YourAkhi97
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As-salamu alaykum.
I had a Satan worshipper in my class. I told her she could curse me all she wanted, it wouldn’t do anything anyway, because I was still an atheist at the time. She said, ok. She would prepare something big. Several weeks passed, I don’t remember exactly how many. I had completely forgotten about it. I was sitting at the computer (this was during my apprenticeship as an IT specialist - application development) and then I felt a sting in my back. She had stuck a needle in my back and was already a few steps away when I turned around, and I said what was that all about? Loudly in front of the class, of course. I thought maybe she had infected the needle with AIDS or something else, because she had told a story before, and I overheard it, that there are these sex events where someone has AIDS, but they don’t know who, and they do things with each other and that’s a kick for them, because they don’t know who. Sick stuff like that. I got tested and had extended tests done, everything was fine. By now I know that they use needles with blood for black magic, as far as I know. But she said that my life would fall apart. It would get so bad, everything would be destroyed and more. She had prepared for it for a long time, probably made offerings, and what exactly, I don’t know. I wasn’t afraid because of the curse, at the time I was only afraid of diseases, but Alhamdulillah there was nothing.. now comes part 2 of the terrible story. Maybe they are connected. I don’t know.
This is now about 6 years later (I started smoking weed, dropped out of my apprenticeship in the 3rd year, even though I already had my final certificate for the 3rd year with a 1.8 GPA, I only would have had to take the final exam, I registered a few times because I thought I would go, but I didn’t and the chances are gone, my life went downhill): I smoked an extreme amount of weed (about 8 years), took mushrooms and about 15 times LSD, before what happened, happened (when I was an atheist 2 years ago). Never had any problems, during rare bad trips I said that it’s completely normal and I also knew that it’s normal that something like this can happen and I calmed others down and said that it will pass. One evening I took LSD with my best friend at the time (a very low dose compared to what I was used to, no visual changes, etc. really, really much lower dosed than usual). We watched anime, talked.
Then everything changed. I know now as a Muslim that Sheytan used this. That at parties everyone has the feeling of being “one”. I looked at him and “knew” (from Sheytan) that we are one. Everything is one.
In that moment it began: He said everything I was thinking. Every “what the h…” – he said it. My reaction that I wanted to say “OMG” – he said it. Everything I could think, he said out loud. When I thought about grabbing the remote to turn off the TV, he already had it in his hand with his arm outstretched to give it to me. Not 5 seconds later, in the same moment I was thinking about turning off the TV because it was too much for me and I couldn’t even say it.
There was no escape. Everything I thought or wanted to do to break out was just part of a chain that felt like it had already happened infinitely many times. He said: “It’s always the same.” I tried to talk, but the sentences turned into songs (example: rap songs, one after the other, one sentence from a song exactly matching what I wanted to say, and then my reaction to it, that was the next song, etc.), that were stuck in a loop.
I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I knew this drug was my end. I knew (without anyone saying it) that it would end with me jumping from the 8th floor. That my family would find me like this: messy apartment, bong, jumped from the balcony on LSD. And that this was the beginning of eternal hell.
I thought of my girlfriend at the time – right at that second, she called. I told her I don’t want to jump, but it will end this way, just as it always has and always will.
I cannot describe even 1% how terrible this hours-long experience was. Every struggle was just part of the infinite chain. I sat in front of the balcony door, ready to jump. I wanted to take a running start and jump straight out, without looking, even though I knew it was eternal hell.
I sat there, 2 minutes. My friend grinning, he “knew” I was going to jump. Sheytan had me that far.
EXACTLY in the moment I was about to rush off…
…a loud and clear Quran recitation started playing (no TV, speakers or anything, out of nowhere). Only for 4 seconds. Like speakers left and right at my ears. I didn’t know what Quran was back then. But in that moment, I got the feeling from Allah swt that Allah swt is above EVERYTHING.
I knew I had to fight. I ran to the apartment door, my friend held it shut, but I got out. I RAN down the 8 flights of stairs. I sprinted and stumbled, took 7 steps at a time. I saw the floor numbers: 7… 6… (I thought, now 6 will come again, in the loop)… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Ground floor.
In that second, my ex-girlfriend called. She was on the 8th floor (had taken the elevator). Wallahi. While I was running down, she was in the elevator on her way up.
I found Islam not long after that, Alhamdulillah. But it haunts me daily. The feeling is getting worse… I pray 5x and also Sunnah prayers, I try to protect myself, but it’s somehow still getting worse. It’s as if Sheytan has opened all the doors he needs to easily get me back into this state of panic, where I think it’s starting all over again.. I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s really terrifying. So much so, you can’t imagine.
