Got a joke?

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Does anyone have a funny joke? I need to hear a joke to cheer me up...and one to make me laugh. For some reason, I realized...I have no jokes...only ones I hear from other people. I want to hear a variety of jokes...

Why is the ocean friendly?

Cause it wAvEs :giggling:


Funny... I wanna laugh!:okay:
 
Asalimualikum
Disney Password
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
Waikumsalam
 
Asalmaualikum another one
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"
 
;D
gr8man said:
Asalmaualikum another one
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"
Click to expand...
that was funny
 
Greetings,

One for the philosophers, this:

What's the difference between a stoic and a cynic?

A stoic is what brings the baby, a cynic is what you wash it in. :D

Peace
 
Where do you learn how to greet people?

A "high" school.
 
Takumi said:
Where do you learn how to greet people?

A "high" school.
Click to expand...

:giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling:

SOOO FUNNY! I didn't get it at first...and once I did...I couldn't stop laughing.
 
Fill in the blanks with anyone you want to make fun of :)

"One day, _____ was working on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running to him shouting:


"Omar, Omar... your daughter Layla just died in an accident". ____ was in panic ... not knowing what to do, he jumped from the 13th floor. While going down, he was near the tenth floor, when he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Layla! When he was near the fifth floor, he remembered he was not married! When he was about to hit the ground, he remembered he was not Omar."
 
Assalamu Alaikum

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Nasruddin and the conqueror

A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin:

"Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was, for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?"

"God Forbid," said Nasruddin.

The newlyweds

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the
morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't
understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are
you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

A Day in Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.

Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!

Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.

Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?

Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.

Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!

Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
 
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Why did the farmer quit his job?

He didn't like the "celery"
 
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.

He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear."

The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"

He said "That same stupid guy called again
 
2 indians immigrate from india to canada. They've lived in canada for 1 year and they see how cool white people are and they wished they were the same. One day they were passing by a store and it said "Be white for $10" They both get really excited wow we can be white for only ten dollars one of them said, the other says you go try it out and if it works i'll do it 2. So one of them went and came back after 20 minutes, his face was all white and he looked like a canadian white person. His friend is amazed and says wow it really worked, you look so cool now and so white, his friend replys back to him: Shutup paki and walks away.
 
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I’m a divorce lawyer."
 

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