Forced marriage

[Faalk]

Greetings,


I have met a guy, in my university, whom I liked and thought would be my significant other and have brought his name up to my family. They rejected him because he is from a lower social class from us. My parents and sister have said that he is the wrong choice because it would be a downgrade for our family. I tried to explain to them of how wrong the way their thinking is and they all got defensive. They have blamed me for having a relationship behind their back. Upon having a proposal from a family of great wealth my family couldn’t believe it and tried to force me to agree to the marriage. My mom have abused me psychologically and emotionally because I disagreed to her forced marriage. She continued blaming me for a mistake I have done about 6 months ago and kept saying how I am a disgrace to my family. She described how shocked she was about my actions and that I shouldn’t go against them because رضى الوالدين is all that matters. I tried to explain to my siblings and parents that this guy is perfect in terms of his religious devotions and he simply completes me. Having not grown up in great religious emphasis during my childhood I felt very insecure about myself. They all look down on others and neglected his good attributes. They have said that the community and society they are living in will mock them about marrying their daughter off from a low social class. There was a guy who proposed to me and my mom was head to toes over him because he is related to her mother’s family. She told me that I will enjoy both my life and after life if I got married to him. She kept praising him because he prays and fasts during Ramadan. She said that I will win a lot if I was lucky enough to get married to him. I am a person who can’t tolerate screaming and arguments and I felt unease whenever she approached me because she wasn’t there to ask about me (what parents should do) except she wanted to talk to me about marrying this ideal guy of great wealth. It has been two months and she keeps getting worse in terms of her actions toward me. She blames me for my actions and tells me how other girls are much better than me because they agreed to arranged marriage. She is blind about her wrongdoings and can’t tolerate anyone who talks to her about them.


I am here to ask if I am at right religiously and rightfully to oppose marriage that is fixated merely on wealth, honor and family pride. And if I should continue fighting for someone who I truly want.

 

[Ahmed.]

Greetings,


I have met a guy, in my university, whom I liked and thought would be my significant other and have brought his name up to my family. They rejected him because he is from a lower social class from us. My parents and sister have said that he is the wrong choice because it would be a downgrade for our family. I tried to explain to them of how wrong the way their thinking is and they all got defensive. They have blamed me for having a relationship behind their back. Upon having a proposal from a family of great wealth my family couldn’t believe it and tried to force me to agree to the marriage. My mom have abused me psychologically and emotionally because I disagreed to her forced marriage. She continued blaming me for a mistake I have done about 6 months ago and kept saying how I am a disgrace to my family. She described how shocked she was about my actions and that I shouldn’t go against them because رضى الوالدين is all that matters. I tried to explain to my siblings and parents that this guy is perfect in terms of his religious devotions and he simply completes me. Having not grown up in great religious emphasis during my childhood I felt very insecure about myself. They all look down on others and neglected his good attributes. They have said that the community and society they are living in will mock them about marrying their daughter off from a low social class. There was a guy who proposed to me and my mom was head to toes over him because he is related to her mother’s family. She told me that I will enjoy both my life and after life if I got married to him. She kept praising him because he prays and fasts during Ramadan. She said that I will win a lot if I was lucky enough to get married to him. I am a person who can’t tolerate screaming and arguments and I felt unease whenever she approached me because she wasn’t there to ask about me (what parents should do) except she wanted to talk to me about marrying this ideal guy of great wealth. It has been two months and she keeps getting worse in terms of her actions toward me. She blames me for my actions and tells me how other girls are much better than me because they agreed to arranged marriage. She is blind about her wrongdoings and can’t tolerate anyone who talks to her about them.


I am here to ask if I am at right religiously and rightfully to oppose marriage that is fixated merely on wealth, honor and family pride. And if I should continue fighting for someone who I truly want.

