Get married or wait?

[sonyaashah]

I have been in a relationship for a year and my boyfriend suddenly dumped me one day for no apparent reason. It was really hard for me to move on and i used to cry every single day as we also got somewhat physical with each other. It was a total shock for me as i used to believe him when he said he would marry me and i saw no harm in getting physical with him. I was such a fool. Then a friend of his tried patching us up but it didn't worked and somehow we got closer to each other. Now currently i'm in a relationship with him. Time passed and i don't know what happened and i got physical with him again..it's about to be 3 years since we're together and he says he'll marry me. I believe him but i don't wanna get fooled once again. I know i trust him but there are some issues...he's a year younger then me and he's in air force and they have a rule that you have to be 28 to get married. I'm 24 right now and i probably can't wait that long because my friends/relatives all are getting married and my parents want me to get married soon. Now if i have to wait for him it's gonna be too long. I asked him to get engaged but since he's the youngest one in his family so nobody takes him seriously and come on he's only 23..i don't blame him because his family is right now focusing on his elder brother to get married. He has issues of his own. Secondly his family have some financial issues of their own. His father never saved up anything so they probably have nothing and it scares me because i'm somewhat of a materialistic person and i'm not that kinda person who adjusts and i feel if i marry him i'm gonna have a tough life in the earlier stages and it will take him much time to get stabled and my mother is of the view that a man should be stable enough for marriage and right now he's not in any such position. I know he's caring and all that but i'm just too confused because i worry a lot about my future. I won't be able to digest the part that all my friends are living happy and wealthy enough and i'll be having a tough life working and craving for things. I was never in favor of getting a job but my boyfriend says that if i have to live with him then i will have to get a job to support him. I have always been treated like a princess in my home and this whole situation is making me depressive. My studies are about to end and my mom is on a rishta hunt to get me married and i get so hyper when i hear her talking about this rishta stuff or if somebody comes to check me out. I have no clue what i'm doing with my life as i feel really guilty of getting physical with two guys before and it scares me of my future. Also i found out sometime back that my boyfriend is sending friend requests to girls on Facebook and i told him not to do so but he clearly didn't listened. He even sends them messages and then delete his conversation. I told him not to do so. He never takes me seriously. He says that i also talk to guys but i always tell him that at least i'm honest about it and i don't hide stuff from him. If i talk to anyone i always tell him because for me honesty is everything in a relation. I sometimes even cry because i get emotional when i talk about our future and if we'll get married? but i feel he doesn't cares. He says that i act to get his attention. I don't know what to do. Kindly guide me if i should stick with this guy or get married to a stranger? I'm scared what if i get married to some other guy and he finds out about my past. I know the fate is already written but i can't really decide what to do. My boyfriend does treats me nicely and i think we have a good understanding but i'm not sure about my future with him. I even read some stories about women who got married to the one they loved and then later in life found out that they cheated on them and sometimes i feel as if he will cheat on me because i feel he has that kind of nature. Plus I'm a year older then him so i'll probably look old sooner or later and then men find younger girls attractive and all. It will really break my heart and leaving him right now seems to be so hard as we are so close to each other. I act like such a happy person and maybe people do think i have a perfect life but in reality I'm breaking apart and going mad each passing day. Please help me. I've been a bad girl and nobody really has any idea about my past and i never want anyone to find that out. What should i do? I don't wanna be blind in my love. My heart has been broken once and it took me so much time to get over it and if this guy (my current boyfriend) wasn't in my life i couldn't have gotten any better. He knows everything about my past. He never forced me into getting physical so i really don't blame him this time. HELP ME ASAP PLEASE.

P.S: i was physical with my boyfriend's but i never had intercourse with them.

 

[~Zaria~]

