Girlfriend really haram?

  • Thread starter Thread starter samyize
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I know how you feel bro, when I was in my teens there wasn't a women my age that I didn't find attractive, I was a maniac lol :( but alhamdulilah I was also blessed with shyness so I didn't act on my desires cos my shyness prevented me. And till this day never been with a girl or had a girl friend :) being shy is great, it protects you from yourself.

well obviously your not shy if I sat next to a girl in school I wouldn't be able to say a word the whole lesson LOL but everyones different, it gets easier to stay away from women as you get older, in your teens your hormones are raging.

what I suggest is you tell yourself that this girl could lead me to hell fire, see her as a trial for you and a temptation. I see them as shaytaan's that keeps me right away lol anyway ask yourself "would I like it if a man went out with my sister and had my sister as a girl friend and comitted all these haraam acts with her" obviously the answer will be a big "NO" so then tell yourself

" I'm not a hypocrite, I don't do to other people what I wouldn't like done to myself or my family" and inshallah this will help you to stay away. Also think of the hadith where the messenger of Allah on isr'a wal mi'rage went into the heavens and saw hell fire, he saw people being hanged by their private parts and he asked

" Gabriel who are these people" gabriel replied

" these are those who used to take part in sexual relations outside of marriage"

imagine those people being hanged by their private parts and imagine yourself among them then ask yourself is that where you really want to be?

I understand this is hard to cope with the desire is burning away every second, and seeing indecently dressed women everywhere you look doesn't help, stay away from TV and all things that will lead you to look at non mehram women.

also Allah mentions in numerous places of the Qur'an that successfull indeed are the believers who protect their private parts and chastity from imoral acts, Allah praises the believers for having this quality of chastity and protecting their private parts so it's important we have this, it's no trivial matter it's a major sin.

The messenger of Allah said

"if you guarantee me the protection of the two openings, I'll guarantee you jannah"

The openings being referred to are the mouth and the private parts, protect your tongue from backing biting and saying evil things and protect your private parts from haraam acts and inshallah jannah will come :)

this is indeed a great trial for you, you must strive to overcome it and at the end it'll feel so good that you didn't give in, when you become a master of your desires and not a slave to them :)

it's gonna be hard constant nagging in your head trying to make you feel regret that you didn't do it but tell yourself "Allah is sufficient for me" " my desires will lead me to hell"

"once I open up the doors for my desires it'll be near impossible to shut them" whenever your about to do something think to yourself "will Allah like this act that I'm about to do or not" and make this the basis for whether or not you decide to carry out that act.

if it's something that he won't like and you hear a voice saying " it doesn't matter just do it this once, doing it one time won't hurt" then remember that Allah is watching you be concious of Allah looking at you and inshallah you'll feel shame that your doing this act that is displeasing to Allah while he's watching you especially.

it works for me :) then I quickly start thinking how could I ever contemplated doing such an act while my rabb is watching me this way you never want to sin cos your always aware of Allah watching you.

so next time your looking at a girl lustfully realise that Allah is watching you and he knows your intention and what you intend and inshallah you'll feel bad :)
 
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squiggle said:
:sl::statisfie Brother very nicely written advise. This should suffice those who have wandered away from the right road and Inshallah they will.
I however, would like to add something here. Actually its a little correction I would like to make as regard one of the hadis you quoted

HTML: 
Also think of the hadith where the messenger of Allah on isr'a wal mi'rage went into the heavens and saw hell fire, he saw people being hanged by their private parts and he asked 

" Gabriel who are these people" gabriel replied 

" these are those who used to take part in sexual relations outside of marriage"


Actually, it was not on isr'a wal mi'rage but this dream was related to the companians by rasul Allah s.a.w one morning .It is very long hadis and I will only quote the part about fornicators. This hadis is reported by Samurah Bin Jundub r.z. """""we proceeded until we came upon a hole that resembled a baking pit, narrow at the top and wide at the bottom. Babbling and voices were issuing from it. We looked in a saw naked men and women. Underneath the pit was a raging fire; whenever it flared up, they screamed and rose with it until they almost fell out of the pit. As it subsided, they returned (to the bottom). On my inquiry it is later revealed by the angels that "" they are men and women who indulge in Zina ( adultery/fornication)''''''.
( Rawah al Imam Bukhari an Samurah)
Brother my only intention here was to add something authentic so as to double the impact of what you said. Such narrations helps everyone , including a week muslim like me who is tempted by Satan every single moment of my life.
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I pray to Allah that He keeps us on the right path for the rest of our life in this world and save us from the snare of shaytan. Aameen.:statisfie
 
samyize said:
I am in high school now and there is this really beautiful girl in my class. I really like her. IDK what religion she is but i think she is a non practicing Christian.
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wa alaikum as salaam brother,

Firstly, I know exactly what you are going through.

samyize said:
I would never commit adultery and neither would she because of her moral and character. I really would like to ask her out, but i will not if it opposes Allah's rules. I pray 5 times a day, and I fast, so I consider myself a good Muslim. My cousins who live in France and Spain all have girlfriends but we all make our own decisions. So will I be commiting a haram act by asking this girl out. Believe me, there is no way any of us would commit adultery.
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Secondly, do not be so sure as to say you would NEVER do something. You cannot ascertain anything. You do not have full knowledge and you must realize that these statements that you are saying confirm that you believe you can control yourself. Did you hear of the story 'Barsisa the Worshipper'?