:wa:

It's important to keep good relations with family, especially the parents and in Hanafi madhab at least, lineage compatibility does matter, I think this lineage compatibility might be about social classes

In the Muslim culture, marraiges is more like 2 families merging together rather than just the couple, hence family compatibility is important too. I've seen many 'family incompatible' marraiges develop serious problems that creates bad relations and animosity between the families

And since that man your parents have chosen does do his salaahs, then I'd say you should go along with your parents choice as that will be perfect in every way rather then the other marraige which will only be perfect for you and him so going with your choice will be selfish on your part

Forced marraige isn't allowed in Islam, but it won't be forced if you agree to it

 

[taha_]

:wa:

It's important to keep good relations with family, especially the parents and in Hanafi madhab at least, lineage compatibility does matter, I think this lineage compatibility might be about social classes

In the Muslim culture, marraiges is more like 2 families merging together rather than just the couple, hence family compatibility is important too. I've seen many 'family incompatible' marraiges develop serious problems that creates bad relations and animosity between the families

And since that man your parents have chosen does do his salaahs, then I'd say you should go along with your parents choice as that will be perfect in every way rather then the other marraige which will only be perfect for you and him so going with your choice will be selfish on your part

Forced marraige isn't allowed in Islam, but it won't be forced if you agree to it

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother.

What about one of the Prophet peace be upon him's companion named Julayibib? Didn't he marry a beauitful and religious woman? Julaybib had deformed appeareance and was mocked most.

Lineage and race color doesn't really matter that much. Taqwa matters alot, it is true superioritiy of one's in sight of Allah.

Even a righteous black person who is regarded as ugly and lower by his community might end up being better than these racist people who mocked him, because of his righteousness. (I'm just giving a fiction example). So if a righteous woman even if she is beauitful and white skinned, wants to marry him because of his character. her parent shouldn't reject him.

This is my opinion. Allah knows best.

JazakAllah khair

 

[Ahmed.]

quoting from ‘Allama Tibi, “The view of the majority is that four things will be considered someone to be compatible (kufw); religion, being a free person, lineage, and profession. Therefore, a Muslim cannot marry a non-Muslim, and a pious woman will not marry a transgressor. A free woman will not marry a slave. A woman who has an established lineage will not marry a person with unknown lineage. The daughter of a businessman or someone who has a good profession does not have to marry someone who has a lowly job or a despised job. If the woman or her guardian are happy to have her married to someone who is not Kufw (compatible in one of these four aspects) then the marriage will be valid.”
(Mirqat 6:271)

https://islamqa.org/hanafi/zamzam-academy/20478

 

[Ahmed.]

Kafaah in marriage

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

Answer
Saiduna Ali Radiallahu Anhu narrates that the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said, “O Ali! Never delay in 3 matters; Salaat – when it’s time is nigh; Janaaza – when it is ready (before you), an unmarried woman – when her Kuff (suitable partner) is found.” (Sunan Tirmizi p.43 v.1)

The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said, “Listen! Women should be married off only by their guardians and their marriage should take place only with suitable matches.” (Sunan Baihaqi)

Mufti Shafee (RA) has written in his Maariful Quran:

“Marriage (nikah) is a matter in which the absence of homogeneity in the temperaments of the spouses disturbs the purpose of marriage, disturbs the process of fulfilling each others rights and breeds mutual disputes. Therefore, the Shari’ah has ordered that kafa’ah (mutual likeness) should be taken into consideration. ...

So this order to take kafaah (mutual equality) into consideration in marriages has been given only to keep the management of matters smooth and straight.

In a hadith, the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam has been reported to have said that the nikah (marriage) of girls should invariably be through their guardians. Modesty demands that her parents and guardians should handle this matter. And he said that the nikah of girls should invariably be solemnized within their kuff (equal, like). Though, the authority of this Hadith is weak but with the support from the reports and sayings of the noble Sahabah, it becomes worth being used as an argument.

In Kitab ul-Athar, Imam Muhammad (RA) has reported from Saiduna Umar Radiallahu Anhu saying: “I shall issue an operative order that no girl from some high and recognized family should be given in marriage to another having a lesser status.” Similarly, Saidah Aishah Radiallahu Anha and Saiduna Anas Radiallahu Anhu have also stressed that Kafaah (likeness) should be taken into consideration in nikah (marriage) – as reported from several authorities. Imam Ibn Humam has also written about it in detail in Fath al-Qadir.

