has the shaytan come between us?

[nurabenali]

asalaam alaykum brothers and sisters
i am a 16 year old girl living in a western country with my mom and younger brother
my father left when we were young and does not care about us in the slightest, so all i have is my mom and brother
over the past few months, i have realised that mine and my moms/brothers relationship has gone so downhill. i have sort of began to think that my mom prefers my brother over me as she lets him get away with everything and gives him more attention. it doesnt really bother me that much because i try to be mature about it and understand that no matter how angry i get i should always be patient with him as he didnt have a father during his time growing up..

however, my mom and i keep having huge arguments to the point where i feel like i should leave the house. I do really bad things like slam doors, and have a really bad habit of rasing my voice and show really bad body language. then afew days later i try to say sorry ( she never says sorry first) and we sort of go back to normal and are happy again, then after a few weeks we become full of hatred again. But now, because its happened so much, i feel like its become so awkward with mom and i feel ashamed to be normal with her because of when we argue. I feel like we're no longer family, but just strangers. its like she doesnt feel comfortable with me. With my brother, all we do i have arguments which turn into physical fighhts were he hurts me reallly badly and what hurtts me is that my mom does nothing because she loves my brother so much more than me. I feel like this may be the shaytan coming between us and causing upset? when i argue with my mom she says stuff about me that id never expect her to say she calls me cruel, calls me a shaytan because i pretend to be nice and kind ( but i genuienly am) tells me that im just like my father and older brother and she says she hopes she dies before she gets too old to cause a burden. she even accused me that one day when she;s old and helpless that id beat her up if she annoyed me in the slightest. when she told me that i broke down because id never do that and id kill anyone who did that to her. i promised her that when shes old id never throw her like rubbish, id keep her with me and make sure she doesnt get put into a care home. She deoesnt see that i love her so much.

Also, i pray alhamdulilah but theyre not on time and are rushed most of them time. I pray fajr most of the time but sometimes i feel like i should leave prayer because god wont accept it. I have relationships with boys that arent very halal (not sexual in any way but just very close) but alhamdulilah i keep all of my fasts and becom the best muslim ever during ramadan. i just wish i could carry it on throughout the whole year.
Is this allah punishing me because i disrespect my mom, dont pray properly, have male friends etc?
How can i change my ways? I have come to realise that i really really love my mom and i would do anything for her and my brother but i just cant show it because all we do is argue...
Please help, any advice will be useful.
Jazaak allah khair

 

[Scimitar]

You know what you need to do, you just need to do it.

Scimi

 

[Al Sultan]

Assalamo alikum sister,


I'm sorry that this is happening to you,and I pray to Allah for you to make ease on you..


To be honest,if I were you,I would grab my mother,excuse her for 10 minutes from her time,then I would sit and explain to her how much I love her and I would never do such a stupid thing to her and to her brother,tell her how much I love her,and tell her how I see she's treating me in a unfair way and she shouldn't care for my brother more than me,that's haram,you have to care for every single child of yours,you should never leave him,so tell her that.



Well maybe because you pray too fast. prayers are to be prayed in a relaxed,slow way,think about the words you say,and say them correctly.Now saying that you know that Allah will not accept your prayers is first of all haram,and it's the second most unforgivable sin in Islam,having doubt in prayers and in Allah,we Muslims are told not to give up,stay strong,keep praying,maybe Allah is not accepting my prayers because he is delaying them,he's testing your patience,he wants to see how strong and rough you are in prayers,(in a meaning,keep praying and making dua) so sister NEVER ever have doubt in Allah.


---


My tips for you,


1- NEVER ever lose hope in Allah,keep praying to Allah,know that he is with you,and he is testing you,and remember,he gives the hardest tests to the bravest soldiers and believers in him.


2- Sit down with your mom and be honest and open and talk to her in a way that is polite,peaceful,don't be angry against your parents,it's haram to do such acts,and be honest to her,tell her the truth and tell her what she's doing is not right


3-Stay strong,know that there's a creator who's testing you,and his name is Allah.


And let me end this with a verse from the Quran,

"With every hardship comes ease"


Wa assalamo alikum wa rahmutillahi wa barakato

 

[Al Sultan]

Also I pray to Allah to make ease and have peace on you sister

 

[nurabenali]

Jazaakallahu khair akhi
i really appreciate your time and your advice it has made me rethink
With the boys situation, i have had boys who i see as my brothers and have really helped me so ofcourse we have exchanged hugs and pats on the backs as a way of showing sympathy. We honestly dont mean it in a haram way, atleast i dont and im sure they dont either
Hpwever, i have had some cases where i thought a brother was genuinely caring for me and was helping me but he wanted something in return and began acting in a haram manner. But obviously, i kindly rejected and cut off the relationship with him as soon as i could alhamdulilah. After doing so i had so much faith in allah to reward me for not falling into the temptation but all i got was bad grades, and an angry mom who hates me. Its asif i actually slept with the boy and allah is punishing me for it!
Alhamdulilah for eveerything though, i really hope that this is just a phase and i hope my imaan never falls as a low as this.

 

[aaj]

Wa'alaikum as'salaam,

The first step is knowing there is a problem and wanting to resolve it. You are already there so inshallah next step is how can we do that.

What I see from your post is that all this could be resolved by you focusing on yourself alone. Here's what I mean.

You know close friendships with males is not allowed, especially at this stage of life. It can easily lead to haram and therefore best not to go down that road. Try limiting your interaction with them and back up a bit so they are no more than mutual friends or acquaintances. Find some good girls to make friends with inshallah.


Salah is very important. It is the 2nd pillar of Islam after the shahadah. You should make time to pray on time and properly. You are standing before your Creator, give Him proper attention and time instead of rushing. Would hand in sloppy work to your teacher and expect full credit?

Salah is also a shield against sin and bad habits, stick to it and improve it and inshallah other things will improve as well.

Regarding your mom. She is getting old and tired, she is getting frustrated and probably feeling lonely. Try to understand her position. It's not easy trying to raise kids by yourself, dealing with community talks, having feeling of inadequacy because he left her. I know you're young and its easy to lash out at your age as well. But try to be patient and let her have her say. Just tell her you love her no matter what and go to your room if you need time alone or its too much.

Same with your brother. It's not easy growing up without a father or a male figure in your life to show you the ropes. Try to be a supporting sister, advise him if does something wrong but support him when he does something good. More importantly, spend time with him (as opposed to those guy friends) and talk to him so you have more in common and understanding. Talk to him about how you feel about all this and how much you care for both your mother and brother. Help him see how you see, It may help put things in perspective for him and maybe help him be more mature about it. Help him learn about Islam, about being the mahram of the family and being mature and responsible.

More importantly, focus on yourself. Improve your deen, limit social interactions with non-mahrams and work on your patients and akhlaq with your family. When your mother sees the change in you then she'll also soften up and not be as defensive. Be a role model daughter/sister, be the change you want to see.

Lastly, read the Quran, even if for 15 minutes a day, before bed. There is much blessings in it. And make dua Allah protect your family from all evil, keep you close and bless you.

may Allah protect you and give you guidance and understanding to follow His deen and bless your family inshallah.


p.s. check out this :

My mother’s rights over me, my rights over her

https://islamqa.info/en/5053

 

[muslim brother]

asalaam alaykum brothers and sisters
i am a 16 year old girl living in a western country with my mom and younger brother
my father left when we were young and does not care about us in the slightest, so all i have is my mom and brother
over the past few months, i have realised that mine and my moms/brothers relationship has gone so downhill. i have sort of began to think that my mom prefers my brother over me as she lets him get away with everything and gives him more attention. it doesnt really bother me that much because i try to be mature about it and understand that no matter how angry i get i should always be patient with him as he didnt have a father during his time growing up..

however, my mom and i keep having huge arguments to the point where i feel like i should leave the house. I do really bad things like slam doors, and have a really bad habit of rasing my voice and show really bad body language. then afew days later i try to say sorry ( she never says sorry first) and we sort of go back to normal and are happy again, then after a few weeks we become full of hatred again. But now, because its happened so much, i feel like its become so awkward with mom and i feel ashamed to be normal with her because of when we argue. I feel like we're no longer family, but just strangers. its like she doesnt feel comfortable with me. With my brother, all we do i have arguments which turn into physical fighhts were he hurts me reallly badly and what hurtts me is that my mom does nothing because she loves my brother so much more than me. I feel like this may be the shaytan coming between us and causing upset? when i argue with my mom she says stuff about me that id never expect her to say she calls me cruel, calls me a shaytan because i pretend to be nice and kind ( but i genuienly am) tells me that im just like my father and older brother and she says she hopes she dies before she gets too old to cause a burden. she even accused me that one day when she;s old and helpless that id beat her up if she annoyed me in the slightest. when she told me that i broke down because id never do that and id kill anyone who did that to her. i promised her that when shes old id never throw her like rubbish, id keep her with me and make sure she doesnt get put into a care home. She deoesnt see that i love her so much.

