Girl crush and confession
Assalaamu Alaikum everyone
This past summer I did something horrible (or at least somewhat?!?!?) I had this female friend that I have a crush on. I liked her so much that I went overboard. I have been friends with this girl for almost two years but I have felt extra for her for almost about a year. This girl I have never hung out with formally, but have hung out spontaneously. What I mean is that I would bump into her on campus and we sat and talked and talked. If not that, then we would talk online. She is extremely tough to get a hold of, so that is why it's hard to set up something. She never picks up the phone or answers back e-mails/myspace msgs. If it is not meant to be with her, I at least wanted to spend more time with her in the company of our other friends and get to know her; that way I know what I am getting myself into. I am definitely not close to her. Our families are friends, but not close friends. I guess our families are on a level of getting to know each other as well.
When we first became friends, she would always write me sweet messages on the internet, praise anything and everything I said. Supposedly I would hear through other people that she would even be asking about me, my information.
I started to feel for her a year after our slight friendship because she is one of the best people I could simply talk to and have a conversation with for the longest time. We would talk for the longest time about anything and everything. She is insanely friendly, frank voice, great personality, patience, hard-working, and I do find her attractive. She is also very smart and knowledgable about Islam. Her parents are also well-rounded as she is and are respectable towards all people. She possessed a lot of qualities I could ever ask for in a girl.
She used to be friends mostly with Muslims and/or well rounded students who never get into trouble. But now surrounds herself mostly with non-Muslims since the Muslims in the school let her down. When I said she is religious, I meant it in the sense that it is strong in her heart and incorporates into her daily life and is always learning about Islam; however, I am pretty sure she does not pray consistently (Allah knows best). So is she considered religious or what? I happen to be on all my places and ques, praying 5x a day, going to the masjid once a day, and reading Quran, etc. I do have my downsides such as cursing, making dirty jokes, but nothing more than that.
Here is the story:
The girl I like, it seems like she got into some trouble. She has/had this male friend, non-muslim, which she had just become friends with at the time. They were friends for 7 months that I was aware of (if not more, don’t know if things ended, if theyre still friends???). This girl never has any bad habits, but she was hanging around some bad people, which obviously led to some terrible things. I found these pictures of her online doing some very bad stuff. I found her drinking alcohol, smoking, then she was making out with this non-Muslim friend (3rd month of their friendship). When I discovered this (5th month of their friendship), it made me very upset and I simply was hurt for the longest time. I was so sad. I always envisioned as her being a better person than I was, and then she did all THAT! I don’t even get into that kind of trouble. These pictures were up for 3 months, and were taken down. I happened to discover them in that 3rd month.
As time went on, I happened to discover more pictures of her and this other man. There was a few pictures of them hugging or holding each other, going places, and simply being buddy buddy. It just made me burn so badly inside. I happened to find out information about this guy by looking at his Facebook and Myspace. Evidently he is not a good man. He is an alcoholic, druggie, and even has a DUI. I was scared that my female friend (crush) is going to get hurt emotionally and physically. I wanted her to be safe. I also care a lot for her family’s sake since she happens to be the oldest to three other siblings, and it wouldn’t be desirable if the siblings ever found out her shenanigans.
During these 7 months, I would closely watch her Facebook wall and see when that male friend of her’s would write on her wall and what he would write. At times, he wouldnt write for the longest time, but then he would strike. The way he would talk to her and be friendly (seemed a little TOO friendly at times) would also make me burn.
I asked one of her good friends (who also happens to be my friend as well) if she is in relationship with that guy, and the answer was no. Her friend said that she (my crush) would have told her. My crush advertised it on the internet and I once asked her about it, but she said it was just a joke. At times I had my doubts and still do.
THIS IS WHAT I DID:
I collected all the pictures I could of her and this other man. I even collected pictures of this dirty man from previous years of him smoking, partying, anything disturbing, etc. I wrote a nasty letter expressing all these bad things of this man and how he is a failure and anything that is bad about him. This letter also talked about what my crush and this man did together. I was able to get all the pictures except the one of her drinking and kissing this man. I put all this together and mailed it 3-4x to her family’s house. Each time I sent it, it had different pics and messages. The first I sent it was the worst of them all. Not only did I send it to her house, but I sent it to their family friend’s house as well who has the same last name as her family, all 3-4x. This would assure that her parents found out about this. The first time I sent it, she immediately deactivated her Facebook as did that other man.
A week after it happened, I e-mailed her telling her how my summer was going and what I was up to. She e-mailed me back telling how things were going with her and seemed fine, but she never mentioned anything bad that was happening. So she has no idea I did all of this. I did all of this in the 8th month since they became friends. Since that e-mail when she wrote back, I would try all means of contacting her with e-mail, calling, text but she never got back to me. If she knew I did it, she would have called me out or her parents would have.
Since then:
Until this day, I don’t know what else happened or what has taken place ever since I mailed out the nasty package. I don’t know if my crush and that dirty man are still friends. If I did something, her or her family would have confronted me. I still talk to her parents very friendly as they do the same right back to me when I see them in the community. In the 9th month since the time my crush and that male became friends, I bumped into her into the grocery store and said hello, but she seemed really down and said hey and completely walked away into the parking lot. She rolled her eyes and dropped her shoulders. It seemed like a rude gesture on her part. So from that point on, I stopped all contacts with her assuming she needs time to be to herself emotionally.
I saw her again in the 11th month 2x and she still seemed down. I would say hi to her and she would say hello, but with no enthusiasm. Ever since I met her, she used to be the most outgoing, polite person I ever knew, and now she has become the opposite. She used to call me buddy and come from far away to talk to me. What I did may have led to her breakdown, but it could possibly be some other things going on in her life. During the 11th month, I tried all means of contacting her but still no answer.
I was also told by a few friends that my crush was very rude to them and made them feel undesirable. She even had the nerve not to say hello to anyone that her mother would introduce to her.
Obviously she is depressed or being bothered. I made a fake e-mail and e-mailed her to her college address which can be found through the college homepage’s website. What I wrote in that nasty letter, I wrote the same thing reminding her what she did. She replied to that e-mail 9 hours later saying to stop, so it made sense that she is actually avoiding me and others.
Advice & need help:
I know what I did was possibly wrong. I ask Allah for forgiveness. I even ask Allah to do what’s best in this situation. I did it because I had a major crush on this girl. At the same time, I didn’t want her to get hurt or to be in a very bad situation. I hated this guy and I wanted him to get away from her. I was protecting her, but it was done in an undesirable way. I dont feel bad in the sense that I was protecting her, but I do feel bad about the way I took matters into my own hands.
I still like this girl and I do want to be more than friends with her. However, I don’t think I could ever tell her or anyone that I did such a thing. She has no idea that I actually did such a thing by getting her in trouble with her parents. I can almost promise that I will never do such a thing again, and I will always be nice, honest, and protect her if we ever got a chance to be together.
I just wanted some advice on how to approach this situation? What are your thoughts on what I did, what Islam says about such an incident. Is Allah punishing me by having her avoid me? If she assumes that I had nothing to do of this situation, then why could she be avoiding me? Should I drop this crush altogether and move on? If this girl comes around and starts being nice to me, how should I handle the situation? Please help me out, be honest, give advice, and guide me. If anyone has some nasty things to say, at least follow up by being constructive, or else do not respond. Obviously I am here for help. Jazak’Allah.
).Or else try to be friendly with her but not too friendly keep it formal.
