Frustrations in getting married

i told my wife on the first week of marriage that I'd heard of women who try to separate their sons from their duty to parents and I wouldn't have it, she agreed,
I also regularly tell her I'll do what I can so she doesnt bug me when it comes to providing, she did once mentioned me not yet having a car and I was p...d off (later) and told her I'll get it when I can or if I didnt -so what? Had she been feeling inferior because of seeing others with flash cars?

28. O Prophet! Say to thy Consorts: "If it be that ye desire the life of this World, and its glitter,- then come! I will provide for your enjoyment and set you free in a handsome manner.

29. But if ye seek Allah and His Messenger, and the Home of the Hereafter, verily Allah has prepared for the well-doers amongst you a great reward.
Quran 33

Don't get me wrong, I like flash cars etc, but if I can't afford it, i wait, and the way i see it, if a spouse ain't happy with that, she's with the wrong person. There are many sisters out there that are content with a righteous husband and will share the struggles, though they're hard to find, they are there and the prophet pbuh is reported to have said:
"A man solicits a woman in marriage for four reasons:
her wealth, her family’s rank, her beauty, or her piety.
Choose the pious one, and you will have gained true wealth."

4794. It is related by Abu Hurayra that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
"The best of women are the riders of camels, the righteous women of Quraysh.
They are the most compassionate to their children when they are young
and most prudent with the property of their husbands.

I'd even go to gaza and seek to marry an orphaned daughter of a martyr if I needed to marry and could afford it and id even settle there if possible. and that's a real strong girl, lots of blessings, and possibly not a great cost, but a link to the people at the forefront of Islam
."
 
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'Abd Al-Maajid said:
We are slaves to the dogma that we should have a good paying job before we can even think of getting married. lol so cant help, man. :p
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And what is the result of this bro? What effect has this had upon the youth? What have many young people resorted to in order to fulfil their needs because of this mentality? imsad I don't see it changing any time soon either, probably will get more worse.
 
Salahudeen said:
And what is the result of this bro? What effect has this had upon the youth? What have many young people resorted to in order to fulfil their needs because of this mentality? imsad I don't see it changing any time soon either, probably will get more worse.
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Haha, that's good question. I dont know what is the result of this but if express my feeling of getting married to my parents they'd say, "dont you think you should get a good job first?" :D this is so embarrassing...lol
What have many young people resorted to in order to fulfill their needs? Should they do something to fulfill theri needs actually? well some have resorted to haram relationships even before they complete their education, i mean they cant even wait to have relationships and get laid lol. others somehow managed to curb their desires. I know some people of my age who got married.
 
'Abd Al-Maajid said:


Haha, that's good question. I dont know what is the result of this but if express my feeling of getting married to my parents they'd say, "dont you think you should get a good job first?" :D this is so embarrassing...lol
What have many young people resorted to in order to fulfill their needs? Should they do something to fulfill theri needs actually? well some have resorted to haram relationships even before they complete their education, i mean they cant even wait to have relationships and get laid lol. others somehow managed to curb their desires. I know some people of my age who got married.
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lol aw :( well inshaAllah when your kids tell you that they want to get married you will support them and make it easy for them, many have resorted to haraam cos they can't curb their desires and that's the problem with the waiting till you have a job with good salary mentality, it's very easy to fall into sin.
 
^ yes, it is very easy to fall into haram things...
at my work place girls follow me...lol :D they advance their hands, sit beside in the cab (with all their funky perfumes) pat here and there,...lol So i always try to them. the funniest part is many men and women dont find any harm in that.
i know shaking hands couldn't not be that detrimental but that could lead you to do many more haram things...

Final summation: Life is (removed by moderator) if you work in an IT company here in my city and you are not married. :D
 
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Salahudeen said:
've learnt some women go for wealth and social status when it comes to a marriage partner so I decided to give up until I have money like Bill Gates. Oh I forgot to mention my beard reminds them of a "caveman" and they want me to shave it off for them, this is another reason.
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Forget those materialist women, and try to looking for religious Muslim sisters.

Religious Muslim sisters do not expect a rich man, but they expect salih Muslim who can be a good husband. As long as you are religious, you have a job, you have a responsibility to fulfill what your wife needs, its enough, no matter if your income is low or high.

All you need is connection with someone or some people in Islamic institution, such as masjid or Muslim organization, who know you personally, because they will not recommend a stranger. Tell those people you are looking for a wife. If they definite you are worth to marry a religious Muslim sister, they will recommend your name to a sister.

Some religious brother who I know got their wives through this way. And bro, if you are active in Islamic activities, it will becomes your plus point.
 
Why I am not married...

..still waiting for a righteous man and working towards righteousness in the meantime (albeit very slowly).

To br thread opener, these matters are in Allahs hands, sometimes even with all the right means and intentions we are unsuccessful in finding a compatible partner. Also, as some of the brothers mentioned there are many cultural expectations that have to be fulfilled before families/walis consider us eligible for marriage. This is all self-imposed rubbish that has no basis in Islam.
 
that's why we've got to change it,
i notice many scholars saying you have to get your parents blessing to marry, but that is when the parents are within the limits of Islam,
this is a flagrant violation of those limits. i believe young people should study Islam and get married if they find the right match and their parents are playing in shallowness (she's from a lower caste, he's a lowlander, not a chowdhury etc).

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
15. "But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration),
and follow the way of those who turn to me: in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."

i personally see many parents turn a blind eye to the indecent exploits of their children, and themselves sit there with the whole family watching ridiculous bollywood stories.
suggest marriage and they'll be shocked: my daughter's studying for a B.S

Exactly - it's B.S without the limits of God.

