Friends problems

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:salamext:

The guy is 23? And he's acting so immature? SubhaanAllaah this is one of the reason why I get put off marriage.
 
Marriage is a full time job. It takes 2 hard workers to make it be a success. Both need to sit down discuss valid goals as to what their marriage should accomplish and then each work at making it happen.
 
:salamext:

^ Yeh. They aren't kids anymore. Grow up and take responsibility for heavens sake.
 
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i know but how can I support her,
when she rings me upset, I just don't know what to say to make her feel better, and feel bad, I say things but its just feels like its a formality
 
Okay this doesn't make ANY sense, a 23 year old man whines for small little things is getting so friggin butt hurt when his wife just wants love and attention like any other wife needs.

I say that the wife either spills her guts out and starts crying and making him feel guilty or you talk to the mother in law about it because momma's boys listen to their mommy. Because if I was his wife or his wife's friend I wouldn't let it go down like that. I would like slap him hahahhaha like AvarAllahNoor would
 
I think she needs to have a long talk with him and discuss this matter. Insha'ALLAH things will work out just fine...
 
asalam alaikum wr wb,

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I think he just married your friend to fulfil his desires the halal way! It seems that's all marriage means to him. Obviously he doesn't have the foggiest what else being a husband means. The first thing your friend should do is make sure she doesn't get pregnant. I think it's extremely foolish of women to get pregnant when a marriage is unstable/unhappy, and especially so from thinking that a baby will save the day. Sometimes, things will get worse by the increase in responsibilities. The only thing worst than having a neglectful husband is, having children who get neglected too!

I don't know if your friend will be able to get through to him, as sometimes it's not what we say, but how we say it that makes all the difference. Also if the listener doesn't appreciate you then it probably won't make a difference however you say it. If there is someone he looks up to and respects, then tell your friend to get that person to intervene and make the husband understand his duties. Tell your friend to be patient, as you can't just run off at the first sign of trouble. Tell her to buy him a CD on 'Husband's duties' etc etc.. along with something he likes. And she must make duaa - lots of it, before giving up hope. (salatul Hajat is great for specific purposes inshaAllah)


Finally, I wouldn't expect anyone to waste years of their life to get the 'sacrificing wife' trophy on the death-bed. It does take time for a person to change, and if there are signs then bear with it patiently. But if after a fair amount of time, there is no change, then best to call it a day. Life isn't for suffering - not when you have the right and the power to change it.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
 
I have noticed this kind of thing happens quite a lot in the Pakistani culture and usually its because the husband has been spoilt rotten by his family that when he gets married like has been mentioned he thinks he has become some kind of ultimate master. Sometimes this happens when the husnad has been forced to marry someone he didnt want to get marrued but because of family ties etc their families get them married regardless, I have a few friends/brothers in this situation and they pretty much ignore their wives because of this.

The situation is a really difficult one and Its really tough for the sister because if she takes a stand everyone (husbands side) could go against her but saying that the sister shouldn't have to take what she is taking and try differnt ways to make it work.

I dont know if this works but would moving away from husband to her own parents house help if problems persist help?

May Allah swt make the marriage a successful one. Make sure you tell the sister to keep making dua and try her best Insha'Allah.
 
Lonely Gal said:
he CHOSE her!!!
dunno what the problem is...
he thinks everything is fine and she keeps sayin i aint happy, they havemore convo in txt than they do livin in the same house..
her mother in law is OK.. she understand hes a bit mad .. but my mate cnt say much to her abt the way he is being.. she is livin in her house and its her son
Click to expand...

are they pakistani or indian?
cos if they are then tell her to go and sulk at her mums, its a tradtional thing for them, either the guy will wake up and realise thathe needs to grow up and take responsibility or he wont bother which means plainly that he is not happy with the decision that he has made and regrets marrying her and no matter what she does he simply will not make her or be even capable of trying to make her happy let alone actually succeed.

after i got married at first me and my husand had an big row and he sent me to my mums I WAS FUMING!!!!!!! we dont do stuff like that whatsoever that only happens when you separate. but shortly i found out that amongst pakistanis it was common this is what the wife does, but here is the crunch...
they go and sulk for a few days and they do this very often, after my husband did that i didnt go back to him for months, he was begging and crying and i said no! this should be a bloody lesson to u for playing ur stupid cultural games with me i aint having none of it. lol
since then if we ever do have any rows he dares not utter anything about me going to my mums cos he knows best not to.

so thats what she should do! give him a taste of his own medicine and let him be for a while.

i know it may not be right islamically but honestly with men they just never bloody understand how much u do for them and the more you do the more they take advantage... ungrateful silly creatures they are!!!

sorry no offence brothers.

ma salama
 
Scents of Jannah said:
asalam alaikum wr wb,

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I think he just married your friend to fulfil his desires the halal way! It seems that's all marriage means to him. Obviously he doesn't have the foggiest what else being a husband means. The first thing your friend should do is make sure she doesn't get pregnant. I think it's extremely foolish of women to get pregnant when a marriage is unstable/unhappy, and especially so from thinking that a baby will save the day. Sometimes, things will get worse by the increase in responsibilities. The only thing worst than having a neglectful husband is, having children who get neglected too!

I don't know if your friend will be able to get through to him, as sometimes it's not what we say, but how we say it that makes all the difference. Also if the listener doesn't appreciate you then it probably won't make a difference however you say it. If there is someone he looks up to and respects, then tell your friend to get that person to intervene and make the husband understand his duties. Tell your friend to be patient, as you can't just run off at the first sign of trouble. Tell her to buy him a CD on 'Husband's duties' etc etc.. along with something he likes. And she must make duaa - lots of it, before giving up hope. (salatul Hajat is great for specific purposes inshaAllah)


Finally, I wouldn't expect anyone to waste years of their life to get the 'sacrificing wife' trophy on the death-bed. It does take time for a person to change, and if there are signs then bear with it patiently. But if after a fair amount of time, there is no change, then best to call it a day. Life isn't for suffering - not when you have the right and the power to change it.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
Click to expand...

^This
It seems that your friend is being neglected and her feelings are being ignored. She must go to her parents and explain to them that she's unhappy and consequently decide on the course of action to take.
 
onyl gettin worse. they aint talkin to each other, and she got proof hes been lyin as to where he has been at times when he said he is in another place. Things aren't looking good at all..
 
:salamext:

So why can't they seperate again? Of course that should be the last resort, but I can't see him growing up too soon.
 

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