I have been in a relationship for a year and my boyfriend suddenly dumped me one day for no apparent reason. It was really hard for me to move on and i used to cry every single day as we also got somewhat physical with each other. It was a total shock for me as i used to believe him when he said he would marry me and i saw no harm in getting physical with him. I was such a fool. Then a friend of his tried patching us up but it didn't worked and somehow we got closer to each other. Now currently i'm in a relationship with him. Time passed and i don't know what happened and i got physical with him again..it's about to be 3 years since we're together and he says he'll marry me. I believe him but i don't wanna get fooled once again. I know i trust him but there are some issues...he's a year younger then me and he's in air force and they have a rule that you have to be 28 to get married. I'm 24 right now and i probably can't wait that long because my friends/relatives all are getting married and my parents want me to get married soon. Now if i have to wait for him it's gonna be too long. I asked him to get engaged but since he's the youngest one in his family so nobody takes him seriously and come on he's only 23..i don't blame him because his family is right now focusing on his elder brother to get married. He has issues of his own. Secondly his family have some financial issues of their own. His father never saved up anything so they probably have nothing and it scares me because i'm somewhat of a materialistic person and i'm not that kinda person who adjusts and i feel if i marry him i'm gonna have a tough life in the earlier stages and it will take him much time to get stabled and my mother is of the view that a man should be stable enough for marriage and right now he's not in any such position. I know he's caring and all that but i'm just too confused because i worry a lot about my future. I won't be able to digest the part that all my friends are living happy and wealthy enough and i'll be having a tough life working and craving for things. I was never in favor of getting a job but my boyfriend says that if i have to live with him then i will have to get a job to support him. I have always been treated like a princess in my home and this whole situation is making me depressive. My studies are about to end and my mom is on a rishta hunt to get me married and i get so hyper when i hear her talking about this rishta stuff or if somebody comes to check me out. I have no clue what i'm doing with my life as i feel really guilty of getting physical with two guys before and it scares me of my future. Also i found out sometime back that my boyfriend is sending friend requests to girls on Facebook and i told him not to do so but he clearly didn't listened. He even sends them messages and then delete his conversation. I told him not to do so. He never takes me seriously. He says that i also talk to guys but i always tell him that at least i'm honest about it and i don't hide stuff from him. If i talk to anyone i always tell him because for me honesty is everything in a relation. I sometimes even cry because i get emotional when i talk about our future and if we'll get married? but i feel he doesn't cares. He says that i act to get his attention. I don't know what to do. Kindly guide me if i should stick with this guy or get married to a stranger? I'm scared what if i get married to some other guy and he finds out about my past. I know the fate is already written but i can't really decide what to do. My boyfriend does treats me nicely and i think we have a good understanding but i'm not sure about my future with him. I even read some stories about women who got married to the one they loved and then later in life found out that they cheated on them and sometimes i feel as if he will cheat on me because i feel he has that kind of nature. Plus I'm a year older then him so i'll probably look old sooner or later and then men find younger girls attractive and all. It will really break my heart and leaving him right now seems to be so hard as we are so close to each other. I act like such a happy person and maybe people do think i have a perfect life but in reality I'm breaking apart and going mad each passing day. Please help me. I've been a bad girl and nobody really has any idea about my past and i never want anyone to find that out. What should i do? I don't wanna be blind in my love. My heart has been broken once and it took me so much time to get over it and if this guy (my current boyfriend) wasn't in my life i couldn't have gotten any better. He knows everything about my past. He never forced me into getting physical so i really don't blame him this time. HELP ME ASAP PLEASE.

P.S: i was physical with my boyfriend's but i never had intercourse with them.

Assalamu-alaikum,


Where, in this story of your life, do you think ALLAH (subhanawataála) should fit in? - Your Creator and Lord, the One who is keeping you alive and showering His endless bounties upon you, despite your complete disregard of His commands upon you.

At no point in this entire narration have you shown any sort of remorse for your actions or any desire to repent and change your current way of life.

You end by saying: "HELP ME ASAP PLEASE."

What help are you actually desiring?
Is the source of all assistance not Allah (subhanawataála) himself? But how do we turn to HIM - the Responder to all who call upon Him, when at the very same time we take His prohibitions as a fools play?

My sister, there is no way that we can help you, until you chose to help yourself.

Until you stop and think really hard about the following:
1. What is the purpose for my existence?

--> Is it not for the worship of Allah?

“And I (Allaah) created not the jinn and mankind EXCEPT, that they should WORSHIP Me (Alone)” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:56]
​

How are you doing on this front, in your opinion?


2. Where is my final destination?
What type of provisions am I making for my ETERNAL abode in the hereafter, by engaging in this type of lifestyle?
Do you envision the sweet fragrances of paradise that lies ahead for you......or the blazing fires of hell?

3. Do you know when the angel of Death has been appointed for you?
Today?
Tomorrow?
Next week?
If today was your FINAL day on this earth - are you READY to meet your Creator?

The question is not whether to 'Get married or wait'?
(Because any person reading this story, will be able to tell you - a marriage to this brother, under the current terms should not happen now.....later......or ever.)
Can you not realise this?

The question that you should be asking yourself is: When do I plan on turning my life around - Towards Allah Taa'la and focussing on what pleases Him?

How ungrateful can we be - to take the very blessings that Allah azza wajjal has bestowed upon us - our sight, our hearing, our limbs, our healthy bodies, our wealth and SO much more that cannot be even enumerated......and use it AGAINST Him?

It is ONLY through His mercy, that He has chosen not to take your life away, at the very moment that you are committing zina.
How then, would be your state - to be raised up again in the VERY same condition on the day of Qiyamat?

Is not the time to turn to Allah - Now?

Why do you focus so much on the materials of this world? Do you plan on taking them with you into the aakhirah?
Have you not seen all those who have died before you......leave everything behind, except for their deeds?
Do you suppose to be the exception to this?

Wake up my sister, for your own good!

You may feel that this post has been very harsh, but Wallahi, I write only with the hope that some part of it, insha Allah will make you refocus on your current position in life.

This is your life. You will be answerable for ALL of your choices - ALONE. No boyfriend, no 'husband-to-be' will ever be able to ward you from the fate that awaits. In fact, the very ones that you loved on this earth, will ransom you in the hereafter - for their own salvation.

Do not be fooled!


I pray that Allah (subhanawataála) fills your heart with His guidance and noor, and makes you of His most beloved slaves.
Ameen.


:wa:

 

[Roasted Cashew]

My dear, what happened to paragraphs?? There are taught to us in school for a reason. Anyway, by now you should be able to tell whether he really loves you or not. A saying that flies about is that one should marry one that loves him/her and not the one he/she loves..(this is if such a conflict arises... of course, if you both love each other, that's the best)... Anyway, this is far too complicated for me to comprehend and I shall not advise you any further. I sincerely do hope that your problems are resolved soon enough. Amen. Pray to Allah!

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

ause i get emotional when i talk about our future and if we'll get married? but i feel he doesn't cares. He says that i act to get his attention. I don't know what to do. Kindly guide me if i should stick with this guy or get married to a stranger? I'm scared what if i get married to some other guy and he finds out about my past. I know the fate is already written but i can't really decide what to do. My boyfriend does treats me nicely and i think we have a good understanding but i'm not sure about my future with him. I even read some stories about women who got married to the one they loved and then later in life found out that they cheated on them and sometimes i feel as if he will cheat on me because i feel he has that kind of nature. Plus I'm a year older then him so i'll probably look old sooner or later and then men find younger girls attractive and all. It will really break my heart and leaving him right now seems to be so hard as we are so close to each other. I act like such a happy person and maybe people do think i have a perfect life but in reality I'm breaking apart and going mad each passing day. Please help me. I've been a bad girl and nobody really has any idea about my past and i never want anyone to find that out. What should i do? I don't wanna be blind in my love. My heart has been broken once and it took me so much time to get over it and if this guy (my current boyfriend) wasn't in my life i couldn't have gotten any better. He knows everything about my past. He never forced me into getting physical so i really don't blame him this time. HELP ME ASAP PLEASE.

Listen to your head, not your heart.
Get closer to Allah and Islam.


You know what you should do but you don't want to let go of him. He doesn't sound like a good person and most likely he is just having a little fun with you, especially when he knows he can't marry you right now. If a man really loves you, he will ask your father for your hand in marriage and make it apparent to your family and his that he has the intentions to marry you, even if the government does not allow marriage. You can at least complete nikkah so that you are married in front of Allah and your family and you are not sinning. You are setting yourself up for a very bad future by committing sins outside of marriage and only feeling guilty when you think about people finding out (you should fear allah, not people).

You should repent to Allah and stay away from this person no matter how many feelings you have for him. Your actions are haram and they will make you regret ever falling in love with him in the end, whether you decide to stay with him or not. If you have the sincerity to let go of him, repent for your sins, and move on with your life with Allah guiding you, then inshallah Allah will accept your repentance and conceal your sins from everyone's eyes. You have the choice to live a good life or a life of pain because you followed your desires mindlessly. If this man cannot say to you, "I want to respect you and preserve your innocence and dignity by not committing any sins with you" then he is not worth a second of your time. Instead he continues to do haram, and is probably doing it with other girls too if he has no shame adding them on facebook and speaking to them. (allahu alem)

If you have doubts about him, then those doubts are there for a reason. You need to think of your future and your hereafter. You know what you should do, so do it.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam