My only regret, is not tearing up my passport and living in the holy city as an illegal immigrant.
same thought crossed my mind.... ;D
My only regret, is not tearing up my passport and living in the holy city as an illegal immigrant.
SO I read the responses here, and realised that a happy moment can also be complicated one. I went for Umrah in Ramadhan 2006, it was special. But one memory I never talk about to anyone, I will share with you now.
When I first entered masjid al haram in that trip, I kept my eyes to the floor, until I came into the inner sanctuary where the kaaba is only a stones throw away - and that is when I lifted my head to see the kaaba.
I had never experienced a flood of thoughts, all converging and layering over one another like I did when I first laid my eyes on the kaaba. So many thoughts. Most to do with guilt, at the sins i had committed in previous years, I was a very very BIG sinner. And I felt like I didn't deserve to be there - but inside my head there were so many other thoughts also. Such as "this is the house my father Adam As, and his son Abraham AS built with his son Ishmael AS, and his son, Muhammad SAWS built - this is REAL HISTORY, and I am looking at it" and "This is the first house of worship for mankind" and "How can I be here now?" and "Is this really happening?" and so many others, all looping back to the guilt that I felt, I felt unworthy and fell to my knees. Everything blurred and I realised I was in tears. I couldn't sort out the mixed emotions. I was delighted that I had made it there - that I was looking at the kaaba, and yet, felt guilty for my past - and the emotions were too much. I had turned up at the house of Allah, as a sinner. My adrenaline was kicking. Shaking, I made my way to do tawaaf, LABBAIK, LABBAIK, ALLAHUMMA LABBAIK, LA SHAREEKALAKA LABBAIK... and I was thinking "I am here, I'm here Allah, how have you bought me here Allah?" I was a complete nervous wreck - even now I can't really pinpoint my exact thoughts of that moment... it was too much, but in the midst of it, I remembered my mothers words "if you see the kaaba, know that it is because Allah willed it" and that is when it hit me like a ton of iron to the chest - this was a personal invite from Allah. I had felt so distanced from him due to my own guilt, but right then - I felt HIS mercy in that one realisation alone, that HE had invited me - that this was a part of my predestination. My uncles words came back to me - which he had quoted from some one, and words which I now use myself to console others who feel as I once did - "just as every saint has a past - every sinner has a future"...
... happy or not, it is one moment that changed my life - because I had learnt at that time, that I had to forgive myself, and learn to live properly - I made a dua then. I asked Allah, "make me a poor man, wretched, bereft of the worldly gains this planet has to offer - if it means I can dwell in paradise with my beloved, the prophet Muhammad pbuh".
And you know what? Since that day, I have experienced being a poor man, wearing shoes that have holes in them, still wearing the same ones after 3 years, I have been skint (no money) to even buy myself something to wear on Eid, I have been mocked, pointed at, scorned, felt sorry for, rejected, distanced, marginalised, you name it - but it didn't matter anymore... with each passing day, I see that my dua is fruiting.
I have my own business, but I make no money and barely turn it over. But it doesn't matter. I have Allah - and I have hope for the day of judgement to be judged with mercy so I attain heaven without punishment!
And in that one moment, looking at the kaaba - I had no idea how my life would change - but change, it did.
My only regret, is not tearing up my passport and living in the holy city as an illegal immigrant.
Not sure if this is what you'd call "happy", but as someone above said, happy is such a vague word - in my misery, I experience joy. And no one can take that away from me - because I have nothing they could possibly want.
Allah has given me the only things I asked for when it came to things I wanted for myself - poverty and disgrace in this life, and in sha Allah heaven in the next.
Scimi
difficult to chooseWhat is the happiest thing ever ever to happen to your life? mine is when I was born, even though I can't remember it i am blessed to be here.
difficult to choose
C4 is an explosive...maybe it was when the Support was going to have the C4 and not have it be taken away
C4 is an explosive...
Maybe anybody wonder why I said like that. Okay, that's refer to a video in Youtube. And maybe members in UK still remember the video that I mean.Without intention to make a video, I always regard myself as Happy Muslim.
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