Friends

[Life_Is_Short]

If your friend is doing something bad, is it your responsibility to tell her/his parents before something happens.

 

[ardianto]

At first, tell your friend to stop doing something bad. If your friend does not listen to you and something worse is possible to be happen to your friend, it's OK to tell his/her parents.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I dunno..give your friend some advice first. After that try to convince him/her to stop doing that. If that dont work I dont know. Cos i could advise you to tell the parents but you will probably loose your friend. So make dua will be my advice, loads of dua. And maybe tell the persons sister first and discuss a "battleplan". Then together you may come to the conclusion you have to tell the parents if nothing works. And you for one will stand stronger when talking to the parents and secondly your friend would not only be mad at you but also at sister. She will begin to think why you "plotted" against her and think it doesnt make sense. Hopefully this way she will come to some self-analysis.
And actually learn from it. Hope all goes well inshallah. Dont foget about the dua since its very powerfull inshallah.

 

[Raaina]

Sister,

There is already excellent advice here. My advice would be to talk to your friend, perhaps he/she doesn't think he/she is doing anything wrong? If you feel you should tell his/her parents, warn him/her first.

Before you tell his/her parent's, you need to also consider how they would/might react and if that would put him/her in more danger/trouble then the situation he/she is already getting into.

 

[Lonely Gal]

i dont agree with telling ones parents about their daughters action.. yes she may be doing wrong or wat-not but it is in no-one position to be telling her parents what that is..
By telling her parents, will it not cause more anger, hate between the issue and who's to say the daughter will stop doing what is wrong..
like people have said, speak to the ones who's involved and discuss with her the reasons behind the actions..see how u get on..
i personally dont think telling parents will result in to much good..

 

[SMA89]

By telling their parent could put you in a risk of losing friendship with that person also.

 

[islamirama]

:wa:

It is an obligatory duty to enjoin good and forbid evil as commanded by Allah. You must advise your friend first stop the evil she plans to do. If you cannot do this than assist the help of someone how can help you. Tell her parents if that will help her stop the evil path. They are the guardians and they too will be punished in hellfire for failing to raise a proper child. If they are going to go psycho like some cultural parent and may harm the girl then ask for help from some other trustworthy adult.

As for "saving the friendship" the obligation to stop one from committing haram is greater than friendship. It is out of friendship that you are doing this in the first place, if it costs you your friendship then know that it ended because you enjoined good and forbade evil and not stay silent and be accomplice in her sin.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

If your friend is doing something bad, is it your responsibility to tell her/his parents before something happens.

depends what it is and depends on whether they heed your advice first. so first advise them kindly, perhaps even get a sibling/friend of thier to advise the as well.
if the situation is dangerous and risky adn they dont head your advice, then i would suggest to speak to their parents.

 

[IslamicRevival]

If your friend is doing something bad, is it your responsibility to tell her/his parents before something happens.

It depends on the individual. If you know he/she is an understanding person then go for it and tell em what you think. Leave hints then pounce when the opportunity to express yourself arises

 

[Ramadhan]

One very important thing to remember is to talk with your friend in a very kind manner.
Do not speak to him/her in judgemental tone and do not put a distance, because that would only cause a rift between both of you. The way a message is conveyed is as important as the message itself.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

If your friend is doing something bad, is it your responsibility to tell her/his parents before something happens.

Acording to Sheikh Abu Usamah:

In such a case it is necessary that she fulfils her responsibility of stopping evil by doing what is in her capacity i.e. telling those who will be able to effect some reform ie: the girl's parents. This will not be regarded as ghibah (backbiting) as the intention is to reform.

Imam Abu’l Layth al-Samarqandi mentioned that things said out of genuine concern are not backbiting (ghiba), as in Sharhal-Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya and elsewhere.

Therefore you must do whatever you can to ensure your friend stops the evil they are committing. You should:

1. Warn them in the best of manners not being harsh but being firm that they must refrain from such action because it may cause the wrath and anger of Allah.

2. Remind them of death and that one can die at any second so we must refrain from sin.


Here are some lectures about death and the hereafter you can send your friend which may have a beneficial affect on them:


Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0


HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc


Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg



3. If all efforts have not worked then you must tell their parents but in sucvh a way that their parents as this may be what your friend needs in order to refrain from such a sin.

and Allah knows best

:wa:

 

[Dagless]

Tell their parents only if there is a real risk they'll die or go to prison. Any other reason and don't tell their parents if you value the friendship in any way.

 

[Alpha Dude]

One very important thing to remember is to talk with your friend in a very kind manner.
Do not speak to him/her in judgemental tone and do not put a distance, because that would only cause a rift between both of you. The way a message is conveyed is as important as the message itself.

:thumbs_up

Exhaust all available means first. Talk to and advise her as much as possible, without coming across as judgemental.

You didn't say what you meant by bad, but if it's a life or death situation then it would be wise of you to alert her parents. Then too, only by first warning her that you will take such action. Don't do it without prior warning.

As the saying goes, you can only lead a horse to water. If she's not taking heed, it's not your problem. She's a mature person, I'm assuming. The sin of her action would be upon herself.

You've got to also take into consideration the impact of you going down that route. You'll only end up putting her into the defensive and most likely drive her further away from the right path.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

If your friend is doing something bad, is it your responsibility to tell her/his parents before something happens.

it really depends how bad it is, if you fear for her own safety or something really serious of course tell her parents, but if its just well a little less serious then don't tell her parents try to advise her yourself.

Or if you do tell her parents just brace yourself to not being her friend anymore.

 

[CosmicPathos]

I do not feel it is my responsibility in matters of friendship to tell friend's parents what their son is doing. Everyone thinks that they are smart enough to make decisions for themselves, so I let them be on their own. Moreover, you would come across as paternalistic if you tell the son's private things to his parents. A friend is just that, a friend, someone who shares temporary moments of this passing life with you. You do not go and infringe into their private life or that life which they have decided to keep private from you, no matter how unusual it might seem. I have some friends who do not keep their performance at school private from me while there are others who are SUPER secretive about it. It seems weird but in the end, its their call. Such things, however, do effect the depth of friendship. The non-secretive friends tend to be more helpful than the secretive ones and as a result I value their company more as well. I guess there are different shades of friendship.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I do not feel it is my responsibility in matters of friendship to tell friend's parents what their son is doing. Everyone thinks that they are smart enough to make decisions for themselves, so I let them be on their own. Moreover, you would come across as paternalistic if you tell the son's private things to his parents. A friend is just that, a friend, someone who shares temporary moments of this passing life with you. You do not go and infringe into their private life or that life which they have decided to keep private from you, no matter how unusual it might seem. I have some friends who do not keep their performance at school private from me while there are others who are SUPER secretive about it. It seems weird but in the end, its their call. Such things, however, do effect the depth of friendship. The non-secretive friends tend to be more helpful than the secretive ones and as a result I value their company more as well. I guess there are different shades of friendship.

So we should overlook the evil they indulge in? We should carry on and let them destroy themselves whilst thinking it is upto them? This is not the way a Muslim behaves or treats his friends.

A Muslim enjoins good and forbids evil. A Muslim wants the best for his friend even if it means telling his parents if it will stop them from committing further sins. A Muslim CARES for his friend and does not let him destroy himself whilst he sits back and watches it happen.

The type of friend you are talking about is not a friend at all but a true friend in Islam is one who benefits you in this world and the next whilst the bad friend does the opposite. The one who does not care either way is not a true friend at all and it is not the trait of a Muslim to ignore the evil his friend indulges in and overlook it. A Muslim forbids evil and enjoins good in the most beautiful of manners using wisdom and tact and they do what they can to ensure their friend stops the evil they are committing.

If we knew our friend was committing evil and we did nothing about it and overlooked it thinking it is not our responsibility then surely those people will be accountable on the day of judgement!

The Prophet (saws) said, “The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell.” [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]


Remember: “All friends will be enemies of one another on that Day (Day of Judgment) except those of the virtuous.” (al-Qur’an 43:67)

A true friend is one who is with you, and would hurt themselves to benefit you. And if the stress of a time shakes you, they would destroy themselves to help you.

:wa:

 

[CosmicPathos]

So we should overlook the evil they indulge in? We should carry on and let them destroy themselves whilst thinking it is upto them? This is not the way a Muslim behaves or treats his friends.

A Muslim enjoins good and forbids evil. A Muslim wants the best for his friend even if it means telling his parents if it will stop them from committing further sins. A Muslim CARES for his friend and does not let him destroy himself whilst he sits back and watches it happen.

The type of friend you are talking about is not a friend at all but a true friend in Islam is one who benefits you in this world and the next whilst the bad friend does the opposite. The one who does not care either way is not a true friend at all and it is not the trait of a Muslim to ignore the evil his friend indulges in and overlook it. A Muslim forbids evil and enjoins good in the most beautiful of manners using wisdom and tact and they do what they can to ensure their friend stops the evil they are committing.

If we knew our friend was committing evil and we did nothing about it and overlooked it thinking it is not our responsibility then surely those people will be accountable on the day of judgement!

The Prophet (saws) said, “The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell.” [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]


Remember: “All friends will be enemies of one another on that Day (Day of Judgment) except those of the virtuous.” (al-Qur’an 43:67)

A true friend is one who is with you, and would hurt themselves to benefit you. And if the stress of a time shakes you, they would destroy themselves to help you.

:wa:

I understand what you mean. I used to do that when I was back home i.e. Saudi Arabia, and friends did not seem to mind it.

Its a different story in the West. People take it as "infringement into their rights" when you tell them what is right and what is wrong and they reply by saying "I know my religion." Many times it has happened that my "friends" stopped taking my calls just because I had become "boring." Anyways, we are dealing with a totally different breed here which has soaked up the Western ideals. Let them learn their own way by their own mistakes. In the end, I really do not know. Its not an Islamic society ... I do not know what enjoining good or forbidding evil means here. I cant really stop the lady next door from wearing a bikini or the sister downstairs from wearing that skin-tight jeans on hijab.
:wa:

 

[Raaina]

To the original poster,

If you are really unsure what to do. Put yourself in your friends position and then think how your parent's would react to being told and then go on from there

 

[cat eyes]

If your friend is doing something bad, is it your responsibility to tell her/his parents before something happens.

well what the parents can do? usually they never listen to there parents but they will listen to a qualified imam so get her in touch with one. show her fatwas on this sin. make her realise its evil.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I understand what you mean. I used to do that when I was back home i.e. Saudi Arabia, and friends did not seem to mind it.

Its a different story in the West. People take it as "infringement into their rights" when you tell them what is right and what is wrong and they reply by saying "I know my religion." Many times it has happened that my "friends" stopped taking my calls just because I had become "boring." Anyways, we are dealing with a totally different breed here which has soaked up the Western ideals. Let them learn their own way by their own mistakes. In the end, I really do not know. Its not an Islamic society ... I do not know what enjoining good or forbidding evil means here. I cant really stop the lady next door from wearing a bikini or the sister downstairs from wearing that skin-tight jeans on hijab.
:wa:

whether it is the west or not no matter where we are it is our duty to stick to Islamic ideals and morals not have to change them to kufaar ideals. Our duty is to enjoin good and forbid evil therefore we must do so in all circumstances and situations regardless of what kind of society we live in. We as Muslims are brothers and sisters to one another and brothers and sisters care for one another so you must discard this attitude and adopt Islamic principles and the command of Allah which is for us to enjoin good and forbid evil no matter where we are.

and Allah knows best

:wa: