like this! May Allah help you to lower your gaze :)
 
All praises due to Allah alone.
Dear brothers and sisters,
Thank you very much for your valuable suggestion.
Please pray for me.
 
Set up as many 'physical' barriers as you possibly can brother, this reverse psychology works wonders, someone we can commit such sins because the resources for them are easily available.

Use the parental settings on your computer and other devices, they are extremely easy to install, and whenever you try to watch something inappropriate a warning will come up blocking you from the website. To reset them would be unnecessary hassle, and will give you the time to think about what you are doing.

Occupy yourself with something worthwhile, set yourselves tasks to do (a book you would like to read, something you would like to clear up), they say the devil makes use of an idle mind and I pretty much believe that is true. Boredom can make people do strange things they wouldn't usually do.

Of course, most importantly, always remember that Allah swt is the all-seeing, the all-hearing. He is watching everything you do, and surely you would not want to be watching such content when being watched by your Creator, Who can see you at all times, and that this sin is being written in your book of deeds. Perform plenty of dhikr, read the Qur'an, listen to nasheeds - keep yourself so busy in His remembrance you have no time for anything else.
 
inquestoftruth said:
Yes this is easy solution. But without internet I can not contact with my wife, my parents.
Thanks.
Click to expand...
You don't need to disconnect the internet.

Just put your wife photo beside the monitor. Look at her photo when you feel an urge to visit adult site, and say "I love you.I promise, I will always be a good husband". In Shaa Allah, you will feel guilty when you see adult movie, and it will help you stop.
 
Bhabha said:
Can't you do sexy speak with your wife over the Internet ?
Click to expand...
From what I read from scholars, a person can do sexy talk over phone with wife.
But the point is even those talk will only lead him to temptations, and in the end will lead him to masturbation, because the wife is not there so he will be left unsatisfied. So I dont see point in doing sexy talk with wife. (I don't mean romantic talk)

Secondly I read on some post husband doing sexy talk and then satisfying himself with masturbation. Some even ask wife to send him nude pics etc of herself, which again is totally unacceptable behavior. I personally see it as disrespectful to wife, it somehow means that he is treating her as an object to satisfy himself. The husband should simple try his best to limit the sexual urges. It needs practice and lot of patience. Even at the time of umer, the limit was set of 4 months max for men to stay away from wife during battles.
But in any case it is always better to do it over phone with wife, than to watch porn.
 
Assalamu Alaikum

Brother, watching inappropriate videos online is considered a form of zina that you should protect yourself from inshallah. There is nothing wrong with calling your wife when you miss her physically. You can both talk to each other in a sexual manner if this helps you. This is not forbidden to do, and you should try to keep in contact with her as much as possible so that you don't feel lonely. If she is only gone for a short while, then you can find ways to keep yourself busy. Otherwise, I think she should be with you if it's difficult for you to handle.

Please read these articles that might help you:

1. " Talking to one's wife over the Internet and finding pleasure in that" Click here

2. "Sexual talk between spouses by phone" Click Here
 
Thanks for your nice comments.
I also think that internet is the main problem. If no internet then may be no problem. Its better to disconnect. But then I will be disconnected from my family.
 
inquestoftruth said:
Thanks for your nice comments.
I also think that internet is the main problem. If no internet then may be no problem. Its better to disconnect. But then I will be disconnected from my family.
Click to expand...

Aslamualykum,

If you feel the temptation is too much then yes it is better to disconnect your internet until your wife returns.

You can communicate with your wife using the internet in a public setting for example, an internet cafe, library, friends house etc.

Or if you need privacy then you can communicate via telephone calls etc.

Work a way around the solution so the evil/temptation is removed and you are still able to communicate with your wife insha Allah.

I think you a wise brother if you tackle the problem right now rather than allowing the problem to escalate into something big.

May Allah protect you from evil Ameen.
 
Thanks for your comments. Can anyone give a good parental software name for android mobile phone. I have installed one. But it's not perfect. Can block bad video but can not block bad image.
Thanks again. May Allah be always with you.
 
inquestoftruth said:
Thanks for your comments. Can anyone give a good parental software name for android mobile phone. I have installed one. But it's not perfect. Can block bad video but can not block bad image.
Thanks again. May Allah be always with you.
Click to expand...

I am unaware of any software's.

Try visiting an IT forum, your phone shop, google or your friends insha Allah.

May Allah swt protect you from harm Ameen.
 

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