Do you know that Allaah ta'ala and his Messenger-sallallaahu alahi wa sallam- not only forbade the haraam, but the avenues leading to the haraam? Do not try to justify asking this female out by saying 'Nothing is going to happen.' That is a trick of the shaytaan-may he be cursed-and he will keep shooting the arrows that he knows that you will fall victim to until in the end you say 'how did this happen, astaghfirullah!!'

Move your seat away from this female. Lower your gaze. Implement self restraint. Insh'Allaah, are there not any Muslim sisters that you are interested in marrying when your graduate?

You have to remember looks are not everything. There are Muslim women that are way more beautiful and their character outshines any of these immodest and arrogant people. You having to ask this question should tell you that you need to tighten up your waistbelt and increase your ibadaah and make dhikr. However, you asking this question and seeking sincere advise shows that you are mindful of your deen.

May Allaah ta'ala ease your path and make you steadfast upon His way. Aameen.


WAllaahu alam
 
inshAllah your time will come where you get to marry a beautiful, pious muslim girl

Allah rewards those who are patient
 
Troubled Soul said:
Salaam. Just by looking at this girl you are commiting sin and disobeying Allah SWT

In a hadith narrated by Imam Bukhari (RA), Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) has said, "a Lustful glance is the fornication/adultery of the eyes." (Bukhari vol. 2 pg. 923)

In another hadith, Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) is reported to have said, "May the curse of Allah be on the one who looks lustfully and on the one who is looked at with lust." (Mishkaat, Book of Nikah, Chapter on looking at a woman for proposal)

In the Quran. Allah says, "Say (O Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) to the believers that they should lover their gazes." This verse refers to looking at non-mahrams (a person with whom one is permitted to marry)

Allah says, "And say to the believing women that they should lower their gazes" (Surah An-Noor)
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Salam,

He is not looking at her lustfully. he is looking at her with good intentions, to marry her and convert her to islam insyallah.
 
So difficult in highschool, you find yourself looking when you have no intention of doing it at all. Maybe your walking down a hall trying to get to your class then there she goes around the corner and you see her, surely you didn't know that person was going to pass you at that exact time while you were looking there ,but none the less you looked! Then i found myself quickly turning my head the other way. This became difficult and i really didn't know what to do i was turning my head the opposite direction every 10 seconds. Then later on i read a hadith that said " The first look is allowed ,but the second look you are accounted for because it is the gaze from shaytan". I found the solution.....lowering your gaze, seems obvious but its not until research that i found this solution. I think it is called Ghazul Basah or somethign like that lowering of the gaze.
 
:sl:
see sisters, this is why you should wear hijaabs...so that the nasty bees dont come buzzing after you :D

may allah keep us firm upon His path ilaa yawnil-deen.
 
the aim or benefit of lowering the gaze is merely for prevention but you have to be clinical as to when to lower the sight quickly before danger comes but here in the west its far from one or two encounters of identifying the threat and thats it back home from the uni campus job done!.......NO you try to avoid one.. another one emerges and then you try to avoid that one then whilst doing so there's another one in your face with all that meat who's worst than all of them :(.

We are all on the frontline fighting a big battle
 
samyize said:
Salaam brothers and sisters,


I know this question has been asked numerous times but I have yet to get a straight answer. I am in high school now and there is this really beautiful girl in my class. I really like her. IDK what religion she is but i think she is a non practicing Christian. I would never commit adultery and neither would she because of her moral and character. I really would like to ask her out, but i will not if it opposes Allah's rules. I pray 5 times a day, and I fast, so I consider myself a good Muslim. My cousins who live in France and Spain all have girlfriends but we all make our own decisions. So will I be commiting a haram act by asking this girl out. Believe me, there is no way any of us would commit adultery.
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Asalaamualykum Brother,

SubhanAllah brother fear Allah

Many people go through this and its natural to be attracted to someone however everything has limits and you need to make sure you don't cross the limits.

You said your in high school so you are young take this oppertunity while being young to devout yourself to the worship of Allah your creator.

The Messenger of Allah peace be upon him has said: Surely the most beloved of the creations to Allah, the Noble and Grand, is the youth who is young in age and who is a very handsome/beautiful individual however he places his youth and his beauty in Allah and in His obedience alone. This is the thing for which the Most Merciful [Al-Raḥmān] boasts to His Angels about and says, This is truly my servant.

Imagine Allah boasting about you to the Angles SubhanAllah how great would that be...

Brother would you ask this question to prophet Muahmmed saw? How would you act if he was with you in your classroom? Overcome your lust and desires with the love of Allah and Rasool saw.

I have close people to me who commit these sins thinking its ok because everyone else is doing it also. Don't drag yourself with them to the hellfire.
Be strong, you asked this question and that must mean that your care for your eman.

Trust me most friends wont give you advise about situations like this, you don't want to do something you will regret the rest of your life.

Be patient InshaAllah and make Dua to Allah the one that blessed you with soo much. Don't whine just because you cant have a girlfriend, remember this world is not the real life the next life is much better. This could in fact be a test from Allah, so pass the test and show Him you didnt lie when YOU said
La ila ha Illaha Muhammed ur rasool Allah

Don't be afraid to be different
 
:sl:
Abdul Kadir said:
LOL..you have nailed the questioner!! what have u done!!!
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i was meant to edit that before, but i didn't get around to doing so. im sorry if anyone took that offensively, it wasn't meant to be a diss at the brothers, but more like a naseeha to the sisters...
 

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