What would you do now?
I had a Satan worshipper in my class. I told her she could curse me all she wanted, it wouldn’t do anything anyway, because I was still an atheist at the time. She said, ok. She would prepare something big. Several weeks passed, I don’t remember exactly how many. I had completely forgotten about it. I was sitting at the computer (this was during my apprenticeship as an IT specialist - application development) and then I felt a sting in my back. She had stuck a needle in my back and was already a few steps away when I turned around, and I said what was that all about? Loudly in front of the class, of course. I thought maybe she had infected the needle with AIDS or something else, because she had told a story before, and I overheard it, that there are these sex events where someone has AIDS, but they don’t know who, and they do things with each other and that’s a kick for them, because they don’t know who. Sick stuff like that. I got tested and had extended tests done, everything was fine. By now I know that they use needles with blood for black magic, as far as I know. But she said that my life would fall apart. It would get so bad, everything would be destroyed and more. She had prepared for it for a long time, probably made offerings, and what exactly, I don’t know. I wasn’t afraid because of the curse, at the time I was only afraid of diseases, but Alhamdulillah there was nothing.. now comes part 2 of the terrible story. Maybe they are connected. I don’t know.
This is now about 6 years later (I started smoking weed, dropped out of my apprenticeship in the 3rd year, even though I already had my final certificate for the 3rd year with a 1.8 GPA, I only would have had to take the final exam, I registered a few times because I thought I would go, but I didn’t and the chances are gone, my life went downhill): I smoked an extreme amount of weed (about 8 years), took mushrooms and about 15 times LSD, before what happened, happened (when I was an atheist 2 years ago). Never had any problems, during rare bad trips I said that it’s completely normal and I also knew that it’s normal that something like this can happen and I calmed others down and said that it will pass. One evening I took LSD with my best friend at the time (a very low dose compared to what I was used to, no visual changes, etc. really, really much lower dosed than usual). We watched anime, talked.
Then everything changed. I know now as a Muslim that Sheytan used this. That at parties everyone has the feeling of being “one”. I looked at him and “knew” (from Sheytan) that we are one. Everything is one.
In that moment it began: He said everything I was thinking. Every “what the h…” – he said it. My reaction that I wanted to say “OMG” – he said it. Everything I could think, he said out loud. When I thought about grabbing the remote to turn off the TV, he already had it in his hand with his arm outstretched to give it to me. Not 5 seconds later, in the same moment I was thinking about turning off the TV because it was too much for me and I couldn’t even say it.
There was no escape. Everything I thought or wanted to do to break out was just part of a chain that felt like it had already happened infinitely many times. He said: “It’s always the same.” I tried to talk, but the sentences turned into songs (example: rap songs, one after the other, one sentence from a song exactly matching what I wanted to say, and then my reaction to it, that was the next song, etc.), that were stuck in a loop.
I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I knew this drug was my end. I knew (without anyone saying it) that it would end with me jumping from the 8th floor. That my family would find me like this: messy apartment, bong, jumped from the balcony on LSD. And that this was the beginning of eternal hell.
I thought of my girlfriend at the time – right at that second, she called. I told her I don’t want to jump, but it will end this way, just as it always has and always will.
I cannot describe even 1% how terrible this hours-long experience was. Every struggle was just part of the infinite chain. I sat in front of the balcony door, ready to jump. I wanted to take a running start and jump straight out, without looking, even though I knew it was eternal hell.
I sat there, 2 minutes. My friend grinning, he “knew” I was going to jump. Sheytan had me that far.
EXACTLY in the moment I was about to rush off…
…a loud and clear Quran recitation started playing (no TV, speakers or anything, out of nowhere). Only for 4 seconds. Like speakers left and right at my ears. I didn’t know what Quran was back then. But in that moment, I got the feeling from Allah swt that Allah swt is above EVERYTHING.
I knew I had to fight. I ran to the apartment door, my friend held it shut, but I got out. I RAN down the 8 flights of stairs. I sprinted and stumbled, took 7 steps at a time. I saw the floor numbers: 7… 6… (I thought, now 6 will come again, in the loop)… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Ground floor.
In that second, my ex-girlfriend called. She was on the 8th floor (had taken the elevator). Wallahi. While I was running down, she was in the elevator on her way up.
I found Islam not long after that, Alhamdulillah. But it haunts me daily. The feeling is getting worse… I pray 5x and also Sunnah prayers, I try to protect myself, but it’s somehow still getting worse. It’s as if Sheytan has opened all the doors he needs to easily get me back into this state of panic, where I think it’s starting all over again.. I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s really terrifying. So much so, you can’t imagine.
What would you do now?