Hence, the outcome is that the consideration of kafa’ah (equalness and likeness) in nikah (marriage) is desirable in religion, so that the spouses live in accord and harmony. But, should some other important consideration, more important than this kafaah, come up then it is permissible for the woman and her guardians that they surrender this right of theirs and marry in ghayr kuff, that is other than equal and like. Particularly so when there is some religious consideration in sight – if so, it is better and more merit worthy to do so, as proved from several events pertaining to the noble Sahabah. Incidentally, from this we also know that these events do not negate the basic premise of the issue of kafaah.” (p.160 & p.161 v.7)

Mullah Ali Qari (RA) writes quoting from Allahmah Tibi (RA) ‘the view of the majority is that four things will be considered whether a man is compatible for a woman; religion, being a freed person, lineage and profession.’ Therefore, a Muslimah cannot marry a non-Muslim, a free woman will not marry a slave, a woman with an established lineage will not marry someone with an unknown lineage and a woman with a good profession will not marry someone with a lowly job. (Mirqat p.271 v.6)

The Prophet of Allah Salallahu Alahi Wasalam has said, “A lady is married for one of four reasons, wealth, rank, beauty or piety. Choose the possessor of piety and achieve success.” (Sahih Bukhari p.762 v.2)

Regarding this hadeeth, Hafiz Ibn Hajar (RA) has said in Fathul Bari: “And it is taken from this that one with a noble lineage, it is better for him to marry one with a noble lineage, unless the lineage contradicts with a religious woman, or one with noble lineage contradicts a non-religious woman, then the religious woman is chosen. And it is likewise in the other three traits.” (p.41 v.9)

Professions are accorded different levels in status and on this basis; association of a person of superior profession with another of a lesser degree is regarded as difficult. It is for this reason the noble Shari’ah has taken Kafa’aat into consideration in worldly dealings (although in the sight of Allah, such things are no measure of superiority or inferiority).

Thus, the jurists have stated that a weaver is not a Kuff (match) of a tailor, rather he is inferior nor is a tailor the Kuff of a cloth merchant nor a cloth merchant the Kuff of an Aalim or Qadhi (judge of an Islamic court). (Raddul Muhtar p.211 v.4)

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa-birmingham/19909

 

['Abdullah]

Forced marraige isn't allowed in Islam, but it won't be forced if you agree to it

They are socially and emotionally forcing her to agree of course.
[MENTION=45090]Faalk[/MENTION]
How religious is your family?

 

['Abdullah]

The majority of scholars are of the view that if a woman is married off without her consent, then the marriage contract is invalid, because it is a forbidden contract which cannot be validated. This is the view of the Shaafa’is and Hanbalis.
The view of the Hanafis, which is presented here by brother Ahmed, is that the contract is dependent upon the woman’s acceptance. If she gives her consent (by keeping her silence) then it is valid, otherwise she may annul it.
You may find link below helpful:
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/474...-did-not-want-can-she-use-contraceptive-pills
I am quoting important paragraph from above link which relates to this topic:

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, concerning the matter of a father forcing his daughter to marry: It is haraam for a man to force his daughter to marry a man whom she does not want to marry, and what is haraam cannot be validated or implemented, because implementing it or validating it goes against the prohibition that has been narrated. When sharee’ah forbids a matter, then we should not be involved in it or do it. If we validate it, that means that we have becomes involved in it and done it, and we have made it equivalent to the contracts that are permitted in sharee’ah.
Based on this, the correct view is that the marriage arranged by the father to a man whom his daughter does not want as a husband is an invalid marriage, and the contract is invalid, and should be examined by the court.

Allah knows the best!

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

You know this guy a lot more extensively than you know the potential others and you've established emotional attachment to him. This is wrong on your part because you've already made up your mind before taking into consideration the way your family feels or what actually is good for you. If the guy is pious he wouldn't have made any relationship with you prior to asking for your hand, and he should have been the one asking for your hand from your father the proper way. You're not married to him yet so you shouldn't be so harsh with your parents, even if they seem to be harsh with you. At the end of the day your parents will want what is best for you. As it was said before, even though you are marrying this person, the reality is that you have to take into consideration how your families will fit together as well. I do think that they should meet with him and get to know him at least to show support for you and give him a chance, but you need to also be open to the fact that they still may not like him or find him suitable for you. What would your actions be then? You could've compromised and said you'd meet with the suitors she wants for you if they too are willing to meet the guy you like, because I don't think its fair that you've already got yourself set on someone without considering your family and are fighting with them about it. In fact you are upsetting them for someone you potentially may not end up with, and to be honest it's not worth it. Where is your father/wali in all of this?

 

[Ahmed.]