Also, i pray alhamdulilah but theyre not on time and are rushed most of them time. I pray fajr most of the time but sometimes i feel like i should leave prayer because god wont accept it. I have relationships with boys that arent very halal (not sexual in any way but just very close) but alhamdulilah i keep all of my fasts and becom the best muslim ever during ramadan. i just wish i could carry it on throughout the whole year.
Is this allah punishing me because i disrespect my mom, dont pray properly, have male friends etc?
How can i change my ways? I have come to realise that i really really love my mom and i would do anything for her and my brother but i just cant show it because all we do is argue...
Please help, any advice will be useful.
Jazaak allah khair

the main problem is your father leaving you,which has left your mother overburdened and everything which goes with that.
i have daughters both older than you,all i can say is just try to be a good sister and daughter .but your mother and brother also have to behave in more understanding ways too.teenage is bad enough.
everyone needs to make an effort to fulfill each others rights not just you.but if you are more patient in the long term you will benefit .
you will need equal if not more patience when you become a daughter in law,believe me.
this is mild what you are going through,
and these tests never end.
inshallah one day when you become a mother this experience should make you a better mother and wife too.
inshallah.

 

[nurabenali]

the main problem is your father leaving you,which has left your mother overburdened and everything which goes with that.
i have daughters both older than you,all i can say is just try to be a good sister and daughter .but your mother and brother also have to behave in more understanding ways too.teenage is bad enough.
everyone needs to make an effort to fulfill each others rights not just you.but if you are more patient in the long term you will benefit .
you will need equal if not more patience when you become a daughter in law,believe me.
this is mild what you are going through,
and these tests never end.
inshallah one day when you become a mother this experience should make you a better mother and wife too.
inshallah.

Jazaakallah khair for your time and advice, may allah swt grant you jannah

 

[Al Sultan]

And also,im sorry if this is personal,but is your mother religious?

 

[nurabenali]

And also,im sorry if this is personal,but is your mother religious?

very religious alhamdulilah,does everything a muslimah should do

 

[Al Sultan]

Then why is she doing this? did you talk to her or still...

 

[nurabenali]

Then why is she doing this? did you talk to her or still...

allahu a'lam brother i dont know why shes doing this..i did try to speak to her but she tells me to leave her but she's talking to my brother :/ so i just left her, what more can i do. everytime we argue i always make the first move and have the patience and say sorry even if shes actually in the wrong because i was taught there shouldn't be any problems within the household for more than 3 ddays...What's more annoying is that she tells my whole family so now all my grandparents and aunts/uncles are against me saying that one day i will kill her from the pain ive caused her and they all hate me because my mum gives them some sad story about how i "mistreat her". i can actually feel the hatred in the house when i walk through the doorstep, i really want to leave but i cant so may allah give me sabr

 

[Al Sultan]

Well sister,im so sorry this is happening to you,it's so unfair,unjust....Cant you talk to her in the night maybe? when she's going to sleep? cant you like,act sad,and that YOU really would not kill her? tell her that the more you and your family is saying this the more its destroying me,its making me negative and have a negative impact on my future life,you should tell her that if you and your family continue hating me then I will grow up knowing that I was never ever loved and I was hated,tell her that,if she says "no no" tell her that Allah does not accept what she is doing to you,and its a major sin,to ditch your child for your other child..what is this? this isn't Islam? islam is caring for your family,havent you heard a hadith about the prophet mohammed (pbuh) ? It goes like this "He who works and provides money for his family it automatically becomes like a form of worship" YES,providing and caring for you family is an act of worship,never leave one behind,you have to tell her that you are the oldest in the family,and you know what is going on and tell her that we should fix this and become a great family again,wallah I wish I was with you right now,talking to your mom,because its so un fair...so unfair it makes me angry,really angry..but NEVER ever lose hope,keep talking to her,every day,every night,ANNOY HER..(as in keep telling her that you wanna fix things and that we should care and love each other) keep repeating yourself,how many times did the prophet mohammed (pbuh) himself kept repeating the most important thing after he died? "Al Salat! al Salat! al salat!" "The Prayers! The Prayers! The Prayers!" he warned his people about their praying,because on the day of judgement YOU will be asked about your prayers first,so keep that controlled..tell her that you would never mistreat her,tell her that she is the best thing that ever happened to your life,tell her nice things,if she still gets the wrong image,repeat yourself,never give up,send her the message,that you do not hate her,and you want to fix things and become a great family once again......don't feel any hatred sister please,i was once hated by an entire school wallah,but I never gave up,i always had faith in myself,so always have faith sister,and I will pray for you aswell, have as much as sabr as you think,read the quran,read about the prophet and his manners,keep yourself occupied,this is a test from Allah,everything is a test from the creator,so never feel down,know this earth is nothing but a testing place to see who's in,and who's out.....


and with this I pray to Allah to make ease on you,and to give hidaya to your mother,and may everyone around you and behind you love you,and know that you're a good girl who wants nothing but love and care for her family...Ameen

 

[nurabenali]

Well sister,im so sorry this is happening to you,it's so unfair,unjust....Cant you talk to her in the night maybe? when she's going to sleep? cant you like,act sad,and that YOU really would not kill her? tell her that the more you and your family is saying this the more its destroying me,its making me negative and have a negative impact on my future life,you should tell her that if you and your family continue hating me then I will grow up knowing that I was never ever loved and I was hated,tell her that,if she says "no no" tell her that Allah does not accept what she is doing to you,and its a major sin,to ditch your child for your other child..what is this? this isn't Islam? islam is caring for your family,havent you heard a hadith about the prophet mohammed (pbuh) ? It goes like this "He who works and provides money for his family it automatically becomes like a form of worship" YES,providing and caring for you family is an act of worship,never leave one behind,you have to tell her that you are the oldest in the family,and you know what is going on and tell her that we should fix this and become a great family again,wallah I wish I was with you right now,talking to your mom,because its so un fair...so unfair it makes me angry,really angry..but NEVER ever lose hope,keep talking to her,every day,every night,ANNOY HER..(as in keep telling her that you wanna fix things and that we should care and love each other) keep repeating yourself,how many times did the prophet mohammed (pbuh) himself kept repeating the most important thing after he died? "Al Salat! al Salat! al salat!" "The Prayers! The Prayers! The Prayers!" he warned his people about their praying,because on the day of judgement YOU will be asked about your prayers first,so keep that controlled..tell her that you would never mistreat her,tell her that she is the best thing that ever happened to your life,tell her nice things,if she still gets the wrong image,repeat yourself,never give up,send her the message,that you do not hate her,and you want to fix things and become a great family once again......don't feel any hatred sister please,i was once hated by an entire school wallah,but I never gave up,i always had faith in myself,so always have faith sister,and I will pray for you aswell, have as much as sabr as you think,read the quran,read about the prophet and his manners,keep yourself occupied,this is a test from Allah,everything is a test from the creator,so never feel down,know this earth is nothing but a testing place to see who's in,and who's out.....


and with this I pray to Allah to make ease on you,and to give hidaya to your mother,and may everyone around you and behind you love you,and know that you're a good girl who wants nothing but love and care for her family...Ameen

Jazaakallah khair, thanks for taking so much time and putting in the effort to support me, i really appreciate it. I will try and do everything you told me and see what happens.
allah knows best.

 

[Al Sultan]

Of course sister,I always have to try my best to help people,because on the day of judgement Allah might question me "why didn't you help her and gave her advice??" So of course I have to help everyone as much as I can,always have patience sister and may Allah make ease on you,Ameen

 

[Muhammad]

:wasalamex

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, sister.

At 16, it is a difficult time for everyone and we tend to think or behave irrationally. However, as Muslims, we must remember the guidance given to us by Allaah :swt:. Respecting parents is among the most important responsibilities in Islam. In the Qur'an, Allaah :swt: often mentions this command straight after the command to worship Him alone, showing the degree of importance attached to it.

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’ [al-Israa’ 17:23]


In a hadeeth, the Messenger of Allaah :saws: was asked which deed is the best. He said, "To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, to be good and dutiful to one's own parents and to participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause."

The Prophet :saws: also said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.”

Sister, no matter what mistakes you think your mother is making, you must never raise your voice or disrespect her in any way. Show your love through your actions, not just your words. Seek to gain her affection through your kindness and patience. Make a lot of du'a to Allaah :swt: to rectify your situation. Here is a du'a which you can use:
http://www.sunnah.com/abudawud/2/580

You must also be very, very careful about the thought of leaving home. Your home has already been broken once; breaking it again is unlikely to help anyone, including you. You love your mother very much; don't allow anger or impatience lead to a lifetime of regret. It is a difficult world out there without the support of your family.

Sister, you are still young. Tell yourself that you can change for the better. Try to become a better Muslim by praying all of your prayers to the best of your ability. Whatever little you are doing, keep doing it. Don't be fooled by shaytan's whispers of there being no point - his goal is to make you leave your Ibadah completely. Instead, keep striving, as we all must do, and strive to improve your relationship with Allaah :swt:. This will help you to improve your relationship with your mother and family :ia:.

There has been some inappropriate advice given about male 'friends'. No, it is not okay to have them as friends, let alone hug them, regardless of what your intention is. This is a huge danger and fitnah. We have been taught in Islam to guard our chastity and lower our gaze, and not to freely mix with the opposite gender. That is safer and purer for us. Try to find good Muslim sisters to befriend and get involved in beneficial activities.

May Allaah :swt: guide and protect you and rectify the affairs of your family, Aameen.

 

[Nobody's Girl]

Dear sister,

You are only 16, you are so young, you don't fully understand life and the real world and I am not saying this to belittle you. I sincerely say this from my heart. If I was your age again I would change so many things if I had the chance. Your mother loves you trust me on this. But you of all people must know what it feels like to be abandoned by your fathet. She is hurting. I am sure that just as you are tired of all the fights and arguments so is she. When you turn 20 you will realize how trivial the root of the problem was.


As for your brother, try to develop a relationship with him because he lost the male-figure in his home. He is very young and children can be really troublesome at such a young age but you have to try and fix this. I don't want to disclose all my family life here but I am going through thr same thing with my little sister. And as time went by I became really bitter.


I want to warn you at your age and any age for that matter it is extremely dangerous for a girl to associate herself and befriend people of the opposite gendet. I know that it is very hyped in the western world to have male friends and is looked upon as something normal but believe the stakes are high and consequences can be detrimental. No one who fell into fornication intended to fornicate to begin with it starts as small steps and you have to protect your self. Studies have shown that most men befriend womrn they are physically attracted to but are friend-zoned by the woman do they try and try until they can get her. It all starts with a smile, then gestures, then a hug, untill you openly start flirting and everything else follows. When I was your age wich was about 7 years ago teenage pregnancy rates were soaring. Now I can only imagine that the rate has multiplied and these are young children who can't take care of themselves so they bail out. So believe me, it's not worth it. Gaurd your chastity and seek Allah's grace. Please cut off ties with all your male acquintances take it from me men these days are dangerous and thanks to the media most of the time they have only one thing in their mind so beware.


I think you are a beautiful and worthy petson because you are God's creation.
I love you for the sake of God.
Give us an update on your life you are very important to us.

All the best.

 

[nurabenali]

Dear sister,

You are only 16, you are so young, you don't fully understand life and the real world and I am not saying this to belittle you. I sincerely say this from my heart. If I was your age again I would change so many things if I had the chance. Your mother loves you trust me on this. But you of all people must know what it feels like to be abandoned by your fathet. She is hurting. I am sure that just as you are tired of all the fights and arguments so is she. When you turn 20 you will realize how trivial the root of the problem was.


As for your brother, try to develop a relationship with him because he lost the male-figure in his home. He is very young and children can be really troublesome at such a young age but you have to try and fix this. I don't want to disclose all my family life here but I am going through thr same thing with my little sister. And as time went by I became really bitter.


I want to warn you at your age and any age for that matter it is extremely dangerous for a girl to associate herself and befriend people of the opposite gendet. I know that it is very hyped in the western world to have male friends and is looked upon as something normal but believe the stakes are high and consequences can be detrimental. No one who fell into fornication intended to fornicate to begin with it starts as small steps and you have to protect your self. Studies have shown that most men befriend womrn they are physically attracted to but are friend-zoned by the woman do they try and try until they can get her. It all starts with a smile, then gestures, then a hug, untill you openly start flirting and everything else follows. When I was your age wich was about 7 years ago teenage pregnancy rates were soaring. Now I can only imagine that the rate has multiplied and these are young children who can't take care of themselves so they bail out. So believe me, it's not worth it. Gaurd your chastity and seek Allah's grace. Please cut off ties with all your male acquintances take it from me men these days are dangerous and thanks to the media most of the time they have only one thing in their mind so beware.


I think you are a beautiful and worthy petson because you are God's creation.
I love you for the sake of God.
Give us an update on your life you are very important to us.

All the best.