Sorry...... just had to vent that
 
Salahudeen said:
They want me to kick my mum who raised me all her life, and move out into our own place. while my mum rotts away in a empty house :hmm: There's also the fact I don't have a lucrative job and a fancy car :hmm: not saying all women are like this but this has been my experience so far. Oh yeah I don't make enough to go on holiday every year also ;D

I've learnt some women go for wealth and social status when it comes to a marriage partner so I decided to give up until I have money like Bill Gates.:exhausted Oh I forgot to mention my beard reminds them of a "caveman" and they want me to shave it off for them, this is another reason.
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Hey maybe we can build a social network together or the next operating system eh?:hmm:

No but i think to many people think about money, think of it as this "providing you have money for your family & poor, then your all good". Second if your a man/women from western countries you will probably have big debts to deal with, from Uni, I just recommend people go to Middle east where no debs or tax ( in some countries)...
 
I am getting married, married to a girl from Pakistan, I'm in the UK.

The cost of the wedding excluding the tickets, is estimated around £50 - £60k. My clothes alone and I kid you not when I say this, but mines have cost £2k, I'm the guy for crying out loud, how is it possible that my clothes cost 2k? The girl's clothes are estimated around £6k, the jewellery will cost around £6k. Then comes all the effort to make a nice home in Pakistan for the wedding and here in UK for when she arrives, that together cost £50k ish, fortunately my dad has done most of it, if it were just me, I'd have never been able to afford it.

I feel for those from poorer backgrounds, because weddings and I blame the women in my culture, because they are so selfish, so greedy they waste so much money on weddings.

Because of the cost of this wedding it will be another 6 months of travelling on the bus to work, that takes me 2 hours and 2 hours back everyday.

Weddings are a total and utter waste of money these days. They are absolutely shameless and extravagant events in the modern world.
 
kingkong said:
I am getting married, married to a girl from Pakistan, I'm in the UK.

The cost of the wedding excluding the tickets, is estimated around £50 - £60k. My clothes alone and I kid you not when I say this, but mines have cost £2k, I'm the guy for crying out loud, how is it possible that my clothes cost 2k? The girl's clothes are estimated around £6k, the jewellery will cost around £6k. Then comes all the effort to make a nice home in Pakistan for the wedding and here in UK for when she arrives, that together cost £50k ish, fortunately my dad has done most of it, if it were just me, I'd have never been able to afford it.

I feel for those from poorer backgrounds, because weddings and I blame the women in my culture, because they are so selfish, so greedy they waste so much money on weddings.

Because of the cost of this wedding it will be another 6 months of travelling on the bus to work, that takes me 2 hours and 2 hours back everyday.

Weddings are a total and utter waste of money these days. They are absolutely shameless and extravagant events in the modern world.
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I agree I know how those Pakistani are like so selfish....that's why i aint never getting married from Pakistan..
 
abz2000 said:
i told my wife on the first week of marriage that I'd heard of women who try to separate their sons from their duty to parents and I wouldn't have it, she agreed
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That is what I'm afraid of. Depends on the person if she agrees, hence, I'm very careful.
 
PoweredByGoogle said:
I agree I know how those Pakistani are like so selfish....that's why i aint never getting married from Pakistan..
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The women in my family are just as worse. I don't blame the Pakistanis in Pakistan as such, because the girls and families here are pretty bad too. It's the women in my culture, both in Pakistan and abroad, weddings can never be simple. For some inexplicable reason they've created a system where you have to try and outdo all previous weddings in terms of extravagance.

The men try to speak out and explain why this is not good, but their wives accuse them of being like Scrooge or very stingy.

It sounds sexist, but it's the truth, the women are the selfish money wasters and the men just go along to avoid weeks and possibly months even years of headaches about how awful their wedding is.

I can understand why many brothers are put off marriage.

What makes it worse is, after all that money spent on the wedding to make the females happy, I mean most men couldn't care less about the wedding. But after all that money spent on the wedding, the girl's family have the nerve and the audacity to ask for a high mahr?
 
kingkong said:
For some inexplicable reason they've created a system where you have to try and outdo all previous weddings in terms of extravagance.
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Salaam,

It's just an excuse to have a party and show-off. Ugh...I so hate my culture but I love the food.
 
When and if it is in your taqdeer to get married then that's when it will happen..those who are single should just keep making du'a Allah makes it easy for you to stay away from fitna and grant you a pious chaste spouse with good akhlaq etc..ameen...don't lose hope..(even if it's hard) because it will come when it's best for you.
 
Bint Abi said:
When and if it is in your taqdeer to get married then that's when it will happen..those who are single should just keep making du'a Allah makes it easy for you
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Does this mean, we just carry on with our lives and hope someone sends us a proposal .
 
It is frustrating. I delayed marriage (looking for someone via parents/networking etc) for so long thinking yeah 'how hard can it be?' BIG SURPRISE, no one responds to my messages on matrimonial websites and my parents haven't been able to find me anyone - I think it's just that no one has taken a liking to me imsad.

Luckily I'm a patient guy and there's 3 things which help me:
1. Make constant dua to Allah. Believe that one day Allah will marry you to someone right for you and if not in this life then in the hereafter.
2. Always keep busy with productive things. Keep busy! I eliminated films and videogames from my diet. I read more, participate in kung fu classes and spend time with family. Just think of things you have always wanted to do, I have always wanted to learn Kung Fu but put it at the back of my mind.
3. Don't masturbate. It is tempting if you are single but if you do you will lose your mojo and become lazy. Fast voluntarily and follow steps 1, 2.
 

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