Im not religious but i like to stay close to Allah and talk to him and try to live my life good. I grew up with some troubles in my life and i always call to Allah for help, and usually he helps me.
But now i can't feel like i belong anywhere, i feel rejected from the world, and so lost. I am not close with my family since my mother had problems she sort of neglected me and i feel like Allah has neglected me too because i drink and smoke and I don't pray, but i try help people and give to charity..
Im writing this because i got so angry just now at some people ringing bike bells out my window and i screamed my head off at them and got into a very aggressive verbal exchange... I just feel so low when i let myself get to these points... i smoked marijuana today I feel like it was Allah punishing me because i promised him i would stop. I know its better to always be positive but my dark past and emotions sometimes get the better of me and it just makes me feel so lost and rejected and makes me hate myself even more...
I just want to know how i can get closer to Allah because i made such a fool of myself tonight and woke up my whole house i just can't deal with these emotions anymore i beg Allah so many nights in my bed i cry to myself and beg Allah to help me in some way overcome my problems but i just feel like I'm not getting any support...
I don't know anymore..
Your posts show that you really do have imaan (faith) and you also have some concern about your current condition. So that is a start. Regarding what you said about Allah neglecting you then surely my brother it is you who has neglected your obligations unto Allah your creator. Does he not still feed you everyday when so many are starving to death and they will give anything for a morsel of food. Has he not provided you with shelter when so many have nowhere to call home except that they know not where they will sleep next everyday. Does he not give you to drink everyday when so many are dying of thirst and know not when the next sip of water will be. Has Allah not given you wealth when so many are in poverty and have never seen any wealth, yet Allah provides for you and your family every single day. Has he not given you good health when so many are crippled with diseases and disablilites, yet you still have your sight, hearing and your limbs, you still have good health when so many have not.
Has he really neglected you when he has provided you with a family, and a partner when so many are orphans and have never known a family. Has he really neglected you when he has given you Islam as your deen and favoured you with imaan (faith) out of so many people when he could have easily created you a non believer.
He sustains you, nourishes you and provides for you on a daily basis. He give you energy and the ability to function normally every single day on an INDIVIDUAL basis yet you claim that he does not look at you individually? My brother even though you have abandoned and neglected him, look at what he does for you everyday. Just sit there and reflect. Contemplate and ponder, and know that the favours that he has done for you individually every secpond of your life are SO vast and countless that even if we were to live for millions of years we would NEVER be able to comprehend the favours that Allah has done for us.
Therefore my brother i think you should really re-define who has neglected who, because one thing is for sure that Allah has not neglected you but it is you who has neglected him. You have left him in order to follow your own desires in consuming intoxicants and yet you claim that he has neglected you? Then surely you know what you must do, for it is the intoxicants are destroying you. It is the intoxicants that are making you react in such a way towards others and it is intoxicants that have taken you far away from Allah.
What you must realise is that taking Marijuana, pot, skunk, weed, hash, draw, whatever you want to call it, is totally forbidden as the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said that:
"Every intoxicant is prohibited." (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4088)
And he also said:
"That which intoxicates in large quantities is prohibited in small quantities." (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and others, with a sound chain of narrators)
Therefore it is clear that all drugs are Haram due to the fact that they intoxicate a person in one way or another. One loses the ability to think and reflect in a proper manner, and that is intoxication.
Intoxication linked to psychosis
It is a typical excuse that shaythan gives to a user of intoxicants such as marijuana that it does not affect them in anyway and that they will still be able to function normally etc. But that is a great deception of shaythan who wants the user to continue taking intoxicants so that he can go further away from Allah. As well as his deen suffering the user of Marijuana also loses out in this world as his education, family life and work suffer as a result of this evil habit. Not only does he suffer spiritually and physically but also mentally as it is now scientifically proven that Cannabis is linked to psychosis aswell as many other psychological defects. The user of intoxicants may think that they are fine right now and that they will never end up suffering such mental problems but research indicates that the longer the user takes it then they increasingly risk deterioration of their mental and physical health. Not only does cannabis use cause many psychological defects but it destroys ones ambitions, determination and zeal, so a person ends up living everyday just for the next charge or "buzz". What a worthless existence.
Losing this world and the hereafter to intoxication
Intoxication is very detrimental to ones life in this world and the next. If a person were to die in such a state then they would in effect have ruined their Hereafter. So not only will one lose this world by using such a substance but the worst thing is they will also lose the hereafter. What a loss that would be! That person would ask of Allah:
"Oh Allah please i beg of you send me back to the Earth just one more time so that i can do things better. This time i know the truth and i will obey your commands to the best of my ability".
But it will be said to that person "NO! You were given your chance yet you ruined it so now you will have to face the consequances of your actions."
