I live in the US (Chicago)
My issue is my Mother-in –law. My Husband is a good person but in full control of his mother. She calls early morning everyday on his personal phone to find out what is his agenda for the day…She calls late at night to see what he is doing. He goes to see her at least five times a week. She knows of every detail in my household even before I know. I have been very patient with this issue in hopes that he will change, but now we are going into our 4th year of marriage and it is only getting worse. She treats me like her personal maid and when I complain to my husband he rolls his eyes and tell me to deal with it.
I feel if he ever had to choose between us he would choose her.
Am I over reacting? How much is too much control on her part. What can I do to stay calm and not blow up on those two? I hate the constant feeling of competing with her for his attention. I am truly hurt by the way he defends his mother to me and tells me that he likes to be a “mama’s boy” and I should step back.
What can I do under the Islamic rules to fix this…or is this something I need to fix within me.
I should mention that she has five sons and my husband is the one she has the most control over. She treats her In-laws badly in fact, my father-in-law is not allowed to meet them…yet she expects all of us to bow to her….she is a control freak
Point # 1 Sister: There is an hadith, which says that when the Hour (The day of judgment) will be near, people will bow down to their wives and will be mistreating their mothers. You should be happy that your husband is not of those who are the the signs of the hour.
Point # 2: You wrote: "
My Husband is a good person but in full control of his mother."
What do you mean "
.. but in full control of his mother..."? Sister, to be a good Muslim, he has got to be in FULL control of his mother. When you will become a mother you'll realize this. Paradise lies in the feet of mothers. You said he goes to meet his mother 5 times a week, which surly sounds too much, I'm not sure if he really dose that. But even if he dose, you cannot blame him for that, he yet passes more time with you as compared with his mother.
Point # 3: Why do you have problems if he tells his daily routine to his mother? That's a really strange thing you pointed out. I don't see a wife is illtreated by the husband who tells his mother about his daily routine?
Point # 4: "
... She calls late night to see what is he doing..." What's wrong with this???
Point # 5: "
She knows of every detail in my household even before I know. I have been very patient with this issue in hopes that he will change, but now we are going into our 4th year of marriage and it is only getting worse."
Imagin, you've been very "Patient" with "THIS" situation...
Point # 6: "
She treats me like her personal maid and when I complain to my husband he rolls his eyes and tell me to deal with it." Sometimes, when people are explaining problems, they try and make use of wrong facts don't actually exist. I hope you are not doing that.
In Islam, you have no responsability to take care of your Husband's mother or father. But if you do, you'll definatly earn more thawab. Let your husband know this, that its not your responsability in Islam to take care of his mother or to Cook food and wash dishes for him. to show your love for him, you can do this, but its not your '
responsability' as a Muslim wife.
Point # 7: "
I am truly hurt by the way he defends his mother to me and tells me that he likes to be a “mama’s boy” and I should step back.
What can I do under the Islamic rules to fix this…or is this something I need to fix within me."
Sister, the Glorious Qur'an says in sevral places in Surah Baqarah, Ch 2, Verse 153, In Baqarah Ch 2, V 249, in Surah Anfaal, Ch 8, Verse 46, Surah Anfaal, Ch 8, Verse 66, in sevral places, in Surah Ibrahim Ch 14, V 21, in Surah An Nehl, Ch 16, V 96, in Surah An Nehl, Ch 16, V 126 that:
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إِنَّ اللّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ"
[/FONT]That.. "Varily, Allah is with those how are patient.."
So the first thing you need to do is "Be patient." Secondly, when ever you have some problem, the simplest, and the coolest, and the most perfect solution is: Perform Wadoo and pray 2 Nafils of Salaat-e-Haja'h. When ever I have a problem, I do this,and Alhamdulilah, really really big problems of mine are solved. At times when its hot, I pray 2 nafils and pray to Allah to bring clouds today, and believe it or not, Alhamdulilah, the climate gets better.
So the first thing you need to do is patient.
Some body once asked the Prophet, "Ya RasoolAllah, what can I do to make Allah's anger cool down?" The Prophet said, "be patient on wordly difficulties and problems."
So, in brief, first we need to get Allah on our side, how we do that? By being patient. "
Innallaha Ma'as Saabireen". When we are done with that, We need to ask Allah for the solution of the problems.
The best way of performing Salat-e-Hajat is to Recite Surah Al Kafiroon in the first Raka'h, and Surah Ikhlaas in the second Rakah. After youve completed the Salaah, reite durood sharif and some Kalmaas and then read the following:
"La Ilaha ill Lallahul Haleem Ul Kareem, SubhhanAllah hil Arshil Azeem, Wal Hamdulilahi Rabbil Aalameen -- As aaloka Mujibati Rahmatika.. Wa Aazaaima Maghfiratika, Wal Ghaneemata mil kulli birrin, Wassalamata min kulli issmin-- wala tad'a li zammann illa Gafarta, wala hamman illa farajta, wala hajatann hiya laka ridann Illa qazaitaha, Ya Arhamar Rahemeen."
After reading this dua, ask anything from Allah and he will InshaAllah solve your problem because "Innalllaha Alla Kulli Shai in Qadeer" Verily Allah has power over All things.
Wa Akhirdudawana Anil hamdulilahi Rabbil Aalameen.
sis,