They are socially and emotionally forcing her to agree of course.
[MENTION=45090]Faalk[/MENTION]
How religious is your family?

Forced marraige is when someone doesn't give their consent and the marraige goes ahead anyway or when someone's is forced to give their consent. Both these types are incorrect

In this situation, the parents are pressuring their daughter but the choice still remains hers, if she eventually agrees with parents choice then marraige will be in order. The parents do have a right to choose a marriage partner for her (see them hadiths in above article) so if their child disagrees in favour of someone the parents don't like due to incompatibility then some pressure from parents is likely and we shouldn't parrot the kuffar in branding that as 'forced' too. Obviously the parents wouldn't want to give in so easily to what they think is a drastically bad choice of their daughter.

However if her heart doesn't accept the parents choice even after I've explained to her the Islamic view regarding it and the pressure is piled on so much that she feels compelled to go along with parents choice against her will, then it will be forced but in the run up to such a situation, she can always elope after marrying the one of her choice

 

['Abdullah]

You pretty much copy/pasted Fatwas without even reading them. I am taking a quote from links you provided:
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa-birmingham/19909

They say due to the corrupt nature of society if a woman gets married without her guardian’s permission, the marriage will still be valid. (Raddul Muhtar p.157 v.4)

This is not what I said, its your Hanafi scholars opinion and you will soon see why...

Before I discuss hadiths on this topic, let me state that scholars have differed on the issue of forced marriage. Two well-known opinions in this regard are reported from Imaam Ahmad :
​

• That he may compel her to. This is also the opinion of Maalik, Ash-Shaafi`ee, and others .
• That he may not. This is the opinion of Abu Haneefah and others, and is the correct one. You probably need to know Hanafi Madhab little more. Hanafi Madhab is well known to approve marriage with out Wali (guardian).

Now lets look at hadiths which scholars often quote on this topic.

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:​

A non-virgin woman may not be married without her command, and a virgin may not be married without her permission; and enough permission for her is to remain silent (because of her natural shyness).[Al-Bukhari, Muslim & Others]

​Thus, the Prophet (peace be upon him) prohibited forcing a virgin in marriage without her permission, whether by her father or anyone else.
Furthermore, `Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, related that she once asked the Prophet :

In the case of a young girl whose parents marry her off, should her permission be sought or not?He replied: "Yes, she must give her permission." She then said: "But a virgin would be shy, O Messenger of Allah!" He replied: "Her silence is [considered as] her permission. [Al-Bukhari, Muslim, & Others]

This applies to the father as well as others.
Furthermore, Islam does not give the father the right to use any of his daughter's wealth without her permission, how then could he be allowed to decide, without her permission, how her body (which is more important than her wealth) is to be used, especially when she disagrees with that and is mature enough to decide for herself?
Also, there is evidence and consensus in Islam to restrict an underage person’s free control of his wealth or person. However, to make virginity a reason for the restriction contradicts that Islamic principle.​

As for the difference between the non-virgin and virgin in the Hadeeth (narration) of the Prophet it is not a distinction between compulsion and non-compulsion; the difference between the two cases is that:​

1. 
   [*=left]The non-virgin gives her instructions for the marriage whereas the virgin gives permission, and that
   
   [*=left]The virgin’s silence counts as permission. The reason for this is that a virgin would be shy to discuss the matter of marriage, so she is not proposed to directly; rather, her Wali (legal guardian) is approached, he takes her permission, and then she gives him the permission, not the command to marry her.

As for a non-virgin, she would not have the shyness of a virgin anymore; thus she can discuss the matter of her marriage. She can be proposed to, and she gives the command to her Wali to perform the marriage, and he must obey her. ​

Thus, the Wali is command-executor in the case of the non-virgin, and is permission-seeker in the case of the virgin. This is what the words of the Prophet sallallaahu' alayhi wa sallam indicate.
As for compelling her to marry against her will, this would contradict Islamic Law. Allah, the Exalted, did not permit a Wali to force her to sell or render her property without her permission. Nor did He permit him to force her to eat or drink or wear that which she does not wish. How could he (the Wali) then oblige her to accompany and copulate with a person whose company she hates - at the time when Allah has inseminated love and mercy between the two spouses? If such company happens, despite her hatred and repulsion, where is the love and mercy?

