Forced , tricked , lied too

[anonymous]

Correct, she should be annoyed. However, she should have told them, this is "america... i can do whatever i want. leave me, i am over the age". She applied this very same line, when she got married. Why couldn't she have done this prior to marriage??? I don't understand that part at all. cuz obviously i was not in america .. i was back home .. im assuming u didnt read wat i wrote i got married BACK HOME.... is it so hard to not understand .. kinda odd.

There has to ba reason for her parents to do this so fast. I known a family where tehy did and the sister was or did commit zina. We don't know what this sister is, and how she is. So we can't conclude that she is innocent. However, her parents are AT FAULT, regardless. But now what is done it is. She should try to get to know him, and see. She has closed doors with a concept of him being this and that. Thats NOT ALLOWED in Islam. So she uses islam when it suits her?
when have i used islam when ever it suits me.. first of all since u know it all n basically accusing me of zina well not in a direct way . u should know the story of the gurl who came to the prophet n basically didnt want that marriage n she got a divorce . all i gotta say is that u have no right to say any of that when u obviously dont know me.. i came here for an advice i didnt come here for u to make up stuff or assume.. and the funny thing is that u known one family so that makes you know it all.. not everyone the same .. and obviously that is a dumb way of looking at things.
If he is incompetent not willing to change, and etc. Then she should seek divorce. And talk to him via phone, internet and get to know him. I dont know give more time. change or not.. i dont want him ... since i didnt get to choose him y should i settle for less.. the prob that u dont get is that i cant stand him... every time i look at him i remember my parents.. so i dont wanna make him suffer for being with me.. if hes not so called interested in coming to america n if he is then over my dead body

This could be approached from other veiws. but Allah knows.

I agree with humbler. May allah guide you and help you with this situation inshallah!

obviously cuz its u..

i dont appericate rude comments so u dont need to give me any advices .. n yea thanks

 

[anonymous]

you obviously do have an attitude issuse regardless. you obviously do have a language issue as well "pissed" and what not.
wats wrong with using the word pissed? enlighten me plz
Yes, what your parents did is wrong, unacceptable. But try and see how ur husband is, really. These days, women have this certain standard of their spouse, if they find their dream one, nothing will happen, but infact something DOES happen and they resolve to divorce. this generation of young people can't have patience and what not.

If your husband is not willing to change or anything, then u should resort to divorce. But other than that, try and see. tell him, and stuff. resorting to such measures is not the best way. try to communicate with him.

You already have this mental understanding that you should hate him, hes bad, your parents did this. Your being prejudice towards him. What if, some guy from america did this to you? he said your probably a typical muslim hypocrite? Your married, YOU signed the paper. now try and see him, like what is he like? your not even giving him a chance. but whatever floats your boat miss.
i cant change that fact so like i said if hes really not wanting america then seriously i dont want him to suffer being with me
also,if you want someone really handsome looking, then you might as well get a divorce and marry a guy who has awesome looks.[/QUO
you just crossed the line.. when did i say that i wanted a good looking man when did i ever say my husband is ugly n thats y i dont want him .. seriously ur the rude one.. quit making up stuff n twisting things

 

[anonymous]

i just wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented .. and i think i know wat i ll do.. so thanks once again :statisfie:wa:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

You poor thing your parents took away your god given right to choose who you want to marry. I understand you not being able to stand him, after all you come from two different worlds and completely different upbringings.

Some people jump to the assumption that all you care about is having a "good looking husband" I'm assuming they've been rejected alot cos of their appearance and can't stand it when some 1 desires an attractive appearance. Not that you are or aren't desiring that

and even if you are there isn't anything wrong with it, who doesn't want somebody that's pleasing to their eyes

If I was in your shoes I'd find it incredibly hard to forgive my parents due to the fact they took away my rights with such deception, I'd only be able to forgive them if they realised what they did was wrong. But I wouldn't cut ties off from them, I'd still be there for them but be extremely cautious that they don't deceive me again.

The people who are bashing you for not making a go of it, should be forcefully married to they're worst idea of a husband/wife and then see how it feels,

maybe they'll realise that every 1s different and has their own preferences.

Not everyone desires a spouse who doesn't speak their first or second language, or has grown up in a completely different country/environemnt.

There could be so many reasons why you don't wanna make a go of it and they pinpoint it to "looks".

The very fact he grew up in a different country and didn't speak my first language would be enough to put me off, yet the ignorant people pinpoint it to "looks" what narrow minds they have.

I think if they were forcefully married to somebody they deem to be completely uncompatible their opinion would change. take care sis

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Correct, she should be annoyed. However, she should have told them, this is "america... i can do whatever i want. leave me, i am over the age". She applied this very same line, when she got married. Why couldn't she have done this prior to marriage??? I don't understand that part at all.

ERM maybe you didn't read her post or maybe you didn't fully comprehend it due to your inadequete reading skills or maybe there's a misunderstanding, but she said she was

"deceived by her parents to go back to Pakistan and they forced her to marry him by black mailing her, saying ""if you don't marry him we'll leave you here"".
I think you're the 1 with the attitude problem,

A women's been wronged and instead of giving useful advice your bashing her with pre conceived assumptions that all women desire a certain type of man which obviously isn't the case in this scenario.

show a little sympathy akhi to your sister who's just been wronged as well as deceived.

 

[Rasema]

You need to reflect to what is your purpose in life. All I understood from your post is "im in America, I can do whatever i want."

Sister, I'm not going through what you are but I know that what you're doing is wrong. You need to relax and realise that life is not all about what suits you. Life is about acheiving the pleasure of Allah and your parents.

I can't say I love my mother but neither can I say that I hate her. Either way, I have to obey her in most things. This is the second worship sister. You need to settle then get along with your family.

 

[Rasema]

Please, do not seek help from kufis. They will use you to make Islam look bad.

I'll make a dua for you tonight, InshAllah.
Obey Allah and He will give you a way out of your misery.

What if you tottaly become religious and your family notices it, maybe then things change. Tell them openly I want to obey Allah, in order to do that I need your forgivness?

 

[mohammed_alim]

her parents shud know better then shudnt they. they shud know Life is about acheiving the pleasure of Allah and tricking ur daughter into marriage is not really a gud deed. if her parents were so worried about her doing wrongful stuff then why not sit her dwn and talk to her if islam is the issue then educate her on islam. but no her parents decided to trick her into sumthin she didnt want to do bt infact it made the whole situation worse. her parents are in the rong and they need to say sorry n understand they did rong, we all humans we make mistakes and we learn from our mistakes.

 

[Rasema]

her parents shud know better then shudnt they. they shud know Life is about acheiving the pleasure of Allah and tricking ur daughter into marriage is not really a gud deed. if her parents were so worried about her doing wrongful stuff then why not sit her dwn and talk to her if islam is the issue then educate her on islam. but no her parents decided to trick her into sumthin she didnt want to do bt infact it made the whole situation worse. her parents are in the rong and they need to say sorry n understand they did rong, we all humans we make mistakes and we learn from our mistakes.

I see what you mean. I'm a human, I know I would feel terrible. But she is in a kufr country. What is she going to do If she doesn't have her parents. Family loves her. I know it. Without her family she will be tricked by kufis in this country. They will delude her with things on how Islam is evil and how bad was what her family has done. Humans can go through many things. Kufis always make a part of the truth seem like the whole truth.

Above all, they're parents, Allah had given them rights over us. They are superior to us but who fears Allah more is superior.

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

.. i found out that i can do khlo3 from here ..

Forced marriage is not allowed in Islam . May Allah forgive your parents but don't do anything out of anger and emotion .

Divorce is allowed but not encouraged in Islam . Also what your parents did to u , your husband is not responsible for it . So , u must not punish him .

Offer Isthkhara salat and take a decision.

 

[Maryan0]

wow
sis if you don't want to marry him DONT.period.
from what i gather from your posts your parents forced and tricked you into marrying this guy, that's wrong. not only that but you've said this guy only wants to marry you for your papers this is common in my culture too and does not bode well for your future together.you were forced and he only wants to come to amrika. getting married is serious after all this is the person you "may" spend your life with if you cant stand him don't marry him.

your parents are your parents and probably wanted what was best for you,so when you cool down go and speak to them. and may Allah make your situation easier for you
salam

 

[Maryan0]

oh and i meant don't stay in the marraige technically your already married
salam