Friendship?

[anonymous]

I've been friends with a group of girls for about 3 years now, its our third year. They are really nice, funny, lovely. But all the same, i'm gettin quite worried now. Some have changed, (and then changed back). Some of the girls talk to boys - 2 of them, and 1 went out with a boy, but has stopped alhamdullilah.

I thought I'd help them out, and alhamdullilah, 1 stopped talking to boys. But, the other talks to boys on the phone. Basically they are not practising, and do some stuff that is wrong.

Now, this year, I met other girls, who mashaallaah are practicing. Alhamdullilah, I enjoy staying with them, but I have this guilt feeling that I should still stay with the other friends, and hang out with them at school, to inshaallaah help them change.

What would you do in this situation? Would you spend most of your time with the practicing girls or with the others? I'm not saying cut off all ties with them, but shall I kind of leave them?

Please do not judge me, and I hope I have not upset anyone with this post.
Thank you very much.

 

[Al-Hanbali]

Wa 'alaykum salaam,

Maybe you could get those sisters to join you when you are 'hanging out' with the practising sisters, and in that way, maybe they may also benefit from the good company.

 

[Layla454]

I've been friends with a group of girls for about 3 years now, its our third year. They are really nice, funny, lovely. But all the same, i'm gettin quite worried now. Some have changed, (and then changed back). Some of the girls talk to boys - 2 of them, and 1 went out with a boy, but has stopped alhamdullilah.

I thought I'd help them out, and alhamdullilah, 1 stopped talking to boys. But, the other talks to boys on the phone. Basically they are not practising, and do some stuff that is wrong.

Now, this year, I met other girls, who mashaallaah are practicing. Alhamdullilah, I enjoy staying with them, but I have this guilt feeling that I should still stay with the other friends, and hang out with them at school, to inshaallaah help them change.

What would you do in this situation? Would you spend most of your time with the practicing girls or with the others? I'm not saying cut off all ties with them, but shall I kind of leave them?

Please do not judge me, and I hope I have not upset anyone with this post.
Thank you very much.

Give dawah to the non-practising girls so that inshaAllah they will change. Show them how Islam has made you a better person.

 

[alcurad]

^agree
although the rules regarding this are not very clear cut though, it's-khulwa- being alone with 'boys' that is not correct..

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu

One thing that I've noticed, Alhemdulilah, is that we have an obligation to each other to help one another in guidance, so that it's doesn't remain a friendship only based on love and entertainment, but rather to be a friendship that benefits Islamically all those whom are involved.

I try my hardest to remain with friends that either (1) benefit me Islamically, or if they don't benefit me then, (2) I benefit them Islamically.

If I do not find benefit from them Islamically, I have to know that their iman is getting better when they are around me, otherwise I start thinking that either I'm not one who benefits or they just don't want to change their ways. If they are too stubborn to change their ways after trying to help them continuously with sincerity and patience and they remain sinning and it starts to affect me as well, then I distance myself from them.

Malik bin Dinar advised Mughirah bin Habib:

“Every companion and friend from whom you do not earn a religious benefit then discard him and his friendship.” [Az zuhd p.449 and Sifatus-Safwah vol. 3, 286]​

I suggest you try to help them for now and continue to advice them, perhaps go to lectures together or try to inform them about their ways in a very subtle way so that they can reflect upon themselves and see how they improve inshallah. If they don't want to change and they do not find benefit in you then distance yourself from them in case they start to affect your iman. For now, just try to help them with patience and sincerity Inshallah.

Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Holy Prophet S.A.W said:

Help your brother when he commits a wrong or a wrong is committed against him. Someone asked: O messenger of Allah! I could help him if a wrong is committed against him, but how shall I help him if he himself is committing a wrong? He answered: Stop him from committing the wrong, that is helping him. [Bukhari]​

It seems as if you advising them is helping them improve little by little, which is good, but if they stop improving and you advising them doesn't lead them anywhere then be around those who will help you in your iman bi'idnillah.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

 

[Dawud_uk]

I've been friends with a group of girls for about 3 years now, its our third year. They are really nice, funny, lovely. But all the same, i'm gettin quite worried now. Some have changed, (and then changed back). Some of the girls talk to boys - 2 of them, and 1 went out with a boy, but has stopped alhamdullilah.

I thought I'd help them out, and alhamdullilah, 1 stopped talking to boys. But, the other talks to boys on the phone. Basically they are not practising, and do some stuff that is wrong.

Now, this year, I met other girls, who mashaallaah are practicing. Alhamdullilah, I enjoy staying with them, but I have this guilt feeling that I should still stay with the other friends, and hang out with them at school, to inshaallaah help them change.

What would you do in this situation? Would you spend most of your time with the practicing girls or with the others? I'm not saying cut off all ties with them, but shall I kind of leave them?

Please do not judge me, and I hope I have not upset anyone with this post.
Thank you very much.

there are numerous ahaddith telling us to be careful who we take as friends as we will be raised with them, now do you want to be raised on the day of judgement with the sisters who are practicing or those that aren't?

that doesnt mean you leave the non-practicing ones totally, just be wary and try to help them, dont take them as your main friends you spend most of your time with but invite them along in ones and twos to be amongst more practicing sisters and try to get them to practice also.

 

[Dawud_uk]

^agree
although the rules regarding this are not very clear cut though, it's-khulwa- being alone with 'boys' that is not correct..

or free mixing for purposes other than the deen such as deeni education, jihad or where necessity overrules prohibition.