And this is not my view. I have read through views of all madhabs and found this view of Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah most reasonable and in accordance to teachings of Islam.
Source: 'Al-Masaa’il Al-Maardeeniyyah' by: Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah

You can continue giving your opinion just like I did, I have no intention to continue arguing. May Allah guide us all to true teachings of Islam.
Ma'a Salama

​

 

[Faalk]

My family are not religious at all. They haven’t emphasized on religion on their kids. They consume riba and are not fearful of its harm. I have never been taught to do zakat and many other things as well. When I decided to teach myself more about Islam and I decided to stop plucking my eyebrows, my mom got very angry with me and asked me why I am not beautifying myself. She ridiculed me for doing things the halal way. She still begs me to get them done and justifies her wrongdoings by saying that both my sister and her do them. She is a very arrogant person who never admits she has been wrong.

The household is guided only by my mom. My dad can’t confront her and is terrified that she would scream and shout so he does whatever she wants. So when I stood up against her in telling her what she is doing is wrong. She got very angry and kept yelling at me. I told her her criteria for marriage is different than mine. While she prioritises any man with a high social class and very great wealth I do not want that at all. When I brought up the guy I liked she ridiculed him and his family, whom she knows nothing about. She gave out an absurd excuse like they are part Iranian and they don’t know how to talk properly. While in reality they all speak Arabic much better than her and are very religious and humble. I told her a lot of our family got married to families who originally came from Iran with the exception being that they are wealthier than this man’s family. She couldn’t reply back.

 

[taha_]

My family are not religious at all. They haven’t emphasized on religion on their kids. They consume riba and are not fearful of its harm. I have never been taught to do zakat and many other things as well. When I decided to teach myself more about Islam and I decided to stop plucking my eyebrows, my mom got very angry with me and asked me why I am not beautifying myself. She ridiculed me for doing things the halal way. She still begs me to get them done and justifies her wrongdoings by saying that both my sister and her do them. She is a very arrogant person who never admits she has been wrong.

The household is guided only by my mom. My dad can’t confront her and is terrified that she would scream and shout so he does whatever she wants. So when I stood up against her in telling her what she is doing is wrong. She got very angry and kept yelling at me. I told her her criteria for marriage is different than mine. While she prioritises any man with a high social class and very great wealth I do not want that at all. When I brought up the guy I liked she ridiculed him and his family, whom she knows nothing about. She gave out an absurd excuse like they are part Iranian and they don’t know how to talk properly. While in reality they all speak Arabic much better than her and are very religious and humble. I told her a lot of our family got married to families who originally came from Iran with the exception being that they are wealthier than this man’s family. She couldn’t reply back.

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

There is no obedience to parents if they order u to do something haram like plucking eyebrow.

The only way that could help your mother to be on right way is ask Allah to guide and have mercy on her.

It is good that Allah had shown His mercy on you by guiding you to islam. You learnt about islam by yourself. Alhamdulillah

I suggest asking a scholar about your situation about marriage

Allah knows best

JazakAllah khair

 

[Ahmed.]

My family are not religious at all. They haven’t emphasized on religion on their kids. They consume riba and are not fearful of its harm. I have never been taught to do zakat and many other things as well. When I decided to teach myself more about Islam and I decided to stop plucking my eyebrows, my mom got very angry with me and asked me why I am not beautifying myself. She ridiculed me for doing things the halal way. She still begs me to get them done and justifies her wrongdoings by saying that both my sister and her do them. She is a very arrogant person who never admits she has been wrong.

The household is guided only by my mom. My dad can’t confront her and is terrified that she would scream and shout so he does whatever she wants. So when I stood up against her in telling her what she is doing is wrong. She got very angry and kept yelling at me. I told her her criteria for marriage is different than mine. While she prioritises any man with a high social class and very great wealth I do not want that at all. When I brought up the guy I liked she ridiculed him and his family, whom she knows nothing about. She gave out an absurd excuse like they are part Iranian and they don’t know how to talk properly. While in reality they all speak Arabic much better than her and are very religious and humble. I told her a lot of our family got married to families who originally came from Iran with the exception being that they are wealthier than this man’s family. She couldn’t reply back.