Sister, jazaakallah khair im so glad you responded to my issue, i really wanted a sister to step up and give me advice as she most likely will understand me better so thank you; you're advice has really helped me think about the male situation as well as the brother above^who also touched on the subject. It will be very haard because they are like my brothers that ive missed out on (i have 3 brothers, 2 older, 1 younger - the 2 eldest have a really bad life and then the younger one has an issue with me) so you can see why i appreciate their support. I think it came out as if i only have male friends but honestly i have mostly girl friends and only a few from the boys

UPDATE:
As for my younger brother, i spoke to him and told him that i love him and that we are all my mom has got so we need to have a good relationship so we can both help my mom. He just shrugged his shoulders and said whatever so i just left him. Also, i forgot to mention that he is a dangerous child. As ridiculous as it sounds,he can really hurt me some times. I know its stupid because im the older one but we are so close in age, we're almost twins. I prefer to stay away from him because im scared one time he may kill me because he hits in dangerous places such as the neck and the head and stomach. One time we had an argument and he got really mad and ran from the other side of the room anf punched me in the stomache until i actually vomited. I ended up having a swollen stomache for a few days. I must admit that once i also almost made him blind because i threw a bottle in his eye from far away, but that was only self defence..he would've killed me wallah. It happened infront of my grandma and she said you two are gonna kill ur mom one day because we put her through a lot.

As for mom, we still havent spoken, but i will confront her tonight before she sleeps inshallah.

Btw so sorry if im telling my life story, i just feel like i can only speak to you guys right now, i dont even want to tell my close girl friends as i dont want it spoken in the community (arabs :hmm::hmm::hmm::hmm

Thank you guys so much! May allah open so many doors for each and everyone of you

 

[nurabenali]

:wasalamex

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, sister.

At 16, it is a difficult time for everyone and we tend to think or behave irrationally. However, as Muslims, we must remember the guidance given to us by Allaah :swt:. Respecting parents is among the most important responsibilities in Islam. In the Qur'an, Allaah :swt: often mentions this command straight after the command to worship Him alone, showing the degree of importance attached to it.

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’ [al-Israa’ 17:23]


In a hadeeth, the Messenger of Allaah :saws: was asked which deed is the best. He said, "To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, to be good and dutiful to one's own parents and to participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause."

The Prophet :saws: also said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.”

Sister, no matter what mistakes you think your mother is making, you must never raise your voice or disrespect her in any way. Show your love through your actions, not just your words. Seek to gain her affection through your kindness and patience. Make a lot of du'a to Allaah :swt: to rectify your situation. Here is a du'a which you can use:


You must also be very, very careful about the thought of leaving home. Your home has already been broken once; breaking it again is unlikely to help anyone, including you. You love your mother very much; don't allow anger or impatience lead to a lifetime of regret. It is a difficult world out there without the support of your family.

Sister, you are still young. Tell yourself that you can change for the better. Try to become a better Muslim by praying all of your prayers to the best of your ability. Whatever little you are doing, keep doing it. Don't be fooled by shaytan's whispers of there being no point - his goal is to make you leave your Ibadah completely. Instead, keep striving, as we all must do, and strive to improve your relationship with Allaah :swt:. This will help you to improve your relationship with your mother and family :ia:.

There has been some inappropriate advice given about male 'friends'. No, it is not okay to have them as friends, let alone hug them, regardless of what your intention is. This is a huge danger and fitnah. We have been taught in Islam to guard our chastity and lower our gaze, and not to freely mix with the opposite gender. That is safer and purer for us. Try to find good Muslim sisters to befriend and get involved in beneficial activities.

May Allaah :swt: guide and protect you and rectify the affairs of your family, Aameen.

Jazaakallah khair akhi, i highly appreciate your words and advice and i will definately take into account your view about leaving home and having male friends.
May allah swt shower you with blessings for helping a sister in need.

 

[Nobody's Girl]

Aww...sweety *thank you* for opening up to us.

I have an older and younger brother myself, I am the middle child. I just want you to know that I know how violent it can get. Men are given a special status sometimes in middle eastern cultures. So I just want you to know that I know how you feel and you are a very important person. Please don't let this ruin your self-esteem or self-image. I am very sorry to hear about him making you vomit. I am also sorry to know that your older brothers are suffering. You are strong and insha Allah you will overcome this.


I know your brother shrugged it off but I can tell he is like me own brother. Younget siblings often feel neglicted because most of the time they think they have to prove themselves albeit it may not always be that way. He probably loves you but is too shy to admit it. From my experience males usually have a hard time expressing their feelings. If you want to be close to him try and play with him games like puzzles, scrabble,..etc. Or maybe try playing a sport with him if he's into sports.


Thank you again. I wish you all the best. You can PM anytime.

*hugs*