Imaan (faith) cannot stay in the same body as intoxication
All Intoxicants are a test for mankind just like the apple was a test for Adam (As). When a person intoxicates themself then Imaan (faith) cannot remain in the same body as Imaan. Therefore when a person intoxicates themself then imaan (faith) comes out of the body and hovers over their head. This means that a person who is intoxicated does not have imaan until they are sober that is if Allah wills. Imam Rabbani (Ra) described this as a contagion of disbelief where a Muslim who commits a major sin like intoxication and dies without repentance has died in a type of disbelief. Not in the same way as a disbeliever but it is still a type of disbelief as they died without imaan. Imam Suyuti (Ra) states that intoxication is one of the major sins where a person may die in disbelief.
One opinion of some scholars is that a person who does die in such a way may not even smell the scent of Paradise although the majority of scholars agree that a believer who dies without repentance from a major sin lik intoxication may go to Jannah some day if Allah wills but it may be after a very long time in Jahannam but they will certainly have a bad death and the grave punishment as well as a terrible time on the day of Judgement where people will be scorched so much by the sun which will be so close that they will be drowning in their own sweat!
Is it worth risking losing the Hereafter over a short buzz?
We cannot even spend a second in such a terrible place as Jahannam so how will we cope in there for eternity? We struggle in temperatures of 90 degrees F but what about thousands of degrees? How will we cope in such a place where we will be fuel for the fire? The way a person dies that is the way they will be raised up therefore a person who dies whilst intoxicated will be raised up intoxicated and Allah will not even look at him but ask the angels to throw him into the fire. What a disgusting way to enter the worst of places - Jahannam. A true dogs death.
So can the one who intoxicates themselves guarantee that they will not die whilst they are intoxicated? We all have a 50% chance of dying at any moment therefore when one is intoxicated then they are actually taking a 50% risk of eternal doom. Is it really worth it for a short and pointless artificial buzz? You can be the judge of that...
Conclusion:
So now you know what you must do my brother. Now you know that there is NO doubt that it is NOT Allah that has abandoned or neglected you but it is you that has neglected him. You also know now that it is intoxicants that has made you become the kind of person that you do not want to be. What is most important of all that you realise that it is intoxicants that has distorted your thinking so much that it is made you think that Allah has neglected you when it is you who has neglected him, and it has taken you far away from you deen to such an extent that you are even doubting the existance of Allah. After this how can you even touch another joint? or sip alcohol knowing how much of your faith it has ruined and taken away and how much it has ruined you as a person in the way you interact with others including your own family.
Forget the past now as it has gone and made you the person you are today. There is no point in regretting what has alrady happened or being fearful about the future which is uncertain as we may not be alive, therefore we must concentrate on NOW. That is what is most important and that is what we must be trying to make the best of. So now it is upto you how much you want to change your life forever. If you really want to change your life and get closer to Allah and change yourself into a better person again towards your family and others, and if you really want what most people want which is to have contentment and peace within their hearts then you know now that the ONLY way to achieve this is to stop intoxication at once and start immediately by fulfilling your obligations unto Allah which is top start praying your Salaah.
Shaythan will not want you to stop though. He will try and make you delay it by telling you to stop tomorrow, or the day after, or next week, or after this or that event. But what you must do is to stop NOW. It will not be easy at first but if you really want to change your life forever then you must do this now, but if you want to continue going backwards then continue as you are but then do not ever say that Allah has abandoned you but know that you made the concious decision to abandong and neglect Allah yourself. The you will have no one to blame but yourself.
Regarding not being able to understand what you are praying in Salaah is an issue most non arabic speakers face but how long would it take us to learn what we are praying in Salaah if we really want to learn? Not long at all. It is only about making the little effort it requires to learn it. Here is a link to the translation of Salaah into English which you can print and learn in order to know what you are praying in Salaah:
Translation of Salaah:
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/134272247-translation-salat-namaz.html
Here is help on how to concetrate in Salaah:
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...4300101-why-cant-i-concentrate-my-salaah.html
The following threads will also help in increasing your iman (faith) and help you get closer to Allah:
Utterly regretful in the Hereafter:
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-purification-soul/134301414-utterly-regretful-hereafter.html
10 Steps to increasing our Imaan (faith):
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...-increase-our-iman-faith-updated-version.html
10 Steps to get Closer to Allah:
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...-increase-our-iman-faith-updated-version.html
Truly life changing:
http://www.islamicboard.com/islamic-multimedia/134311156-truly-life-changing.html
So my brother you have no time to waste as death can come at any second. You wanted a sign then this is it. This is your opportunity to change your life for the better FORVER. Therefore GRAB IT with both hands! Know that chances like this may never come again. On top of that Ramadan is near and for that we must prepare for it now as waiting until it comes may be too late and we may end up wasting it.
Whatever you need then please feel free to ask.
May Allah enable us to go towards him and to do everything to please him and refrain from anything that may anger or displease him. Ameen