Whatever the state of iman of your family, your mum (who seems to be your wali as your dad is 'redundant' in the family and has relinquished all authority to her) has rights that you listen to her and this guy of her choice seems to match one important compatibility factor that Islam emphasises and that is he is wealthy like your family?, "also you said he does his salah and fasts in Ramadan. Another plus point (over the other guy) is that he done things the Islamic way and asked for your hand by approaching your parents and never struck up a haram relationship with you.

So your family are right in these aspects as their choice guy does meet factors that conforms to spouse compatibility and piety

So your guy is partly Iranian? Is he a shia at all because if he is then that's a big No with a capital N in regards to marraige suitability as shias are severely deviant and some are even kuffar so stay away from Shias Sister

 

[Ahmed.]

The majority of scholars are of the view that if a woman is married off without her consent, then the marriage contract is invalid, because it is a forbidden contract which cannot be validated. This is the view of the Shaafa’is and Hanbalis.
The view of the Hanafis, which is presented here by brother Ahmed, is that the contract is dependent upon the woman’s acceptance. If she gives her consent (by keeping her silence) then it is valid, otherwise she may annul it.
You may find link below helpful:
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/474...-did-not-want-can-she-use-contraceptive-pills
I am quoting important paragraph from above link which relates to this topic:


Allah knows the best!

Bro, I got a very interesting Hanafi opinion here and that is, if a woman gets married without consent of wali and the marraige isn't compatible in lineage, then the father of the girl can get her marraige annulled in a sharia court (ref: it is mentioned by Ashraf Ali Thanvi (ra) in his book Beheshti Zewaar)

This really emphasises how the Wali has a right over lineage compatibility

 

[Ahmed.]

[MENTION=45090]Faalk[/MENTION]

And its not just about 'rights', Islam says jannah is under Mums feets, and the Mum is who you should love the most after Allah and Rasul (saw) so despite your mum being very secular, still she is your mum who brought you up and who loves you.... So really you should sacrifice your own desires to please your mum and in this case, not to seriously upset your mum too

And if in your family's opinion your guy is of low class, then this could create serious family disharmony if your family looks down upon him and even upon your future kids with him. In Islam its wrong to look down upon anyone, however it's the reality of what your impious family may do that matters here

 

[taha_]

@Faalk

And its not just about 'rights', Islam says jannah is under Mums feets, and the Mum is who you should love the most after Allah and Rasul (saw) so despite your mum being very secular, still she is your mum who brought you up and who loves you.... So really you should sacrifice your own desires to please your mum and in this case, not to seriously upset your mum too

So what you should do is really clear Sister, I just hope you do the right thing

P.S.: And if in your family's opinion your guy is of lower class, then this could create serious family disharmony if your family looks down upon him and even upon your future kids with him

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

then what should we do if our parents orders us to commit sins, she said that her mom ordered her to pluck her eyebrows which is major sin. can she obey her and disobey her Lord? No way,

Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing and those who get themselves tattooed, and those who remove their face hairs, and those who create a space between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, and such women as change the features created by Allah. Why then should I not curse those whom the Prophet (ﷺ) has cursed? And that is in Allah's Book. i.e. His Saying: 'And what the Apostle gives you take it and what he forbids you abstain (from it).' (59.7)

Bukhari 5931. (Sahih)


Although we don't have to disappoint our parents. we can't disappoint our Lord who is our Creator aswell. We have to enjoin and follow what is made permissible by Allah and His Messenger, and forbid what is forbidden by Allah and His Messenger. I agree that Jannah is under mom's feet. Don't forget that father is also Jannah's main gate. But you have to know that there is no obedience to them if they order us to commit sins. but we have to act gently with them. Still we should love them for sake of Allah.



Allah knows best.

JazakAllah khair

 

[RisingLight]

"I am here to ask if I am at right religiously and rightfully to oppose marriage that is fixated merely on wealth, honor and family pride"

YES!

