Getting married to someone less religious

[cat eyes]

I disagree. She does not have to be constantly giving him dawah. That is impossible for anyone. If she is already doing the fardh acts, then why does she not invite him to do the same things she does? she could also give him books to read. Find him good company that could influence him well, too.

sister it is not that easy as you would like to think. im not saying anymore on the matter but all i will say is take it from a girl who knows....

 

[Abdul Qadir]

i just can't see why this "pious" woman can't marry someone who is pious...i just can't see why...there is ABSOLUTELY no reason for her to be even in a situation where she has to give dawah to a scumbag to pray 5 times a day...

 

[transition?]

sister it is not that easy as you would like to think. im not saying anymore on the matter but all i will say is take it from a girl who knows....

Of course, it is not easy. This we all know from experience. But Dawah takes time but how can her husband live up to his duty as a righteous husband if he does not have knowledge? Dawah is our obligation. No it is not easy, but the sister says he really admires Islam, already.
Has she any other choice? Everything we do in Islam is a means to attain Jannah and seek Allah's Pleasure, even marriage. If there are going to be together in a lifetime, she has to do as much as she can to help her husband into Jannah. That is one of the purposes for marriage, seeking companionship for the sake of Allah (swt).

 

[KittenLover]

I disagree. She does not have to be constantly giving him dawah. That is impossible for anyone. If she is already doing the fardh acts, then why does she not invite him to do the same things she does? she could also give him books to read. Find him good company that could influence him well, too.

but your basing that upon the assumption he actually has a desire in his heart to follow Islam and be a better Muslim, what if it is the complete opposite and he loves his life the way it is and would hate someone giving him a book to read and inviting him to pratice Islam to the point he starts shouting at his wife to stop inviting him to prayer and trying to make him change.

circumstances like that do exist, the opposite can also be true though, he could benefit from the dawah and come closer to Islam through his wife.

at the end of the day it all depends on the person you're giving dawah to and the condition of their emaan/heart.

 

[Abdul Qadir]

Of course, it is not easy. This we all know from experience. But Dawah takes time but how can her husband live up to his duty as a righteous husband if he does not have knowledge? Dawah is our obligation. No it is not easy, but the sister says he really admires Islam, already.
Has she any other choice? Everything we do in Islam is a means to attain Jannah and seek Allah's Pleasure, even marriage. If there are going to be together in a lifetime, she has to do as much as she can to help her husband into Jannah. That is one of the purposes for marriage, seeking companionship for the sake of Allah (swt).

as a lady, ur husband should be a foundation for UR dawah...not the other way round...thats y in islam, men are allowed to marry christians..not vice versa...women are weak...thats y they need a man with strong faith...otherwise, we will have a lot of these sorta "pious" women walking around...

 

[Abdul Qadir]

u can marry for wealth, nobility, beauty or religion..and marry someone for that individual's religion and may ur hands be rubbed with dust...

 

[transition?]

but your basing that upon the assumption he actually has a desire in his heart to follow Islam and be a better Muslim, what if it is the complete opposite and he loves his life the way it is and would hate someone giving him a book to read and inviting him to pratice Islam to the point he starts shouting at his wife to stop inviting him to prayer and trying to make him change.

circumstances like that do exist, the opposite can also be true though, he could benefit from the dawah and come closer to Islam through his wife.

at the end of the day it all depends on the person you're giving dawah to and the condition of their emaan/heart.

She clarified. He was already pious and Muslim.

like i said i only want advice on how she can influence her husband to be more pious. you dont need to know personal details about their lives. she isnt being held at gunpoint, she agreed to the marriage herself but now she has become more religious. cultural issues prevent her from ending it because of what could very well happen. thats all i say on that issue!

now please, ONLY ADVICE ON HOW to guide him to be more pious. he is already muslims and admires the religion...i must say i feel this wasnt the right place to come ask people ask too many questions and ont give answers

 

[cat eyes]

Of course, it is not easy. This we all know from experience. But Dawah takes time but how can her husband live up to his duty as a righteous husband if he does not have knowledge? Dawah is our obligation. No it is not easy, but the sister says he really admires Islam, already.
Has she any other choice? Everything we do in Islam is a means to attain Jannah and seek Allah's Pleasure, even marriage. If there are going to be together in a lifetime, she has to do as much as she can to help her husband into Jannah. That is one of the purposes for marriage, seeking companionship for the sake of Allah (swt).

raising kids...teaching them the basic's of islam also takes time.. she will have to let her husband do what he wants then because by that time she will have to put all her time and energy in to them becoming muslims. i dont understand why put a woman through this emotional burden really. kids need two practicing parents not just one.. they NEED TWO..

at the end of the day it all comes down to influence.. kids are like sponges and they will soak up every bit of thing which they see and it will be for all there lives. you are only thinking about now sister but you are not thinking about the future and as i said above this is why parents end up getting divorced and why put a kid through that also.

 

[KittenLover]

Of course, it is not easy. This we all know from experience. But Dawah takes time but how can her husband live up to his duty as a righteous husband if he does not have knowledge? Dawah is our obligation. No it is not easy, but the sister says he really admires Islam, already.
Has she any other choice? Everything we do in Islam is a means to attain Jannah and seek Allah's Pleasure, even marriage. If there are going to be together in a lifetime, she has to do as much as she can to help her husband into Jannah. That is one of the purposes for marriage, seeking companionship for the sake of Allah (swt).

But what if you give him the knowledge and he doesn't really care or have any desire change. as you say in this situation the husband admires Islam so maybe dawah would make him change Allah knows best, but we as individuals can not make anyone change, it is Allah who possesses the hearts we simply give the message.

to apply your logic "everything we do in Islam is a means to attain jannah and seek Allah's pleasure even marriage" then she should please Allah by marrying a righteous brother who is obediant to Allah and stays away from the major sins such as "not praticing/praying".

that would please Allah more then marrying a person who doesn't pratice the religion, some scholars would even say it is haraam for her to marry him due to the fact he doesn't pray.

I'm not sure if the person she's marrying or not prays but if he doesn't some scholars would say since he doesn't pray he's no longer a Muslim therefore it's haraam for her to marry him and if she's married to him and he doesn't pray she can withold her body from him because he's not praying.

it's sad that the sister has no other choice, culture like this is evil, to the thread op isn't there anyway you can get out of this forced marriage??

there must be a helpline you can call.

 

[transition?]

as a lady, ur husband should be a foundation for UR dawah...not the other way round...thats y in islam, men are allowed to marry christians..not vice versa...women are weak...thats y they need a man with strong faith...otherwise, we will have a lot of these sorta "pious" women walking around...

Actually there is no limit to the wife's knowledge in marriage for Islam. In Islam, the husband needs to have strong faith and lots of knowledge just as the wife needs strong faith in knowledge. Truth, the husband is figure of guidance and authority in the family, but that does not mean that women cannot help their husbands do what is best for their faith either. You cannot cap knowledge because the husband only knows so much. The thing is they both need to be strong and knowledgeable. As long as the husband can guide and comply with his duties, then he is fine. But if a wife would like a scholar of fiqh or usul al fiqh, there is nothing that stops her if she is completing her other duties.
The general trend is that the husband has more knowledge, and wife apples whatever knowledge is pertaining to her. Or in some cases, both are equals and complement each other's faith.

I have not seen any evidence to say that women have to be less knowledgeable than their husbands. That is only a preference by some men.
Surely, it is not a woman's fault if another man fails to seek knowledge and her commitment to Islam is greater.

 

[KittenLover]

She clarified. He was already pious and Muslim.

edit- I jus read her first post and he isn't praying, you do know this is 1 of the major sins in Islam? and how a person who doesn't pray can be deemed as pious is beyond me since the prayer is an integral part of 1s Islam.

as I mentioned earlier there's evidence to suggest that a person who abandons Salah has left Islam and many scholars hold this view that the 1 who does not pray or believe it is an obligation is no longer a Muslim.

because there's hadiths that state "The covenant between us and them is prayer, so if anyone abandons it he has become a disbeliever." (Agreed upon by Ahmad, Tirmidhee and Nasaa'ee to be authentic)

"What lies between a man and disbelief is the abandonment of prayer." ( Agreed upon by Muslim, Abu Dawood and Nasaa'ee as sahih authentic)

 

[Abdul Qadir]

I have not seen any evidence to say that women have to be less knowledgeable than their husbands. That is only a preference by some men.
Surely, it is not a woman's fault if another man fails to seek knowledge and her
commitment to Islam is greater.

ur trying to be sly there...there maybe no evidence to suggest that women have to be less knowledgeable than their husbands..anyway, from my knowledge, i have said what i have to say....

 

[Abdul Qadir]

well in that case, if he is praying and doing the 5 pillars that is ok. I was under the misconeption he was a complete fasiq :hmm: then go for it and you can grow in deen together.

Im asking some advice for a friend who is marrying a man that she was arranged with years ago. His family is muslim and one of his sisters is covered so they are not completely in the dark but he isnt very pious as in he doesnt pray 5 times a day. However, her marriage to him is inevitable (two weeks away). What can she do to make it better? Is there ways for her to encourage him to be more religious without seeming bossy or rude?
Please any advice would be welcomed but please no advice on her leaving him because for sure there is no chance of her being able to break it off for many reasons I wont name.
Also, she would like to know if her husband not being pious enough is going to hurt her in the eyes of God even if she herself is pious.

 

[transition?]

But what if you give him the knowledge and he doesn't really care or have any desire change. as you say in this situation the husband admires Islam so maybe dawah would make him change Allah knows best, but we as individuals can not make anyone change, it is Allah who possesses the hearts we simply give the message.

to apply your logic "everything we do in Islam is a means to attain jannah and seek Allah's pleasure even marriage" then she should please Allah by marrying a righteous brother who is obediant to Allah and stays away from the major sins such as "not praticing/praying".

that would please Allah more then marrying a person who doesn't pratice the religion, some scholars would even say it is haraam for her to marry him due to the fact he doesn't pray.

I'm not sure if the person she's marrying or not prays but if he doesn't some scholars would say since he doesn't pray he's no longer a Muslim therefore it's haraam for her to marry him and if she's married to him and he doesn't pray she can withold her body from him because he's not praying.

it's sad that the sister has no other choice, culture like this is evil, to the thread op isn't there anyway you can get out of this forced marriage??

there must be a helpline you can call.

Yeah you are right. You cannot marry someone who does not pray.
I wonder if there is anyway to delay this marriage until she can convince him and he has changed but at least offering his prayers. Or at least show that he is trying. Tbh, my honest guess is that most Muslims today don't offer all their prayers, but then again, they attempt at teh very least.

There are other scholars who say that the person is not a kaffir, until he stops praying and AFTER he is approached, continues to be disobedient, not attempting again.

 

[KittenLover]

Yeah you are right. You cannot marry someone who does not pray.
I wonder if there is anyway to delay this marriage until she can convince him and he has changed but at least offering his prayers. Or at least show that he is trying. Tbh, my honest guess is that most Muslims today don't offer all their prayers, but then again, they attempt at teh very least.

There are other scholars who say that the person is not a kaffir, until he stops praying and AFTER he is approached, continues to be disobedient, not attempting again.

true, sister try to get him to pray before you marry him, some scholars hold the opinion that if he abandons the salah entirely including jummah and eid then this ruling applys to him.

but if he reads the occasional salah like Jummah then he is still in Islam. others apply it to every prayer. as you mentioned much of the ummah does not pray except on fridays and in ramadhan imsad

 

[transition?]

ur trying to be sly there...there maybe no evidence to suggest that women have to be less knowledgeable than their husbands..anyway, from my knowledge, i have said what i have to say....i just got emotional as i am seeing too many "muslim" women falling for guys who are not religious at all...

Of course, akhi.
But you made it sound that the wife cannot be more knowledgeable than the husband. I am saying, she can, but both need to have a certain level of Islam foundations to run a succesful family.

I was just pointing out there is difference between marrying a religious person who may know less than you, especially if you are a female scholar, than someone who is irreligious or lacks the necessary Islamic foundation to barely get themselves to do the right, yet guide their wife or children in Islamic duties.

 

[transition?]

true, sister try to get him to pray before you marry him, some scholars hold the opinion that if he abandons the salah entirely including jummah and eid then this ruling applys to him.

but if he reads the occasional salah like Jummah then he is still in Islam. others apply it to every prayer. as you mentioned much of the ummah does not pray except on fridays and in ramadhan imsad

I wish she would tell us more... Does he not pray because he does not realize its importance (i.e. lack of knowledge?)
If he was raised in a Muslim family, maybe his family was not that religious and did not teach him the importance of Salah.
He seems like he has a lot of potential and somewhat aware of Islam but he really needs more dawah and maybe a push. Culture can be an evil... in such cases.

THREAD CREATOR/SISTER- Is there any possibility you can convince this man to start praying a little even before the nikah/wedding?

MAY ALLAH GUIDE HIM AND GIVE HIM THE STRENGTH TO FOLLOW HIS FAITH BEFORE HIS MARRIAGE OR WORSE, DEATH!

 

[KittenLover]

ur trying to be sly there...there maybe no evidence to suggest that women have to be less knowledgeable than their husbands..anyway, from my knowledge, i have said what i have to say....i just got emotional as i am seeing too many "muslim" women falling for guys who are not religious at all...

brother the outcome of those marriages is not a happy one, I have an aunty who did that and now she is regretting it cos her children have taken the father as a role model and the father never prays and is very "chilled out" when it comes to Islam.

and when she tells them to pray they say "dad doesn't so why do we have to" the children are confused. "dad listens to music so why can't we".

it affects the children.

 

[Abdul Qadir]

brother the outcome of those marriages is not a happy one, I have an aunty who did that and now she is regretting it cos her children have taken the father as a role model and the father never prays and is very "chilled out" when it comes to Islam.

and when she tells them to pray they say "dad doesn't so why do we have to" the children are confused. "dad listens to music so why can't we".

it affects the children.

we dun have to worry about the consequences too much...the equation is simple...i will repeat...if ur pious, u marry a pious partner...coz pious ppl marry for the sake of The Most Gracious....and would you marry someone who does not pray for the sake of Allah? if u do, that renders ur status as a "pious" person as void...we dun have to explain and reason everything...or keep giving examples(even though we have to for some people)...

 

[Sampharo]

like i said i only want advice on how she can influence her husband to be more pious. you dont need to know personal details about their lives. she isnt being held at gunpoint, she agreed to the marriage herself but now she has become more religious. cultural issues prevent her from ending it because of what could very well happen. thats all i say on that issue!

now please, ONLY ADVICE ON HOW to guide him to be more pious. he is already muslims and admires the religion...i must say i feel this wasnt the right place to come ask people ask too many questions and ont give answers

Very well, very well, just take it easy with the frustration sister.

First remind her that if he doesn't start praying, the marriage is void and she is performing daily zina with a kafir. Just remind her of that.

Second, she can actually use that as an angle: that their marriage is not correct until he at least start the five prayers, so he can make that her marriage gift.

The sunnah showed us that a companion was brought to Islam that way, when Abu Talha liked Umm Sulaim Arrumaisa', a muslim woman, and asked her to marry him, she told him her dowry is for him to become muslim, which he obliged. That man went on to be a close companion of the prophet -s.a.a.w.-.

Also people like to follow example. If he sees her pious and enjoying her prayer and quran, he will be inquisitive. If she brings stuff over to him and then "ask" him about its meaning or its ruling, making him feel sought for his exquisite advice and knowledge (many men love that and women can really play them ), or she can ask him to check with the imam of the masjid (making him GO to the masjid instead of praying at home), that can lead to useful things.

Hope that helps.