If you say no,its a no...nobody has the right to force you in anything,even if you say No for the rest of your life and die unmarried its your choice and nobody can change that...im talking from a religious and moral view.....dont listen to this guy saying you need to agree to your parents choice and bla bla,when it comes to marriage you are not forced in any situation and you are not supposed to obey them and marry who they want if you dont want to

 

['Abdullah]

Bro, I got a very interesting Hanafi opinion here and that is, if a woman gets married without consent of wali and the marraige isn't compatible in lineage, then the father of the girl can get her marraige annulled in a sharia court (ref: it is mentioned by Ashraf Ali Thanvi (ra) in his book Beheshti Zewaar)

This really emphasises how the Wali has a right over lineage compatibility

Not surprised, thats how often religion has been used to control lives of the people. Previsuly we discussed that Hanafi madhab validates a marriage without Wali. Now the Hanafi scholar you are mentioning (according to you) says wali has right to null the marriage. So we have two fatwas which contradict each other. I guess use any one to support the needs of a customer. If a father comes to you show him fatwa which says he has every right to null the marriage done with out his consent. If a daughter come to you show her the fatwa that Islam does allow the marriage without a wali. Keep everyone happy! Thats called making mockery of the religion and shariah.
Second, there is are clear hadiths which shows quite the opposit to what you claim ( parent have right to null the marriage contract). According to hadiths below, daughter has right to null the marriage contract if she is forced to marry someone she does not like:

Khansa’ bint Khizam al-Ansāriyyah said:
“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allāh. He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” (Fathul Bāri, Sharah Al Bukhāri 9/194, Ibn Mājah Kitabun Nikah 1/602). In another version, she went to the Messenger of Allāh (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and he annulled the marriage. Narrated by al-Bukhāri, 4845.

In another hadith narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas:

A virgin came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (ﷺ) allowed her to exercise her choice.
Grade: Sahih (Al-Albani)
Reference: Sunan Abi Dawud 2096
In-book reference: Book 12, Hadith 51
English translation: Book 11, Hadith 2091

I totally understand that we should love our parents and respect them but that's does not mean that they have authority over us and they can force their kids to marry someone they don't like. We can tell all hadiths about right of parents but should we ignore that children have rights too, especially when parents don't even practice Islam. Only time they use Islam is to get control over kids. The use of religion to control lives of other people will not only make the children disobey their parents but may also result in hating Islam because they are never told what true teachings of Islam are.
May Allah help us understand and convey the right message of Islam. Ameen!

 

['Abdullah]

"I am here to ask if I am at right religiously and rightfully to oppose marriage that is fixated merely on wealth, honor and family pride"

YES!

If you say no,its a no...nobody has the right to force you in anything,even if you say No for the rest of your life and die unmarried its your choice and nobody can change that...im talking from a religious and moral view.....dont listen to this guy saying you need to agree to your parents choice and bla bla,when it comes to marriage you are not forced in any situation and you are not supposed to obey them and marry who they want if you dont want to

Thanks God, finally someone has said the right thing.

 

['Abdullah]

[MENTION=45090]Faalk[/MENTION]
My advice to you is that you need to Speak up! You are not your parent’s property. Don’t ruin your life or the life of the gut your parents like you to get married to. He may not even know that you did not want to marry him and will have to suffer through a loveless marriage for the rest of his life. You don’t marry someone for your parent’s sake, for your family’s sake, or for anyone’s sake. You should actively and patiently do the following:

1. Very politely show your parents the relevant ayahs in the Qurʾān and refer them to the Sunnah, ḥadīth, opinions of scholars that Islam does not accept a forced marriage and gives the person the choice in regards to nikaḥ.
2. Ask your circle of mature friends and family especially your religious ones to talk to your parents on a regular basis. Impress on them that they are NOT exempt from ḥisab (accounting) for not obeying the Quran in their pride. The Quran forbids us from following in the footsteps of our parents/grandparents if they are in the wrong. They sometimes think that being parents gives them rights which are not given to them by God.
3. Talk to your local imam/ youth group leader to speak to your parents.
4. Most importantly pray to Allah Subahanahu Wa Taala- humbly, asking HIM to guide your parents and to prevent a social and personal disaster.​
5. ​
   Seek out professional help. There are many organizations that can help you if you are being forced into a marriage.
6. Make istikharah (prayer of counsel).
7. Mean while keep you mind open and analyze your reasons for refusing the match your parents found for you. Keep in mind marriage among families or friends of your family can work and so can marriages between two people raised in two different parts of the world. As long as there is mutual love and respect and a deep desire to keep the relationship focused around Allah. If you honestly cannot stand the person or do not know enough about them to make a wise decision, or are not physically attracted to them, then let your parents know why you don't like the match they found for you.

May Allah help you to get through this trial with out displeasing your parents. And may Allah guide your parents to understand Islam and its teachings. Ameen!